"You killed him. You killed Coulson and hundreds of others. They didn't die because you were under Loki's power. It was all your fault. It just fueled the fire already within you. YOU are a cold-blooded killer. And we will never forget. You aren't an Avenger...you are no better than Loki himsel-"

Clint sat up, a cold sweat dripping from his brow. He panted heavily as his eyes drew back into focus. It was just a dream. Well...more like an excruciating nightmare. His face felt red hot as his eyes were yet again blinded, but this time by tears. Trying to stifle the low sob was out of the question, as Barton quickly rubbed at his eyes. He feared closing his eyes, afraid of the reoccurring nightmare.

It had been three days since the imminent destruction of New York. The other avengers, aside from Banner, had remained emotionally unscathed. Clint played off his emotions as happiness, joy from having saved New York. But inside, well that was a whole different story. Inside every inch of Barton ached to curl up and give in on the knife stabbing at his chest. He had stared at his arrows contemplating the fact that death could be so swift. No one would even notice. Except for the fact that they would notice.

'You cannot just leave Natasha behind like that. She relies on you Clint. And what about Cap? They'd be torn.'

He held his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees, while he shook in place. His once quiet sobs had quickly morphed into sharp gasps. Barton looked up as he heard the door to his quarters squeak open.

"Hey hawk...is everything okay?" Cap said as he peeked his head in through the small crack.

Cap's hair was disheveled, and he was wearing a tight T-shirt, and a pair of black jogging pants.

Clint took a deep breathe in, and sighed, wiping a tear off his cheek. He chuckled as he walked across the room and pulled the door open for Cap.

"Huh...oh yeh I'm fine. Just some trouble sleeping." Barton shifted around awkwardly as Cap just stood there giving him a look over.

Cap took a step forwards, and laid a hand on Hawk's shoulder.

"Hey..ya know I'm here if you have to talk. It was rough out there and you were in a tight spot. We are all here for you Clint." Cap gave him a bright smile, and a small reassuring squeeze on the shoulder.

Clint pursed his lips together and gave a small nod in thanks. Cap walked back to his room, giving a little whistle while doing so.

Clint shut the door quickly, and sank down against the frame. He pressed his eyes together as he tried to breathe through a vivid image of the bodies around him. Of the great men he had killed.

He felt his stomach roll, as bile rose in his throat. He barely made it to the bathroom when what was left of his dinner came hurdling back up. The grip of his hands on the sides of the porcelain toilet caused his knuckles to become white, as he dry heaved. The sudden wave of vertigo caused him to curl in on himself, as he fell to the cold tiles. Clint had no longer cared as he let the sobs and coughs rack his body. The overwhelming stress of the last few days was taking a toll on him as he began to hyperventilate.

Clint was not even aware others where in the room. He remembers being on the ground, then he was floating. Barton came around as a large calloused hand forcibly pushed his head between his knees.

"Hawk...breathe...I've got you" the voice said.

Barton was able to make out that it was a deep voice, and registered that there was more then one person in the room. As he came to terms with his breathing, he began to shake uncontrollably. He was lowered, slowly, back onto his cot by two pairs of arms. Eventually he was able to crack open his eyes.

The figures that were once blurry became clear. Clint was able to see Thor, Captain and Tony standing above him. Thor and Cap held worried stares, while Tony just looked downright pissed.

Stark looked to Cap as he spat out, "See I told you he was fine! You didn't have to wake me. Billionaires need their beauty sleep too..."

Cap retrieved a blanket, and laid it on Clint while Thor scolded Stark for his rude comment.

"So... You okay now? Not gonna lie to me I hope." Cap chuckled as Thor handed the archer a cup of water.

"I-I'm fine. Just still feeling sick from being under Loki's little 'spell'." Clint managed to say, as he slowly extended out a shaking hand for the cup.

"It is alright to admit when you are in distress." Thor said, as he helped Barton sit up and take a slow sip of the water.

"Hell when I lost Bucky I was a complete wreck. I still have flashbacks. All the men I lost..." Cap said as he began to zone out, " ...but we are here if you need us. And it's okay to admit when you are hurt; physically or emotionally."

Clint nodded his acceptance and thanks. "This isn't the first night its happened. Every night since i was out of Loki's control. And they only seem to get more vivid. Bu-but please don't tell Tasha or anyone else about this. I don't need anyone else on my back." Hawk said as he fidgeted with his hands in his lap.

"Promise." Cap said as he looked to Thor who replied with the same answer. "Feel better Hawk, and get some rest." Cap said, patting him on the shoulder.

Once the other two where gone, Hawk curled up under the blanket and let the pain and exhaustion engulf him as he fell asleep.

Hello friends! YES I AM NOT DEAD *surprised noises all around* i took a temporary leave of absence to find myself some help. I am better now! And i have joined the avengers fandom! I adore thor and hawk is my baby boy! OH AND I WENT TO MY FIRST CON! MONTREAL COMICCON I GOT A PHOTO OP WITH JOHN BARROWMAN! So yes im back! Idk if i will continue "Being Sam" simply because that was during my time of deepest depression and im back from that and i prefer to not revisit it. AS FOR "A NEW CHILDHOOD" IM TRYING TO CONTINUE IT!