She asked him to come home with her. Well, she asked him to drive her home, and then she asked him to come in.
"Castle…" Her voice was raw as she leaned over the black countertop, dangerously close to the flame on the stove. She was making tea. Tea. His Beckett was making tea.
Well, not his.
"Where's Josh? Have you called him yet?"
Her shoulders tensed at the question, but he couldn't even begin to think of leaving her alone, not in that state.
"He's in surgery, pacemaker implant."
"Oh."
She watched as the first jets of steam rose from the kettle spout and shut off the burner before it had a chance to whistle. And he watched as she shook, hot water splashing onto her skin.
"Shit!" Castle rushed over to her sink and turned on the cold water, wetting the cloth and bringing it to her skin. Protecting her had become an instinct. "Thanks." She looked up at him and blushed slightly, pulling her hand away to examine her thumb.
"No burn marks?"
"No burn marks."
They stayed like that long enough for the water to cool, but when Beckett went to grab the kettle again Castle stopped her. He'd only meant to prevent her from pouring the water, but all movement faltered and she fell into his chest.
Sobs wracked Beckett's body and seeped into him, but he held on - held her up - and tried his hardest to be strong.
The water had to be completely cold by the time she finally moved, but it was simply to look up at him, new tear tracks covering up those from earlier in the hangar. He ran his thumb under her eye, daring to wipe some of them away. "You should lay down."
"I can't, Castle. I can't be..." He didn't make her say the rest. He knew it too well. Alone was the last thing he wanted to be. And even at home, with Alexis and his mother, anywhere without her was alone.
He scooped her up, all too similar to a few hours ago, but more as one would carry a child. Beckett faced Castle, soft whimpers muffled by the shoulder of his jacket, and let him carry her to the bedroom.
It was only when Castle reached her bed, pulling back the dark blue blanket and lying Beckett down, that he realized how much he needed to be with her too. "Stay." She spoke the words he had been praying for, and although he was slightly hesitant to push their limits, he complied and toed off his shoes and jacket before lifting the blanket and slipping in next to her.
She sighed into him, immediately fiddling with the buttons on his shirt, getting it open as fast as possible. "Beckett, what are you-"
"-Shh. I'm just cold. I need to be closer."
Still confused, yet unwilling to break the silence again, Castle let her undo his button-down and pull it off, leaving him in only his white t-shirt. He opened his arms for her and she rolled in, mouth pressed against his collarbone where he could feel soft puffs of air. She was alive.
They stayed like that, pressed against each other, and he wasn't at all surprised when she slipped a leg between his, tugging them even closer. "Castle, this doesn't… It doesn't mean anything. It can't mean anything. Not right now."
"I know."
"It's just… not right now, okay?"
He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, taking in the faint remnants of her cherry shampoo. "Okay."
She sighed, cold nose rubbing against his neck. He shivered at the contact, but didn't move. "You're my best friend." There was a hitch in his breath at her words. "You know that, right? You should know that."
He squeezed her, careful not to be too hard, but enough to show that he understood. "Covering your mouth was one of the hardest things I've had to do. I want you to know that. I need you to know that."
"I know, I know." He went to elaborate, but she gently placed her fingers on his lips. "I know, Castle. It's not your fault. None of it is your fault." She let out a sigh, which turned into a hiccup in an attempt to stifle her crying. "Montgomery's dead… and that's on me."
"No it's not." Castle sat up suddenly, the movement jostling Beckett, but he needed to look her in the eyes. "Kate, none of this is your fault. Montgomery signed up for this. Sure, he died protecting you, but it was his choice." She bit into her lower lip, something that he would find adorable under any other circumstance, but not in an attempt to keep the quivering at bay. "If it's anyone's fault, it's mine. I shouldn't have dragged you back into this."
"No, that's not true. Please don't say that." Her hand found his. "Never apologize for trying to get my mom justice."
"So, it's settled then?" he asked, "It's no one's fault?"
The ghost of a smile touched her lips, and that itself sent his heart pounding, but it was gone all too quickly. "No one's fault. Not Montgomery's either. When we talk to the boys… when they finish up at the scene… we'll make sure that it stays between the four of us."
"Of course." At least he could give her that.
"And Castle?" She moved in close to him again, head tucked under his chin.
"Hm?"
"Thank you."
He didn't know how long he spent whispering his promise into her hair, "always" a stain on his lips, but waited until her breathing evened out before letting his own guard down. He wanted more, and had a sneaking suspicion that she did too. But in that moment, that night, it was enough.