Runescape (Re)Visited
Runescape! Through the portal, and suddenly there I am standing outside a building, with no one around. As I stand and gaze around, I take in this new and strange world. It looks similar to my 21st century world, with well worn edges to it. And yet it looks something like a village, as I might picture it in Shakespeare's time. Now I know how a Connecticut Yankee felt in King Arthur's Court. My gaze drifts down to even my own body. Rugged, fit and dressed for adventure, in a sensible manner, but then I realize that I "have" nothing. Not a pencil or pen, backpack, purse, provisions or weapon. This will not do.
Just then another being comes into view. Turning to speak, I am greeted by "his" proclamation, "B**ch". Stunned I cannot even reply. Is this the vernacular here in this world? How do I reply to this? "Hel-lo," I stammer. But "he" turns and walks away. Strange customs here in this land.
Well time to begin questing. I meet with a knight in distress (now that was an interesting change in the story.) He proceeds to demand my help, and derides my attempts to complete his tasks. Mission begun.
I follow in my tutorial, acquiring items, learning to maneuver, climb, wrap, walk through, pick up, put down, and listen to repeated rebuffs from Roddick. Really- he got himself into this mess, I am only trying to help. That's gratitude for you.
Finally the dragon is slain, and I am freed to meet with my advisor and gain wisdom for my next quest. I decide to take this quest at my own pace, and explore as I acquire the needed items. Who knows what treasure I may find. On my own I proceed to walk around, find my way in the world and wander in and out of buildings and stores. As I find free items, I take them, maybe they will be useful later. (Ha ha, in fact, too useful.) Soon, I find a bank, and carefully deposit some items that are duplicates, so that I may continue to acquire more. Too good to be true. In fact it is. For later in the game I find that I may only retrieve items at the bank where I left them. "So this is not really a bank," I type, "more like a storage barn." No answer from the banker, no sense of humor. Ah well, off I go again.
Ready to begin using the items I have. I am told to find a tinderbox. I have one already. But I am stuck, I can progress no further in the tutorial, for I have not picked up the tinderbox. (No, already have one thank you, and no room for another. Do I need to "bank" what I have to get more?" ) Ah-I have an idea. What if I drop the tinderbox and pick it up again. That works! Now that seems just plain silly! But rules are "rules" and cannot be overwritten, at least not by me. Quest continues.
Time – in the "real" world ceases to exist. For as I wander I find I am in a reverse time warp. For what feels like a few minutes passing in Runescape, is really hours according to the mantle clock. Time flies when you are having fun—scratch that—really frustrated. Now a duel frustration. How could I have wasted so much time, to have accomplished so little, and have nothing "tangible" to show for it. Well, ok a few items deposited in the bank, mainly to lighten my load, so I can acquire more. But to "show and tell" those items, I have to be in Runescape. One tutorial done, and another quest started-does that even count?
Time to stop-NOW! How do I save what has happened so far? But before I can find the answer to that, the Internet goes dead, and Runescape freezes, and finally says "Not Responding". I will have to wait for another day to see what has saved, if anything.
A new day dawns, and I look online, to see what advice I can get before I start. I find that not everyone is who they seem. The avatar represents a player, but may not be an actual representation. Living vicariously and playing loose with the lips – more on that later. Well, it is time to return to Runescape - (Shudder). I force myself back again, wondering where I will be when I arrive. I find after logging in that I am right where I left off. Ok, a bit of a relief. On the other hand, that must mean that I cannot save a game at a certain point, and return to it to play a different path. Hmmmmmm.
I again set off to find the Duke, and accomplish my task. I explore the castle, up and down, and come upon a locked door. But I have no key. A cloaked knight arrives (perhaps to my rescue?) He says that there is no use going in that room, he already has the hose from there, and that the bodyg we see moving about inside the room almost killed him. He says that I need acquire the sword from the body in the coffin, and then my advisor will reveal more. With directions to the coffin, I thank him and head off to get myself the sword.
I find the coffin, open it, and am promptly attacked by a monster, and earn my passage to meet the Grim Reaper. He kindly says that he has not met me before, and gives directions (a bit long winded) about how to retrieve my items, but like Dorothy and the Hour Glass, there is a time limit to do so (3 min). But alas, I find myself unable to move—the Internet has stopped responding. Furiously, I re-establish connection, log into Runescape, only to find that the 3 minutes are "realtime" and my time has expired. Dead. An all my possession gone. So I have been killed and lost everything I have not banked, all thanks to some "friendly" advice. With friends like that, who needs enemies!
As I stand there, reflecting on my fate, I am approached by a "gentleman", who rudely propositions me!
"Hey baby, wanna F***?"
"Excuse me?"
"Give me your e-mail and we can get together and get laid."
"?"
"No really, type your e-mail and we will get together and start humping."
"NO"
And before I can type a nasty comeback –
"B**ch" – from a "girl" who has suddenly appeared.
"Wanna have a threesome?" she asks.
I turn to leave-this is just too much!
"Whore, " "she" types. Then on the screen appears "her" comment to "him" – "I just love f***ing with the newbies!" And off they go together.
Well that settles it, I am off to complete this assignment, having as little interaction with other players as feels safe. I was doing so much better on my own! Off in my own little fantasy version of Runescape, but at least I was not propositioned (vulgarly at that), and I had lived longer by myself than once I had a "friend". Maybe one is better off being an island-so much for my discourse entry!
Oh, the lessons one learns in Runescape. At least the muzak I have acquired is pleasant!