How to get a Vampire to fall in Love with you
by
Bella Blunt
*Note: The reader must be aware that the author is not responsible for any Serious Harm done to individuals who follow the advice.
Chapter 1: Noticing a vampire
Have you ever wondered why you've never seen an (1)actual vampire before?
Because they are infact human beings. Only their skin glistens when placed in direct sunlight and have irises that (2)change colour. Oh yea, and they also feast on blood.
Noticing a vampire is quite a difficult task. There might have been thousands you may have already seen; only you didn't know. Normal give-offs include:
-Immaculate attire; Tailor-made designer wear. Most popular labels amongst vampires include: Gucci, Burberry, Mui Mui
-Spotless skin.
-Very good bone structure
-Remarkable symmetry of form
-Attractive. They usually say 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder'…but in this case, 'Beauty is in the eye of every beholder.'
-*Slight hint of dark circles under eyes (*Do no mistake this for smudged eye-liner)
-Pointy teeth
-And they are *cold. Ice cold. Literally. (Touching a vampire by surprise is not advisable. They have extraordinary reflexes.)
Vampire watching has become a popular sport amongst women in the age category of 15-22. We also have a club dedicated to the sole purpose of vampire watching. It is reported that over the last few months the no. of members has increased by 2.5 million on a global level. The Sports ministry has been considering turning it into a real sport; however there are some opposition groups who say that vampires should be left alone. To find out more information about this, head to VW Club, In The Middle Of A Dark Forest, Forks.
This brings us to the close of chapter one.
Good luck!
(1)It is reported that there are at least a hundred thousand unlicensed vampires roaming the earth.
(2)this is not noticeable unless you stare at them up-close.