"Okay, you're all finished." The pretty woman held up a hand mirror and spun the chair so Reese could inspect his haircut from all angles. "Look good?"
Reese nodded. "It's good. Thank you." It was okay.
She smiled and removed the cape. Reese set the mirror on her station counter and rose from the chair. He headed toward the front and waited at the counter so he could pay. It was his first time here and probably his last. He tried not to go to the same place more than twice. He didn't want to become a regular at any one place, didn't want to open himself up to too many questions about his life.
Since there was no one manning the counter when he got there, he turned around and leaned against it, looking out at the myriad of people shopping at the mall he'd found this shop in. It was Saturday evening, the weather outside was pleasant, and in turn it was fairly crowded.
He stood up straight and felt a familiar warmth gallop through him when he spotted Joss Carter among them. She was alone, walking leisurely, arms laden with shopping bags.
"Sir, are you ready?"
Reese quickly turned back around and handed the woman a fifty dollar bill. He smiled his best smile and it wasn't lost on him that it was completely genuine. His mood had suddenly improved handily. "Keep the change."
Hurrying out, he scanned the area in which he'd spotted her and headed in that direction. He saw her just as she disappeared into a Victoria's Secret, and his thoughts went quickly from Carter in lingerie to questioning the wisdom of following her into that particular store as opposed to waiting outside.
He walked into the store.
He didn't approach her right away. It was crowded enough that he wasn't immediately approached by a salesperson, so he busied himself looking at a roundtable of bras and panties in a corner. He looked up and saw she was sifting through some bras along a wall. He and Finch always overstepped boundaries when it came to Fusco and Carter, and he overstepped even more when it came to Joss, but stalking her in a lingerie store was too much even for him. He followed her to another part of the store where she stopped to look at some actual clothes—sweatpants, he thought—and he felt better about approaching her.
He planted a smirk on his face as he stood quietly behind her. She jumped half a mile high when she turned and ran into him.
Carter placed her hand, full of bags hanging from her wrist, on her chest in her surprise, cursing in her mind. "Damn. You scared me."
He shrugged his shoulder and his smirk melted into a smile.
"What are you doing here?" She was suddenly aware of what store they were in and wondered how long he'd been watching her look through satin and lace bras.
He pointed toward the store exit in the general direction of Luxury Cuts. "I was over there getting a haircut."
She raised her eyes to his hair and squinted, moving her head from one side to the other to look him over. "Really? I can't really tell."
He winced and ran his hand over his head. He truly was never going back there again.
"Well, I mean," she looked him up and down. "You're always so put together, you must get a haircut every time it grows out a millimeter and I can't notice the difference." She noticed he was conspicuously still in her space, and they were still in a lingerie store. It was awkward and made worse by the fact that she couldn't control the flutter in her abdomen as he stood so close.
He shrugged again, turning on his charm. "Maybe I just want to keep up with the pretty company I keep." He watched her try not to look like she couldn't take a compliment and he smiled at the abysmal way in which she failed. Taking pity on her, he looked down at the bags in her hands and tried to look into them. "So, uh, what are you doing here?"
She turned her body away from him and tried to hold the bags out of his reach. "Spending money I don't need to be spending." She smacked his hand as he reached again. "Stop!" She laughed and headed toward the exit to escape his closeness. She wasn't exactly finished shopping there, but John's presence put the kibosh on that.
They walked out of the store together and John turned to her. "You want me to carry some of those?"
She held the bags in her left hand out to him. "I won't complain if you're offering."
He chuckled and grabbed them.
"Thank you."
"How many more stops do you have to make? Did you bring the truck?"
She cut her eye at him. "Ha ha." She faced forward again. "I think I'm done. That was my last stop."
"Did you finish back there? I didn't run you out, did I?" He turned to her, smirking once more when she met his eyes.
"Of course you did. I wasn't trying to shop for underwear with you there."
"Why not? I have great taste." He looked down at her, giving her a blatant once over. "And if you needed someone to model for…."
She tsked. He was clearly in one of his rare playful moods and being a flirt. He'd been that way with her from the beginning, but lately it affected her in ways that made her nervous and she sometimes found herself being at a loss for words. "You wish." She had no other comeback for him.
He did wish and he hoped she took his silence, him letting that hang in the air between them, as his admission that he did. He would allow himself that much. Pushing too far was against the rules.
They reached the elevator leading to the parking garage and Carter pressed the button for level two. "Where'd you park, John?"
"I didn't. I walked."
She let that marinate for a few moments as they rode the elevator down and walked to her car. Did he live near the mall or did he come from "work" for a haircut? He was in his work suit. Should she offer him a ride? Would he be hesitant to tell her where he lived? Using her key fob, she unlocked the trunk of her SUV and Reese lifted it and settled her shopping bags inside.
He snickered, shaking his head at the other bags already piled in the trunk.
"Shut up." She placed the bags she was holding on top of the rest. "This wasn't my first stop. I needed some things."
"I didn't say a word."
"Yeah, but you were thinking a word." She backed up and allowed him to close the trunk. "So where are you off to?"
He nodded his head toward the parking garage stairwell. "I was going to walk down the block to Gino's, get something to eat."
Carter smiled. Was he a mind reader, too? "That's exactly where I was going to get some takeout. Been in the mood for Italian all day."
A mischievous smile spread across his face as he stepped toward her. "I'm good company, Joss."
She chuckled nervously and shook her head to herself, dropping her keys in her purse. He actually was pretty good company. And she liked the mood he was in. "Come on."
Dinner was filling, and the wine and dessert he had ordered for them had them walking out of Gino's closer than when they walked in. He held the door open for her with his left hand, his right at the small of her back guiding her through. He smiled when she sighed explosively and declared she had eaten too much as they turned and headed down the sidewalk toward the parking garage.
She patted her stomach and looked down at her yoga pants. "I'm glad I wore the right pants." She looked over at his.
Reese drew in a sharp intake of air when she teasingly placed one hand on his back and gently patted his stomach with the other.
"Yours still buttoned? You put away way more than I did."
Quickly recovering from her touch and reveling in the lighthearted mood she was in, he lifted his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, keeping her at his side. "Barely." When she didn't stiffen from his action or try to move away, he relaxed and felt emboldened.
"Mm. You smell good, John."
He chuckled. She almost sounded surprised. "So do you."
She rolled her eyes. She hadn't sprayed on a lick of perfume that morning. He was a damn lie. But she would take it anyway. Just like she would take being so close to him. John had been relentless in his flirting over dinner and she'd found herself getting caught up in it. In him. Her brain foolishly letting her thoughts go places. Like what if he really was attracted to her, and not just flirting because it's what he did with women. Like what it would be like being with him. And what it would be like being with him. She had felt her restraint, the sense her mama gave her, slowly seeping from her throughout dinner and didn't care to try to stop it this time. Even if she could tamp the tension down on her end, he wasn't trying on his.
She took a tiny bit more liberty and slipped her arm further around him. "It really is nice out."
John shifted his arm from her shoulders to around her waist. They were almost to the parking garage. It was just after 7pm and the warm breeze washing over him begged for more time. "Let's keep walking."
They walked along the sidewalk toward the park in each other's arms until Carter's phone beeped. She disengaged from him, noticing how reluctant he was to let her go, and they continued to walk while she checked the text message she'd received. She wanted to make sure it wasn't from Taylor instead of ignoring it. It wasn't an emergency, but it was from her son. "Oh nooooo. That is too far," she spoke aloud to herself.
He turned to look at her.
"Taylor wants to go to FAMU now."
"Florida?"
She texted as she walked. "Mmhmm. Too far. What if there's an emergency? I can't just hop in my car and get there in a few hours." She stuck her phone back in the outer pocket of her purse and continued her small tirade. "I'll only see him on breaks. Then he'll eventually stop coming home for those, start going with his friends somewhere else. I'll never see him."
Reese smiled. He loved when Carter was in mom mode. It fascinated him to no end. She had so many layers, so many that made her a perfect woman in his eyes.
"He will be coming home for Christmas, I know that."
"Even if I have to help you kidnap him."
She laughed. Because she knew he was more than capable and absolutely would. "Exactly." She turned to him. "You didn't go to college, did you?"
John shook his head. "Straight to the military."
She knew as much from his military file, considering his date of birth and the year he enlisted. "Ever wish you had?"
He shrugged his shoulder. "Didn't have much of a choice. Judge said either military or jail."
She was surprised. That part hadn't come up when she'd had to interrogate him in front of Donnelly to protect him. "Really? For some reason I thought you were a boy scout when you were younger."
He was surprised by that and it showed on his face. He was always getting into trouble around her. What could have possibly made her think he was a good kid? He had been, up to a point. But how did she know? He tried not to be an open book around people, but Joss, like Kara, saw right through him. He wanted to recoil when Kara called him a boy scout, but Joss made him want it to be true.
"Yeah. I mean, you're a pain in the ass now, but you have a big heart underneath it all. And you're still going strong after everything. Doing good, helping people. Like you were raised right but fell into something that wasn't right for you."
John wasn't sure what to say to that. He was raised right and he did fall into something that wasn't right for him, something he had been woefully naive about. He stopped along the small bridge they'd reached and rested his hands along the railing. She stood beside him and they both looked out at the city before them.
She thought about not asking. Or coming up with something more benign. But she really wanted to know. She could say it was the detective in her but, really, it was the woman. He meant a lot to her, for reasons she still didn't fully understand and which probably didn't make a lot of sense to the average person. But having to stand by while he went off to die by himself, having him come out of nowhere to save her, having changed her worldview because of his presence in her life, having seen the soldier, the man, the front he always presented to others, and small glimpses of the funny, thoughtful, regular guy underneath, she wanted more. What drove him? What would it take for him to know peace?
"John?"
He faced her and gave her his full attention.
"How many people are you going to have to save before you let yourself off the hook?" She saw the serene look on his face falter before it disappeared completely. She saw his eyes darken, like he was just seconds away from walking away from her, straight out of her life. Then, it faded away.
It was so quiet, in spite of the city noise, she could hear a pin drop. He didn't say anything for several seconds. He only looked at her, trying to find the answer to her question. But she already knew the answer.
"I don't know."
"I do. You're going to do it until it kills you." She looked away from him then, back toward the city as the sun began to set. "And I won't have my….friend anymore." She swallowed hard, the lump in her throat catching her off guard.
John knew. He knew she cared about him. Probably in spite of herself. But hearing those words come out of her mouth pierced him to his core. He never wanted to hurt her. She was the last person in his small circle he would ever purposefully hurt. And it sounded like his leaving her, getting killed, would hurt her. He wanted to beat himself up for meeting her and being unable to stay away from her. Should he end things now, walk away before they got in any deeper? "Joss…I don't want to walk away even though I should. You shouldn't worry about me. You have a life and... colleges to worry about."
There was silence as she thought about what he said. What he was really saying. "It's too late." To stop this.
Reese nodded. "What do we do?" He always knew what to do. But not with this.
Carter shrugged. "Just...Try to be more careful, okay?"
He turned to her, placing his hands on her upper arms and turning her so that she faced him. He stepped closer to her. "No. What do we do... about this?"
Carter couldn't mask her anxiety as she swallowed, nor the panic in her eyes as they moved between his. He had actually taken it there and she didn't have an already prepared statement. What the hell had that restaurant put in their food, that wine? She had only come out to do some shopping. How did she find herself here?
He waited for her to find an answer. Because he didn't have one and he was desperate for some direction. Why he'd reached his breaking point now, all of a sudden, he didn't know. He halfway wondered what was in the food they'd just eaten. He wanted her but could he really have her? If he couldn't, he needed to shut this down now.
Seconds went by. She opened and closed her mouth, trying to force words she hadn't found yet to come out. His heart raced and he felt himself shaking. Her eyes begged him to make it go away. This immediate turmoil she was suffocating in. He couldn't take looking at it any longer. She didn't have an answer. He didn't have an answer. So, he threw in a wild card. Hands on the soft skin of her face, he kissed her. Rabidly almost. It was hard to control himself the second he took his first sip. He wasn't an animal but he knew he was acting like he had no home training. Joss's full mouth was more kissable than he'd imagined. Her passion was more than he'd imagined as well. Or was it mostly his? He couldn't tell as he got swept up in her.
She was going to push him away after she'd gotten a chance to taste his tongue. Then, she was going to push him away after she'd gotten a groan from him like the one he'd gotten from her. But, she didn't end up pushing him away until she felt tears burning behind her eyelids.
She stood in his arms on that bridge with her hands on his chest and the breeze blowing through her loose hair. "You know we can't do this."
"I know." He almost choked on the words.
"Let me go, John." He did.
She walked in a complete daze back to the parking garage. He walked quietly beside her. On some mission to make sure she got back to her car safely probably. They went down the stairs and she stopped just as she reached the back of her vehicle.
She turned to him before she was able to stop herself. "We can't... do this... right?" What the hell was wrong with her? This was her exit. You drove away from the hurricane, not toward it like some crazy storm chaser. But she missed his lips, his touch already. The thought of never feeling them again was shocking her system. Was this true addiction? Was this why she had no control over her words, her actions? She watched him stare at her for a few seconds before he answered.
"Where are your keys?"
Confused and still lightheaded, Carter fumbled with her purse, eventually finding them at the bottom. She held them very briefly in her hand before he took them and unlocked the doors. He took her forearm and led her to the passenger side door, opening it, and settling her inside. It wasn't long before he was in the driver's seat, moving the seat back to give his legs room. She watched his every move, not looking away until they were out of the garage and en route to... somewhere.
She didn't ask where they were going. His jaw was set and she couldn't seem to break the strange spell they were under. It was five minutes before he was pulling into another parking garage. So he does live close, she thought. Nice place, she thought some more. Probably nothing but rich people here, she thought next. Security's gotta be tight, she guessed. Landscaping on point, too, I'll bet. The random thoughts continued because she wouldn't think about why he'd brought her here. She wouldn't think about what it meant and what kind of sex they were probably about to have. They had gone past the point of no return and it was her own damn fault.
He held her by the hand from the garage to his place. He didn't even give her a chance to get more than a furtive glance at his home once they walked inside. He flipped the light switch on and she was drowning in his kiss against the door before she knew it. Fighting this was the thing to do, the thing that made sense. But her body wasn't being receptive to that idea. Once she finally let her brain off the hook, decided to just let it happen, it was incredibly freeing. Euphoric and erotic. She shoved his jacket off, letting him know she was on board, and the floodgates opened.
John stripped her of her clothing and she was too caught up to lament her mismatched panties and bra, and the four-day-old stubble on her legs. He got impatient with her clumsy attempt to unbutton his shirt—she was trembling and couldn't stop—and finished it himself, removing his shoes, socks, pants, and underwear faster than she'd ever seen anyone get undressed. Then the fire in his eyes inflamed hers and he half walked, half carried her to his waiting bed, feverish kisses accenting the short journey there.
Very little foreplay preceded the moment he locked eyes with her and sank into her body, acquainting them in the most intimate of ways. Her breath caught as the heated weight stretched her walls and she had to remind herself to breathe. Tell herself this was real. The same homeless, disheveled man she'd met at the precinct two years ago, the same man who'd annoyed and irritated her and saved her life and her son's, was moving inside her. Kissing her, stroking her with his fingers, hands. His dick and his wicked, wicked tongue.
They didn't come together but they both came. Joss first, an extended session that caught her off guard and brought bliss and misery at the same time. John a few minutes later, a sound unnatural and crass escaping his lips before he shuddered and fell on top of her.
Neither of them said anything. Not once the entire night, communicating only in sighs and moans and touches and thrusts. Every time they thought it was going to be the last round, it wasn't. Still, they didn't speak. Because it was going to be back to reality once they did. Back to rational decision making. Back to We can't do this. So, he didn't ask her if she was going to stay the night, cautiously optimistic with each hour that passed by without her heading for her clothes at the front door. And she didn't ask him if he should check the cell phone she hadn't seen him check all evening and night. Their bubble was intact and perfect and they eventually fell asleep under its protection.
When morning came, John gathered their clothes from the floor, folding hers at the end of his bed along with his robe for her to put on when she woke up. He stood and watched her for a few seconds, steeling himself to embrace the unattached, cool demeanor he would need when she woke up. Because they couldn't do this. He cursed the words in his mind before heading to his kitchen to make her breakfast.
Joss woke up to the sound and smell of breakfast being prepared. She felt languid and sore, a feeling she hadn't had in awhile. A feeling she didn't know when she would experience again, if ever. Being loved by John Reese was probably a once in a lifetime thing. But who knew? Maybe some other man down the line might come close. She sat up in his bed, smelling him in the sheets, and found herself fighting back tears.
"Morning." John greeted her, looking up from his phone, grinning at the way she was swimming in his robe.
Carter slid onto a bar stool, hoping he'd glean that her eyes were red from tiredness and nothing else. She forced herself to smile and sound cheerful. "Morning. Smells good. Pancakes?"
He nodded from the other side of the island. Her voice didn't match her eyes. He turned and placed two pancakes, scrambled eggs, sausage, and hash browns on a plate before setting it in front of her.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome." He followed up with a fork, napkin, and coffee the way she liked it before fixing his own plate. He didn't sit down next to her, instead leaning against the island and eating his breakfast across from her.
It was quiet. Uncomfortably so, so Reese turned the mounted television in the corner of the kitchen on to drown out all the unspoken words.
With the background noise, some of the tension went away and Joss was able to find some footing. "What are your plans for the day?" She looked up at him when seconds ticked by with no answer to her casual question.
He picked at his food with his fork. The only plans he had were to try to get over her, over everything they shared yesterday and last night. Every fucking thing they had. He planned to wallow in his own personal hell.
She looked back down at her own plate, reading his mind. "Me too, John."
Running out of fucks to give, he dropped his fork loudly. "Why not? I'll protect you and Taylor, I always have. We'll... rely on Fusco. We won't involve you anymore. I'll keep what I do away from you and Taylor."
"That's not it. I can't be with you when you have this death wish thing going on."
"Your job is dangerous, too."
"Not like yours and you know it."
"All it takes is one dangerous situation."
"Highway patrol cops are in more danger than I am. I go in after the murders have already been committed."
"What about Bottle Cap? Elias? All the crooked cops?"
She raised her voice. "I don't wanna end up alone again. Not after everything I had to do to get used to it the first time."
He looked at her as she dropped her eyes and went back to moving food around on her plate. He took a deep breath and looked down at the counter top. "So we waste the time we do have. I didn't want to do that again. I don't want to think about it after it's too late."
She stopped playing with her food and set her fork down. When the hell had this happened? When did the man with way more deep-seated issues than she had become so sage? She left him in the kitchen and went to grab her clothes. She needed to get out of here. This was a mistake waiting to happen. One way or another, she was going to end up hurt and so was he.
Reese quietly raked the leftover food from their plates and loaded the dishwasher while she got dressed in the bathroom. He felt numb. He'd done the right thing for once. Let his mind align with his heart and believe he could have the only woman who made him happy, made him feel alive and left him unbroken. He'd spent the time conquering his fears; he hadn't expected to be jettisoned by hers.
Joss sat on the toilet seat lid, still in John's robe, ruminating over everything he'd said to her. Over everything she was trying to avoid. He could get killed saving a stranger because he felt he had to make up for everything the CIA ordered him to do. Another Donnelly could swoop in and take him away, permanently this time. She could get taken down with him and leave her son without a mother. They couldn't do this. They truly could not do this.
The only thing was, they already had.
When she had been in the bathroom for over thirty minutes and he hadn't heard the sound of water running, hadn't heard any sound at all, John walked over to the door and knocked. "Joss?" He tried to turn the door handle when he didn't get a response and started to panic when he found it locked. "Joss!"
Relief started to replace the panic when the door handle turned and she stood before him. He wanted to stupidly ask if she was okay, but she stepped toward him and pressed her small frame against his chest before he could. He wrapped his arms around her securely and lowered his face into her hair.
They stood there for a long time and the fog started to clear.
"What do we do?" Her voice was muffled against his chest but he heard every word.
He released her and framed her face in his hands so he could look into her eyes. "You let me love you." After a few seconds, he smiled and she could swear there was a cocky smirk behind it. "And I'll let you love me."
She snickered. "You are so arrogant."
"You can love that, too." He released her face and looked down at his robe, trailing his index finger from the small patch of exposed skin on her chest down to the belt, the smirk-smile leaving his lips. He undid the belt and pushed the robe from her shoulders. Eyes roving over her body, he shook his head in wonderment. "I'm going to love loving you."
He took her to the plush bathroom rugs and fell in love with loving her.
~End
Thanks for reading. :)