Emmett's POV

Edward, Jasper, and I were bored-Carlisle was working, and the girls were out hunting. So I searched the Internet for stuff to do, and found out about this cool thing humans do called slumber parties, where a bunch of humans sleep over at one human's house and they do stuff. After a search on Google I found all the fun crap you could do at slumber parties, and decided to call up Eddie boy and Jazz. "Yo Jasper, Ed, slumber party in my room tonight. Be there or be square." I said.

Later that night…

I had a list printed up of "slumber party fun crap" for us to do. I read it off to Ed and Jazz

"Okay, number one is make your own nighties out of fitted tees and shorts. I bought us some glitter glue and flower stencils so we can decorate…"

Four hours later

Okay we did the nighty making, truth or dare (omg Jasper TOTALLY likes Esme. I swear to God he blushed when I asked him.) mani-pedis, pillow fights, gossip hour (Edward TOTALLY broke down in this one. Rosalie's remarks about him having split ends the other day really broke him. Poor thing) and chick-flick time (I wonder why they're called that. There were NO BIRDS in the House Bunny. I really felt for Shelly though…if I could have tears I really would've been crying when she got kicked out of the Playboy Mansion).

Finally, as we rolled our sleeping mats onto the floor, Edward had a revelation.

"Hey, erm, aren't all the things we did just now a little…feminine?" he asked.

"Holy Crap. Edward's right!! We totally turned into chicks there for like four hours!!!" Jazz said.

"Jasper, there's NO WAY we turned into birds for four hours. I mean, one of us would've noticed, right?" I said. Jazz and Edward exchanged glances and snickered.

"Emmett, don't you know that a chick is just a nickna-"

"Save it, Edward," I replied. "As I was SAYING. Don't worry. Slumber parties are totally not feminine. It said on this website…Wikipedia I think it was called. They said slumber parties were for boys and sleepovers were for girls. So I printed up the slumber party list, naturally. The stuff we just did is 100% man-fun. I have Wikipedia to back me up." I said, thumping my chest for emphasis.

"That's good," Jasper sighed. "Wait," he said as he glanced over the paper again, "We forgot one thing on the list-something called prank phone calls??"

"Yeah, I searched that too. It's where you call up numbers and say random and funny things. So I was experimenting with this pranking earlier and I found this one number…" I said.

"What? What was it called???"

I giggled, "1800…SEX!!" I guffawed.

Edward and Jasper were in a fit of laughter.

"Haha oh my gosh someone has a number with a bad word in it…that's funnier than the time when Alice said butt!!!" Edward giggled.

We finally pulled ourselves together enough to dial the number. I put it on speaker as a seductive tone played as the ringtone. We fought to hold back laughter as the phone was answered.

"You've reached 1-800 sex…" began a 40-ish sounding man with a purr. "I hope you're wait was pleasurable. Get ready for a de-lectable and naughty call. Brought to you by the biggest, baddest, outlaw in Forks, Mr. Big-"

Our expressions turned to horror as we heard a new voice. "Hey Dad," Bella chirped in the background, "Who are you talking to?"

"Oh, uh Bella," Charlie said, no longer using his purring tone, "You're home early. I was just talking to Billy. Yup. That's it. How bout you run along now, you know, go trip on something or swoon after your boyfriend or whatever?"

"Okay…" Bella said as her voice drifted away.

We all stared at Edward in shock. What. The. Hell?????

"I never even detected it in his mind!" Edward whispered, still totally astonished.

"Are you sure-" Jazz began

"Oh that was DEFINITELY Charlie," Edward affirmed.

So there we sat, astonished, until we realized the phone was still on. Edward went to go shut it off just as a new caller came onto Charlie's secret sex phone.

"Hey there saucy." Said Mike Newton to Charlie, "Is my delicious friend Mr. Big-"

"AHHHH" we all screamed. Hadn't we been permanently scarred enough for one day?????

"What the hell???" we heard Mike shriek. "Who is that???"

I lunged for the phone and crushed it with my fist. And we never had a sleepover again.

THE END