Title: Palmer and His Secret Lover
Rating: PG-13
Category: Humor
Genre: Het and Slash?
Pairing: Surprise
Warnings: Geriatric olympics. Yeah.
Summary: The only serious situation right now is I am randy and looking for a shag.
Spoilers: None whatsoever.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to DPB, CBS, Paramount, et al. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: Written for iheartGibbs, with a prompt that shall be revealed at the end of the fic. Bwahahaha. Definitely a oneshot. I wouldn't even want to think of writing more.

"I really don't know that we should be doing this." Jimmy Palmer paced nervously around Donald "Ducky" Mallard's home, worried that the interlude with his lover would be interrupted by an unwanted third party.

"Oh, my dear boy, there's no need to be fearful. No one else will be here for hours."

"But if anyone finds out, I could lose my job! This is a very serious situation!"

"Tsk, tsk. The only serious situation right now is I am randy and looking for a shag. Now, chop chop."

Palmer sighed, defeated, and turned to his lover, ready to embrace the lust coursing through his body, but just as he was lowering his companion to the bed, the front door opened, and they were found out.

"Jimmy Palmer!"

Palmer released his lover, standing hurriedly. "I can . . . uh, I, I . . ."

"Just what are you doing, with my mother, of all people?!" Ducky was furious. He stomped towards the duo, Palmer frozen in his spot, and Mrs. Mallard lying on the duvet, laughing softly to herself. Ducky turned his attention on her. "Oh, you find this amusing, do you, Mother? Sleeping with my assistant? And just how long has this been going on?"

"I'm sorry, Doctor . . ." Palmer apologized, ignoring Ducky's words entirely.

Ducky turned to Palmer. "And you! You should be ashamed of yourself."

"I never meant for it to happen! She came on to me, I promise!"

Ducky shook his head. He wasn't falling for Palmer's excuses. "Here I thought we had something, and you ruin it all by sleeping with my mother! I'll never trust you again, Jimmy!" He broke down in tears and fled the room.

Palmer turned back to Mrs. Mallard, who was still lying on the bed with a devious look in her eye. "Shall we pick up where we left off?"

Palmer looked at her with a torn look on his face. He had just betrayed Ducky, who had been providing him with years of support and comfort. Should he go after him and try to win him back, or give in to his baser instincts and fornicate with this woman who was so clearly ready for him?

He shrugged and let out a sigh. "I'll deal with Doctor Mallard later," he said to himself. "Right now, I have a lady to please."

Mrs. Mallard simply giggled as Palmer descended on her, as Ducky sighed in the next room.

"Damn Mother," he sighed. "She steals them all away from me."

THE END!!!

A/N: That prompt was Palmer and Mrs. Mallard, by the way. Yeah.