Disclaimer: I do not own K-ON! or any of its characters. I also do not own any of the materials referenced in this story either. This was made for entertainment purposes only and not for profit. So there you go.
A/N: Hello, everybody. Those of you who know me from the Haruhi section will notice that I am trying a similar concept for an all-new fandom. This story and its first chapter are merely just a way for me to wet my feet in this particular fandom and see what everyone thinks of it. Honestly, a close friend talked me into writing this fic and I just decided to give it a shot and see what would happen. I really do like K-ON!, but I may need to rewatch the show in order to refresh my memory on a few things.
Have no fear for my previous stories if you've been following them- I plan on updating them soon and won't waste a lot of time on this project. I got a few ideas for this fic written down, but I just want to see how the reception will be.
The following stories will most likely contain the following:
Unexplained Bouts of OOCness
Nonsensical Crossovers
Unfunny References
Immature Humor
Physical Comedy
The Occasional Explosion
And Character Bashing
Anyways, I hope you guys will enjoy this little crack fic collection of mine. I also take the occasional request if you have anything you'd like to offer or want to see written. Have fun.
Get Motivated:
Azusa Nakano had a problem.
Ever since the school festival, the girls (Mio included) had neglected to practice, choosing instead to eat cake and goof around. Ritsu would always be the first to suggest a break, Yui would second the motion, Tsumugi would provide the unending snacks, and Mio's resolve would crumble shortly after. This would always result in leaving Azusa in the dust. They always said they'd try to work in some practice, but they never did so for long.
Come to think of it, Azusa theorized that if Yui had never given Gitah a name in the first place, she probably would have sold the instrument for a wheelbarrow full of sweets or traded it for a pony ages ago.
So as she sat by her lonesome in the Light Music room, Azusa stared out the window, thinking to herself.
It's a shame that I can't motivate them more. We'll all be getting rusty soon enough. I mean, Mio and I are the only ones that usually opt to practice at all, and the others just ask for us to give them a soothing soundtrack while they snack! It's getting ridiculous at this rate! ...Wait. Wait. Hmmmm... Soundtrack... I... I think I have an idea.. Yes, this could work...
After leaving school and getting home, Azusa thought her idea over for a few times before making a decision. After deciding it was worth a shot, she went to her parents in the living room.
"Mom? Dad? Can I borrow your record-player and some of your vinyls?" Azusa asked politely.
"Now why would you need those, sweetie?" Azusa's mom loftily asked from her place on the couch. Her father was snoring right next to her like a bear.
"Well, our club has gotten lazy, and I wanted to see if I could help to motivate them."
The older woman looked up at the ceiling for a moment before she said, "Oh. Okay... They should be our room then. Check the... closet. Be careful with them..."
"...Are you drunk, mom?"
"...Maaaaybe~," Azusa's mom said with a sultry smirk, followed by a hiccup.
"Not again..." the twin-tailed girl murmured, sighing.
The Next Day...
By sheer luck, Azusa had managed to catch all of the girls in the clubroom at the same time. Now she speak to them all at once without having to wait for anyone.
"Everyone, there's something I'd like to show you," Azusa declared, trying to clear any nervousness out of her voice. The other band-members shifted their attention from their idle chat to their fifth member.
"Yes, Azusa?" Tsumugi piped up in her cheery way. "What is it?"
"Do you have presents for us?" Yui inquired with glee. Azusa ended up ignoring her.
"Well, I've noticed that we've been sort of slacking off in our music." Ritsu gave out a sigh in her seat while Yui now eyed the cakes Tsumugi had already laid out. "So I decided to bring in something from my house to get us into the spirit of improving once again! I know that you'll all find it interesting."
While Mio and Tsumugi looked intrigued, Ritsu seemed bored, and Yui looked like her attention would cave in at any moment. Knowing she had to act fast, Azusa called out into the hallway. Sawako soon arrived, holding a large object in her hands with a blue sheet on it. She then sat it down on the unoccupied part of the table.
"...Is it a cake?" Yui asked once more.
"It's nothing to do with sweets!" Azusa stated as she took the sheet off. "It's an old record-player my parents own. And some vinyl records to go along with it. From the greats! I thought we could listen to a few over the week to get some inspiration for our own songs." She gestured to the stack of records sitting in the center.
"My, how exciting," Tsumugi said, admiring the items as if they were dinosaur-bones.
"It really is a good idea," Sawako added as she prepared to set it up for the girls. Mio seemed to agree, smiling.
"Meh. I guess so," Ritsu said, not really looking all that interested. Yui just stared at the machine in curiosity.
Azusa inwardly smiled. I knew this was a good idea!
All was going well until Sawako took a close look at the vinyl she was about to place in the player, blinked, snorted in disgust, and then tossed it across the room like a Frisbee.
"Ahhh! Why did you do that!" Azusa screeched as she caught the airborne record like a dog, luckily finding it intact.
"I can't stand that heavy garbage. I can't subject your friends to such agony. And that stuff always burns my ears," Sawako flatly responded, pulling something out of her purse. "I'll show you girls some real music..."
Ritsu smiled wryly. "Burns much like the entire dinner you tried to make for that one guy you-" She would have continued, but being nailed in the head by the closest heavy item nearby, which was unfortunately Azusa's guitar amp, tends to ruin a story.
"Stop throwing my stuff!" Azusa nearly cried.
"And what would that be, Miss Sawako?" Tsumugi eagerly asked.
"Simple, Mugi. 'Tis a better band, with God himself on the vocals," Sawako responded a-matter-of-factly.
"...Aya Hirano?" Azusa asked.
"Jim Morrison?" Mio guessed.
"BIRDIE~..." Ritsu slurred, looking at the windows.
"Fred Durst?" Yui spoke. Sawako's face scrunched up as if she had eaten a barrel of peeled lemons in one go. Taking out a record of her own, the teacher placed it into the player.
"...Just listen." Sawako put the needle onto a specific part of the vinyl.
"...Why did you have a record in your purse anyways?" the twin-tailed Azusa asked.
"I always carry this one around in order to educate others in the form of good music!"
"I see... Not really."
A tune familiar to any old-school metal fan then proceeded to crank out of the player's speakers, which, to the misfortune of the girls, was cranked as high as they could go.
"If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man! You win some, lose some, it's still the same to me!"
"ACK! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!" Mio shrieked in horror. Tsumugi moaned in pain, stomaching the loudness for Sawako's sake. Ritsu danced in a daze, and Azusa attempted to turn it off, but was held back by her somewhat insane teacher.
Today wasn't her day. But as for Yui?
Yui stood close to the record-player, eyes bugged out, arms by her side, and generally astonished.
"...Yui? Are you okay?" Tsumugi asked.
"..."
"...Yui? Oh, Yui? Yu-"
"I NOW HAVE THE DESIRE TO FUCK ON THE FLOOR AND BREAK SHIT," Yui responded in a monotone, quickly responding by punching Azusa in the face, busting open her nose. Mio was more shocked at Yui's sudden language than her act of violence.
"THE HELL?" Azusa yelled. This was definitely not her day.
For the next five minutes, Yui stomped around the room, screaming incomprehensible lyrics, destroying anything that wasn't nailed down or taken outside by their owner. Mirrors were headbutted, instruments were humped, and Ritsu got to see what it was like to be set on fire.
"AND DON'T FORGET THE JOKER!" Yui and Sawako shouted in unison, kicking over Ritsu's drum kit. The latter only joined in because she saw this as perfectly normal behavior. And because it seemed to be fun.
Azusa watched this madness from under the table with Mio, while Tsumugi tried to use tea to extinguish Ritsu. "Remind me to never help anyone ever again..." Azusa sourly muttered, clutching her nose with a tissue.
"Duly noted," Mio sobbed out in response.
The Disappearance of Mio's Sanity:
February 28, 2010
The doors to the theater opened with four of our main girls (Azusa was home sick) walking out in a crowd of otaku blogging on their phones about their precious AU Yuki waifu or chatting about the latest cash cow churned out by Kyoto Animation.
The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya.
"Ahhh~... Such a good movie!" Yui chirped.
"Indeed, Yui! This is the stuff we'll be telling our grandchildren about seeing!" Ritsu exclaimed in vigor.
"What grandchildren? Otakus don't get laid!" a random man in the crowd said.
"Au contraire, the common otaku will screw anything with a pulse if it shows interest in their sticky collection of body-pillows. Now let us be, you nameless background character, you," Ritsu retorted, making shooing motions with her hands. The man walked away, shaking his head, never to appear again.
"I really did enjoy that film. Especially the onscreen romance with Ryoko and Yuki," Tsumugi sighed. She held one side of her face and smiled dreamily.
"...You would," snorted Ritsu.
"Yeah, but the part with Ryoko at the end really scared me though," Yui said.
"Ugh... me, too..." Mio whimpered as she tried to shake off the mental image. "Still a good ending... There's something I didn't get much about it though.
"Yui turned to face her friend. "Eh? What?"
"Well, it's just a bit of a complaint, really," Mio went on. "It's kind of hard to follow if you haven't read the book like me, and-"
"You've never read the book?" Ritsu all but shouted. "That's like Harry Potter for the sticky neckbeards of Japan!" Even Yui and Tsumugi looked horrified at Mio's reveal.
"Well, I just never got around to it, I mean, I skimped out halfway through the first one because the plot felt a bit hollow, nothing special-"
"IT WAS SPECIAL! IT WAS EVERYTHING ANYONE COULD HOPE FOR!" Ritsu shouted in her ear. Mio winced before regaining her hearing.
"But, Ritsu, to be honest- hold that thought- I just thought it was like a blatant fanservice for the Kyon and Yuki shippers who aren't ever going see Kyon and Yuki in the original canon. And it's just insulting like that. I mean, come on, making money on people's preferences? Haruhi and the others were barely in it. And as decent a villain Ryoko was, I don't really think she was there enough to make an impact. I actually forgot about her towards the end. The movie was good... I just thought it could have been better in some parts. You see what I mean?"
The entire gang's jaws had dropped.
"HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT MY RYOKO-SAMA AND YUKI-RIN!" Tsumugi shouted in a rage.
"Whoa, Mugi, calm down for a second! It's nothing to get excited over!"
"IT IS SO!" Ritsu snarled, standing alongside Tsumugi. "I thought we knew you, Mio! But now we see you for what you really are... A hater!"
"Huh? No need to get so angry! I don't understand why you're all acting like this! I just feel a certain way about what I watch sometimes! I mean, I don't really like Oreimo or Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt all that much either, and I don't see anyone getting mad about-"
"WHAT!" Ritsu exclaimed.
"My heart... MY HEART!" Yui screamed, feigning a heart attack.
"Fiend..." Tsumugi hissed, albeit cutely.
"Well, I'm sorry for liking animes with plots and character-development!" Mio announced, placing her hands on her hips.
"THOSE BOTH HAVE PLOTS! YOU'RE JUST TOO BLIND TO APPRECIATE THEIR GREATNESS! JUST LIKE THE GREATNESS OF HARUHI!" Ritsu shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at Mio. Yui walked over to the bassist and placed both hands on her shoulders.
"...Mio..." Yui slowly began, wearing a completely anguished look. "I am disappoint."
She then walked off, Ritsu stomping right after her like an angry duck. Tsumugi started to go, but instead walked back over to Mio. The blond gave her a pouty look that lasted about five seconds. Then in a completely random act, she looked down and lightly spat at Mio's shoes. Shooting her one last glare, Tsumugi walked off.
Mio stood there for a while; a minute at the least.
"...OH, COME ON! REALLY?" Mio shouted after the others, clutching her head at the same time. "Must... suppress... aneurysm..."
Moody Mugi:
Tsumugi's POV
If one were to ask me, I'd have to say that it's been a very pleasant day for me so far.
I entered the clubroom to find it completely empty. Which was excellent. Just the way I liked it. It's very hard to have a moment of peace for myself nowadays, but when times like these arrive, it's always a treat to take advantage of these periods of tranquility.
Like I do every day, I began my task of preparing to lay out the various sweets I'd packed. It's always a pleasure to hear what my friends think of the food I share with them. After laying out the food on one of my favorite tablecloths, I took the utmost of care to brew the tea to a heat that was just above room temperature, but not hot enough to scald. I made sure that this would be the yummiest batch to date.
"Perfect as always," I chirped to myself as I took a seat to observe my handiwork. Yes. Everything was as neat and tidy as-
"WE'RE HOOOOME~!" a thunderous voice declared, kicking in the door.
...Well, crap. It was nice while it lasted.
Ritsu, Yui, Mio, and Azusa trudged into the room. I noticed that Mio and Azusa were still in their uniforms, while the former two were wearing their track uniforms. I also noticed a rather strong odor emanating from them.
What the he- Oh, good lord, what the hell did you roll in this time, Ritsu?
"Good afternoon," I said as kindly as I could.
"Heya, Mugi!" Yui cutely chirped, deeply contrasting with the awful smell coming from her. It seemed to be a mix of dirt and sweat. Mio and Azusa took the chance to come and take their seats on my side of the table on either side of me.
"It be nice if EITHER of you took a shower," Mio gagged, waving a hand.
My thoughts exactly, Mio. And Christ, guys, you smell like a pair of chimpanzees that have been slathered in onions!
"You said it," Azusa added, chuckling right after.
"Oh, come on!" Ritsu cried out angrily. "We were just doing our part in handing out flyers for the upcoming school field-trip to... well, I forget where exactly. The point is that in order to let the track team know about it, we had to put on our own uniforms and chase after them. Nothing too tough for me and Yui though." Yui seemed to share Ritsu's opinion and nodded happily.
"Still would've been simpler to just wait for them to stop practicing and THEN give them the flyers..." Mio grumbled.
Again, correct, Mio. I always knew you were the brains of this bunch. Besides me, of course.
"But if we did that, then we'd miss out on eating Mugi's delicious cakes~," Ritsu cooed as she sat down and began to help herself to the cheesecake I had brought.
"Yup! Mugi always comes through with the best stuff ever!" Yui sat beside Ritsu and began to gorge herself on a plate of sugar cookies I'd laid out.
"Thank you very much," I replied back to them. I was met with a chorus of chomping noises as crumbs flew. Pretty sure that they didn't even hear me.
That's nice... Go ahead. Gobble down the food I bought and not thank me for it. It's not like I need to live off your gratitude everyday...
"Oh, yeah. Thanks," Ritsu quickly said after she briefly peered up from her plate. A bit of mashed food flew out of her lips and landed just below my left eye. I wiped it off a second later with one of my handkerchiefs. Yui belched soon after and continued on with her binge.
Yes... I'm definitely going to have to sanitize my pores with steam at home today.
I turned to my right to see how Azusa was faring. Noticing she hadn't taken anything for herself, I handed her a plate and lifted a slice of butter cake with chocolate frosting onto it for her.
"Here you are, Azusa." I smiled politely at her with closed eyes. But when I opened them, I was surprised to see that she was frowning slightly. "What's wrong?"
"Eh, not much..." she sighed, taking her plastic fork and poking at her slice. "I'm just a bit disappointed that you brought butter cake again. I'm starting to get sick of the taste."
Ex-CUSE me? You didn't seem to be thinking that way when I brought it over the first time and you were practically inhaling it like the greedy hog that you are. Rotten turncoat.
"I think the stuff you brought today is pretty good, Mugi," Mio said to me, holding up a half-eaten brownie with a smile. "Still think we could use this time to be practicing, but I guess we'll still have the time to do so later."
"Thank you very much for saying that, Mio! Means quite a bit to hear that from a good friend."
Probably the only decent person here I wouldn't pour hot wax on if given the chance, too! ...Aside from that nice family doctor of mine. Always keeps trying to force those mood-pills down my throat. Never did like taking them...
"But while we're on the subject..." She held up her cup of tea in front of me. "I think you might wanna try a different herb for your tea next time. It's a little bitter for me." She sipped it a second later and scrunched up her lips in a grimace.
...Okay. Somehow, someday, I'm going to take that kettle of mine and ram it deep into one of your eye-sockets and pour as much scalding tea in as I can. See how much you'll LOVE the flavor from that orifice! ...But only after you and Ritsu get together in the end~.
"...Mugi? What's with that creepy look on your face?"
"N-Nothing!"
A/N: There it is. The first chapter. ObsidianWarrior helped to write most of this so he gets most of the credit. Again, I hope you all liked this.
I'll post more if the reception for this is all right. And it's not going to be as long as my other fic, You Got HaruhiRolled!. Probably be 20 chapters at the most.
Thanks again to Roxius for inspiring me in humor and the story style in the first place with his own fic, You Got LuluRolled!.
Have a pleasant day, all.