A/N- horrible fluffy drabble what
Summery- Dan's weird sleeping habits cause him to feel indifferent about sharing beds and affection in general
Warnings- fluff, swears
I like to sleep under my bed.
Shouldn't be considered a strange sentence. People do all sorts of weird things like jumping out of planes or boxing with kangaroos. Sleeping underneath a bed is one of the last things wrong with the world.
Dan's slept between his bed and the floor for as long as he can remember. He feels safer underneath, knowing the only monster under there is him.
He usually sneaks under when everything is still and it's completely black and his hearts beating fast and he's scared. Most nights he finds himself terrorized by the night, something about a strange blanket of black falling in the sky, replacing the lacy blue scares him to no end.
He was 5 when his mum told him he wasn't allowed to climb into bed with her anymore, to seek safety in the cave of her blankets. He remembers getting so frightened in the middle of the night, that tears brimmed his eyes as he sat up to stare at the walls shadowed with illusions.
Most kids would have done everything in their power to keep their limbs safely tucked in bed under the comforter, Dan however was an idiot. And did a swan dive for the floor, where he scrambled to take refuse under the frame and the mattress.
Dan recalls the duvet dangling over the edge, and him pulling it down to stuff into the crack where he'd entered, blocking the outside and the light of the moon shining in from his window. But only on that one side. He buried his face into the blankets and fell asleep.
This method of amenity carried out until he was at the age of 9, when his mum started to notice, she warned him he'd have back problems followed with future health risks. But obviously Dan didn't care. However she talked about how privileged he was to have a bed, and how some children don't get the luxuries of living comfortably, so she basically guilt tripped him into sleeping on top of the bed instead of underneath.
And that worked, until Dan was 11.
He had been at a sleep over with his friends when they decided to watch a horror film, in which they were kind of forbidden to see. But as rebellious preteens they in the 'fuck you parents I'll shit in a plant if it means i get to be cool" phase.
So Dan and his friends secretly watched the film, huddled in the tent they'd built together while enclosed in the walls of Billy's living room. They waited for Billy's parents to fall asleep before he'd pluck the movie from the shelf to pop into the tv.
Dan was sure they all pissed their pants that night, all of them except a boy called Stephan who was a horror film fanatic.
But Dan was scared shitless, so when everyone was finally swallowed by their newly formed terror filled nightmares, he went on a search mission through the dark to find Billy's bedroom. He failed multiple times, walking into Billy's sibling's rooms like some sort of creeper before he finally stumbled upon the right one.
Dan was ecstatic to find he could fit under the bed.
In the morning when Dan woke he found everyone else already in the kitchen scavenging for breakfast. So Dan waltzed right in nonchalantly, and he was glad to be asked where he'd been.
"I wasn't about to sleep on the floor who do you think I am?" Dan joked, while they all tiredly laughed.
They never found out about his abnormal secret, but they all agreed never to watch another horror film again until they could handle the terrors following it.
So alas Dan's habit had formed again. And his mum caught on again but decided to not say anything against it.
/
Throughout his teenage years Dan struggled with this, but eventually seeking the comfort of underneath a bed became less frequent. Although he still felt like shit when he found himself turning down offers as to sleeping in the same bed as the people he came to care about. Especially Kendra, who Dan still thinks to this day he may have been in love with.
And she was confused and hurt, because Dan would have sex with her but he wouldn't sleep next to her and it didn't matter how tired he was. Because he realized he couldn't trust someone as easily as he would like to, and sleeping in a bed with someone seemed like to much. To personal.
Dan still thinks that was a factor in why they broke up, that and the fact they were kind of both going away to uni. But he was glad they broke it off because that meant he could be more open to finding out who he was, and meeting new people with no promises to hold him back. He was glad because he had met Phil.
And Phil was different, he wasn't like Kendra or all the other girls Dan had been with.
Because first off he's a boy, and at the time Dan didn't really know how to adapt to having these kind of feelings for a boy.
Secondly all he really knew was that when Phil smiled he felt dizzy and when Phil laughed he felt like exploding. And that Phil made him feel like a whole other person, who was desperately trying shred their old skin.
And that sleeping in a dorm room at uni was absolute hell, promptly because there was no under the bed and that caused him to lie awake most nights, which resulted in him looking like a zombie everyday.
Phil could see how uncomfortable Dan was in the dorm and was quick to offer him a spot to be his flatmate, as he was in the process of moving. Dan accepted right away.
And he made sure his bed had an underneath.
/
It was all good, until Dan's feelings for Phil progressed into something which he could never explain. Their relationship was casual even if Dan's feelings weren't, they shared kisses and Dan taught himself to like holding Phil because that's the kind of person Phil was. Dan overcame the fear of intimate contact for the most part. But Phil was puzzled to why he wouldn't share a bed with him.
Eventually the truth came out, Dan's 20 years old and he sleeps under his bed because the night scares him.
"That's all?" Phil asked, looking sincere and a tad confused after Dan finished explaining, he blinked a couple times before shamefully nodding. Phil neared closer before gathering Dan in his arms and placing one hand in his hair and the other between his shoulder blades. Dan wrapped his arms around Phil's torso and leaned into him, "I can help you if you want." Phil's voice was soft and Dan didn't know how to respond.
He didn't need help, did he? "I need help?" Dan voice was barely above a whisper. Phil gripped him tighter "Well do you?"
/
The first time Dan attempted to sleep in the same bed with Phil made his chest hurt and his head spin. Phil latched himself on to Dan and remained like that until he fell asleep with Dan sprawled out on his chest. But Dan couldn't sleep, it felt weird with someone next to him.
For Dan sharing a bed is personal, to him it feels as though it's just as personal as having sex. And he wasn't ready for it, he was uncomfortable and wanted to escape.
Phil was a heavier sleeper than expected so Dan pried himself of the arms draping over him and snuck into his own room were he slid under his bed and cried.
Not long after Phil had awoke to emptiness and darkness, his heart had sunk and he kind of felt horrible. Phil emerged from his room, and Dan could hear the pattering of his foot steps before he'd even opened the door.
"Dan" Phil whispered hardly audible, but Dan heard because it was so quiet and the only sound was his deep breathing and Phil's shallow breathing.
Dan didn't respond because Phil already knew where he was. And Phil did something Dan didn't expect, he got down on his hands and knees and gazed under the bed, looking through the dark he found the shadow of Dan's face. He sighed faintly before crawling right underneath besides Dan.
"I'm sorry" Phil murmured once he was inches away from Dan's face, his body turned slightly towards Dan while he was still laying on his stomach so he'd fit between the bed and the floor. "I just wanted to help, I shouldn't have been forceful."
Dan stared at Phil for the longest time hardly comprehending his words. Phil's under his bed. Phil's under his bed with him. Dan doesn't know how to feel about that, because Phil doesn't know how big of a line he had just crossed.
So Dan was silent and Phil's heart was punching his chest.
And then Dan thought about all the people who would climb under a bed with him. He thought of his mother who didn't do much to help him, and he thought of Kendra who would more than likely look down on him for having such an odd habit. And this is how Dan knew.
He awkwardly wiggled forward, craning his neck so he could meet Phil's lips. Phil felt relief and Dan didn't really feel as distant to Phil as he did ten minutes ago.
"I love you" he whispered through the dark, his eyes finding Phil's. And he wasn't scared of Phil's reaction.
"I love you to." Phil embedded the words in Dan's mind. "I'll sleep under here with you for however long it takes for you to feel safe."
Dan slide his hand onto Phil's neck and closed his eyes.