Fanfiction is going down the drain. Look at all this stuff. It's all generic romantic stuff.
Nothing but same old pornography.
Something needs to change. Someone needs to make a statement.
And that person should be me.
Alright, how about this, you guys?
Fanfiction about the Odyssey.
I know, I know. Shocking. Arousing. I know. But listen.
I got this.
I GOT THIS.
Odysseus walked into the bedroom where his long untouched wife lay ready to envelope both him and his brave spirit.
"Hey there, Penelope," grunted Odysseus.
"Hey," Penelope shot back.
"It's been a while since we've seen each other, let alone... you know..." Odysseus shot back.
"You have no idea what it's like without a man, Odysseus. I had sex with the ocean once." Penelope shot back.
"Woah woah woah. You has sex with the ocean?" Odysseus shot back.
"Well yeah. We don't have vibrators." Penelope shot back.
"You realize the ocean is run by Poseidon and Poseidon's a prick and shit, right?" Odysseus shot back.
"What the fuck," Penelope calmly responded.
"Penelope, this is..." Odysseus shot back.
"Whatever, come here and ravish my gaping skin harmonica with your manflute, you elegant buck of a man," Penelope shot back.
"Wanna see my one eyed monster, baby?" Odysseus shot back.
"Oh yeah," Penelope shot back.
"Alright."
Then Odysseus released Polyphemus from the closet. Then he ate Penelope.
But that didn't actually happen. No, no. Odysseus jolts as he awakens from his slumber with a jolt.
He woke up in a bedroom of a Phaeacian palace.
The journey home wasn't over.
No, it was just the beginning.