It's with eerie whispers calling her name in the voices of old friends and the frightening sobbing of a child ringing in her ears that Shepard goes in search of Garrus, not looking for anything but a small measure of peace with the man she trusts most.
She's so tired. When had she last slept through the night? Before the Reapers attacked Earth? No, that's not right; Shepard hasn't rested easy the truth behind Sovereign came out. Not since Ashley died. And now there are more deaths weighing heavily on her mind - Miranda, Legion, Mordin. Eve. Every single man and woman and child, human and alien alike, lost in this improbable war.
Improbable, but not impossible. Not yet. That's what Shepard tells herself, even as she feels, deep, deep down, that if they beat the odds once more and the Reapers are destroyed, she will not make it out alive. There will be no coming back this time.
She needs Garrus to quiet those sorts of thoughts, wants the soothing purr of his voice to drown out everything else and calm her mind so she can think clearly enough to get them through this. Garrus is her rock, a steady presence at her side, someone who's seen it all and follows her regardless of the fact that she's handed him a one way ticket to hell.
Garrus makes her feel safe, and Shepard loves him for it.
She enters the main battery and knows immediately that her favorite turian isn't there. Still, Shepard checks every shadowed corner of the room despite the emptiness, just to be sure.
"EDI?" she calls, head tipping back so she's talking to the ceiling. The AI can hear her perfectly no matter where she looks, but it's habit. "Tell me where Garrus is."
"Officer Vakarian is currently on the bridge, Commander."
Shepard murmurs her thanks and returns to the elevator, slumping against cool metal walls for the brief moment it takes to reach the second floor. She straightens before the doors open - it wouldn't do to let the crew see their commander brought low by exhaustion and stress and personal demons - and sets out toward the front of the ship.
She isn't sure what to expect, but Garrus exchanging bad jokes with Normandy's pilot is far from the top of the list, though it is one of the most pleasant. When it becomes clear they haven't heard her approach, Shepard crosses her arms and props her hip against the doorway, eyes closing as she lets the familiar cadence of their friendly ribbing wash over her, easing the tension from her body and settling her nerves. She's suddenly grateful, unbelievably so, that they can still do this despite every terrible thing that's happened, all the terrible things that will keep happening until the war is won.
It's moments like this that makes the enormous pressure riding her shoulders worth it, makes the expectation bearable, even welcome. She'll do anything to keep this.
Fight or die. Fight and die.
When Joker swings his chair around to greet her, Shepard opens her eyes and smiles.
A/N - This exists purely because that scene on the bridge gave me all the feels.
This game is killing me, yo. And I'm not even done with it yet.