WHY?
Titel:
Why?
Author: CKAerynSun
Pairing: Beka/Tyr
Spoiler: Shadow Cast By A Final Salute (3.22)
Rating:
PG
Summary: Too many questions in Bekas mind…
Disclaimer: The Andromeda and her crew belong to Tribune.
More
than once in my life I had to say goodbye. More than once it was a
painful, even a tearful goodbye. Sometimes I thought my heart would
burst into pieces. But none of these goodbyes has been so painful
like this. And I couldn't believe that I would miss you so much.
I
see you standing in front of me constantly. I hear your voice, I can
look into your brown eyes, I'm able to smell the fragrance of your
golden skin. Day after day and your picture seems wanting to stay for
eternity.
And as my mind says no, my heart want you to come back.
Want you to answer my questions.
I
learned about your betrayal and it hurt me more than you could
imagine.
I wanted to know why, I asked you but you ignored my
question. The only thing you said were these sentences which I now
hear in my head again and again:
"…I've lived with you. I've
fought beside you. Fought with you...
I've often wished you were
a Nietzschean."
Why did you say that? Was that your way to
say that you feel more – for me, for a human, for a kludge - then
you should? Your words to admit that you in love with me?
Only
today I realise that there are a lot of things I should know about
you – but I don't know them. You told us your son is dead –
he's alive. You said that you're loyal and you often showed
it, too and I won't accept that this all was only a part of a game.
Really, a very important game for you but don't you know that we're
your friends?
You know it. And you also know that I'm not only
your friend. From the day you said that you could never be interested
in human woman and I responded saying that I'm insulted you know
that you not only a crewman and friend to me.
However,
not till this moment a few days ago you said this words which changes
everything I know that you also think the way I do.
And now I'm
sitting here and think about you, think about these words, these four
short sentences saying so much more then a hundred words. I want to
know if you never noticed that I tried to impress you. Although I'm
afraid to admit this behaviour to myself.
A
soft voice in me shouts to you, ask you to come back – to me.
I
wish that I could be able to see a future, a future which includes us
together, but in my mind I know it is impossible.
And so I look
out into the cold, dark universe and let my heart cry, hoping that
one day in a dream there is no difference between us…
… It's so hard to say goodbye …