WARNING: I hate spoilers. Please do not refer to anything that hasn't happened in the episodes that have aired thus far in reviews or PMs to me. Thank you for respecting my wishes. :) XOXO Sharon

"Man, I thought you were done moping," Nate joked. "Hell, I thought the only reason you decided to stay for the White Party was because you just had to be right about Blair's new boyfriend."

"Boy-toy," Chuck said hastily, glaring at Nate for describing that foreign idiot as Blair's boyfriend.

Being a boyfriend meant they were in a relationship, and that wasn't a thought Chuck would allow entrance. He wanted to be in a relationship with Blair.

He cringed inside at that word. He was still surprised Serena hadn't laughed at him the other morning when he'd said something about getting relationship advice from her. He didn't even think that word was in his vocabulary.

"Whatever," Nate shrugged. "What happened? Blair threw a wrench into your plans? Wasn't it something along the lines of revealing the guy was a fake, then being there to pick up the pieces or something? I didn't think I'd find you alone at the bar. But, then, you at a bar? Nothing really surprising about that."

Chuck, once again, glared at his best friend. "She goes across an ocean, travels through Italy and France, and somehow manages to find the British version of you. Minus the effing title, of course." Except Blair had practically already dubbed Nate 'Prince' in her fucking head.

"Wait, title?" Nate shook his head. "What?"

"Little Jamie Ripley appears to have more talent than I first gave him credit for," Chuck said, disgusted. "Seems what we got was a Dickie pretending to be a Tom, not the other way around."

"Whoa, hold up," Nate said, actually holding up a hand as he laughed. "Now you're speaking an entirely different language."

"Jude Law? Matt Damon?" Chuck winced. Why the hell was he using movie analogies to explain things to Nate? Nate could barely remember Blair's favorite movies, and she'd been drilling them into his head for years. There was no way Nate would remember that Tom Ripley killed Dickie Greenleaf and took over his life. Why the hell did he even remember this? "The phony call-boy was pretending to be an American college student. He's actually a British lord named Marcus." He practically spat out the name.

"Whoa," Nate shook his head. "Sorry man," Nate said with a laugh of comradeship.

"What the hell is so funny about this?" Chuck stared him down.

"The whole turning of the tables thing," Nate shrugged. "A year ago, I was complaining about Blair while you listened. Role reversal."

"Yeah, except you didn't want to be with her," Chuck rolled his eyes.

"Cheer up," Nate laughed again. "If he's like me, there's always the chance he'll sleep with Serena. Then she'll get over him real fast."

"You're not helping," Chuck seriously considered dumping a bottle of Vitamin Water on Nate's head. He wasn't helping at all, and he kept bringing up things that happened when Blair was dating him—something that Chuck didn't want to think about either. Hell, he didn't even know if Nate and Blair had ever sorted things out. He was hoping they never spoke again, but it seemed less likely considering the role reversal with Nate as his best friend and Blair as his…

Well, no, there was no role reversal. Because he didn't have Blair. Blair had someone else. She didn't want him.

No, that wasn't true.

He gripped his glass so hard it might've broken if it were weaker.

Blair had been very clear.

"Three words, eight letters… say it and I'm yours."

She did want him… but only if he loved her. How could he fault her with that? She wasn't choosing some simpering buffoon over him because she actually liked him. She just wanted Chuck to love her.

But how could he tell her that? How could he tell her that he loved her when he wasn't even sure what love really was?

And how could he tell her he loved her when telling her and having her as 'his' would mean that he would have to reveal all of himself to her… the self that so many people despised… the self that no one really knew because he was good at hiding. Blair knew him better than anyone else in this world, but she still didn't know everything.

And how could he tell her he loved her when… he wasn't sure if he could trust her with his heart. If all the things he'd been feeling were really love… then… all these games she was playing… showing up with the new boy toy, giving him her pin. It was all just a ploy to try to hurt him… he'd even said that her.

But he would never tell her that she had succeeded.

And though this was all new to him, to actually give all that to her… he didn't want to know what would happen to him if he gave her everything she wanted and then she turned from him again… in disgust, in revulsion… or because she found someone who knew how to love her better than he ever possibly could.

"Well, I tried," Nate shrugged. "So, why are you here and not going after her? Or coming up with some new plan to get her?"

Chuck sat quietly, nursing his drink, unsure about how to respond.

"I could've had her…" Chuck finally said softly, staring into his drink.

Nate had to lean almost on top of him to hear what he was saying, but he did manage to hear it.

"Yeah, if you'd just gone to Tuscany," Nate said. "I still don't know what the hell you were thinking. Frankly, I'm surprised you can still walk. The wrath of Blair Waldorf is kind of scary."

Tell me about it, Chuck smirked. Blair scared the shit out of him.

Chuck shook his head. "She wanted me to tell her I love her," he said, infusing his voice with as much sarcasm as possible.

"Wait, I thought you do," Nate said, furrowing his brows in confusion. "That's what you told me."

Chuck shifted, unable to explain. It was easier telling Nate. He trusted Nate. Nate was reliable and loyal… sort of like his very own puppy. He didn't think Nate would like that comparison though. Blair… well… he knew he wanted her and that she did things to his insides that he'd never felt before… but he didn't trust those feelings anymore than he trusted Blair at the moment.

"So, you didn't tell her…" Nate trailed off; then he winced. "You're screwed."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Chuck rolled his eyes again.

"No… that's not…" Nate looked around before sighing and just saying what he was thinking. "The night me and Blair broke up? The night you two, uh, hooked up?" Because, though they didn't talk about Chuck and Blair's time together before the wedding much, Nate had gotten a few more details since he'd made up with Chuck.

"What about it?" Chuck winced himself. Remembering a time when things had been good between them, and Blair had trusted him enough—seen something good enough in him—to let him be her first, was not helping his inner demons at the moment.

"That's why we broke up," Nate said quietly, looking down. "I couldn't tell her that I loved her. She didn't take it well."

Chuck felt the bottom drop out of his stomach.

"She wouldn't…"

"Sleep with him?" Nate shrugged. "I don't know. You know Blair, more than me apparently."

"Do me a favor," Chuck said between clenched teeth.

"Sure," Nate agreed. "What?"

"Next time you see me sitting alone, at a bar?" Chuck said softly, eerily. "Just keep walking."

Chuck slammed his drink down on the counter and left before he showed Nate how much he really appreciated all his advice.

Nate watched Chuck leave and smiled, bemused. Blair really knew how to make a guy tear himself apart. The guy who figured her out and loved her completely, he was going to be a very lucky guy though. He had faith that Chuck could figure it out eventually. The guy never backed down or gave up from anything he really wanted.

He may not know everything there was to know about Blair Waldorf after dating her forever, but he did know at least one thing about her. She wanted to be loved. And, like Chuck, she wasn't going to give up on what she wanted either.

One day Chuck would figure it all out, and then his best friend and former girlfriend were going to be happy… well, probably not in an ever after sort of way… they were too hot headed for that. But they would be together through their arguments and spats, so at least there was that.

Speaking of happy… he pulled the napkin out of his pocket and read it again. As love notes went, it wasn't very endearing, but at least he was getting another shot with Catherine.

If only she wasn't married…

Finished.