Once a Queen In Narnia

Disclaimer: Ok, let's see. They all belong to C.S Lewis. I'm making no profit (not that this makes me happy, mind you).

AN: Almost everything here is in the book The Last Battle, including the football game. Oh, and by the way, there are huge spoilers for this book – and for the whole series, really.

Finally, many thanks to the very kind Callie Beth, who beta-read it for me.

Now, the story.

Once A Queen In Narnia

"There's something wrong," said Lucy.

She regretted is as soon as the words left her mouth.

She had thought about it before, many times. In fact, she had thought about it so hard that she had decided to let it drop, because if she said anything, what would she say when they asked for details? It would be a lot better if she just waited for the feeling to go away.

So when the worlds left Lucy's mouth on an unexplainable impulse and Susan stopped brushing her hair to turn to her sister with a worried look on her face, Lucy just turned to the wall, taking a deep breath, and tried no to think about it.

This just made Susan more worried. "Are you feeling ill?" she asked.

"No. It's nothing."

Susan raised an eyebrow. "Nothing?"

"I just… I was just thinking, that's all. I wish the boys were here."

"Oh."

And in this simple word, the room's temperature dropped at least ten degrees. Lucy tried to smile, while her sister turned to the mirror again:

"It's just a feeling. Nothing more."

"Okay."

She kept combing her hair. It was long now, almost to the middle of her back. Lucy had seen it a lot longer, a long time ago…

The silence between them was getting heavier.

"I don't know," Lucy said. "I feel it. It's something like…like, as if someone was trying to talk to me. As if He was trying to talk to me…"

"Lucy, please."

"I know, I know."

She watched as Susan's movements became a little more harsh – just a little more, almost imperceptible – and she let the brush in her bed.

"I was expecting a little more of Peter and Edmund," Susan said, choosing a pair of earrings to wear and putting them on.

Lucy didn't answer. Susan took off the earrings and tried a different pair, then took off that pair as well and put back on the first pair. Her movements seemed automatic.

"You think I'm crazy," said Lucy.

"No, of course not. But you - you, dear, you have such a fertile imagination. Really, I expected – they shoudn´t encourage you like that. They shouldn't…"

"Encourage me?" Lucy couldn't help but smile "They don't mean to, Su. They believe in it too."

"Oh, it's okay to believe, really. People have to believe in something, I suppose. There's nothing wrong about it. But everything has a limit, right? To want to live like, I don't know, like a princess, with morals and all of that, is one thing. But to think that you actually were one, for real, it's something quite different."

"Not was a princess, is a princess. I still am. Once a Queen in Narnia…"

Susan shook her head. "Now you're just teasing me."

"… always a Queen in Narnia. This, by the way, put you right in this mess with me."

"Silly."

Susan went back to combing her hair and Lucy went back to staring at the wall.

This kind of conversation was getting more and more frequent now, she didn't know why. The boys had given up talking to Susan about Narnia. Since she had come back from that trip to America, the history had repeated itself with minimal variations – she would mock the discussion, or just change the subject – until Narnia become a kind of taboo. Lucy would talk about it with her brothers, or with the Professor, or her cousin Eustace, or with Jill and Polly… never with Susan. It wasn't worth the effort.

That is, until two or three weeks ago, when Lucy had started to feel strange. And Narnia somehow became a usual topic for conversation with Susan many times, trying to make her remember something, anything.

"I don't believe it!" she said suddenly "Don't you feel anything?"

"I feel a lot of things. Right now I'm feeling very frustrated."

"It's like a calling. Over and over and over. Nonstop. Like hearing Aslan´s voice and being unable to answer it…"

"Oh, Aslan."

"You could at least try, Su. Don't you really feel anything?"

Susan sighed. She got up and went to her wardrobe and started to throw clothes over the bed. Lucy felt a little guilty.

"I'm not trying to upset you, you know. I really want to know."

"That's what worries me."

It was Lucy's turn to raise her eyebrow. Susan just looked at her:

"I know it was nice. I mean, who doesn't want to fight witches, save enchanted kingdoms, to become a queen? But it's over, Lu. How long can you live in a dreamland? Oh, I know, I remember the speech quite well, I heard it many times. But even if the dream feels nicer than reality, do you think it's healthy? Narnia was wonderful; I will never deny that, but still... I was the prettiest Queen ever, wasn't I?"

"Yes. You were, Su."

"And Peter was the High King, and you were a warrior, and Ed… who was he, anyway? The smart one?"

"Just. He was just. Among a lot of other thing, but that was how they called him."

"Right. And Aslan. We rode Aslan, you and me. Of course it was fun. But how long will you keep living on that? How long will Peter act as if he is still a King? How long will Edmund act like - hmm… well, like a brat who thinks he's a king?"

"Good question," Lucy laughed.

"You could be a princess for real, if you wanted. But you will rather live in an imaginary world. You would rather not live at all."

"Oh, Susan, how can you? You said it yourself, we were there! We saw Aslan die. We saw the Stone Table break in two. We were carried on His back, twice. We were probably the only people alive with whom he played catch. How can you just forget it?"

Susan raised a dress and held against her body. "Twice? When was the second time? And which dress looks better, red or black?"

"The black one, I guess... Whatever. The second time was when we were fighting the Telmarines. Caspian was at war, the boys were with him, and we were with Aslan as he awakened the old Narnia…"

"The old one?" Susan frowned. "There were two?"

Lucy was going to answer – or to throw something at Susan's head– when they heard the door opening and the voices of their brothers entering the room.

"There you have them," Susan said "Your favorite advisors."

They seemed to be fighting. Well, actually, Peter seemed to be laughing while Edmund fought him.

"You missed a chance that comes only once in a lifetime!" Peter said when he saw the girls. "A scene that will never happen again, and for what? Only to dress up, and now you'll have to live with this-"

"Why don't you just shut up?" said Edmund. He went to the kitchen without even looking at the girls.

"What happened?"

"Just the best moment of this season. He was trying to kick the ball, apparently, and he managed not only to kick his own leg but to also throw himself at the floor. How did he do it, you'll have to ask him, because I honestly can't imagine, but I swear, it was worth it!"

"It was a foul!" Edmund screamed, still in the kitchen.

"By who?" Peter screamed back "You were alone! Girls, he was alone. It was priceless."

"Well, did you win?" asked Susan, laughing.

"Sure," Edmund said, coming back with a glass of water in his hand "Not thanks to Peter, I might add."

Susan gave his arm a gentle squeeze. Then she looked at Lucy.

"Oh, by the way, do any of you remember someone named Caspian?" Both of her brothers stopped smiling. She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please, I can't believe-"

"Do you see me making fun of you, Su?" Peter's tone was very serious. "Why do you-"

"I'm not making fun! Not yet. How long has it been, five years? Seven? I really can't remember all the details of our games –"

"Caspian," said Edmund with a distant smile. "You should have seen how he was, later on."

"Yes," Lucy said. "He was so grown up on the voyage on the Dawn Treader, so mature…"

"Mature? Are we talking about the same person?

Peter shook his head. "He had every potential to become a great King of Narnia. I could see it from the start."

"You should have told him," Edmund said. "He would have been delirious with joy."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this!" said Susan.

"You asked."

"I didn't know I was creating a collective psychotic crisis."

"Oh, really?"

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said Susan. Her tone was serious, although she was smiling. "You keep encouraging Edmund and Lucy, and now Eustace and his friend from school, and everyone thinks this is for real. I was really expecting a little more maturity on your part, Peter. And now, on top of everything else, Lucy has started to hear things."

Peter and Edmund looked at her. Lucy blushed and replied, "Not exactly hear things, no. It's more like a - a feeling that someone is talking to me…about something wrong."

"Someone from Narnia?"

"You see?" said Susan "That's what I'm talking about!"

"Yes…" said Lucy. "Someone from Narnia. About something very wrong in Narnia."

"Interesting…" Edmund started "Because I–"

"Oh, stop it!"

They looked at Susan, a little surprised.

"This is getting scary, you guys, for real. We shouldn't be playing these kinds of games anymore –especially you, Peter-"

"Oh, you stop it!" Edmund exclaimed. "You know we aren't playing!"

She gave a very deep sigh. She found herself doing this a lot lately.

"Yes, I know. And that's what I think is so scary…" No one said anything as she left the room.

"There's something really wrong," Lucy said after a few seconds "I know there is; Aslan´s been talking to me and, somehow, I think He's been talking to her too. I'm sure of it."

Edmund agreed. Peter thought about it for a moment.

"Well, anyway," Peter said "There's nothing we can do about it now. Let's just wait and see."

Lucy agreed, for pure lack of option. Edmund went to the bathroom to wash his scraped knee, and Peter went in with him too, for moral support.

Lucy sat down on the couch and waited, listening their bickering in the next room. Everything sounded normal. Maybe it was just an impression, something that would pass after a good night of sleep. Maybe.

She was trying to believe that when the telegram arrived.

"Well then," Peter said "We're all here."

They all agreed. Peter tried to be serious. He ended up smiling anyway:

"As I was saying… we're all here, and we need to solve a very grave problem."

"No," Eustace interrupted him. "First we need to find a very grave problem, and then we'll need to solve it."

"…Well, that's one way to put it. So, does anyone have anything to say?"

Lucy looked at all her friends and family. They were spread all around the room in chairs in the Professor's library. Apart from him and herself, all of them looked fairly content.

She was going to speak when the professor beat her to it: "There isn't much to tell," he said. "I've been having this…this mysterious sensation – that Narnia is under some kind of risk. That's why I've called all of you here."

"Yes," Lucy said then, "it's the same with me, like a … like a calling. It's like I could hear Aslan's voice, but not understand what he's saying…or as if he was speaking with me, but without any sound…"

"Are you sure it's not something personal?" asked Aunt Polly. "Some king of message directed at you?"

Since her last adventure in Narnia, since the Great Lion's last words to her, she had been making an effort to follow his instructions and find him in her world. And she had found that, if she stopped enough to listen, she could feel his gentle guidance in her heart, his voice speaking to her, his love for her. But this, this was something different.

"I thought about that," said Lucy. "And yes, I'm sure. I feel that there's something happening in Narnia that involves all of us. And also…"

"Come on, Lu," said Peter, "if we are to solve this, we need to know everything."

"… It's hard to say. But I feel that all of this, somehow, has something to do with Susan."

"I think I understand…" Jill said slowly "When I think about her, it's…it's like a feeling of, I don't know, of urgency…"

"And you didn't tell me?" asked Eustace.

"Tell you what? It was just a feeling!"

"Still! It could be something important-"

"Stop, both of you!" said Lucy. "So, anyway. This is it…and I don't even know what it is!"

"Susan," Peter sighed, "Queen Susan the Gentle."

"And she is, isn't she?" said Edmund with a sad smile. "What bothers me is that she seems genuinely worried."

"I wish she were here…" said Lucy.

"Oh, I tried to call her," Edmund said, looking at his sister. "She did that…that thing she does with her mouth, a kind of a frozen smile, and asked me if I wasn't too old for this kind of thing. She thinks we're all insane…"

"She can barely remember Aslan. She doesn't remember the Battle of Beruna. She didn't even know who Caspian was!"

"Caspian, how to forget him?" said Eustace. "We don't meet for thirty years and the first thing he asks me was about his stupid sword."

"Well, she didn't see that," said Edmund.

"But she was with me when we entered the city," said Lucy. "When Aslan released the trees, and the river, and all of those people. She reigned over Narnia for years! I wish, I really, really wish she were here…."

"She will come around," said Peter. "Whether she wants to or not, she was a Queen of Narnia, and that's not something you can just walk away from."

"Meanwhile," said Aunt Polly with a forced smile, "would you like to eat something? You must be hungry after the long trip!"

Lucy accepted, gratefully.

At the table, Eustace, always the practical one, said, "Anyway, let's assume there is something happening in Narnia: what exactly could we do about it? It's not that easy to get there."

"If we were to go, I believe Aslan would call us," said Jill. "Right?"

"But He didn't call us, remember? We called Him!" Eustace disagreed.

"But that was only because He called us first," Jill replied.

"Then what if He's calling us now?"

It was logical problem and, instinctively, they all turned to the Professor. He gave them a weak smile and said, "You see, that's the problem. Maybe He is calling us, and waiting for us to do something. Maybe we are just foreboding something and should wait for Him. Who can tell for sure?"

"I think," Edmund said, "based on what I know of Aslan, that He wouldn't want us to just sit and wait."

"I agree," said Peter. "The question is, what can we do? After all, it's not like we-"

Jill and Eustace jumped out of their chairs. Lucy screamed. The others just stared at them, surprised – and then they saw it.

There, in front of the table, was a human form.

A form that became clearer in a second, and they could see a young man with a dirty bruised face and an air of despair in his eyes.

No one said anything.

Then Peter rose and said, "Speak, if you aren't a ghost or a vision!"

The man seemed even more scared than they were. Peter added, a little softer, "There's something about you that reminds me of Narnia, and we are the seven friends of Narnia."

The ghost just stood there, open mouthed, staring fixedly at Peter.

"Ghost or spirit or whatever you are! If you came from Narnia, I command you to talk to me! I am Peter, the High King!

"He's going away!" Jill screamed "Look-"

And, in a few seconds the visitor had completely vanished.

"Right, I guess we've got everything covered," said Edmund. "We go to London and find the rings. Then Jill and Eustace take the train and meet us at the station. They take the rings and go to the Wood."

"Then," said Lady Polly, "you search for a lake with a mark in the grass. Let's all hope it's still there… If you don't find it-"

"If we don't find it, we'll jump from lake to lake 'til we find the right one," said Eustace. And then, sarcastically, he continued, "With a plan so simple and logical, what could possibly go wrong?"

"Do you have a better idea?" asked Edmund, frowning.

Eustace looked at his cousin, sulkily, and replied, "Why can't I go with you and Peter? It sounds a lot more fun than waiting here."

"Because," Peter answered, "if we got you into jail for breaking into someone else's property, your mother would cut our heads off."

"Besides, stop complaining!" said Lucy "You're lucky enough to get to go to Narnia!"

The next day Peter and Edmund went to the train station. Lucy went too.

"Try to talk to Susan," Lucy said. "Maybe she will listen…"

"Fine," said Edmund, "but don't expect too much."

They hugged and said their goodbyes.

"Now," Edmund said with a mischievous glint in his eye, "to the illegal activities."

"Yes," said Peter. "For Narnia and for Aslan!"

Susan was getting ready for a party when they arrived.

"What a surprise!" she said. "I thought you wouldn't be here until after tomorrow..."

"A slightly change of plans," answered Peter.

"Very pressing matters of political nature," explained Edmund.

"Political…" she said. "Do I want to know?"

"No. Probably not," was the reply that she was provided.

She stood there watching while her brothers searched the house for lanterns and shovels.

"I'm sorry, I can't help myself from asking: just what do you think you're doing?"

"If I tell you," replied Peter, "you'll just get upset."

"Try me."

"I mean it, Su."

"So do I."

"We're going to save Narnia," said Edmund finally.

For her credit, Susan didn't even sigh. And her smile stood firmly in place as she replied, "Oh, how fun… What's the problem this time?"

"We aren't sure yet."

"Have you asked Lucy? She was always the most creative…"

Edmund rolled his eyes and went up to his bedroom to get a few more things. Peter looked at his sister and said, "We are not making up Narnia, Su; we are going to save Narnia. It's different."

"And you insist," she said. "Really, Peter …"

"You know it's true. You must have felt something too, we all did!"

"The only thing I feel is rage! Why don't you stop it? How long will you keep up this nonsense, Peter?"

"Good question," Edmund said from his room. "And how long will you keep on lying, Susan?"

"Oh, now I'm the liar?" she said in a slightly hurt voice. "When did I deny Narnia? It was important to me, I know it was, it helped me a lot back then! I never said-"

"Not to me," Edmund said, passing by her on his way to the table. "You're not lying to me, dear, you're lying to yourself."

Susan narrowed her eyes. "You know, I could say the same thing to you. Narnia helped me to grow up. Helped Lucy to develop herself, helped Peter to become a leader, helped you to become the person that you are, and I won't even mention what it did for Eustace. But it's over. There comes a time when we need all to face real life."

"It's not worth it," said Peter to his brother, before Edmund could answer Susan. And then Peter turned to his sister and said, "When it comes down to this, it's impossible for us to agree with you, Susan. But Narnia is in some kind of danger now, Su, and, as a Queen, you should get involved."

She looked at him, straight in his eyes, for a long second. Then she shook her head, rubbing her forehead with a closed fist, and said, "Why don't I just talk to the walls? At least they don't interrupt me, you know?"

"I mean it. We're going to act tonight. Why don't you come with us?"

"I have a party to attend, thank you very much."

She went up to her bedroom, obviously upset. Edmund stared at Peter and said, "I can't believe you did that."

"Did what?"

"You really asked Susan to come dig in someone's garden. What if she said yes, what would you have said then, Peter?"

"To take rubber boots. I think it's going to rain tonight."

They came home dirty, happy, and victorious. They put the rings in a drawer and went to sleep. Later, they sent the Professor a telegram.

They didn't see Susan until the next day, when they were about to go to the station to meet Jill and Eustace. She was in the kitchen drinking her tea.

"Six days, now," Edmund said. "I hope Narnia's still all in one piece."

"Narnia, Narnia…" she said. "Do you ever talk about anything else, or this is just to annoy me?"

Peter looked at her. She was sitting there, beautiful yet cranky, his sister. He felt such a deep feeling of urgency that, for a moment, he couldn't say anything at all.

"Tell us about your party," said Edmund in the same voice Susan had used. "Was it good? Have you met many people? Was there food?"

"Oh, Ed…"

"Susan," said Peter, "Susan..."

She raised an eyebrow. "Why don't I like the sound of that?"

"Listen," he said, trying to think, trying to put the words together. "I really…I really think you should listen..."

"Then speak, big brother. I'm listening."

"Aslan is talking to me, Su. And He's talking to you too."

"Oh, please…"

"He is, dear, you know He is…"

"No, I don't. Happy? Leave me alone, I'm eating."

Edmund was looking at Peter, confused. And now Susan was angry, but Peter kept talking: "Please, Susan. Try to remember. You were there when He died, Su, you were there when he came back..."

"Now you sound just like Lucy…"

"Thank you. You were a Queen. The most beautiful Queen of Narnia. You almost got married –"

"And what mess it was then…" Edmund muttered.

"This is serious!" said Peter. "Don't you remember Cair Paravel, the hunt that brought us back, the gardens we used to have… don't you remember, Su, the great, wonderful parties at our castle? Don't you remember …"

"Stop it."

He looked at her. She stared back, and then said, "Forget it, Peter. One day you will face the truth, you will see that all of that was a game…and none of it, really, was necessary. It was good for a time, I know…but now, you, me, and all of us are strong enough to live without Narnia to back us up."

"I-"

"Lucy doesn't have to play battles anymore, she has her own life. I don't need to play Queen, I have my balls and parties. Edmund doesn't need to be forgiven by a mystical lion, because he's gotten over that bad phase," and she looked at her younger brother as she continued, "I remember, you think I don't? You don't need to fight for our love anymore, Ed, we - we always loved you, baby brother, even when you were such an annoying child..."

"Su, I-"

"No, listen to me. And you, Peter, you have always been our leader, you don't need an imaginary title, you are a great King. Why keep playing games, then? Why still try to live in Narnia? We are here, we are grown up. Why do you have to lie?"

"Because Narnia is real," whispered Edmund, "Because Aslan is real. Because his blood is real."

"Oh, Ed!" Susan got up from the table, and the two boys heard when she delicately closed her bedroom door.

They just stood there silently. Then Edmund said, "We better go now, or we'll miss the train." Peter agreed, and he went to Susan's room while Edmund got the rings.

She was combing her hair, something she seemed to do all the time when she was upset. She stopped and stared at him.

"We're going to the station," he said.

"Oh. 'Bye, then. See you later."

"See you."

He was almost out of the room when he changed his mind. He went back in to her, and said, "Are you sure you're not coming?"

"I'm not a Qeen of Narnia anymore, Peter…I guess I can't follow you anymore."

He kissed her cheek, smelling her perfume, and said, "Then goodbye, little sister."

He walked out and closed the door carefully, feeling a lump in his throat. He walked in silence down the street, thinking about her, thinking about all of them.

"You know," Edmund said after some time "I really believe that."

"Believe what?"

"That you…that you can't stop being a King or Queen of Narnia, even if you want to. Narnia leaves a mark on the heart. She will remember it, sooner or later."

"Yes," said Peter, "I hope so."

They entered the station. Edmund looked so mature now, Peter thought, giving his brother a look full of affection. And Lucy too, even if she had always been a little bit of a grown up. A strange feeling was welling up in his heart, an unexplainable expectation of something…

"You know, I was thinking…" said Edmund, "I wouldn't be surprised if our parents were on the same train."

"Really?" Peter tried to think about it, but he couldn't quite put it into words. Such a strange feeling, like fear, but not exactly unpleasant…

"It would make sense. If they got on the train in Bristol, that's it… It's really quite possible …"

"Oh, well, we'll know in a minute, I suppose…"

The train was arriving just at this moment. Peter frowned and said, "Listen don't you think it's going too fast-"

Edmund grabbed his arm. The next second they heard a deafening explosion.

Lucy, Polly and the Professor had gone with Jill and Eustace. That had seemed the natural thing to do.

Lucy stared at the window, listening without paying attention to the bickering between Jill and her cousin.

She was thinking about Narnia. About Susan. About Caspian.

About Aslan.

It was cold here. She thought about that unforgettable first winter, the snow melting for the first time right in a hundred years, and Aslan. His voice, his golden eyes, his endless compassion.

Susan.

They were almost there. Lucy was going to get up, to tell Jill and Eustace that now everything was in their hands, they should be careful, when a sudden thrust of the train threw both of them out of the bank.

She heard a scream, a voice that could very well be her own. Then something hit her in the head and everything went dark.

"Good Lord," said Aunt Polly. "What in the world-"

Her voice stopped. Lucy was surprised at not feeling any pain – there should be pain, shouldn't there? She was sure of that…

When she opened her eyes she wasn't on the train anymore. She wasn't in London. She wasn't even in her world.

Susan froze in the middle of her move, the brush a millimeter away from her hair. Something, she thought, some kind of voice she couldn't hear, was calling her name, and for a brief second she almost saw a golden glint in her mirror. Like the glorious mane of an imaginary lion.

But she closed her eyes and shook her head, forcing herself to be rational. In a slow deliberate gesture that was almost a challenge, she held the brush tightly and started to comb her long black hair again.

As if nothing had happened at all.

End