A/N: It's been a long time since I've written any fanfic. It is a testament to the power of the Everlark ship that I'm writing this. It's been over a year and I am still obsessed and in love with the pairing. That is no mean feat. No other ship before Everlark has engendered this much passion and loyalty in me. I think I can officially say it is my OTP. I used to say one ship or other was my OTP, but over time, the passion would wane. It's not that I'd lose interest, but the intensity faded dramatically.

This is an idea I've had simmering for a long time. I just couldn't figure out how to make it work. I hope the story resonates emotionally. The song itself certainly did for me, and when I heard it, I thought it would be perfect for the story.

Katniss lay on her stomach on her soft bed, her cheek against her pillow as Peeta kneaded her shoulders and the muscles between her shoulder blades. She sighed appreciatively and felt one side of her mouth quirk up. She lifted her head to flash that smile at Peeta, but something about his demeanor made her freeze as the smile hesitantly faded. "Peeta?" she queried uncertainly.

Peeta's jaw tightened, but his hands remained gentle as they caressed the skin of Katniss' back. "Maybe...maybe this isn't a good time," he finally murmured, so quietly Katniss had to tilt her head somewhat closer to hear him.

"What?" Katniss protested, her tone unmistakably annoyed.

"I know. I..." Peeta trailed off, his hands stilling. He sighed in resignation. "I just don't trust myself. I'd never forgive myself if I hurt you. Wait. I already did. I could have killed you." Peeta touched Katniss' neck gently, lightly, as though even doing that would injure it.

"Peeta, this is the third time we've tried this. Remember that kiss? When I told you to stay with me." She sat up and turned to look into Peeta's eyes. "You didn't hurt me. And what happened before wasn't your fault." Katniss took Peeta's strong workers' hands in hers and squeezed them reassuringly. Or at least, she meant to be reassuring. She might have overdone it, considering Peeta's slight wince. Katniss dropped his hands and sighed, a long exhale of frustration. Her steady arousal was ruined, and she couldn't help feeling just a little resentful at being disappointed yet again.

"Katniss, I put you in the hospital," Peeta argued. "You - I - both of us. We're lucky I couldn't succeed then." A pause. Then, "Maybe you should have chosen Gale. At least, he'd have no problem satisfying you."

Katniss' eyes widened in almost comic incredulity before her brain kicked back into gear and she yelled, "Peeta Mellark" and shook him by his shoulders. Peeta stilled, face frozen with an expression of anxiety. "If I wanted Gale, I'd be with him. You know that. Don't be an idiot."

Peeta started to bow his head, but then the core of steel that had enabled him to come out of the Games with his humanity and sanity asserted itself and he looked Katniss in the eyes. "Look, do you think I enjoy disappointing you? Do you think I like depriving myself? Do you think it's fun to have flashbacks of the Capitol, the arenas, you as a slavering mutt? Do you think I don't feel just a little inadequate right now?"

All of Katniss' righteous wrath died at those words and she felt guilt take its place. Why was she always so selfish? Did she even love Peeta? Did she know how to love anyone?

Katniss got to her feet, one hand hovering beside Peeta's cheek. When he didn't move away, she stroked it softly and whispered, "I'm sorry" before turning and leaving the room.

Katniss paced her living room in agitation. She'd been genuinely understanding and patient the first couple times she and Peeta had tried to enjoy each other. They'd been separated for several months because of Peeta's treatment anyway, and then it wasn't like she felt desire all that often with her depression. Perhaps she had mistakenly thought Peeta would be wholly cured, but was it really surprising that he wasn't? After all, she wasn't, and she knew she never would be. The best she could expect was that her nightmares and depressive episodes would only flare up occasionally or under extreme stress. Peeta's presence in her world really helped, and sometimes, she'd look up from stirring a pot of pasta or stew to find him staring at her with a look of peace about him.

Katniss clung to the image of a peaceful Peeta like a lifeline. She knew from the past failed attempts at lovemaking that Peeta might well be in the grip of unreality at this very moment. The part of her that thought in cold, practical terms said to stay where she was. She was safer. But the stronger, protective part of her said Peeta might need her, and she believed in his love for her. It worked before. She would prove that she wasn't a mutt. She'd keep trying to give Peeta good memories to counteract the false bad ones. And even some of the real bad ones, she muttered darkly to herself before climbing the stairs.