Here is another excerpt from the trilogy of my in-progress-fan-fic, "Prisoner of Heart"… Realize that the documents I submit are in no particular order; this one, for example, is from before the events of the previous one-shot excerpt I submitted last time. Once I get back on track with my story, this will probably be one of the first scenes y'all will recognize. It's not as good as my previous one-shot (at least I don't think so) but I'll let those of you who've been keeping up be the judges of that. Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this minor spoiler!
(Flashback)
It came flooding back through me at full force, as if keeping my distance for so long had no effect on reducing the strength of what was now permeating pretty much every fiber of my being. In fact, the sensation almost felt even more potent than before. The feeling of her in my arms- her chocolate brown eyes so enticing, her warmth so inviting- combined with the alluring floral scent of her blood and the fruity fragrance of her thick, wavy locks… It was just enough to drive me to the very edge of my sanity. My conscience, overruled by a flurry of intense emotions, was standing at the rim of a great precipice that dropped into the black abyss of the unknown. There was nothing to pull me back, nothing that could bring light to guide me if I should fall in; that is nothing except those luscious, rosy pink lips from which I could not remove my gaze. The sweet delicate flesh seemed to silently beckon to me like a siren call. Surely one touch, one small brush of my mouth against hers could free my conscience and put an end to this agony.
When I realized our faces were slowly gravitating towards each other, something in my head clicked. No, this isn't supposed to happen. We shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be doing this. I swiftly, yet gently, pushed her at arm's length while maintaining a light grip on her shoulders until I was positive she had her footing. I then let go of her and took another two steps back.
"Sorry," I murmured curtly, not meeting her eyes as I stared at the keys on the piano next to me.
There was complete silence for a long moment. It was probably a lot shorter than what it felt like. However, the fact that I couldn't even manage to look Bella directly in the face to gauge her reaction made each second feel like an eternity. I didn't want to see the expression of hurt or rejection that may have been adorning her face, while at the same time I wanted to make it go away. I knew I couldn't, though, not this time.
"Why do you keep doing that?" Bella asked in the most heartbreakingly soft voice I had ever heard.
"What?" I replied, pretending (mostly to myself) that I didn't know the reason she was asking.
"Why have you been ignoring me for so long?" Her voice was still soft, but was gradually getting stronger, firmer. "Why is it that the past few times I felt like we were close again, you end up pushing me away?"
I faced her this time. Indeed, there was some hurt in her gaze, but there was also a hint of determination. She wanted an answer, of which I simply could not give- not without possibly putting her future in jeopardy. Therefore, I held my ground the best way I knew how… by being stubborn.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I said with a firm expression I hoped had implied that I'd given my final answer.
I expected Bella to flinch, with hurt further dominating her face. I expected her to give me a sort of melancholy look before submissively walking away, never wanting to have anything else to do with me after my display of rejection. What I did not expect was to see a new and random fire burning through her eyes with a disposition mixed between anger and hell bent determination that wasn't meant to be questioned. Without warning, she began speaking Italian at such a fast pace and in such a sharp icy tone; I could barely keep up with what she was saying.
"Non nascondermi il tuoi sentimenti da me, Edward," she hissed. "Solo un vero vigliacco farebbe una cosa del genere!" The word 'coward' was somewhere in that last sentence...
"Bella—" I tried to intervene, but she wouldn't let me finish.
"Non è una sorpresa che la tua famiglia viene interessato per il vostro benessere." She shook her head, hands clenched into fists and on her hips. If the situation wasn't so serious, I would've found her angry stance to be quite adorable- like a kitten trying to be as intimidating as a tiger.
"Bella, what I do is for the sake of your safety!" I growled, trying to justify the reasons for my actions in a way she could understand. "There are certain risks that—"
Bella shook her head again. "Che cosa è che hai paura? I Volturi?"
I reflexively stiffened when I heard her say the coven's name.
"Al diavolo i pensieri di quei mostri! Io non li vogliono. Non ho mai fatto..." She walked up to me, then. The anger that fueled her fast-talk-tirade had begun to desolve from her face, leaving a sincere, almost pleading expression as she continued.
"Ti voglio. Voglio esserecon voi per sempre." The pace of her speech had slowed to a considerably normal speed, at which I could understand more than just bits and pieces of what she was saying. I held my breath when she tentatively reached up with one hand to cup the side of my face. There was a dull ache in my chest when I saw that her eyes had become glassy. And as she stared up at me with a sad, crooked little smile, I heard her utter the words that would nearly send me to my knees:
"Ti amo, Edward. È che non basta?"
...
I never answered her question that afternoon in the school music room. She stood there and waited a long time for a reply, too. However, when I simply couldn't summon the words, Bella merely said I might as well wait to tell her when I actually had the courage to. She didn't come the next day to practice- for the piece we were planning to present to the family- or the day after that, or even yesterday. Bella kept her distance from me, ignoring me like I did her, only speaking to me when absolutely necessary. When she did, though, it was without any reluctance or false indifference. She'd address me like she would any other friend, and then go about like I didn't exsist the rest of the time. I could only assume she was trying to give me space. However, I also had a strange feeling that she was hiding something else from me...
...
(Present day- December 23)
"It's time! It's time!" Alice exclaimed excitedly, herding the whole family into the room and around the piano.
I chanced a quick side glance at Bella, feeling more than a bit wary. However, her face was mostly blank (or if anything, calm) even though she didn't return my gaze. I remembered when mirth and excitement used to adorn that face- especially the first day we snuck into school's music room to practice away from the prying ears of the family. She was jumpy while being there at first, but I'd assured her the breaking-and-entering crime rate in Forks was pretty low; so there wasn't any point in having an extremely tight security system.
As she grew comfortable with the atmosphere, she grew even more comfortable singing around me. Despite how she felt self-conscious of her voice, Bella's delicate siren call never ceased to entrance me. When she messed up, it was usually something minor that could be easily fixed. I didn't mind her little slip-ups at all. The sweet blush on her cheeks made those moments worth it. Our time together in that music room by the piano was worth it- not just because of how well Bella progressed with the Christmas gift she was planning to present to my family, but also how it allowed us to be closer (even though I was being stupid enough to ignore her otherwise).
Now, though, she was ignoring me too... Only it was at a more decent and patient degree, which was worse to me. I didn't deserve that kind of patience. She shouldn't have been giving me space; she should have been shunning me. I'd given her nothing but mixed signals regarding our relationship, while keeping her at arm's length in a very rude way. I occasionally felt like I was being killed by her kindness, including these past few days (strange as that may sound).
"Come on, Edward," Alice urged as she pushed me towards the piano and all but shoved me down on the bench in front of the keys. "If you don't do it now, I'm only going to make you do it later."
"But—" I was nonetheless trying to think of an excuse to postpone the performance, at least for Bella's sake. I was still wary of our relationship's current situation, and I didn't know if she'd be up to something like this at the moment. However, Bella interrupted me before I could get anything out.
"It's okay, Edward," her soft voice immediately had my undivided attention. "We've practiced pretty hard for this. I want to do it."
Again, there was no reluctance, no disappointment or malice in the way she spoke. When I turned my head to look at her, there was a small smile on her face- with a sort of determination in her eyes that was very much like what I'd seen in them on the day of our fight. There was something else in those eyes that I couldn't quite place. Ignoring it for the time being, I managed a soft reassuring smile in return as she positioned herself next to my piano and faced the family.
My eyes remained locked with hers as I positioned my fingers on the keys, waiting for her indication to start. We had practiced this plenty of times, as she'd grown comfortable singing around me, but this would be the first time she'd done so in front of anyone else. This was a big step for her and I watched patiently as she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then opened them again- focusing solely on me, much to my surprise. She looked at me as if it was just the two of us in the room. She subtly nodded her head once and my fingers pressed down on the keys.
Not many people knew the song, but those who did often found it to be a beautiful piece. It's tune somewhat reminded me of the first song I heard Bella sing, on that fateful day when her voice had led me to her. With bated breath, I finished up the instrumental introduction as Bella opened her mouth and a melodious sound began to fill the house.
"I brought my tree down to the shore,
Garland and the silver star,
To find my peace and grieve no more-
To heal this place inside my heart..."
Something in her voice was different, more rich and certain, but still with the innocent crystal clear tone that always captured me in inexplicable ways. Her tensed body was now relaxed, with her shoulders straightened back while she continued in a new-found confidence.
"On every branch, I laid some bread
And hungry birds filled up the sky.
They rang like bells around my head…
They sang my spirit back to life."
As if feeling what the lyrics expressed, I could've sworn my heart beat for a split second when that extra something I saw in Bella's eyes but couldn't decipher started to gleam. The glow was warm and inviting. And somehow, I knew it was only for me.
"One tiny child can change the world;
One shining light can show the way.
Through all my tears for what I've lost,
There's still my joy…
There's still my joy
For Christmas day."
When she sang that chorus, the light in her eyes seemed to intensify- growing as bright as the northern star, itself. It seemed to lead me in, like it did the kings and shepherds all those years ago. It led me to her soul… and it was there that I saw what made her sound different, what caused the twinkle in her eyes. It was love. The love I had tried to deny having for her when we first met; the love that she confessed to have for me, though I never thought such a thing was possible- it was there. Right there, in her gaze… and that was the gaze that officially broke me.
"The snow comes down on empty sand.
There's tinsel moonlight on the waves.
My soul was lost, but here I am-
So this must be amazing grace…"
The reasons that I kept reminding myself of why we shouldn't be together were now tossed to the air, blown away from my mind by the words of this angel who had managed to capture my heart. I had been wandering this world for far too long, not knowing what I was looking for and thinking it was part of my doomed existence that I'd remain lost in the darkness of the night. Still here she was- my light, my own midnight sun- welcoming me into the warm purity of her soul like a sanctuary… me, the monster who was supposed to be without a soul. I was too selfish to let that fact bother me anymore. I was in too deep and, as Bella sang the chorus one more time and the music came to a close, I knew right then that there was no turning back.
Bella was my life now.
And there y'all have it- the infamous scene in just about every Edward/Bella love story where Edward stops being a dunce and actually realizes there's no use in hiding his feelings from Bella. I hope the time sequencing wasn't too confusing. It was typed in the least confusing way I figured was possible; basically, the italicized portion is supposed to be the flashback, while the small paragraph right after gives a brief description of the days that follow afterward and the rest below the given December date is present day.
This is practically the third time I've used a song in my fan-fics, lol! Can't you guys tell what my next biggest interest is besides writing…? Anyways, just as this excerpt is temporary, so is the link I'm getting ready to post on my page for the song Bella sings. Since the link is gonna be temporary, I wouldn't simply recommend but FERVENTLY INSIST that y'all check it out. Hopefully, the link will work and take you straight to Melissa Manchester's version of There's Still My Joy. I ask that when (not if, but WHEN) you guys listen to it please disregard the somewhat aged tone of the woman's voice- which may sound tired and off key in places. Melissa's a respectable vocalist, but her voice is far from how I picture my version of Bella's to be. While listening to the song, I'd request y'all do the following: 1.) Try to eliminate all instruments other than the piano from the background music… 2.) Think of the purest, most crystal-clear young feminine voice you ever heard (for me, it's a cross between Sarah McLachlan and Mandy Moore) and imagine how that voice would sound singing the song. If you do those things, you should have at least a semi-clear idea of Bella's voice and the scene I pictured.
Also, here are the translations of what Bella was saying when she was yelling at Edward in Italian. That's an interesting sight to picture, isn't it? I'd probably pay big money to watch something like that, just to see the reaction on poor Edward's face. Heck, I'd gladly be the one yelling at him- you know, if I actually knew Italian and only if it was the movie Edward, not the book Edward… Rob Pattinson can be pretty cute, but there's something about him (though, I'm not quite sure exactly what it is) that kind of gets on my nerves; and his version of Edward even makes the Edward described in Stephenie's book seem less dramatic and up-tight, but that's just my opinion. Nothing against Rob's acting skills- I mean he obviously had to be good in order to make it into show business in the first place.
Right, I guess I've started rambling again. Sorry about that. Again, the translations are listed in the order they were said. One of y'all who have been reading said you knew Italian; I hope you can tell whether or not the organization of these sentences is mostly correct.
"Do not hide your feelings from me, Edward."
"Only a true coward would do such a thing!"
"It is not a surprise that your family gets concerned for your well-being." [Or: It is not a surprise that your family comes interested for your well-being.]
"What is it that you fear? The Volturi?" [Or: What it is/ (what is it) that you are afraid (of)? The Volturi?]
"To hell with the thoughts of those monsters! I don't want them. I never did..."
"I want you. I want to be with you forever (for always)."
"I love you, Edward. Is that not enough?"
P.S.- I thought those of you who've been keeping up would be happy to know I've recently been able to jot down a good three to four paragraphs of what was planned to be part of my next chapter in the original POH! It's not much, but it's enough for me to infer that getting other pieces out in the open is in fact helping reduce my writer's block; so perhaps POH won't be put on hold for too long after all. :-)
Still, I realize y'all are also interested in what else happens to "the twins"… Heh-heh, honestly I don't have that much stuff written about them other than what was given in the previous POH one-shot excerpt. However, if it pleases you, I might have one or two little family-fluffs in mind. We'll have to see.
So let me know what y'all think!