Cincinnati, june 2003
I was in my kitchen, observing the mess in my garden by the window. « Why did I had to accept that ? » I told myself.
I was an average teenager but my parents were home only 6 months a year, so I had the house all for myself.
I had my best friend Jonathan, we were like brother and sister. Two lost souls. He was dreaming of being a wrestler, and almost every week- end, I let him use my backyard to organize his matches with other wrestlers wannabes of the district. It was always a lot of fun, always a big party.
There was over 100 people yelling and drinking in my yard, and in the middle of the grass was standing the ring that Jon built himself. He was very proud of that.
That day was pretty hot, I wiped my head with my forearm, my hands was in the dirty water of the sink. I interrupted myself when I heard Jon screaming like a beast. Without even seeing, I knew it was him. I could recognize his voice in a million ones. I watched through de window and saw someone helping him to get out of the ring. Jon had blood all over his face. And that was not the fake blood he was using usually. I dried my hands, my heart beating way too fast. I opened the door to join him but he was already here, standing in front of me, smiling, his face and naked chest covered in blood. "I won, sweetie, I won."
Party over. Jon sat on the edge of the bathtube drinking Jack Daniel's straight from the bottle to ease the pain as I was washing his face and disinfecting the wound.
"Jonny please be carefull next time!"
"Wasn't my fault, that guy was angry I won, Moxley had to show him who was the boss!"
Moxley was the caracter Jonathan was impersonating in ring. « violent and drunk bastard » as he liked to describe himself. The opposite of the real Jon. Except for the alcool. Jon always had a hard life, and drinking was all part of how he was dealing with it, but it never got to far. He was my friend since childhood, sometimes I wished I could help him, but he won't let me. He wasnt the kind of guy to accept help, even from his best mate. The only thing I could do was support him in his wrestling thing. I knew this had such importance to him. No doubt years later he would be one of the greatest. And somewhere, he caught me in his world. We watched Wrestling on Tv together and we were going to every event in the state with my car, sleeping in the backseat to avoid motel bills. It was good ol'days.
As I was cleaning his wound under his eye, he wondered.
"Can I sleep here tonight?"
Jon slept here everyday when I was alone.
"Of course. Why are you asking ?"
He took a sip of whiskey and kissed me on the cheek to thank me.
He took a shower as I cleaned my backyard, and i joined him in my bedroom after I cleaned myself up.
He was lying in my bed, only in boxer, eyes half closed, I tought he was sleeping already.
I pushed the covers and lied down next to him.
He faced me.
"You're beautiful. Good night sweetie."
I turned off the light.
"You're drunk. Good night Jonny boy."
London, O2 Arena, april 2013
As I smoked my cigarette outside the arena, i saw Roman run between the busses.
"Dean, it's our time!"
I dropped my cig on the floor, and followed him.
The crowd in the arena is ecstatic. As we descends to the ring, i can feel how people around us are excited. I know that's were I belong.
After the match, the boys I are going to the nearest bar to celebrate. I order my habitual whiskey, Roman and Seth a beer, and we talk.
"I have to call Leighla, that's incredible, she won't believe me, guys THE UNDERTAKER!" Seth looks like a little kid the night before christmas.
At least, he has someone to tell it. No one is here for me tonight. No girlfriend, no mom, no dad. No one to be proud of me. My only friends are right by my side. Colby & Joseph. The only one who was proud of me, long ago, was Her.
She was my best friend, the only girl who I ever loved, and I had fucked up everything. She believed in me when everyone around me was telling me to drop wrestling, that i would never make it.
I remember that night, when i got a call from WWE telling me i was signing a contract with them. I ran to Jenna's home. She was alone, as always. His parents were those kind of rich people who don't even know how to be parents. She was barely 22 and she was home alone half of the year since her sixteen. She opened the door, it was late, she was already in her pink PJs, I obviously woke her.
"Jon, is everything Okay?"
She yawned.
I entered the house, holding her by the waist.
"They choose me! WWE choose me babe!"
I saw tears in her eyes, she cried of joy, as excited as me.
"I knew it ! I knew you could make it honey, I'm so happy for you!"
She couldn't stop jumping on his feets, she was truely happy and proud of me. I could see it in her eyes.
"I need you and your car right now, they want me in Stamford tomorrow night, i have to catch a bus as soon as i can!"
She said yes, put her shoes, and took his car keys, not giving two fucks if people could see her in pajamas.
She drove until the bus station. The 45 minutes of road had been silent. She glanced at me a couple of time, we were both smiling.
She parked and cut off the engine of her old Chevrolet.
"So, this is it. You're leaving, starting a new life.."
Her voice sounded a bit sad, but her smille was telling otherwise.
I took off my belt and leaned over her, she opened her arms and hugged me tight.
"Take care of you Jon."
I inhaled the scent of her hair for the last time.
I took her face in my hands, our noses touching.
"It's gonna be hell without you. I love you."
I wanted to tell her much more than that, but I had too many feelings toward her to express them. I kissed her on the lips for the first time ever, and stormed out of the car, not looking back.
Seth open the door of our hotel room. Roman is taking a shower and I am sitting on my bed, trying to get my shit together after all the whiskey i drank.
"I got the planning of the next shows! Wanna know what? I soon as we get back to America, were heading to Cinncinati! You're going to see your hometown, buddy!"
What is the point? What is the point in going back to my hometown? After all this time there is no way iam going to see any member of my so called « family » They Will probably want money from me that's all. I have no family. And Jenna… She probably hates me now, i never called her since that night, I can't knock on his door just like that, i don't even know if she still live there. I mumble to Seth "i don't care" and try to stand up but there is too much alcool in my blood.
"Wohaa hold on Jon!" Seth get me on my feets and help me to take off my clothes. Next thing I know I am in my bed, and he is patting my head.
"Get some sleep Jon, you need it."
Cincinnati, May, 2013
We're at the airport. Everyone getting a cab to the hotel, as always Seth come back to Roman and I with the keys of our rental car. We like to be free of our moves, and since we're always together..
I throw my bag on my bed. The hotel room seems less confortable than in England.
"Bathroom for me first!" Seth yell, again, he looks like a child. Roman look at me and smile.
"Are you going to see her?"
Roman knows almost everything about her. I told him everything one night i was so drunk i pissed myself on.
"Don't know."
The temptation is big. I want to check on her, to see if she live well. But i am so selfish… What if she has a new life? i don't wanna see her with another man. A man who don't deserve her, who won't love her as I love her. After all those years, what if she don't remember me?
Morning coffee. Thanks Roman i didn't had to go down the hotel. I looked Trough the window. I knew that city too well. Nostalgia got over me. If seth hadn't shook me i would probably stay all day there.
We spend the day at the nearest fitness center, training for our big match of the night. We can't afford being weak. We're The SHIELD.
"Guys, do you need the car tonight?" I ask while colby and joe are playing Xbox.
"Nope"
"Take it if you need it but be back before the match, dont be late" add Roman.
I take a look at my watch. It's already 6:45pm. I have less than 2 hours.
I drive trough my hometown. Here's my old house. The ancient car of my mother's still here. All rusted. He's been here for like 20 years or something. Can't remember. I wonder if my she still live here. Or if she still live. God, I don't even know.
The sun starts to set. I am almost there.
Big white and blue house. Patio. 4 steps to go in. No cars around. I'm still on mine, waiting. What if she's not here. What if.. I start imaginating the most beautiful scenarios, but i well know none of them are real. Maybe she's married with kids, and happy. I bet she's doing just fine without me. What if she don't wanna see me?
It's already 8:23pm
I undo my seat belt and get out of the car. Just a quick look at the window. As when we were kids and when I checked if she was ok when her parents were here.
Not a light. Not a sound. No Tv in the background. No Ivy barking. Ivy was her big black dog. That beast never liked me a lot. Maybe she was already dead, she was old anyway.
I make my way to the garden. I stop myself. The ring is still here. All rusted, without ropes and inusable, but still standing. Just like the old car of my dad.
The same time in the arena.
"Where the Fuck is jon? I swear to god im gonna kill him!" Seth threw his fist in the air. Roman try to calm him down but he's himself worried. The Shield has to be on stage in less than 15 minutes and no one knew were Dean is. He didn't pick up the phone.
In the crowd of the arena, at the same time
I have a knot in my stomach. I didn't see him in 5 years. I'm happy and sad at the same time. Happy because his dreams came true, now he is a professionnal wrestler, he can live from it. He can travel all around the world, see a lot of things. That what he always wanted.
But i'm sad at the same time, because I miss him a so fucking much. It hurts everyday. I have my little life, my job in a office, friends to have a drink on friday night. But deep inside I know i'm missing something. It's like standing alone in a crowded place, feeling incredibly lonely.
That night he left, my life stopped. When he told me those three simple words, it has so much meaning for him. So i decided to let him have his dream life first, and then maybe, life would be a little nice with us, and reunite us.
In the lockerooms
"Guys, your time!"
"Shit, shit, FUCKING SHIT." Seth kicked in a bench.
"Colby, stop it! Let's go." Roman took seth by the arm.
"Without him?! How are we going to explain that?!"
Seth is bright red, and very angry at his best friend.
"We'll figure out something." Roman sighed.
SIERRA HOTEL INDIA….
Roman and seth stand in the middle of the crow. Suddenly Roman look at the other side of the arena and kick seth's chest.
"Look up there"
Dean is standing in his gear attire. At his right spot.
Seth feels relieved.
In the crowd
I see him, finally! My heart is racing, I probably have the biggest smile on my was. I'm so fucking happy to see him. Even if he didn't know I'm here. He's beautiful, as in my souvenirs, but older. And he looks tired. Somehow i know part of my heart had always been with him. I want to raise my voice and tell him I'm here, even if it's totally use less.
Minuts goes by and I'm so admirative of his work in ring, he was good back in the day but I could tell he improved! I'm proud, so fucking proud of him.
In the lockerooms
"DONT YOU DARE DOING THAT AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER !"
Seth was yelling at Jon for at least 4 minutes, Joseph lost the count. He's obviously angry.
"I was there right? With you two in the ring? So shut the fuck up Sethie, please."
"What if you had a car crash or something?! You're an irresponsible kid Jon! We always have to watch your back in case something wrong happens to you! I'm sick and tired of your shit!"
Roman stood silent. He knew Colby was right, but well, he understood Jon, it was a little late, and he made it to the ring So, Why bother?
Jon picked his bag. Getting out the locker room.
I left the arena and take the road. He looked good. Those guys with him in the ring were probably his friends. Good to know that he isn't alone in that! It's a hot night, i open the windows and stop a the red light.
His mom's house is on the ride home. I wonder if he stopped by today. Probably not.
My house is quiet. I don't bother turning the lights on. I make my way to the kitchen and take cold water from the fridge. I look trough the window, observing the old ring in the dark, when I see something on my window. I ran to the kitchen door and oppen it. On the windows sill i found an old photograph. The sides are so old they looked almost bruned, and it seems like the picture has been folded.
Him and I, side by side, with a big smile on our faces. We were 15, the picture was took in my backyard, by my mother on my birthday. I flip the picture and saw his handwritting
« I've been carryng this in my wallet for years, so everyday i can think of you. I hope you're happy in your life and you didn't forget me. Im in Town until tomorrow. You know where to find me. With love, J. »
My heart is racing, I perfectly know where he is. I don't even bother to close the doors or take my purse, I run in my garden, turn around the house then sprint down the street, the wind in my hair.
Sitting in the dark, on a old bench who has been there for years in that skatepark, I look at my watch. It's almost 1:AM. I'm going to wait all night if I have to. Maybe she won't come. Maybe she didn't have seen my little note. Or maybe she don't wanna see my because i've been a selfish little prick, ten years have past. I should have kept in touch with her. She probably have his own life now. I feel my phone buzz in my pockets. Joseph's face on my screen.
« yeah »
« You alright ? »
« huhum »
« Did you see her ? »
« No, she wasn't home. »
« Oh. Sorry mate. Listen, Colby isn't mad anymore, come back to the hotel and let's get a drink so you can think about other things…..Jon.. ? Jon.. ?»
I don't hear Joe anymore. My heart stops. I see a silouhette rushing in the skatepark. She has change a little. She still have her dark hair, but she's now a woman. She still looks as wild as before. Few metters away from me, she stop herself, and put her hands on his knees, panting. I can tell she ran straight from her house. Then she lift her head in my direction and with a big smile on his face she run again and jump in arms. We stay like this for several minutes. She's catching her breath, her legs wrapped around me, my arms around her waist. Heads buried in necks. I've missed her scent. Suddenly I hear her voice in my ears, giving me shivers down my spine.
« God, Jonathan it's so good to see you. »
I never thought this will happen. I want to cry but I can't, i'm too happy to have him in my arms. He's much more muscular than before, I've always felt safe when he was holding me but this time the world could fall I would not care.
« I saw you wrestle tonight, Jon you are even more amazing than before ! You're incredible ! »
I put my feets back on earth and look at him right in the eyes, holding his hands.
« I knew someday you'll come back here, I hoped you didn't forgot me.. I'm so thankfull you're here now. I'm proud of what you became, you deserved that, you've worked so hard to get there, i'm truely happy for you ! »
For the first time in my entire life I see that man with tears in his eyes. He never showed his feelings to anyone..
« Oh babe don't cry ! »
« I'm sorry sweetheart, i'm sorry I left you, biggest regret in my life.. »
« You don't have to regret anything ! Look at you, look at your life ! You're in the right place, you have all you always wanted, be happy about that ! »
He shake his head.
« No.. I can't be happy because you're so far away from me.. You always been the only one that mattered in my life and I just ran away from you.. I will never forgive myself for that. »
« I forgave you long time ago Jon, It was for your own good and I accepted that. »
« You're an amazing woman Jenna.. »
We stay silent for a time, just looking at each other, smiling.
« What about you sweartheart ? How's your life ? Tell me »
« Nothing exciting, mom and dad moved to Miami years ago, they left me with the house.. No kids, no husband, I work in a office, no big deal. »
Jon looked down to Jenna. He had all those feelings he was hiding for years, they were surfacing now. She had been alone all this time, in fact, she waited for him. She sacrified part of her life for him.
He leaned in and kissed her softly. A simple kiss. She kissed him back. They were reunited, and Jon won't go anywhere without her this time.
« I still feel the same, I'm still that eighteen years old boy, who fell in love with his bestfriend. I love you Jenna, I won't leave you ever again. »