A Time to Heal
Chapter 1
First Date
CASTLE woke up with a grin on his face, thinking about the night before. His mind went straight to the kisses he and Kate had shared. He had kissed so many women that he couldn't even remember them all, but nothing had compared to the kisses he had shared with Kate last night. Sweet, slow kisses. He had lost track of how many times they had pulled apart, only to be drawn back to each other again and again. It wasn't until he had let his hands drift from where they had been buried in her hair down to her waist that he felt her tense up and he finally moved away. He knew she would want to take things slow, and that was fine with him. With one last shy smile, she had gathered up her purse and walked to the door without saying anything. He crossed his fingers that she hadn't changed her mind over night about her confession that she had feelings for him.
KATE also woke up with a grin. Instead of jumping out of bed like usual, she just laid there for a minute. She closed her eyes, remembering the previous night. It seemed almost like a dream. After all of this time, she had finally admitted to herself, and to Castle, that she had feelings for him. She was still surprised about all of the things he had said to her. Amazing things that had touched her heart, her soul. Her grin faded as she wished, not for the first time, that she could say things like that to him. How could she, when she wasn't even brave enough to allow herself to fully explore her feelings?
Her good mood slowly faded away as worry set in. It was one thing to admit to having feelings, but now what? How was this supposed to work? This was so different from anything she had experienced and she had no idea how to act when she saw him again. As she finished getting ready for work, she couldn't help but wonder if she would ever be able to just let go and allow life to happen, without dwelling on all of the things that could go wrong.
WHEN Castle arrived at the station an hour later, Kate was already at her desk. As he walked over to give her the coffee he had brought her, he was surprised at how nervous he felt. Although he really thought that they had made a breakthrough the night before, he had learned from experience never to second guess what she might be feeling or how she might react.
He stood by her desk and waited for her to realize he was there. It didn't take long. She put the file down and slowly looked up at him. He handed her the coffee and quietly said, "Good morning."
"Morning, Castle." Her eyes met his and glanced away before meeting them again. He tried hard not to smile. She could never maintain eye contact with him when she was nervous, but she seemed determined to over come that. He hoped she never completely mastered it though, because he needed all the help he could get when it came to figuring out what was going on in her head.
They were so focused on each other, that they didn't notice Esposito walk over until they heard his voice, "Hey guys, what's up? Do we have a case?"
They slowly turned away from each other to look at him. He looked at Castle, then at Beckett. When they both just looked at him blankly he asked, "Everything okay?"
Beckett laughed nervously. "Of course. Everything's good. Fine. Right, Castle?"
"Yep. Everything's good."
"So, do we?" Esposito asked again.
"Do we what?" they asked in unison.
"Do we have a case?"
Beckett picked up the file from her desk. "We do. A young woman was found in an alley about three blocks from her home. Lanie is doing the autopsy now. So far, we have no idea who she is." She stood up and walked over to the white board, with Esposito right behind her.
Castle remained back and watched her work. He had always enjoyed watching her, but now it was different. When she pushed her hair out of her face, he remembered how it had curled around his fingers, the smell of her shampoo. When she turned around to talk to Esposito, he found himself watching her mouth and thought about her soft kisses. When he looked into her eyes, he- 'Uh oh,' he thought to himself. 'Her eyes? I'm busted'. He actually felt his face grow warm as he realized that she was watching him watch her. He hoped he didn't look as addled as he felt.
"I'm, uh, just gonna go to my office now and, um, work on some stuff that needs worked on." He cringed as he walked away. 'Um, work on some stuff that needs worked on? That's the best you could come up with?' he thought to himself.
Beckett watched him walk away. If she hadn't been so unnerved, she would have found his obvious discomfort amusing. As she had talked to Esposito about the case, she literally had felt Castle's eyes on her. It had made her feel anxious and excited all at the same time. She couldn't help but wonder what he had been thinking about. Was he remembering the kisses they had shared the night before? Was he thinking about next time?
She gave herself a mental shake. This was not the time or the place for this line of thinking. Determined to focus on the job, she turned around to finish her discussion with Esposito, but found that he was no longer there. She looked around and found him standing at his desk with Ryan. They were both looking over at her
whispering. She could only imagine what they were saying about her and Castle. She turned around and sat back at her own desk, doing her best to look busy by flipping through the case file.
This type of thing was exactly what she was worried about. How in the world were they supposed to do their job as if nothing had happened? But what was the alternative? She had no intention of sharing this new development with anyone. Not yet. Not until she was sure things were going to work out. She had a feeling that keeping it a secret was not going to be easy. Especially if she was going to fall apart every time the man looked at her. Who was she kidding, he wasn't even in the same room with her now and she couldn't keep her mind off of him. Taking a deep breath, she started reviewing the file again, this time forcing herself to focus on the case.
It wasn't easy, but she managed to get through the file and meet with Esposito and Ryan to get the murder board going. She had glared at both of them as they had walked over, and they took the hint, keeping the conversation focused on the case. Castle stayed in his office the rest of the day. Although she was grateful that he was giving her space, she couldn't help but feel a little disappointed when she looked up at the end of the day and saw him walk out without even a goodbye.
She finished up and was getting ready to leave when she heard her phone chirping, notifying her of a text message. She grabbed it out of her purse. She felt a tingle of excitement when she saw the name on the ID. She pushed the small text icon, opening the message.
Castle: want 2 go out 2 nite?
Me: Out?
Castle: Out. U know. On a date?
A date? He wanted to go out on a date? That made sense. Didn't it? Logically he would want to go out on a date. But did she want to go out on a date? That seemed so...official. While she sat there trying to decide how to reply, her phone chirped again.
Castle: Stop analyzing, lol. I'll pick u up 6:30.
She sat there looking at her phone when it chirped once more.
Castle: BTW wear something hot ;)
She felt a small knot form in her stomach. Excitement? Fear? Both?
HIS mother was in the living room when Castle arrived home. He walked over and grabbed her, dancing her around the room. She looked up at him laughing. "What are you doing?"
"Isn't it obvious? I'm dancing with my mother."
"Yes, I get that. But why?"
He grinned. "I have a date."
"Well good for you. With Kate I presume?"
"Of course."
"Where are you taking her?"
He frowned. "I don't know. I didn't think that far ahead. Ooh. Maybe that new Italian place that opened up over on 4th?"
"Bel Cibo? Very nice. But I highly doubt if you can get in on such short notice. I'm sure you'll need a reservation."
"Mother, Richard Castle doesn't need a reservation. I'm sure it won't be a problem." He smiled to himself. That should really impress Kate. Bel Cibo had only opened a few months ago and it was next to impossible to get into unless you were 'somebody'. He gave his mother one last twirl then let her go and headed for the stairs. He only had an hour and a half before he had to pick Kate up.
After a quick shower, he pulled on his Canali suit. He was going all out and wanted to look his best. He was standing in front of the mirror with his hairbrush and mousse trying to get his hair perfect. He was turning his head back and forth, looking at his hair from all different angles. He smiled sheepishly when he caught his daughter's reflection in the mirror. She was leaning against the bathroom door with a grin on her face.
"Look at you all dressed up. What's the big occasion?"
"I have a date. I'm taking Kate to Bel Cibo's."
"Bel Cibo's? I'm jealous. Ashley has been trying to get us in there for weeks! How'd you get reservations?"
"I don't actually have reservations. You know places like this always have tables set aside for people like me. What do you think? Blue or green?" he asked, holding up two ties.
"Green. I don't think you should count on that, Dad. You should call them."
"Maybe I'll give them a call on the way to Kate's. Hey, help me with this, will you?"
Alexis walked over to help him with his tie. She suspected he was perfectly capable of doing it himself, but she had been helping him since she was a little girl and it was a ritual neither of them wanted to give up.
"So are you nervous?"
"Nervous? Of course not," he scoffed. She looked at him knowingly.
"Okay, I'm nervous. Is that weird? I mean, this is Beckett. It's not like I'm dating a stranger."
"Well, I think dating a stranger is easier. You have plenty to talk about since you don't know anything about each other. You can just walk away after one date if it doesn't go well. But just think, if tonight's date doesn't work out-"
"Stop. Not helping."
She laughed. "Sorry. Don't worry, it'll be great."
He smiled and kissed her on the top of her head. "Much better." He looked down at his watch. "Yikes. Gotta go. Wish me luck!"
"Good luck!" she yelled as he hurried away. She shook her head in amusement. Parent were so hard to raise sometimes.
BECKETT looked at her watch and started getting nervous. Castle would be there in twenty minutes and she wasn't close to being ready. She had tried on everything in her closet before settling on an outfit. The humidity was high, causing her hair to curl even more than usual, and it refused to cooperate. Finally she got it twisted up and used a large clip to hold it in place. After adding a necklace and earrings she stepped back to check out the final result.
She searched her reflection trying to see if she looked as nervous as she felt and was dismayed to see that she did. From the minute she had gotten the text message she had been a wreck. She knew it was silly to be so nervous. She had known Castle for years, for Pete's sake. Of course she knew this was different. They were going to be alone together for the first time since she had admitted her feelings for him, and they had spent the rest of that evening in each others' arms. Since then they had only seen each other at work which had forced them to keep their conversations focused on work and their hands to themselves. Tonight they wouldn't have that buffer, and that scared her.
She jumped when she heard the knock on the door. She took three deep breaths to calm her nerves a little then walked to the door.
On the other side, Castle was also taking calming breaths. This was their first real date, and he badly wanted it to go well. He wiped his suddenly moist palms on his pant legs one at time, switching the bouquet of flowers he had brought from one hand to another to do so. After what seemed like an eternity, the door opened and what he saw took his breath away.
He had jokingly told her to wear something hot, and what she was wearing definitely qualified as hot. Her dress was a blue/green color that fit her like a glove. It was made of some sort of shimmery fabric that changed color when she moved, and made him want to reach out and touch it. She was wearing heels, of course. But unlike the ones she usually wore, these had a small opening in the toe and he smiled when he saw that her toenails were painted the same unique color as her dress. For some reason, he found that extremely sexy. He let his eyes slowly travel back up until they finally reached her face. When their eyes finally met, he felt his heart skip a beat. He noticed that her face was flushed, embarrassed he was sure, from the way he had been checking her out. He leaned over and kissed her cheek and handed her the flowers.
"Thanks, Castle. They're beautiful." She motioned for him to come in. "I'll be right back, I'm going to go put these in water."
He watched her walk away, the view from the back no less enticing than the view from the front had been. The dress was backless, and the sight of her bare back made his throat go dry. The only slight disappointment he felt in her appearance was her hair. She had it pinned up with some fancy hair clip. It looked gorgeous that way, but he had hoped it would be down. Her long, silky hair played a prominent part in his dreams lately, and in his dreams it was always down.
"All set?" he asked when she walked back into the living room.
"Yes. Just let me grab my purse." She grabbed her purse and they left.
"So, where are we going?" she asked once they were in the car.
"Bel Cibo's", he said, trying to sound casual. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye to see if she looked impressed. "I know you like Italian food, and I hear their food is great."
"I've heard that too. I'm surprised you could get reservations."
He frowned. This was the third time that evening that he had heard that. He had told Alexis he would call on the way, and he had planned to, but he was so anxious to see Kate that he had forgotten. He suddenly felt a twinge of panic. What if they were right and the name Richard Castle didn't magically open up a table?
A couple of minutes later, they pulled up to the valet parking area. He quickly walked around to open her door before she could and held out his hand. She took it, but only long enough to get out, then she pulled it away gently. He let his hand rest on the small of her back instead, guiding her towards the door.
When they got to the podium, Castle leaned in and asked for a table.
"Do you have a reservation with us tonight?"
"No, but maybe you can find a table for us anyway. I'm Richard Castle." The man just looked at him. "You know. The writer."
"I'm sorry Mr. Castle, but we don't have anything available."
She felt the hand on her back tense before he slowly let it drop. She shook her head. It was just like him to think that he could just drop his name and automatically get into the cities hottest new restaurant. She walked away hiding a smile, pretending to examine the art work in the lobby. Had she stayed, she would have seen him pull out an obscene amount of cash that miraculously resulted in a table opening up.
She re-joined him and they were led to a small table in the back of the restaurant.
The waiter handed them the menus and left them alone. He hoped she hadn't seen him pay off the host and assumed that his name finally registered, granting them a table, but he was pretty sure she had. If he wasn't mistaken, she had been trying not to laugh as she had walked away. Castle buried his face in the menu, slightly embarrassed. Determined to turn things around, he looked for what he knew to be her favorite food. They had eaten at an Italian restaurant a year or so ago while working a case and she had ordered a pasta with red sauce. He vividly remembered how she much she had enjoyed it. She had let out a little moan of pleasure that had sent shivers down his spine. And the way she had licked the sauce out of the corner of her mouth...
"Are you ready to order sir? Sir?" Castle looked up, momentarily confused.
"Oh. Yeah. Vorrei che il bolognese Spaghetti per lei. E auro le Fettuccine alfredo." He may not have been able to get a table by his name alone, but his ability to order in Italian was sure to make an impression. Feeling back in control of the date, he smiled at Kate. Unfortunately, she was not smiling back.
The fact that he had ordered her favorite dish might occur to her later, but for now, all she could think about was trying to eat a plate of spaghetti with red sauce without making a huge mess. It was every woman's nightmare meal for a first date.
As the waiter started to gather up the menu's, she stopped him, placing her hand on his arm. He smiled brightly at her. "Lo non sono in vena di pasta. Si prega di fare mia il Piccator di pollo," she said, changing her order from the pasta to chicken.
"That is an excellent choice, bella signora. You speak the language so well."
"Thanks. I spent a semester in Rome when I was a freshman in college."
"Really? My family is from a small city outside of Rome."
The waiter glanced over at Castle, and when he saw the glowering look on his face, he quickly scooped up the menus and walked away, ending their conversation.
Without the menu to distract her, or the waiter as a buffer, Kate started searching her mind for a topic of discussion. The longer the silence went, the more uncomfortable she became. She abruptly stood up.
"I'll be right back. I need to visit the ladies room." When she got into the bathroom, she splashed some water on her face. What was wrong with her? She had never had a hard time talking to Castle before, or any other man on a date for that matter. Now she couldn't think of a single thing to stay. She felt the sting of tears in her eyes, which frustrated her even more. Her anxiety was ruining their date and for the life of her, she couldn't figure out how to salvage it.
Castle sat alone at the table with his head in his hands. This date wasn't going at all as he had hoped. First the fiasco with the reservations, then he tried to impress her with his Italian and it turns out she speaks it better than he does. To top it all off, the waiter seemed to have a better time making conversation with her than he did. He wasn't surprised that she escaped to the bathroom. She must be wondering what she'd gotten herself into.
Kate arrived back at the table, just as the waiter was setting down their food. Her first thought was a positive one. No one expects you to talk when you are eating, right? She took her first bite of the chicken she had ordered. It was delicious. She took another bite, then looked up and saw Castle watching her intently. What now? Did she have food on her face? Was she eating with her mouth open? She set her fork down and discreetly wiped her mouth.
He was so frustrated with himself and how the date was going, that he had pretty much lost his appetite. After eating a couple of bites, it looked like she had too. They both sat there pushing the food around on their plates for a couple of minutes before he decided enough was enough. He pushed his plate away and motioned for the waiter.
"Are you ready?" he asked.
"Sure. Let's go".
He set the money for the bill on the table and they walked out. He held the door for her as they left the restaurant, but she noticed that he didn't touch her back as he had on the way in.
The drive to her apartment was horrible. The tension in the car was palpable, as they both rode in uncomfortable silence.
He pulled up to the curb by her apartment. Leaving the car running, he started to get out so he could open her door. She realized that he was just going to drop her off and go. She knew that she didn't want their date to end this way and impulsively stopped him by grabbing his arm.
"Do you want to come in for a drink?"