Dislaimer: I don't own anything, especially the title…
MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Yeah… I know, it's SOOOO late already… and wow… it's been like… months since I updated… and now, I got the idea when I sang Agnus Dei at the church for my advent Mass… Enjoy!! And Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you who always support me along the year!!
Warning: the title has no correlation with the story, I just like the phrase of "dona nobis pacem"… might be OOC… and also a shounen-ai ficcie…
Warning2: BAD GRAMMAR and VOCABULARY.. sorry... XP English is not my mother's language...
Dedicated for: all of you!!!
Agnus Dei
By green-mermaid
Agnus Dei, quitollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis
Lamb of God, you take away the sin of the world, have mercy on us
Agnus Dei, quitollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis
Lamb of God, you take away the sin of the world, have mercy on us
Agnus Dei, quitollis peccata mundi, dona nobis pacem
Lamb of God, you take away the sin of the world, grant us peace
"Does anyone know why we shall sit nicely here and somehow somewhat being oh-so-religious?" Sirius Black whispered to Remus Lupin, his best friend who sat on his left.
"Shh…" Remus showed his annoyed face to his friend, hoping that he will be quiet soon which the probability didn't even touch 1.
Sirius only nodded in response. He looked at his right where James Potter has been sitting next to him for about 45 minutes. Unfortunately, he was only to find that his right side person was completely useless to become his talk-company right now as James had fallen asleep since the priest was giving the homily (liturgy sermon). James' head kept moving front slowly and turn to the back quickly with his closed eyes. Sirius could only roll his eyeballs in bored. Nothing to do by himself, he tried to know what had his other fellow Marauders friends doing.
"Oi… Peter? What are you doing? So secretive and things,"
The guy who sat on the other side of the sleeping boy looked back from his light-brown hair. He was still holding his secretly taken cheese cake from today's lunch. Sirius could see a trace of whipped cream on the corner of his mouth.
"Hai heel hanghi (I feel hungry)," Peter tried to speak within his full mouth.
"Ha?! I know that you feel hungry all the time but how do you keep that cake invisible enough not to be seen by the teachers?"
Remus gave a displeased look to Sirius which unfortunately the receiver of the look didn't see.
Peter didn't even reply to Sirius' question. He continued eating his cheesecake, leaving Sirius muttered his boring tone voice. Another one second left and the jet black teenager faced the honey colored boy once more.
"Remus, I'm bored," Sirius muttered. He didn't receive any response from the other boy and continued. "Why should we have a Mass? We are wizard… and Bible disgrace wizard! By the way, don't you think the priest is quite old and cocky and he could be a nominee for The-Most-Boring-People-In-The-World award?"
Remus rolled his eyeballs to his best friend. "I thought you don't hate Mass anymore since last year?"
"Yeah… I told you that I don't hate Mass anymore. See? I'm not sleeping or eating like certain someone beside me. And I'm also not playing a prank on someone. But I also don't say that I like Mass," Sirius explained innocently.
"Shhh!" A red-headed girl turned her head to scold Sirius.
"What is this? A coincidence? Why are you here, Evans?"
"Because I'm a Gryffindor and I'm Catholic. What do you expect me to answer?" Lily showed her displease look to Sirius. She threw a glance at James before she shook her head as if saying, "Oh, no wonder…"
"Yeah, right… you're Catholic. Now, can you answer me why we should hear this priest muttered a… what do you call it in Catholic word? Sermon?"
"Homily," Remus covered him.
"Right. Homily," Sirius directly repeated what Remus had said.
Lily rolled her eyeballs and turned back to continue listening to the Homily. Sirius hang up his head. Boredom was the only thing that could eat him up. Usually he could do anything to shoo away his boredom, but now he's in church and couldn't do anything but silencing his lips. If only he had his wand, he might do something now, like practicing the Fluteman charm which can call any animal to do what he likes them to do; or might also be checking the new charm that he read on the old Traditional Charm book, anything. But, hey… teachers could be a pain in the neck sometimes.
Okay… big mistake. Everytime.
Sirius looked at the Christmas decoration inside the church (or you may say, the church inside the Hogwarts castle). He closed his eyes and drifting back to his first Christmas at Hogwarts on his second year.
ONE YEAR AGO, 2 December 1973
"Huachiim!" Sirius sneezed loudly as the Marauders walked across the garden in the middle of Hogwarts, moving their class from Herbology to Transfiguration.
"Eww!" James showed his gross look.
"Don't 'Eww' me. As if you don't do it recently…" Sirius took his handkerchief from his pocket and let out another loud sneeze.
"How will you spend your Christmas this year?" Peter suddenly asked.
"Going back home, as usual. What is it? Why suddenly ask that?" James replied him.
"Also going back home, as usual," Sirius replied with the same answer with James.
"Do you even have a home, Sirius?" Peter asked frankly.
Sirius acted casually on the cynical question. "Oh, of course I have a home. Potter's home is my home!" Sirius showed his big smile.
"Nice answer, buddy. But not this year…" James answered.
"What? Why I have a bad feeling about it?" Sirius cocked his eyebrow.
"Err… yeah…I mean… my family is away for Christmas and Lily…" James trailed off.
"… is coming to your house?!" Sirius exclaimed. "You choose her over me?!"
"Yeah… I choose her over you," James answered determinedly. He didn't show any hesitation.
"Oh, great! So, our brotherhood is that fragile," Sirius didn't even bother about what James had said. After all, his best friend finally had a grasp on the red-headed girl for about a few days ago which made him lost his bet with James (Sirius bet that James will not successfully have Lily as his girlfriend). It was quite surprising though, remembering how Lily showed her hatred everytime she met James.
"How are you, Peter?" James asked.
"I don't know… I don't want to leave Sarah McLanghans for Christmas. But she will go to Stockholm with her family."
"So?" Sirius and James asked in unison, didn't really get what his friend meant.
"Should I go back to my home or joined her to Stockholm? But I don't have that much money to go Stockholm," Peter winced and played with his fingers.
"Yeah… So?" Again, the two Marauders asked in unison.
"I guess I'll go back to my home after all," Peter's face showed his undetermined feelings.
'So? Why do you ask us about our Christmas Holiday? And, do you realize that you just answered your own question??' That's what James and Sirius thought. But, as they thought it's not polite to ask so (this goes for James) and if they ask, Peter will blabber more (this goes for Sirius), they, at last, didn't say anything and change the topic.
"In that case, I will be staying over in the castle for Christmas. Wow, now that I'm thinking about it, it's my first time celebrating Christmas at the castle," Sirius let out a warm air from his mouth to his gloved hands just when a boy with shoulder-length haired passed beside him.
"Lupin!!"
The boy with honey colored looked back at his dormitory friend. He wasn't very friendly with them, considering how they always did pranks at the castle and will not think twice to cut their dorm's point. The worst part was, Sirius Black was somehow somewhat being all cynical and sarcasm and trapped him into his prank everytime that jet black haired boy could.
Remus cocked his eyebrow as if saying, "Oh God! Let it be quick! Why should I meet them in this cold weather?" Nevertheless, Remus waited for James to say his business with him.
"Yes?"
"Thanks for the help that day,"
Remus nodded in response and walked away.
"What? Just because he helped you with Lily, so you become so kind with that nerd?" Sirius smiled cynically.
"And as if there is no changing in Sirius Black recently. Why suddenly a skipping-class master goes to every class a certain boy in?" James teased with an I-know-something-that-you-don't-know look. A look that Sirius hated most from James.
"I don't have problem with him from the very first beginning. You are the one who had problem with him. I still don't know why you dislike him, though," James opened the big gate of Hogwarts castle and he was glad that warm air touched his cold skin.
"I don't dislike him. It's just he gave a bully-me look with his face," Sirius said.
"Really? Careful, Sirius, fire might burn you back,"
"What's that?" Sirius snapped.
"But, Remus Lupin won The-Most-Gentleman award," Peter answered.
"Is that award even existed?" James and Sirius asked.
"Girls…" Peter rolled his eyeballs. "Sirius won two awards and James won one only,"
"Wow!! What a good thing to hear! What award do I win?" Sirius excited.
"The-Most-Playboy and The-Most-Pervert award," Peter answered. Sirius' face showed his disbelieving but didn't seem really take a bother on it. "James won The-Most-Understanding award,"
"WHAT?!! It's not fair!! How come he got that award!!" Sirius pointed at his friend who showed his proud smile, acting so goody-goody of himself.
"They adore how James tried to charm Lily without giving up though Lily had said many sarcastic things," Peter nodded.
Sirius glared at James unwillingly, muttering, "Cheater!!"
James didn't seem to mind with it. Moreover, he only added, snickering to himself. "Oh, loser always talk big,"
"Lupin, can you help me with this?"
Sirius looked at the girl who approached Remus to the fireplace silently. Sirius was sitting on the table together with James and Peter. Lily was nowhere to be seen but James and Sirius knew that she was probably in the dorm, thinking about the Christmas presents to Hogwarts attendant (including the elves) while she was away at London later.
"He looks like have more than 24 hours to spend in a day…" Sirius muttered.
James looked up, taking a glance from his glasses to Sirius eyes. He trailed Sirius' vision toward a certain boy inside their common room. The messy haired boy only smirked and showed his I-know-it-all look.
"Remus Lupin?" Peter asked.
"Who else?" Sirius snapped.
"Ah! That's Sarah!! See ya later!" Peter walked away from the table and directly went to the Gryffindor door as soon as he saw a girl with blonde hair entered the room.
James looked as Peter nearly tripped over a carpet but manage to stand still and continue his run toward Sarah. Soon after, James went back to his Potion essay.
"I think you like him, Sirius," James suddenly said in low tone to the other companion.
"Who? Peter? Yuck! Sorry!! I'm not turning to that way!"
"No… Lupin, I meant," James' hand still trailed over a parchment while his eyes scamming over a page in his textbook.
"NO WAY!! Gross! You know I hate him like hell!! Acting so goody-goody,"
"You touched him everytime you had a chance,"
"Because when he shivered, he looks so funny. Especially if I rubbed his back," Sirius replied.
"You whispered beside his ears to greet him,"
"Because he will soon become so alarmed and blushed. He's so girly," Sirius laughed.
James only snickered and shrugged his shoulder. "Well… Christmas is still a bit far and holiday starts tomorrow. Wish my bed is still the same as I left it for tomorrow. Don't mess up the dormitory,"
"Why is that so?"
"Don't you know? Lupin also didn't come back for Christmas which meant you two were in the same dorm," James said easily while he packed his book. He stood up calmly and moved to the stairs led to the dormitory.
"Oh, yeah, great." Sirius replied lazily. He rolled his eyes in boredom and diverted his eyes again to the certain honey-colored boy who was still smiling sweetly to a Japanese first year student. Somehow somewhat, Sirius didn't feel like it and muttered to himself, "You never smiled like that in front of me." With that, he stood up and followed James to the dorm.
Silently, the honey colored haired boy looked at the trouble-makers with a lonely eyes.
2 December 1973
The next day Sirius woke up at the dormitory, he felt so Buddha-like. There's no running between two beds. There's no flying shirt fell on his face. There's no shouting of James. There's no squeak of Peter. It's just toooo calm for a boys' dormitory!! Instead of those messy things, he found out yellow sunshine peaked through the fluttered white curtain. He could even hear the bird chirping soundly. However, he could feel cold underneath his thick blanket. Wrapping the gray garment closer to his body, he wished he would feel warmer if he did so.
A few moments later, the door let opened and a honey colored haired boy entered the room. "Oh, are you awake now?"
"Am I in heaven?" Sirius felt brain-numbed. He just felt he wasn't in Hogwarts anymore! Hogwarts boys' dormitory could never become like this, could it?!
Remus blinked once and then laughed, leaving his dorm-mate with innocent face.
"Of course it's not heaven… It's still Hogwarts; Gryffindor boys' dormitory in Hogwarts School Witchcraft and Wizardry to be exact. What's wrong with you?" Remus strolled along the corridor between Sirius and his bed. "It's Winter Holiday, remember? Everybody went back home, already,"
Sirius sulked. He didn't know whether he should be happy because at least he could start a "warm" conversation with Remus Lupin or he should be angry because the boy laughed at his stupidity. Oh, of course, who said that Sirius was clever, anyway?
Sirius couldn't do anything but shrugged and rub his head which wasn't itchy at all, feeling he had done something so lame to do. Luckily, James wasn't here. If Sirius' "twin" was here, he couldn't imagine how he would continue to study in this school since that other trouble-maker would always bring up that topic to embarrass him.
"You're not going to eat your breakfast?" Remus asked. He sat on the edge of his bed, looking at newly-waken up Sirius.
Just when Remus brought up the topic, Sirius could smell a nice coffee smile. He looked at the source of the smell and found a cup of hot coffee and a plate of English breakfast were put nicely on small table near his bed. Looking at the breakfast made him became so hungry all of the sudden and his empty stomach began to growl. Remus looked up from the book he read through his thin glasses to the blushed boy. The smaller boy couldn't help but chuckle when Sirius showed his blushing and pouting face.
"You laugh at me again!" Sirius sulked and took the plate.
"I'm not," Remus tried to hide the chuckle but showed no luck.
"You are!"
"I thought you're simply an arrogant boy, Sirius. But, looks like you're not even touched a millimeter of it," Remus laughed louder.
"I take that as a compliment," Sirius sulked but he knew that his heart was racing due to Remus' sentence. Hey? What's wrong with me? Why should I feel high just because he complimented me a bit?
"Why, thank you," Remus replied politely.
A cold yet calming winter breeze flew into the room, giving a nice breeze although cold to the two boys. The air of silence filled the room. The only sound that was heard came from fork and knife against the porcelain plate but neither Sirius nor Remus felt discomfort about it. They just simply enjoyed the silence between them which not everyday could Sirius found out that silence might also be good sometimes.
"I'm finished. What time is it, by the way?" Sirius put the empty plate on the same tray as he took it before.
Remus looked at his old watch and replied, "Around 9.30. Why?"
Sirius blinked once then shook his head, "Nothing. I'm gonna take a bath,"
With that, he jumped off his bed like a children was being impatience to open his Christmas present. Remus only smiled looking at the boy and shook his head lightly. He put down his book and took the tray Sirius left behind to the kitchen.
6 December 1973… (one day before full-moon)
"Lupin? I was thinking… aren't you looked paler today?" Sirius looked at his companion these days who sat near the fireplace.
"Really? Maybe just your imagination," Remus answered coldly, didn't even look at Sirius' eyes. He kept reading his book as if Sirius' words were only passing wind.
Not that Sirius know that Remus was actually thumped hard, trying to cope up with millions of reasons and denials that he was okay in case Sirius asked him.
It was only the two of them inside the Gryffindor common room and Sirius had been so adaptable with the comforting silent air around Remus these days. But it wasn't the same as today. Remus felt so far away and acted as if Sirius wasn't there. He didn't even pretend that he listened to Sirius' story. He was so easily disturbed and angry over little things. He just looked so… tired and scared over something. As the sun set and changed shift with the moon, Remus became more and more irritable than these days. It's not once or twice that he saw Remus was shaking while the boy looked at the nearly full-moon.
Sirius silently watched the shivering smaller boy. "You are shivering…"
"I'm not," Remus replied coldly.
By this time, Sirius couldn't accept the rejected answer anymore. "Yes!! You ARE!"
Remus glared through his glasses, "I SAID I'm NOT! Don't act like you know everything, Black! I know my body the most!!"
Sirius stood up and raised his voice. "You ARE shivering!! And it's been like three hours!! Since the sun set!"
By this time, Remus threw his book to Sirius, felt really embarrassed and angry at the same time. He stood up, facing the dark-haired boy. Remus glared to the boy bravely. "OKAY! I'm shivering due to the cold wind!! Are you happy now?"
"You're not shivering due to cold wind! You've been sitting near the fireplace and wear your old thick sweater!! There's no chance that it's due to cold wind!!" Sirius insisted, still in high voice.
Remus glared at him sharper. He raised his hand, readied to slap Sirius but was prevented by the taller boy.
"What do you want me to answer you, Black?" Remus hissed. His light brown eyes looked sharply into the grey eyes of Sirius.
"Answer the truth! I know that I can't be counted as your best friend, but I'm worried about you. Don't you say that I don't know anything about you! There's a tight correlation between you and the full-moon, isn't it? I'm at least in the same dorm with you for more than a year!"
Remus could only lose his energy. He didn't know what to answer. Even his brain felt numbed. He just couldn't feel any electrical stimulus went to his brain to reply the taller guy in front of him. Instead, tear filled his eyelid. He simply shook his head in despair with his wrist was still inside Sirius' hand. "I can't…"
Sirius felt guilty all of the sudden. He didn't mind if he made Lily cried (as later, James will have revenge on him, though). He didn't mind if he bullied Snape until that guy cursed him back. He didn't mind if he took away Peter's snacks and made his friend searched for the snacks for a one full day and cried until his eyes turned bloody red. But, seeing Remus Lupin cried in front of him with his small desperate body, he just felt he wanted Remus to share the weight on his shoulder onto him.
"I can't…" Remus tried to speak, stuttering between his sniffs.
Sirius felt pissed for a bit. He looked away for a second, and then threw away his hands into behind Remus' shoulder, hugging the smaller boy like a teddy bear. Remus' eyes widened as he tried to look at Sirius from the side.
"Argh!! Don't cry anymore, okay?! If you can't tell me, then it's okay!! Just don't cry anymore! I don't know what to do if you're crying!" Sirius blushed, feeling embarrassed that he actually hugged Remus Lupin and comforted the boy.
Remus blinked. Soonly enough, he clung onto Sirius and smiled calmly between his sniffs. "Sirius, thank you," He put some of his head's weight onto Sirius shoulder, feeling so comfortable around Sirius' arms.
And that is the first time Remus called him Sirius instead of Black.
7 December 1973 (full moon)
James, this is not good!!
I think I might fall for Remus Lupin!! Yes, that Remus Lupin!!
Merlin's beard! What should I do?! Yesterday, I spontaneously hugged him and surprisingly enough it felt so comfortable and I wanted it lasted forever!! Did I just say lame thing!?
I can't find Lupin's shadow from this morning! Does anyone in this world know where is my Lupin?!
PS: How is your holiday? (You are not necessarily had to answer this question though. Just being polite)
-Sirius Black
Lupin? Easy… what you should do now is making him as your boyfriend.
PS: Oh, my holiday is nice with Lily beside me EVERYDAY!! Can't you believe that? IS this really happening, SIRIUS??? TO ME?! LILY EVANS WITH ME, AT EMPTY MANSION OF MINE!! But believe me, it can also very devastating! Ahh… I wanna touch her, kiss her, hug her, whatever!! But she doesn't allow me so… TTTT But, nevermind, though. I'm still allowed to eat her hand-made breakfast! Ohh, sooo sweet of her, don't you think? Her breakfast was black omelet, black ham, with black sausage, but it still tasted nice (okay… a little bit weird, though).
What? My house-elf? Lily insisted that she wanted to make breakfast to me since she felt guilty she only went to my house and did nothing for me, so I allow her to use the kitchen. And, by the way, do you know that I nearly stood under mistletoe with her? But, she suddenly ran away and…
Uh oh… gotta go… my sweetie honey sweetheart darling Lily Evans (will become Lily Potter) called me…
-James Potter
You know what?
I'm NOT going to ask for your suggestion EVER again!
- Sirius Black
8 December 1973 (a day after full moon)
James, I FINALLY FOUND HIM!!
Mirelle Braunswald, that 24/7-ill Hufflepuff girl said that she just saw Remus lied down at Hospital Wing!!
Gotta go now!
- Sirius Black
By the time Sirius reached the Hospital Wing, he was given a stern look from Madam Pomfrey, the no.1 nurse in the whole Hogwarts (might as well the whole England!)
"What are you doing here, Mr Black?"
"Err…"
"You aren't here because you broke your leg AGAIN because of Quidditch, are you?"
"No, of course not… I'm here to see… uhh,"
"HMM?" Madam Pomfrey's voice was so dominating, making Sirius felt so small, like a kid afraid of his mother.
"Uhh… to see Lupin. Remus Lupin,"
Madam Pomfrey's face changed from a bit furious into a curious look. She watched Sirius' face which showed his determinacy to see his fellow who stayed in the same dorm as he is. Madam Pomfrey considered a bit and then smiled motherly. "Then, what makes you stop here? His bed is near that window over there!"
"I know. Thanks!!" Sirius' face became so cherish and he quickly went over to Remus' bed.
Madam Pomfrey looked at the running boy at yelled, "BLACK! Don't running inside the Hospital Wing!!" And she was replied with a mere "Okay," by the student but nevertheless, didn't slow down his running at all. Madam Pomfrey couldn't do anything but smile and shook her head; this is the first time Lupin had a friend coming over him after that night.
"Remus! I came!!" Sirius said. Later again, he changed his expression into a cooler one, "Yo!" He shook his head and changed his expression again. "Are you okay?" A while later, he changed his expression again and muttered "Where were you yesterday?" He shook his head again and changed his way of talking once more. "How are you?"
"I'm fine, Sirius," A voice inside an area covered with white curtain in its sides replied weakly, making Sirius almost jumped. A fair thin hand came out and pulled away the white curtain with its remaining energy only to see its visitor.
Sirius was feeling so complex. He was happy that he could see Remus again after he didn't see him for the whole day yesterday. But in the predominating side of his head, he felt pity to his friend. His body was full with bite marks and fresh scars; some were big enough although some were small. But, the thing that made him cried was Remus' face was white pale, showing no energy left inside that small body. However, the smaller boy smiled to Sirius.
"Hi…" Remus greeted shortly.
Sirius didn't reply. He didn't know which he should say first. His face showed as if he was the one that was lying on the Hospital Wing bed.
On the other hand, Remus who didn't get any reply from Sirius interpreted as the boy was disgusted with him. Remus smiled weakly, showing his disappointed face. "It's disgusting, isn't it? I understand,"
Sirius looked at Remus longingly. He bent on his knee beside the bed and hugged Remus. "It's not… It's not disgusting… It's just that … I missed you,"
"Sirius… sorry and thanks," Remus laid his head onto Sirius and let out a tear come out from his light brown eyes.
20 December 1973, Great Hall
Only ten percent of the Hogwarts students were still inside the castle. In the Ravenclaw table, he could see only two girls and one freak boy left. Hufflepuff table was seated by seven people. Slytherin table was empty and Gryffindor table was seated only for four people; Sirius, Remus, one first year student and fourth year student.
"I actually woke you up at that day?" Sirius looked up from the Powerful Magical Charms from Time to Time book.
"Actually, yes, you are…" Remus chuckled. "But, I'm glad to find you when I woke up. And besides, you looked so funny that day. Like 1000-faces man,"
Sirius blushed. He couldn't stand it. He just felt keeping showing his uncoolness around Remus again and again. He wasn't like himself which always tried to show his show just to impress girls. He was never intended to be so uncool around James though. James knew everything about him; no need to hide anything from James. Even something small detail of Sirius which he didn't even know, James would know better than Sirius ("Examples, I couldn't even know that I love Remus. But James said that I do so. Is it really possible?")
"Uhh… okay," Sirius replied Remus simply. Since yesterday, he had been thinking for one thing. "Remus!"
"Yes?" Remus replied with a smile plastered on his face.
"Uhh… Chris…"
"Chris?"
"Chris… Christopher from Ravenclaw is very clever, isn't he?"
Remus blinked once, didn't really understand what Sirius was meant. "Uh, yeah…"
I CAN'T ASK HIM!!! Sirius dropped his head to the long table of Gryffindor.
Remus tilted his head to find Sirius' eyes. "What is it?"
"Nothing,"
Remus shrugged and smiled weakly. "Do you know that we'll have Mass in 25 December, Sirius?"
"Where?"
"At Hogwart's Church, left wing castle?" Remus answered.
"Haha, nice joke, Remus. We are wizard. There's no possible explanation why we should know about the birth of Josep,"
"Birth of Jesus, Sirius, not Josep. And yes, we do have Mass at that date. Are you going?"
"Are you going?" Sirius replied the same question to Remus.
"Yes, I am. I'm Catholic according to Muggle religion, though," Remus replied.
"Then, I'm going," Sirius answered simple.
22 December 1973
JAMES!! I know that I said I am not going to ask for your suggestion anymore, but I take that again! (Crap! I know you're smirking over there and saying how un-gentleman I am!)
But, it's urgent!!! WHAT TO GIVE TO REMUS FOR CHRISTMAS??!
- Sirius Black
Oh, Black… I don't know that you could be that sweet… First name basis, already, aren't you?
Listen, the most favorable thing in this world for Remus is chocolate.
Give him chocolate and he'll kiss you for sure…
- Lily Evans
JAMES!! How come you let Evans read your letters!!
This is why I said girls always do unnecessary things!
I still don't know why you love her!!
- Sirius Black
"Okay… first of all, Hogsmeade's most popular chocolate is the Rondo chocolate. But I always see Remus is keeping that cheap Colorful Taste of Gilbert Chocolate. Hey, maybe he would want to taste the most expensive chocolate in Hogsmeade, that Tobler Cherry Brandy chocolate? How about Yurvey's chocolate?" Sirius was muttering inside the empty common room, listing all kinds of chocolate existed in this world that he knew. Last sentence of Lily's letter rolled inside his head again and again, he'll kiss you for sure. Just thinking the idea of it making Sirius smiled in a weird way.
"What are you doing, Sirius?" Remus entered the common room with his cocked eyebrow when he looked at Sirius. (A/N: Sirius was being stupid again in front of Remus…) Sirius quickly closed his notes of chocolate, making Remus more curious about what's Sirius up about. But he merely shrugged it off and sat across him.
Sirius watched at Remus, giving uncomfortable feeling the smaller boy. "Do you have anything to say, Sirius?"
"Yes, I have. Can I hug you?"
"No, you can't," Remus answered bluntly. He looked at Sirius sternly.
"Why…?"
Remus looked straightly to Sirius' grey-eyes. "Sirius, it's just… I don't know… You also do that to other girls and…"
"I did, not do. And…?"
Remus' face became hard to understand for Sirius. His face showed some hurt mixed with undetermined feelings. Remus shook his head and closed his book, readied to stand up. "Forget it. I'm going to sleep,"
"Rem!! Hey! Wait!" Sirius took Remus' wrist and made the smaller boy turned his body. "Rem, look at me!!" Remus didn't face Sirius, looking away to the red and gold carpet of Gryffindor.
Cursing to himself, the next thing Sirius did surprised both of them, he forcefully kissed Remus. Remus, on the other hand, struggled his best to release from Sirius "Siri… don't!!" and happened to unconsciously slap the dark-haired boy. Remus looked so terrified; guilty of what he had done to Sirius while Sirius looked at him from the corner of his eyes sharply.
"I… don't mean it. Sorry," Remus tried to touch Sirius' cheek which he had slapped before.
"Don't mean it? Don't joke around," Sirius refused Remus' hand coldly.
"Siri, kissing someone should be with the one…"
"…I love. Yeah, I did just now, and got slapped. Nice one, indeed," Sirius looked sharply into Remus' terrified eyes. "You know, Remus? I did hug girls but I never kissed them. Not even for a greeting. Aren't you making yourself exclusive, being a fragile glass doll?"
Remus shook his head quickly, feeling afraid that he will break the friendship they had these days. Or maybe, it's actually more than a friendship. "No… I don't deserve… for you,"
Sirius snickered. "Just bluntly say you hate me. I don't need lame rejection like that! Leave me alone!!" With that Sirius pushed Remus away and walked out from the common room quickly.
"SIRIUS! I meant it!" Remus yelled. "You do deserve somebody unlike me!" By the time Remus said that, the common room door was closed, leaving Remus alone in the common room, almost crying. He lowered down his voice until only he can hear it. "You don't deserve a werewolf like me, Sirius…"
Crap! He didn't even want to kiss me, Evans!! Sirius cursed under his breath.
23 December 1973
James, I messed it up!! What should I do?
- Sirius Black
Sirius, I also messed it up!! What should I do?
I accidentally made Lily furious at me, very furious.
She went back already after break me up!
What should I do?
- James Potter
24 December 1973
"That will be 500 Galleons, Sir,"
"Here," Sirius gave a pocketful of gold coins to the owner of Zongo, a chocolate and candies shop at Hogsmeade.
"Thank you. Please come again, Sir," The owner of the shop smiled brightly. Almost all items in his shop were bought by the dark-haired boy. Maybe, he could close the shop sooner today, after all it's Christmas Eve.
Sirius came out from the shop and shivered to the chilled air of winter. He brought four big bags full of chocolate which he didn't even know why he still bought it although Remus had bluntly rejected him. The thought that he was rejected by his first love depressed him, again. He walked slowly to the Three Broomstick; didn't want to straightly going back to Hogwarts castle.
"Ahh, what did I do?"
The wood table that Sirius had been sitting on shook a bit as an additional pressure was added onto it. Sirius looked up and to his surprise, he found something unexpected to him.
Things were much less going the same with Remus. He stared blankly into the windowsill at Library with his hand supported his chin. A book at his other hand had left opened without moving the pages for about one hour.
"Something troublesome?" Quint McCance, a Ravenclaw girl who often helped at the library asked him, interrupting Remus' thought. She smiled to the boy which she quite friendly with. Her hands kept putting book by book into the shelf according to its syllabus.
"Hi, McCance," Remus greeted. "I just messed up something precious to me. Talk about stupidity," Remus laughed wryly.
Quint smiled weakly. "Hey, tomorrow is time for joy. So, you better finish your matter off today,"
"I hope I can do something about it. I don't know whether he will forgive me or not," Remus sighed.
Quint looked at Remus sympathetically. She put a pile of books on her hands onto the table. Taking a seat across Remus, she placed her hands below her chin. "Now, go on! Free Consultation in Christmas Eve. Limited edition. I'm listening,"
Remus smiled to his accompany. "Just a little bit fight of misunderstanding with a friend and now, I don't know what I should do if I met him. That's all,"
"Oh. kindergarten students also can answer this thing easily, Lupin. Say sorry to him and if he didn't accept it, he doesn't deserve for you. You can kick him off from your world. It's that easy to say, though," Quint took off her glasses and cleansed it. She then put it again and stood up, readied to go back to her previous work.
"Well… take your time in the harmony of the Library,"
"Haha… what's that?"
"Hogwarts Library is a magical library, indeed," Quint winked her eyes and went off, leaving Remus in confusing mind.
Remus blinked and returned to his abandoned book. Pages were flipped by breezy winter wind and let the book opened in a certain page, giving Remus a confused thought of what Quint was said before.
25 December 1973 (morning)
The next morning Remus woke up, he blinked once. Twice. And then threw himself to his comfortable pillow again.
Must be a dream… there's no way I could buy that much of chocolate…
His leg under the bed cover accidentally touched the brown paper which wrapped the whole chocolates. Remus opened up his eyes wide and noticed something. "Why there is sound of paper in dream?"
He woke up again and looked at his first Christmas present. Four bags full of chocolate!! He even couldn't dream about it, but now, he could see, touch, even smelled the chocolate! But, who could it be? Who would be that kind giving four bags of chocolate…
Remus turned to his right, seeing Sirius' quiet sleep. He sighed, didn't want to let his hopes up. Couldn't be him. I never said to him that I love chocolate. Moreover, he still didn't talk to me yesterday. Not even see me.
"Merry Christmas, Remus,"
Remus gasped and looked at his right. "How come? It's not even yet eight hours…"
Sirius cocked his eyebrow and shrugged. "And why do you know that I'll sleep for eight hours? How do you know that last night I slept up late?"
Remus blushed. He wasn't ready to be shot questions like that by Sirius. "Ah… I was told by James before holiday,"
"James doesn't even know that I'll be sleeping for eight hours sharp. He's too busy thinking about Evans anyway," Sirius sat up from his position, looking straightly to Remus.
Remus didn't answer Sirius anymore. He would not make any more prove that he's been watching Sirius all along. Instead, he only looked away with blushing face.
Sirius watched the other boy inside the room and sighed. "I found it weird for these holiday days. I woke up randomly as I slept randomly at night. And yet, everytime I woke up, I will have a hot breakfast beside my bed, as if it was placed there only a few minutes ago. How is that? The castle elves would sweep away breakfast by eight. But why do I wake up at nine above and I could still find breakfast?"
Remus didn't answer. He tightly closed his lips.
"And then, I noticed, it must be you. You asked the elves to specially prepare breakfast by the time I woke up as you were in the same dorm with me, it would be easy for you to know what time do I go to sleep as I'm a fast-asleep. Remus, look at me,"
Remus slowly turned his face to Sirius, feeling scared that Sirius would read what he's been thinking about him.
"Answer me honestly. Why do you know my sleeping habit?" Sirius beamed into Remus.
"Because…" Remus paused.
Sirius was waiting him, "Because?"
"Because I've been watching you," Remus face became redder. He shifted his sitting position many times. He just couldn't feel comfortable in any positions!
"And why do you watch me?" Unlike his companion, Sirius was smiling. And it became bigger and bigger.
"It's… it starts with an admiration that you blend in into everyone in this castle, except for the Slytherin, of course. You helped me out when the Slytherin mocked me. And… you noticed the invincible me although I know that you're teasing me. But before I know, your teasing has made me love you. Then, the next thing I know, I already memorized your habits,"
Remus bent his knees and sank his reddening face.
Sirius sighed. "Rem… the first time I saw you in the Great Hall in our first day at Hogwarts, I was thinking, why this guy is so blithe, as if wind can throw you away easily. Firstly, I don't want to befriend with a guy like you. But, you seemed to always attract my eyes wherever you go. And that day, when the Slytherins mocked you with your absences every month, you didn't even fight for it. Perhaps, it was the day when I start to like you,"
Sirius sighed as Remus hadn't raised his head but Sirius could hear a low sniffs from a boy in front of him.
"Remus,… it's not the point I want to say…" Sirius paused. "The point is, I love you, so much until I don't know what to do. Although I don't know much about you, but you also love me, right? So, why can't we together?"
Remus raised his head and shook it. "It's not it… I can't tell you… not now,"
"Not now,… means you'll tell me someday why we couldn't be together, right?" Sirius bluntly asked. He moved to Remus' bed.
"I… I don't know," Remus looked away.
Sirius looked at Remus. "Do you love me?"
"I do love you, but…"
"Okay! That's enough!" Sirius glomped over Remus, making the smaller boy fell down to his pillow with Sirius on top of him.
"Siri?"
"It's enough. Knowing that you love me, it's enough," Sirius whispered into Remus' ear, giving a shiver to the smaller boy.
"I'm so tired… not to sleep for the whole night is so tiring," Sirius whimpered.
Remus looked at his beloved from the side and hugged back. "Then, good night, Siri. I love you,"
"Good night, Rem. Love you, too,"
25 December 1973 (evening)
"Can't we skip Mass?" Sirius grumbled.
"We had agreed, hadn't we?" Remus said as he gave Sirius his cloak.
"What can I get from a Mass? Church disregard wizards," Even so, Sirius removed his cloak from the hanger.
Remus looked at Sirius and smiled weakly. "Then, if you accompany me to Mass- no sleeping, no groaning, and no sneaking- I'll give you your Christmas present,"
"A kiss?" Sirius gave his flirting look.
Remus blushed. "As if! Come on, we're late already!"
"Not fun,…"
Mass went well without Sirius' complained at all. He only yawned and laid his head over Remus' shoulder, but didn't fall asleep. Fortunately, they sat at the back as they were late although Dumbledore did see them from the front and only gave a smile. By the time the preacher was finishing the Mass off, Sirius' face directly changed into cherish expression already. He was fully awake, no yawns, and happy. Remus shook his head as he saw the guy beside him.
"So, where is my Christmas present?"
"Here," Remus handed a medium sized box wrapped with white-golden Snitch wrapper paper. The common room was all empty. Only a warm fireplace accompanied them.
"Ehm… a multi-dimension astronomy glass?" Sirius looked curiously at the dark-purple many sided-cut glass, showing a galaxy on it.
Remus nodded. He took the glass "Here, you can see Orion star at this side,"
"How do you know my middle name? Ah… you watched me, I remember," Sirius answered before Remus could answer him, making Remus blushed again.
Sirius watched Remus quieted down and moved nearer to the smaller boy. "Rem… I will always love you!"
Sirius hugged Remus, making the smaller boy hugged him back. "Love you too. Try poking the Orion star with your wand,"
Sirius did so and fluorescent green words appear one by one.
When love let us to live
And it is beside us be
Thus, I pray to God,
Please, grant us peace,
To me, to you, and to our love…
"Merry Christmas, Sirius!" Remus kissed Sirius on cheek as the boy still mesmerized at his Christmas present.
25 December 1974 (back to present time…)
"James!! Hellow??" Sirius poked his best friend on his cheek and got nothing response from his best friend.
"Is he awake up yet?" Remus took his and Sirius' coat.
"No response…" Sirius shrugged and took his coat from Remus. Sirius accidentally glanced into Lily who prepared to get back to castle. After all, the Mass had finished and everybody was having their leave from the church. Furthermore, Peter was nowhere to be seen around the church anymore (high possibility he went to the kitchen already!!).
Sirius grinned. Lily stepped back. "What is it? Why I don't feel good about it?"
"Ah, Evans,… what a good thing to have you here… me and Remus will have a date (Remus: "do we?") but our fellow here isn't waking up. It will be a pity if we left him here, right?" Sirius grinned even more.
"Even so,…"
"That's why… it's not that we don't know your motive why you don't go back for this Christmas holiday anyway. Take this "opportunity" as a kind reply of your "help" for last year, will you?"
"Ha?"
"Okay, then… have a happy Christmas!! Make sure you get back again! It's a year already…" With that, Sirius dragged Remus into the exit door and left Lily and James alone in the church.
"What's that?" Lily cocked her eyebrow and brought up a bit of her red hair into back of her ear. She faced his ex-boyfriend who slept peacefully and blushed. "You can't just show me that face to melt me down, can you?" Lily sat beside James and waited for him to wake up.
-- Let's go back to our main character --
"What's that, before with Lily?" Remus asked.
Sirius faced Remus with cocked eyebrow. "James didn't go back for Christmas because of us. Peter didn't go back for Christmas because it will be only him of the Marauders who went back for Christmas and he didn't like the idea about it. And why do you think Evans didn't go back for Christmas?"
Remus shook his head. "No idea…"
Sirius grinned. "Because, James didn't go back either. If he didn't go back, Lily might spend more time with him!"
Remus makes an understanding tone. "And, what did she help you last year?"
Sirius looked away. "Ehh… she gave me an owl when I'm resting at Three Broomstick,"
"And how an owl can help you?" Remus laughed.
"Because that owl made me noticed how you cared for me," Sirius smiled widely. Remus, on the other hand, was blushing.
Sirius looked at Remus and laughed. Remus grumbled and waited Sirius to stop his laugh like ages. "Quit it, already,"
"Okay… okay… what is it that you mentioned before Mass that you want to talk to?" Sirius lowering down his laugh.
Remus stopped his walk and faced Sirius seriously. "Sirius, remember, last year I said we can't be together?"
Sirius looked at Remus, feeling tensed up on the air created by Remus. "Ha ha… what is it? Don't you dare to say that you will break up this relationship!"
Seeing Sirius became a bit hysterical, Remus took a breath. "That's not it! The reason is because I'm a werewolf,"
Sirius snapped back. "What?"
"A werewolf, Siri. I can understand if you felt disgusted, but…"
"Who said I'm disgusted? Remus, I just can't believe that is the reason you think you don't deserve me," Sirius sighed.
"Siri… it's my biggest fear!! I'm afraid you know this. I'm afraid that you will stay away from me. I'm afraid of losing you. It took me so long after I had the courage to say it that I'm a werewolf!!" Remus tensed up.
Sirius sighed and hugged him. "I'll not let you alone… I'm not leaving you just because you're a werewolf. Too bad if I should let out my little Remus just because your alter ego. Instead, whatever happened, I'll love the wolfy you, also. Because Remus is still Remus,"
Remus didn't reply. He only hugged Sirius back.
"We'll surely know how to manage with it. James probably knows the answer," Sirius swept his hand along Remus' honey hair. He could feel Remus nodded a bit and smiled.
"Then, I don't see other reason why we can't be boyfriends!" Sirius smiled widely.
"What?" Remus pulled away and faced Sirius.
Sirius smiled gently and kissed Remus softly. Once. Twice. And stopped.
Remus opened up his eyes and saw Sirius bit his lips. "What is it?"
Sirius gave a thought and dragged Remus quickly to the dorm. "I can't stand it anymore but I don't want to do it here!"
"What?!!"
Then, I pray to God… please grant us peace…
-- END
A/N: Haizz!! Finally finished it off!!! SOOO HAPPYYY!! The whole chapter was made for almost three weeks (23/12/07 – 11/01/08) as I tried to steal some time from my study time (it's exam weeks and at last, I think I failed the exam… bittersweet reality, indeed). So, if you like this story, please give me a reward as my effort making this ficcie by sneaking out from my study.
And, for ones who's confused for the full moon part: to know when moon is having a full moon, we have to refer to Chinese calendar as it is based on the moon, not the Caesarian calendar that we used now. And for this ficcie, I've converted our calendar into Chinese calendar, of course, according the year also (1965).
Last but not least, I know it's late already… I can't help it! It's exam week, remember? MERRY (BELATED) CHRISTMAS 2007 AND HAPPY (BELATED) NEW YEAR 2008!!! May you have a prosperous year!!