Title: Lasting Impressions
Fandom: Final Fantasy XIII-2
Subject: Hope Estheim, Noel Kreiss
Summary: As a researcher, Hope is often fascinated by that which he cannot explain.
Additional Notes: Oneshot, Hope/Noel. Spoilers through the 010/01X Yaschas Massif gates. Explicit content. I didn't think I was capable, but there you have it. I used game mechanics to my advantage, here... sort of.
Lasting Impressions
Hope is not really a people-person, unlike Alyssa.
He prefers books to people, because they're easier to read. He prefers his research, because it will never betray him. Science never demands intimacy from him. It never gives him discomfort.
Alyssa doesn't understand this, though. Hope tries to appreciate her for what she has to bring to the table – her contributions to science are invaluable, without a doubt – but the only thing he sees is her face much too close to his own.
He learns not to mind it. He merely shakes her off and returns to what he'd been doing before.
It's just who she is, Hope decides.
And exactly whom he isn't.
Alyssa's physically-demanding nature only becomes a problem when it gets in the way of his research.
This, Hope concludes, would have to be one of those times. It's almost embarrassing, that the girl is so shamelessly attached to him in front of people she doesn't know, especially in front of people he knows. Truthfully, he only knows Serah, but he wants to know Noel, too.
For the sake of research, of course.
Noel, to Hope, is an enigma he can't explain. He comes from a future Hope has never known, a future Hope can never imagine. He possesses the ability to travel through time with Serah, a deep-seated desire Hope has always longed for, to undo a wound that has never healed. The things that man knows, the way that man acts.
Hope can't help but to be fascinated by him.
Amid such fascination, the woman clinging to his arm only frustrates Hope.
Though they part ways, Hope occasionally runs into Noel and Serah, whenever the two decide to revisit him and Alyssa. They say they seek Fragments - and while Hope isn't fully familiar with the term, he has no difficulty in understanding the concept.
Their reunion is strange at first; though hardly any time passes for Hope, it's almost as if both Noel and Serah have witnessed a lifetime of events since their last meeting. And, well, with the ability to travel through time, perhaps they had - but the theory of time travel is intangible for Hope, and there is only so much Hope can understand without experimenting with it himself.
It doesn't take long for Hope to realize that Serah and Noel are purposely withholding information from him. A scientist's intuition is a strong intuition, but he also catches them in the midst of conversation, unintentional eavesdropping: in hushed haste, Serah pulls Noel aside and reminds him that "this Hope is a different Hope."
As with all men of science, Hope finds himself attracted to that which he cannot comprehend. Fragments, Hope understands with ease. But knowing multiple persons of the same identity? - Hope cannot find reason in Serah's words. As Hope understands it, to travel through time is to travel along a straight line, in one direction or another. That Serah and Noel could know a "different" Hope; Hope's only explanation is that Serah was referring to his future self, or even his past self.
As if Noel isn't already enough of a mystery for Hope, it doesn't take long before Hope's fascination becomes completely fixated upon the man from the future. He yearns to understand Noel's nature, but Noel never stays long enough for Hope to get a chance. Each time Noel and Serah are whisked away into the future, Hope and his thirst for answers are left behind.
Hope has a dream, but he doesn't understand why he has it.
He understands that dreams are subject to one's desires, that anything which heavily occupies one's mind can hold a great influence on that person's subconscious thoughts. He also understands that, lately, the primary focus of his thoughts has been his attempt in trying to understand Noel and the notion of time travel.
But inviting Noel into his tent, seducing the other man for answers - especially given Hope's character - it isn't at all befitting. He's not a people kind of guy, yet still, in Hope's dream, Hope sees himself climbing onto Noel's lap, whispering hotly into the man's ear the questions he has always wanted to ask, all while his hips and his hands distract Noel in ways Hope could never have imagined.
But it isn't Noel's answers that Hope takes away from this dream - he doesn't even remember Noel's answers, if they could even have been legitimate. What he does remember is Noel's fingers stroking his cheek, piercingly blue eyes boring into his own, an inexplicable glint of lust that Hope can't explain, but only reacts to. And then it's Hope spread against the table, Noel on top, and the kiss they share is more intense than any Hope's ever had - in the rare times he'd let a girl enter his guarded circle of intimacy, let alone in the times he'd allowed one to share a kiss with him. But he can barely think on those moments, and as he watches Noel take apart his Academy uniform piece by piece, it's Noel's eyes and the fleeting touches of his fingers that his mind focuses upon.
And then Noel's dark voice floods his ear, Hope's own name that rolls so silkily off his tongue, and for all Hope can understand he feels violated, because he's never let anyone this close to him before, because he's never dreamed of letting anyone make him feel this way. But it drives him crazy, absolutely crazy, and before Hope can claim that he can't be unstrung in any other way, Noel's fingers find his member, and dear Etro, Hope realizes he must've been doing it wrong his whole life, because Noel's hands are beyond magic.
He can't recognize what language Noel's whispering into his ear anymore. Hope is an unwound mess - who's seducing who now, Hope doesn't even know, let alone care. Noel's breathing is all that he hears, Noel's warm body against his is all he sees, Noel's fingers milking ecstasy from him is all he feels. Noel is his world, a world he fails to have understood. Noel is the only word that slips from his mouth, over and over, in short breaths. With Noel, time feels forever.
But at the peak of his climax, Hope awakes, an unfamiliar dream crashing before him. His trousers are soiled with release: Discomfort.
To say the dream is completely out of his character, completely out of his comfort zone: Truth.
But to say the dream is unwanted, that he doesn't ever want to think about it again: Falsity.
The dream scars Hope.
If anything, Hope becomes even less of a people-person after that dream. Alyssa becomes the trigger to a flood of memories, memories that leave him flustered, among other states. Her physical attachment only presents more of a problem, extending far beyond impediments in research, because it reminds Hope of an intimacy he never shared. And Hope, already bemused by the nature of his own dream, refuses to even consider if he'd ever want to share that level of closeness with anyone - especially Noel.
One look into Noel's eyes has Hope rerunning in his head the events of his dream all over again, so Hope tries his best to avoid eye contact and interaction altogether. Yet despite his awkwardness, Hope tries to be as hospitable to Noel and Serah as best he can. It confuses him, that he still wants to know everything about a man with whom he's now scared to interact, yet he understands that his time won't last forever: If Serah and Noel collect all the Fragments that they seek, the pair may never return to Hope's part of the timeline ever again.
Any sighting of Noel, could be Hope's last.
That science never demanded intimacy from him: It is a statement Hope must now amend. For the first time, Hope finds himself struggling to break the barrier he's built to keep people out; should Hope be unable to overcome his discomfort, the biggest enigma to have ever come across Hope's path - the possible beginnings of a path down a future of time-travel, where his friends, even his mother, could be saved - would be forever outside his reach.
One hundred ninety years into the future, Serah and Noel resolve a Paradox, oblivious to the consequences of their actions.
And then, everything that is, isn't.
Everything that was, was no longer.
Hope is not really a people-person, unlike Alyssa.
He prefers books to people, because they're easier to read. He prefers his research, because it will never betray him. Science rarely demands intimacy from him. It seldom gives him discomfort.
Alyssa doesn't understand this, though. Hope tries to appreciate her for what she has to bring to the table – her contributions to science are invaluable, without a doubt – but the only thing he sees is her face much too close to his own.
He learns not to mind it. He merely shakes her off and returns to what he'd been doing before.
It's just who she is, Hope decides.
And exactly whom he isn't. Yet still, Hope remembers a certain dream, a dream hardly befitting of him. He even experiences the dream again, even though it isn't really again. He understands physical intimacy is completely out of his character, yet he doesn't understand why it all seems so familiar. But he can't recognize the other subject of his dream: A man darkened in figure, a memory he should have had, might have had, even - but doesn't. An identity, lost - but then, why the dream?
He remembers everything, and it puzzles him. He remembers being fascinated by a strange man in the Yaschas Massif, even inviting him to a tent he never knew he owned. He remembers the way this mysterious man pins him down against a table, stroking his cheek as if Hope had meant something to him; the way the man kisses him, declothes him, teases his skin; the way the man chuckles into his ear, even knowing his name; the way the man slips a hand into Hope's undergarments, magic fingers curling about his member, tugging, stroking, teasing; pleasure flooding, pooling, never-ending, until at last Hope finds himself undone.
The only thing he doesn't remember is the name that had left his lips at his release.
It is because he doesn't understand, because he yearns to explain that which he is unable to comprehend, that Hope takes interest in deciphering his dream - and Hope's only lead is the tent in the Yaschas Massif. Hope has no reason to go there, except perhaps to investigate the ruins. To say he'd be going in the name of research is a bit of a stretch, but at the least, Hope indeed seeks answers: Perhaps not for science, but for himself.
Under the guise of learning more about the Farseers that once inhabited this area, Hope is surprised to discover an Oracle Drive. Excitement fills him, science begins to drive him once more - he even erects the very tent that had been the setting of his dreams, a tent that would serve as their temporary base while the ruins were further excavated - but there is still an unexplained void yet to be filled.
Alyssa latches onto his arm, as always, attempting to share her excitement with him, and he flinches. He doesn't understand why, nor does Alyssa. But her attachment triggers a memory he doesn't understand, his dream as his only explanation ...
She says they should return at once, equipped with the knowledge unearthed from the recorded visions they'd witnessed. But Hope can't leave, not just yet, and he tells her this.
"Director?" Alyssa asks with a tinge of curiosity, yet with slight unease. "Who are you waiting for?"
The man of my dreams. The man from my dreams. A man I feel like I once knew.
"I don't know ... but, I think they'll be here soon."
END
If you want the motivation to this story... revisit Academia 4XX AF after you've completed the game. Talk to Hope, then talk to the other researchers. That certain memories with significant impact remain, even as the timeline is altered, is the basis of this story.
...but seriously, someone wanted me to write sexy Noel/Hope scenes (and even those, I somewhat chickened out on...), and I didn't want it to be a purely smutty story, so this happened. It might just be easier to see it as such. D: