…... …... …... …... …... …...
Soft breaths puff into my ears, warming my chilled body. Arms wrap around that shaking exterior to quell addition and hunger, the hell inside, begging for mutiny, for rebirth, to let go and shave away the skin on the outside.
Only he can calm me when I become someone who is not me, someone who only wants to hurt anything it comes in contact with, anything it sees. Something not quite human, something unearthly,
dangerous.
Why does he stay? Why, when everyone has left my life? Not wanted to come close, to help me.
He comforts me on nights like this, brushing hair away from muddied eyes, stroking scarred thighs with a palm, calming my fury, calming the demons in my head.
The only one I want. No one else can have him. No one else can take him away.
And that's what I am, protective.
Protective of my bro, the one I hold close each night.
What was I like before I met him...?
Closing my eyes, shutting out the pain, don't want to remember, don't want to remember,
MY FEAR MY AGONY MY INSANITY MY INSTABILITY
But it still lurks.
I am... insane.
Hands clench at the faded shirt in front of me, nuzzle into it's softness.
Let the tears fall, he tells me. You're allowed to be scared. Just know I'm here.
Oh, god.
Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod
I'm addicted to this...
Waking Nightmare.
A Homestuck Fanfiction by Aki-kun
(I do not own Homestuck)
One Month Previous
"Wake up."
"I said, wake up."
"Hey."
"..."
"Goddamn it, Makara."
Blurry eyes open slowly, my head spinning from my most recent dream. I push myself up onto my arms, and sit up, looking at the man who always comes to give me my pills in the mornings.
I know by now to do what he says, experience telling consequences will follow if I don't.
A Mental Institution, as they may call it, and as nice looking as it is on the outside, the staff seems to find themselves in a pitiable condition... and ah, finding ways to vent on the "patients" is not uncommon.
Today is not the day, it seems, and Mr. Vantas seems to be in a halfway decent mood.
I smile, showing off my abnormally long canines.
"What's up, motherfucker? You seem to be chill today..." I yawn and stretch my long arms, breaking the line of sunlight that peeks into my room through the curtains.
He seems to be irritated by my attitude, but this morning, I was feeling particularly tired at the moment, so I had no fucks to give.
He stomped over, fuming, and instantly, I regretted my carefree demeanor.
At the speed of light, he reached out and grabbed my cheeks, pinching. His face was inches from mine, slightly red from anger. His teeth were grit and his eyes were dilated.
All in all, it was terrifying.
He spoke slowly, softly, a dangerous purr.
"Gamzee Makara... You're not as tough as you look... are you, now...?"
He smirks, eyes lidded, and I look into his eyes, filled with fear, I'm sure.
He digs a hand into my shoulder, then lifts it to my chilled neck, bringing goosebumps, then stroking up to my hopeless mane of black hair, I swallow, close my eyes, shaking, hoping he would finish, finish fast, and leave...
He coos my name, and I shudder internally.
"Yesss, that's right... You need someone to show you who's boss, hmmmn? You need to know how worthless you really are, you little shit..."
The last word is said harshly, as he bites my neck, and I cry out under his touch, his horrible touch that sickens me, warms me, and suddenly I snap.
Lashing out, he is suddenly thrown away from me, as I stay, shivering on the bed, unsure of what would happen next.
What just happened?
"Fuck...!" I hear, and flinch, drawing away from the man.
A knock on the door silences his rage, and he stands up quickly, the door revealing my good friend, John.
Mr. Vantas seems irked by his appearance, and John takes in the scene, analyzes it, realizes.
He looks at me with pity in his eyes before he tells the man that I am needed down at the main office.
I am excused, and he leaves the room, so I can get dressed, and I stare at the door for a minute or so after it is closed behind him before I slump back against the wall and let a lazy grin spread over my face.
It isn't long before the laughter starts.
Raging, uncontrollable.
It's just too funny for me to bear.
I slap a hand to my forehead, and begin to stop laughing at last.
Sighing, I decide to actually leave my barren room, and pull on some random articles of clothes I don't really care about before leaving.
~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~
Walking down the hallway, I see that not many people are up yet.
A few here and there, but not anyone I care about. Not that there is anyone who talks to me, other than John.
My personality and appearance both scare people away.
But both are just facades, hiding my true self.
But who wants to be weak?
The clown makeup is so that people will leave me alone, like I want.
But John didn't give a shit about what I looked like. He stayed by my side, and that I was grateful for.
He was the only person who I halfway cared for, respected.
Dorky as he may be, it was part of his enjoyable nature.
But, still...
What did they need me down at the office for?
Usually you didn't get called down there unless something was very, very, wrong. Ihad been called down only once when they came to tell me that...
I stopped in the middle of the hallway, rigid.
A few kids stared at me, interested.
I stared blankly ahead for a few moments, then, gripped my arms so tightly that my fingernails broke through skin, and I saw someone cringe out of the corner of my eye.
Suddenly, I took off running. People stared more than ever, but I didn't care. Ran past them all, ran, ran, until I was in the bathroom, and as soon as I hit the stalls, I threw up, heaving, and heaving.
Soon I was finished, sweat running down my face, but I just got up shakily and made my way to the sink, where I gargled some water, spit it out.
I stood up and made my way down to the office, still shaking.
Reaching it, I was pointed into the principal's room by one of the staff who looked extremely bored with a purple streak in his styled hair.
I walked in slowly, a little tentatively, not sure what I was expecting.
Walking in, the first thing I noticed was that it was a much nicer room than the other parts of the Institution. The floor was thickly carpeted and a rich ebony table was set up in the middle. Plants lined the walls, along with pictures with writing on them. A large window opened up to a balcony and deck overlooking the outside world. One in which I had not been outside of in years.
The principal, Mr. Captor, was an intimidating man. He wore multicolored shades and had strange skin with a gray-ish tint to it and sharpened fingernails.
He never spoke for some reason, and always had his assistant, (who insisted we call her by her first name), Kanaya, talk for him.
However, this time, there was a new character in with these two strange adults.
Hello, I thought. Who's this motherfucker?
He was short compared to me, but then again, I was a solid six feet. Creamy skin stretched over a skinny figure, but not quite lanky, and I was.
Oh, well. He would be in no time, what with the stress delivered here.
His dark eyes were heavily lashed, and his expression showed he was shy by nature. His hands nervously gripped the ends of his rumpled jacket.
He had a messy sort of mohawk-thing going on, which was pretty cute.
In fact, everything about this guy was cute, from his figure, to his expression, to his look. Man, he was like some sort of a motherfuckin' teddy bear. You just wanted to squeeze him.
Kanaya cleared her throat, and I turned to her, but my mind was still on the little dude.
"So... Ehm... Mr. Makara. This is going to be your new room mate, Tavros Nitram. Since everyone else was assigned a room mate, you are the only one left with an extra spot, and ah... er... Yeah. So he'll be sharing your living space from now on."
Here she pauses.
"Please... try to get along, you two."
I give her a grin, lidded eyes hidden slightly from my mess of hair.
"What do you mean, sis? I'll get along with Tavbro, no sweat... We'll be best motherfuckin' friends, 'ain't that right, Tavvy?"
He looked stunned, then flustered all in a few seconds.
How motherfucking cute.
"Ah... er... me? I mean... yeah... Best friends, sure... okay..."
He seemed to have some sort of an insecurity issue, but, hey, man, that was cool, that was cool...
"Heh, c'mon, Tavbro, let's split. I'll show you where you'll be crashing tonight, and, uh, probably for a while, y'know?"
He laughed nervously.
This was gonna be so motherfuckin' awesome.