Don't walk away

Summary: That conversation between Martha and Clark at the end of Unsafe.

By: Master Kaym

Disclaimer: I do not own Smallville!

A.N.: First Smallville fic… and also, English is not my first language, so if you find anything wrong, just send me a little message and I'll correct it ;) Also, am I the only one who's frustrated by Clark's parents' reaction in this episode??? I mean, it wasn't like it was HIS fault!! He was on red kryptonite! Grrrr :P

Don't walk away

Mom approaches me. I'm nervous. What mom and dad said earlier… They were so disappointed. Dad could barely look at me. I feel so ashamed. What did I do? I fell like I'm breaking this family apart… Is it really my fault? Sometimes… Sometimes I think it is.

"Is Dad still upset?"

"What do you think?" She replies coldly.

She walks to my side and looks at me with an unbreakable expression on her face. I can't bring myself to look at her. I don't know what to say.

"How about you?" I ask cautiously.

"I'm upset. But more than that, I'm disappointed."

My mom is disappointed in me. I can't… I feel so lost. I try to never disappoint my parents, but somehow, I always end up doing just that. I try and I try to do my best, but it never feels like it's enough. I thought that maybe they would understand.

"I was on red kryptonite, Mom."

But she doesn't seem to understand.

"My God" She says, barely containing her anger "You ran off with a girl you barely know and got married."

Yes, I got married… I never intended to. Doesn't she understand what red kryptonite does to me? Doesn't she know I was drugged? It wasn't me. I feel the tears beginning to form in my eyes.

Or was it me?

"It wasn't legal" I try to explain.

"That's not even the point. Marriage is sacred, Clark. It's about two people who trust each other and are willing to go through life together no matter how difficult it gets. I thought we had taught you that!"

I turn away from her with tears in my eyes. Mom thinks it was my fault. I guess maybe she's right. Mom's always right. And I always let her down. I can't stand it.

"You're an amazing young man, Clark. You make life and death decisions every day. But then you turn around and… and you do this. Why did you do it?"

A tear falls down my cheek. I don't know. I almost did something… If Alicia hadn't taken off the necklace, I'd… But I still love her. I don't know why. She's special to me, even with what she did.

"Mom… there's a part of me that never feels freer than when I'm with Alicia. She makes me feel normal and special at the same time."

Please mom, understand. Please understand what I feel right now. I feel lost, I feel like nobody will ever understand what it's like.

"I know how badly you want to be with somebody. I want that for you too. I guess I just expected you to use better judgment."

She leaves the room.

It hurts. Betrayal dances around me and I'm always the prey. Alicia played with me. She loves me and yet, she lies and deceives. My parents love me too, but it's when I've gone astray that they walk away.

I feel alone. I've always been alone. I don't belong. Solitude is one thing I've learned to deal with. It's a quiet place I can go to when everything goes wrong. I look like I'm strong, but inside, I'm not. I've lived so much already, too much for someone as young as I am. But nobody sees that. No one knows. And those who know my secrets, they're not with me when I fall.

I feel the tears run down my face and I can't stop them. I feel cold. I hold my fist on my mouth, and I feel my muscles shaking. A cruel spasm is tearing my face in a sorrowful grimace. I just wish there was someone to hold me. I just wish someone would just look right trough me and understand…

I know she never meant to do wrong, but… She tried to take something from me, something special. She drugged me and shattered my trust.

She… She is scars that won't ever be erased, hands which penetrate intimacy, avid kisses and caresses which enclose, which devour, and which tear you apart. She was lies and deceit.

But she was also so much like me.

And she is also the one that made me feel so normal…and so loved. When she smiled, when she'd been writing with her finger the shapes of the stars, the shadows seemed to leave me, frightened by the sudden light.

I don't want to lose that.

Maybe we could try again. Maybe… just maybe we can work this out. I have faith in her. I know she can be a better person.

I just wish it was easier. Happiness hurts so much when one cannot reach it.