Draco! Get off of that, um, Thing!
By: Hot Dog Pete
Friday 20 February 2015
{This one-shot is for the English Idioms Challenge set up by Lily F. Lux in HPFC. This is set on Saturday 7 November 1992. In other words, the Second Year Gryffindor/Slytherin Quidditch Match.
Note: There is an unknown chaser and both beaters are unknown for the 1992 Slytherin team, so I'm using names from Third year where Second year are missing.}
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"And out comes the Gryffindor team! Captain and Keeper, Mr. Oliver Wood! The Three Marvelous Chasers, who still won't go out with—"
"JORDAN!" Interjected Professor McGonagall.
"Sorry Professor. The Chasers, Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinnet, and Katie Bell. Next, we have the Unbeatable Beaters, Fred and George Weasley, whom nobody can ever tell apart, not even their mother, from what I hear—"
"JORDAN!" McGonagall interrupted again this time with warning tones.
"Sorry, Professor, again. And last but not least, the Boy Who Lived, Harry Potter! And now for the stinky—"
"JORDAN! One more time and you're THROUGH!"
"—Slytherins. Sorry, Professor. And for the Slytherins, we have Keeper Miles Bletchley, Chasers Adrian Pucey, Graham Montague, and Captain Marcus Flint, Beaters Peregrine Derrick and Lucian Bole, and WHAT IN THE NAME OF HELL IS THAT? Draco Malfoy appears to ride on something other than a broom. I'm sure that that is illegal, Professor?"
"Yes."
"HA! Finally, we can call them stinky, slimy, cheating Slytherins!"
"JORDAN! YOU. ARE. DONE! And yes, it appears that Draco Malfoy has chosen to ride on an object that clearly is not a broom, which is against the rules. Mister Malfoy, could you please explain what that thing that you are riding on is, by any chance?"
"It's a horse, professor. And not just any horse. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the Super Awesome Mega Cool Great Amazing High Horse 4000! It even has its own cupholder!"
"Well, I'm sorry to say this, but Mister Malfoy, could you please get off of your Super Awesome Mega Cool Great Amazing High Horse 4000. To play Quidditch, you need a broom, not a Super Awesome Mega Cool Great Amazing High Horse 4000. You—"
"But Professor! This Super Awesome Mega Cool Great Amazing High Horse 4000 was sold to me for 500 Galleons! It normally costs 300, but for the extra 200, the certified it usable for Quidditch! They told me that I can use it for Quidditch, and that is precisely what I am going to do."
"MISTER MALFOY! If you ride a Super Awesome Mega Cool Great Amazing High Horse 4000, then Mister Potter has to ride a Super Awesome Mega Cool Great Amazing High Horse 4000, too, but Mister does NOT have a Super Awesome Mega Cool Great Amazing High Horse 4000, so I'm afraid that you will have to get off of your Super Awesome Mega Cool Great Amazing High Horse 4000 and find yourself a broom instead. If you cannot find yourself a broom, may I suggest to you the Hogwarts Broom Storage Closet. Or you may borrow one from a friend. If none of these options work for you, then I must regretfully inform you that Slytherin will forfeit the match."
Harry decided to chime in. "Um, Professor? I do have a Super Awesome Mega Cool Great Amazing High Horse 4000. However, my Super Awesome Mega Cool Great Amazing High Horse 4000 is currently at home, and I didn't pay the extra 200 Galleons to make my Super Awesome Mega Cool Great Amazing High Horse 4000 certified for Quidditch use. So technically, while I do own a Super Awesome Mega Cool Great Amazing High Horse 4000, I don't have a Super Awesome Mega Cool Great Amazing High Horse 4000 available or usable for this Quidditch match. I'm sorry about that," he concluded.
Draco, in turn, responded, "Well, I do have a Nimbus 2001 in my dorm room that I could use, I guess…" he trailed off.
Professor McGonagall finished, "Well, there you go. Get off of your Super Awesome Mega Cool Great Amazing High Horse 4000 and grab your Nimbus 2001 so that we can play."
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{Inspired by my sixth grade Boys' Volleyball championship-winning team name: Super Awesome Cool People.}