IVY IN SPACE
A few days after the toaster incident (like the next day) we were in a
pharmacy (idk which one just a pharmacy) where nati and ivy were FIGHTING
OVER A SNICKERS! (in my mind while they were fighting this song was in my head. we keep it
gangsta from jersey shore btw Wanna see a 32 year old and a 17 year old fighting like 5 year olds saying
gimmie calling each other poopy head and big boob hag) OVER A SNICKERS? I don't!
(Unless it's a cat fight ending in a lesbiaaaaaa ill shut up now) when leaving the pharmacy
my gf and ivy went home when all of a sudden ivy was kidnapped.
(You're probably wondering how ivy was kidnapped why and who) ivy was abducted by an
alien. Abducted- (ABDUCTED BY ALIENS IS THAT THE BEST
YOU CAN COME UP WITH? NIGHTMARE, ZASALAMEL, TIRA,
CERVANTES, ALIENS?...SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. A 32
YEAR OLD WARRIOR ALCHEMIST WHO FOUGHT THE FORCES
OF DARKNESS, DESTROYED AN EVIL, SWORD GOT ABDUCTED
BY ALF? W...T...F? DID THE AUTHOR RAN OUT OF IDEAS OR
IS HE TRYING TO PISS US...off? Wait! I'm the writer...never mind just keep reading.)
Ivy was abducted by aliens and it was up to us to save her. Back
at my house Vespa and kasumi were wondering how to go save ivy.
So we went to taco bell to think and have a burrito. We went to
taco bell and we saw Hilde eating a burrito. Anyway I went to her
and said hi she said hi and offered me a burrito. I took it and we
had lunch together along with kasumi my gf and Vespa. We had
lunch and told Hilde ivy was abducted by aliens. Hilde said she
would help us under 1 condition. Go to long john silver's find
sophitia and Cassandra because they owe her a sushi dinner for
losing a mini golf game. So we went to long john silvers (it was right
across because we were in san Patricio) and I saw Cassandra and sohpitia they
were eating fish. I went to them and asked them if they would help
me save ivy they said yes. So we went to natis house and we
started to build a spaceship. It appears that Cassandra is a rocket
scientist (srsly she got a degree in rocket science in la polytechnica) so she made a
rocket, (the USS tulio) got inside and flew to space. We went to 3 planets.
Planet 1
The planet of dogs
The planet of dogs. The planet where the only animals that live
there are dogs. (There's other planets with weirder dominant species so don't complain.) We
went to the dog king and asked him if he saw Ivy (the ship that had ivy led us
to the planet so there must be some clue or something) he said he saw a ship carrying a
big breasted woman flew by. He said he would help us UNDER 1
CONDITION! Carry his 300 puppies (yes that's a lot of puppies) from one
house to another so we took his puppies we took a giant
marshmallow (yes a giant marshmallow) and bounced them their
home. Everything was going good until the alien threw a bomb at
the house the dog king threw the bomb back at the alien and blew
the other house up with the alien but the alien got away. The dog
king thanks us and said that the alien was heading to the planet of
cows (yes another planet where there's only 1 dominant species I know this story is getting weird wait till chapter 4)
PLANET 2
THE PLANET OF COWS
We went to the planet of cows and for some reason we saw raiza
hugging cows (...i...i...i...i rly don't know how or why...eh...WHY
WAS SHE THERE? AND WHY WAS SHE HUGGING COWS?
ANYWAY raiza was hugging cows. My gf nati asked her why was
she hugging cows. Raiza said I do this every weekend. (...ok?) My
gf said ok. (Yezz) we asked raiza if she saw ivy she said yes and then
she sneezed. (Idk) anyway she said she'd help us (says annoyed) UNDER 1
CONDITION. MILK THE COWS. WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH
THE FAVORS? GO TO LONG JOHN SILVERS, SAVE 300
PUPPIES, MILK THE COWS WUT NEXT? So me, my gf ,Vespa ,
Hilde, sophitia, kasumi, raiza , and Cassandra were milking cows
UNTIL A UFO STARTED ABDUCTING THE COWS (NO IT WASN'T
THE ALIEN WHO ABDUCTED IVY IT WAS ANOTHER UFO IDK WHICH ALIEN IT JUST WAS A UFO DON'T
ASK ME WHICH ALIEN WAS IT I CANT CLASSIFY ALIENS IT WAS A UFO ABDUCTING ALIENS IT WAS TAKING THE COWS IDK WHY IT JUST WAS SO PLZ LETS GET BACK TO THE STORY!) raiza said
save the cows so we drew our swords and fought the ship it was
defeated when sophitia threw a waffle at it (in fact it blew up the ship) we
saved the cows. Raise thanked us I asked her if she would join us
she said yes and I gave her a transformer action figure (bumblebee) so
I, my gf, kasumi, raiza, Hilde, Vespa, Cassandra, and sophitia
went to the last planet.
THE THIRD PLANET
THE PLANET OF MINAH BIRDS
WE CHASED THE SHIP TO THE 3RD AND FINAL PLANET EAT
PLASMA! SAID VESPA AS SHE SHOT THE ALIENS SHIP WITH
THE OUR SHIPS PLASMA CANNONS. FIRE PHOTON TORPEDOS!
SAID NATI AS HILDE FIRED THE PHOTON TORPEDOES AT THE
SHIP. SHES GOIN DOWN! SAID VESPA PREPARE TO BORAD! I
SAID AS WE WERE BOTH CRASHING TO THE PLANET. HOW
WILL WE BOARD THE SHIP? SAID HILDE EVER PLAYED FORCE
UNLEASED 2? YOU MEAN? SAID HILDE ARE YOU SERIOUS?
SAID HILDE WITH A SCARED LOOK ON HER FACE. YES! I SAID
NO DUDE! YOURE CRAZY! WE HAVE NO CHOICE. PREPARE TO
BOARD! TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT! SAID RAIZA. AS BOTH
SHIPS CAME CRASHING DOWN I BLASTED THE WINDOW OF
THE SHIP (with the force) AND WE FLEW FROM ONE SHIP TO
ANOTHER WHILE FALLING TO THE PLANET. (ok ok I know wut your thinking
how can that be possible while falling at thousands of miles per hour and to mention burning up in the
atmosphere? well I'll tell you...ITS A STORY!) we caught up with the ship and
braced ourselves PREPARE FOR IMPACT! YELLED CASSANDRA
as we crashed into the 3rd planet but while we crashed all of us
flew all over the ship and slammed into walls doors ceilings and
even toilets. (At least Hilde) We regrouped we were all ok except Hilde
who was smelling kinda ripe. (Unfortunately she fell HEAD FIRST
into the alien's toilet and ...um it wasn't flushed) ugh Hilde wuts
that stench? Said sopitia. It's chocolate. Said Hilde. You sure?
You smell like a vagina with a yeast infection. Said Vespa. It's
chocolate. Said Hilde. I don't think chocolate has sushi on it unless
its chocolate covered sushi but only I and ash like- OK OK ITS
SHIT! IM COVERED IN SHIT! I FELL IN THE TOILET AND IM
COVERED IN CAQUI! THERE YOU HAPPY said Hilde in an angry
you CAN WE JUST GET IVY AND GET OUT OF HERE? ...ok I
said. So we went all over the ship until we saw the alien it was
EXCEL. dun dun
! Yes it was
excel from excel saga apparently she won a spaceship in a butter
finger eating contest. (Apparently she ate 195 butterfingers. how she is still alive is beyond
me) we said after her so we chased her ALL OVER THE SHIP! But
the damn ship was huge (like star destroyer huge) everyone was tired but I
wasn't going down that easy. So I chased her until I threw a
mynah bird (btw a mynah bird is a bird from new Zealand it talks and its cute but when it's a whole
planet of them and they get in your way while youre chasing excel and they're all over the ship saying mine
like the seagulls in finding nemo they're annoying as FUCK!) At her she was knocked
out but now in a coma. I finally found ivy and wouldn't you know it
SHE WAS DRINKING TEA! OH MY GOD! WE WERE ALL OVER
THE GALAXY LOOKING FOR THIS CHICK, WORRIED TO DEATH
ABOUT HER AND SHES DRINKING TEA AS IF EVERYTHING
WAS COOL? IM GONNA SLAP A BITCH! YOU! I SAID ALL
ANGRY, HURT, CUT AND COVERED IN FEATHERS WHAT THE
HELL WE WENT ALL OVER THE GALAXY TO SAVE YOU AND
YOURE HAVING TEA? SAVE ME? SHE SAID AS SHE STARTED
LAUGHING. No you got it all wrong. She said in a happy way. I
was abducted because excel wanted to have tea with me and,
cheer me up after fighting with your gf over a sill chocolate bar.
...i passed out
TO BE CONTINUED...