Disclaimer: I own nothing. Okay, I do own a fairly nice car and some pets and stuff and I just bought a frappucino..but as for IZ, that's Viacom's. (Sadly).

Anyway, please enjoy my first IZ fic! I'd also seriously appreciate some reviews, for the record.

INT. Massive ship

RED AND PURPLE are on the phone with DERUNA, QUEEN of the MANTIS.

PURPLE: Finally! Zim will have no way out of this one.

RED: Shh - let the lady talk.

DERUNA: We expect a better effort this year, Irkens. Your last shipment of Defectives may have been satisfactory, but our Moon Ball is attended by only the finest nobles on Manti. Our taste is keener than the common Manti's. We'll only need one of your sacrifices, and it must be a perfect one.

RED: Oh, not to worry, Deruna.

DERUNA glares at the camera.

DERUNA: "Not to worry", who?

RED: S-sorry, Queen Deruna. But Zim, yeah, he's tasty, all right. He's delicious!

PURPLE: He really is! One time, I bit him! And it was...yum.

DERUNA looks unimpressed.

DERUNA: Have you Irkens a picture of him?

PURPLE holds up a photo of ZIM from his files. It has him stamped as a Defective. DERUNA licks her teeth in thought, revealing fangs.

DERUNA: Looks scrawny. This is really the best you have? Have you no one bigger?

PURPLE: No! Er, yes, but - he may look tiny in this photo, but he's only ... this big in this photo! Besides, I'm sure your court can fatten him up in time for the feast.

DERUNA groans.

DERUNA: Send him over, then. But don't forget what I said before: this Zim had better make the perfect meal for me, or next decade's feast will feature Liver of Tallest!

The Tallest let out short screams.

PURPLE: YES MA'AM!

DERUNA chuckles, looking satisfied, and hangs up.

PURPLE: I know we're the Tallest and everything…and we're not supposed to cower…

RED: Cower all you want, that chick is crazy. So, you wanna do the honors?

PURPLE sighs and dials ZIM on the screen.

PURPLE: Why do I feel like we don't get paid enough?

ZIM appears onscreen in a girl outfit.

ZIM: Greetings, my Tallest! Forgive me, for you have caught me in the middle of –

RED and PURPLE flail their hands around and groan, assuring ZIM they do not want to know what he's been up to.

RED: Zim, we're glad we reached you. Deruna, Queen of the Mantis, has requested your assistance on the Planet Manti. YOUR assistance – as in, you, Zim. And no one else.

ZIM: Manti? My Tallest, I've never heard of such a place.

RED: Manti. You know? One of our sister planets? Thirty million miles away?

ZIM blinks. He's wearing a lot of mascara. RED sighs.

RED: The one we don't really like to talk about.

PURPLE: They kicked our butt in the Great Battle of Manti. Thanks for reminding us, Zim!

ZIM pulls the bow off of his head and wipes off his lipstick. GIR catches the bow and raises his fists.

GIR (low voice, a clear imitation of ZIM). Victoryyy!

ZIM: But my Tallest, what about my mission?

RED: Your whaa? OH, right, conquering Earth. Well, uh, this mission won't take more than a few weeks. Earth will be right where you left it when you return.

PIRPLE: Yeah, and we promise we won't reassign your mission to anyone.

GIR dances around the base with the bow, shrieking.

ZIM: Another special mission, heh heh. This queen has excellent taste. I vow to affirm my reputation that has spread so impressively to the farthest corners of the universe. And I will make Irk proud! Thank you, my Tallest. Zim out!

ZIM salutes. The screen fades to static. The TALLEST smile wickedly at one another.

RED: Did he say "taste"?

PURPLE: Yep!