Hello there readers! I have here another wonderful story for all of you to read!
Now before the story starts, let me key you in on a couple of things.
First of all, this story is a humor themed story and is also a parody, due to the plot of this fanfiction, as well as some of the cutaways that'll be featured as well (there will be at least two cutaways just so you know).
Also, this story will contain some harsh language, which is why this story is rated T. Luckily, I have censored out the profane words, are used in the cutaways and one profane word is used outside the cutaways is slightly censored to an extent. Just a warning for you all.
One other thing, the summary for this story is basically that the spies get promoted to super spies, they have a party at WOOHP in celebration of it, and there is some randomness thrown in here and there, just so you know. I do hope you guys read this story anyway.
With that being said, enjoy the story readers!
Disclaimer: All characters and parodies that aren't mine or haven't been made by me belong to their rightful owners.
AT WOOHP HQ:
"Yahoo, isn't this great guys," Clover asked her four friends, as the five of them were at a party hosted by WOOHP. "We've been promoted to super spies after taking a large amount of challenges that Jerry gave us!"
"Yeah, it was tiresome Clover," Sam agreed, letting out a sigh of relief. "But it was worth it for us to become super spies."
"And we decided to throw this party in response to that," Andrew added.
"It was a great idea honey," Alex commented.
"Oh yeah," Chaosky said. "I can remember the whole thing happening all over again as if it were just a few minutes ago…"
It was then that a regular flashback then occurred.
-Start of Flashback-
After spending a good entirety of the day taking on some of the most difficult and challenging missions that WOOHP assigned them, the five spies, looking all tired and all worn out, entered Jerry's office as Jerry then noticed them. He checked the status of the missions he gave them and saw that they completed all the missions they needed to accomplish. As a result, he congratulated them.
"Ah there you are spies," Jerry greeted. "Congratulations, you just accomplished all the tasks you needed to accomplish today!"
"That's a relief," Andrew sighed wiping the sweat off his forehead. "I'm all tired out."
"Well you should be relieved, because now I have some good news for you all," Jerry stated.
"And what would that be Jerry," Sam asked, panting from exhaustion as well.
"Because you five have completed all those trials I have assigned to you, all five of you are being promoted to super spies!" Jerry announced.
This got the five of them perked up as they all had excited looks in their eyes.
"Really?" All five of them wondered.
"Yes, really," Jerry nodded.
"Your not giving us a demotion, just like what happens with Coconuts the robot monkey on a daily basis," Chaosky wondered.
"No Chaosky," Jerry shook his head. "You are not being demoted. You really are being promoted to super spies. All five of you."
"Well that's sweet news Jerry," Chaosky sounded thrilled. "This calls for a celebration party!"
"Splendid idea Chaosky," Jerry seemed thrilled with this. "I'll get the supplies."
"I'll bake the cake," Chaosky bounced.
"I'll get the fashionable party hats for everyone," Clover said with glee.
"And I'll get the balloons all set," Alex exclaimed. "Andrew, would you mind helping me with this?"
"Certainly babe," Andrew said, grabbing Alex's hand. "I'll help you."
"Thanks sweet cheeks," Alex thanked him. Sam let out a sigh as she then said.
"I guess I'll get the table set up then…"
Right after she said that, everyone went and got ready for the celebration as the flashback came to an end.
-End of Flashback-
"Chaosky, that actually happened a couple hours ago, not a few minutes ago," Andrew recalled.
"That's right," Chaosky looked embarrassed. "I was so busy with the cake, I lost track of time…"
"Well still, we got everything all set," Alex exclaimed, with everyone agreeing with her. "Thanks for helping me with the balloons Andrew."
"Anytime dear," Andrew winked at her. "I love you Alex."
"I love you too Andrew."
The happy couple started kissing romantically for a couple minutes as the others were eating cake in such a cheerful manner.
A few minutes later, one of the guards of WOOHP approached the five spies, holding a check list, as the five of them noticed him, causing Andrew and Alex to stop kissing.
"Can I help you with something mister," Chaosky asked.
"Yes, I am looking at this guest list and there's someone on here that isn't here yet. Do you know where this person named 'Dean' is?"
Andrew gained the most bewildered look on his face as he then asked.
"Who the hell is Dean?"
"Dean is one of the guests on this list," The guard stated. "He's suppose to be here. He's a WOOHP agent…"
"Woah woah woah, hang on a minute," Chaosky started arguing. "Since when in Hell did we have an agent named Dean?"
"The list said that he's suppose to be here," The guard stated. "It also says that he's suppose to be an absolute hunk and the three girls are suppose to be in love with him."
This triggered Andrew to become furious, at the sight of another man winning his angel's heart. He looked extremely pissed off as Alex noticed. Alex tried calming Andrew down, as she explained that she wouldn't fall for some hunk named Dean that she belongs to Andrew.
"How the hell do you even know this," Chaosky questioned him.
"The list says so," The guard stated.
Jerry heard this going on as he then approached the guard as he then said.
"Hold on there Johnson," Jerry stated. "That guest list isn't correct. It's a fake! There is no agent named Dean. Dean doesn't exist in these fanfictions that the author has been creating for this series."
"But why," Johnson asked. "Why doesn't Dean exist here?"
"Let me give you the obvious reason for that question," Jerry retorted. "It's due to the presence of Andrew!"
"So what's so special about Andrew?" Johnson questioned.
"Well let's see, he has potential, and he happens to be one of my most well trained spies," Jerry exclaimed.
Johnson was confused as Jerry continued.
"Look Johnson, metaphorically speaking, Andrew is Dean. But retrospectively speaking, Andrew is really his own character! I mean look at him," Jerry motioned him to look at Andrew, who was giving a very adorable look with his eyes. "He's his own character, especially since he has a much bigger, and deeper back story behind his character."
Andrew looked flattered as Johnson then countered by asking.
"But what about the readers out there that like Dean," Johnson asked. "Won't they be pissed if they know that Dean doesn't exist in these stories?"
"Nonsense Johnson," Jerry said. "The readers know by now that Dean doesn't exist at least in these stories, and besides, they'll probably understand the fact that Andrew is Dean (metaphorically speaking), but is also his own character (retrospectively speaking), with the back story he's known for since the beginning of these stories."
"But sir, the guest list says…" Johnson started speaking.
"Give me that," Jerry swiped the guest list from his hands. "I am burning this guest list!"
Jerry walked away, planning on burning the guest list. Johnson looked disappointed.
"Well this freaking sucks," Johnson said in a disappointed tone in his voice.
"Oh yeah, what a disappointment," Andrew said sarcastically while rolling his eyes.
"Tell me about it," Chaosky retorted. "That's not even bad compared to something worse. There was this one time where the punk rock band Blue Night was at a concert run by uHateStereo, and the front man of the group snapped because the company cut their performance short to make room for a crappy rap artist."
It was then a cutaway flashback occurred…
CUTAWAY:
At a concert in Las Vegas, being run by uHateStereo, the punk rock band Blue Night, which consisted of four band members. Currently, the group was performing 'Emotional Cripple', their hit song from their critically acclaiming album 'Pottie' as they were unaware of what was about to happen at any moment. The front man of Blue Night, who goes by the name Johnnie Steve Wonders, was playing his electric guitar while his band mates were playing their respective instruments. Johnnie was just starting to sing the bridge to the song, but he instantly stopped short when he was being informed that the group was being cut short for a crappy wannabe artist. This got Johnnie furious as he felt the need to rant.
"Oh, [Bleep] this s**t!" Johnnie cussed as he clapped his hands, causing his band mates to stop playing and got the crowds attention, as he claimed that they were going to 'play a [bleep]ing new song'. "Give me a [bleep]ing break!"
Johnnie started gripping about how the group only has one minute left to perform, while dropping the F-Bomb. He pointed to a screen that said '1 Minutes Left' which was spelled incorrectly and was intentionally set to piss off the front man of Blue Night.
Johnnie started ranting about how his group has been around since 1988, and he claimed this event to be a huge joke, all while dropping the F-Bomb multiple times in every sentence. Some of the girls in front, who were obviously stoned, thought that Johnnie was actually Houston Beaver (a crappy teen pop artist). This got Johnnie even more pissed off as he felt the need to screamed.
"I AM NOT [BLEEP]ING HOUSTON BEAVER, YOU MOTHER[BLEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP]ERS!"
He continued ranting for a few moments or so, claiming this festival to be a waste of time.
"I got one minute- one minute left… Oh, now I got nothing left!"
It was revealed that the screen turned off, a sign that Blue Night's time was up and it was time to give them the boot. Furious, Johnnie took off his guitar and then said.
"Let me show you what one [bleep]ing minute [bleep]ing means!"
The moment he shouted that did he start slamming his guitar onto the floor like what a stereotypical rock and roll star would normally do at a rock concert. The bass player, and Johnnie's long time partner, known as Jake Burpt, was watching him smash his guitar.
"S**T! That's what we're doing," Jake figured out, taking off his bass guitar. "WELL COUNT ME IN BROTHER!"
Jake instantly ran over to Johnnie's side as he started smashing his bass guitar (trying to) with Johnnie.
The drummer of Blue Night, known as Trois Awesome, wasn't joining his two long time partners in smashing equipment. He was however, whooping and cheering them on.
"WOOOOOOOOO! ROCK ON JOHHNIE AND JAKE!" Trois whooped. "SHOW THOSE ASSHOLES THAT WE ARE SUPERIOR AND HOUSTON BEAVER IS INFERIOR! YEAAHHHHHHH!"
The secondary guitar player, who is known as Franklin Black, could only shake his head at the actions his three partners were causing.
Sometimes I wonder why my band mates act like total nutjobs… Franklin thought to himself as he sighed, knowing that they were his partners. Andrew's voice was then heard outside the cutaway.
"And what made the meltdown even more hysterical was the fact that African American Hip Hop Artist Stanley East decided on approaching them and intervene on the blast out."
Right on cue, Hip Hop artist Stanley East walked onto stage and intervened.
"Scuse me Boys, I'm happy that y'all are having a smashing fit," Stanley stated. "But it's time for y'all to get the hell out of here, your time is up! It's mah turn to please the crowd!"
Both Johnnie and Jake gave Stanley East the death glare, and in a matter of seconds, Jake swung his bass guitar, hitting Stanley who was then sent flying right out of the stadium as a result, screaming and howling all the way.
Eventually, Johnnie finally broke his guitar, tossing the remains he was holding aside as he then spoke through the microphone he was holding.
"One minute! God [bleep]ing love you all," Johnnie flipped them off by giving the finger. "We'll be back!"
The moment he declared that did Johnnie drop the microphone he was holding as he then walked off stage, with his three partners following right behind him as Jake dropped the bass guitar he failed to destroy. The crowd was silent like dead zombies as the cutaway then ended.
CUTAWAY ENDS!
"Heh heh heh, that was intense," Chaosky snickered.
"Wait, it was revealed that two day later, Johnnie was revealed to have been drinking, and he was also overusing prescribed medication he was taking for his panic disorder and his insomnia."
"Yeah," Chaosky nodded. "And he had to go to rehab because of it."
The other spies were shocked at finding something to say, as Clover then retorted.
"Talk about mental problems."
"You think that's bad Clover," Andrew started. "There was this one time where these two French comedians, who were doing a spoof of Daft Punk, were having an argument on stage…"
It was then another cutaway occurred…
CUTAWAY:
Two French comedians who were wearing the gold and silver helmets of Daft Punk respectively were performing as the silver robot started singing.
"BURGER, NUGGETS, NUGGETS, BURGER!"
The gold robot ignored him as they continued performing.
"BURGER, NUGGETS, NUGGETS, BURGER!" The silver robot repeated.
The gold robot still ignored him as they kept on performing.
"BURGER, NUGGETS, NUGGETS, BURGER!" The silver robot said for the third time in a row.
Having about enough, the gold robot then tapped the silver robot on the shoulder, instantly ending the performance as the gold robot then asked him.
"What the [bleep] are you doing?"
"Well… You know… Just singing," The silver robot exclaimed. "BURGER, NUGGETS, NUGGETS, BURGER!"
The gold robot shook his head in disappointment as he then retorted.
"B***h, you don't even know the lyrics," The gold robot then corrected him. "What you mean is HARDER, BETTER, FASTER, STRONGER!"
"That's what I said," The silver robot claimed, almost sounding like he was stoned.
"No, it's not," The gold robot pointed out. "What you actually said was BURGER, NUGGETS, NUGGETS, BURGER… What the [bleep] is wrong with you?"
The silver robot looked ashamed as he was face downward as he then answered.
"Probably the fact that, I didn't eat for 3 days… I'm hungry as [bleep]!"
"Why don't you just eat?" The gold robot questioned.
"Goddamn helmet is stuck on my head." The silver robot pointed out as the gold robot sighed in annoyance.
"OMG, I can't stand your ass anymore. You're nothing but a LOSER, LOSER, LOSER, LOSER!"
Noticing how the gold robot said loser in a rhythmatic manner, the silver robot decided to counter back.
"Oh really?" He started to chime. "YOUR MOTHER, YOUR FATHER, YOUR DAUGHTER, YOUR SISTER!"
"Say that again…" The gold robot rubbed his fingers, daring his partner to say that a second time as the silver robot repeated himself.
"YOUR MOTHER, YOUR FATHER, YOUR DAUGHTER, YOUR SISTER!"
The gold robot was getting angry as he then warned him.
"Watch your [bleep]ing mouth, I will slap the s**t out of you."
It was then the two comedians started having a slapping contest, as they repeatedly slapped one another. A few moments later, the silver robot pushed the gold robot off the stage as he landed on the floor, being knocked out unconscious.
"Ooooooo…" The gold robot moaned before knocking out cold.
The crowd could only stare as the cutaway then ended.
CUTAWAY ENDS!
"You know that wasn't the real Daft Punk, right," Chaosky stated.
"Yeah," Andrew nodded.
"Okay, just making sure," Chaosky said as they continued eating cake for a few minutes or so.
A few minutes later, the door burst opened as one of the WOOHP workers came in, with a panicked look on his face.
"HE'S BACK!" The man screamed. "HE'S BACK I TELL YOU! WE'RE DOOMED!"
"Hold on there," Jerry said trying to calm him down. "Who's back?"
"He's back," The man said. "You know, he's WOOHP's most dangerous criminal… He's got out of prison and he's back to plan revenge on us…"
Jerry got a shocked look on his face as he then said.
"No… you don't mean…"
"He's right," A voice said as a tall and husky male silhouette appeared. "I have escaped, and I'm back to plan revenge against WOOHP."
The figure revealed himself and was revealed to be one of the most memorable villains in the series. He was none other than… TIM SCAM! THAT'S RIGHT READERS!
"TIM SCAM!" All five spies shouted.
"That's right," Tim said approaching the spies as he sounded different. "Surprise to see me again you spies?"
"Wait, I thought we sent you to the slammer," Chaosky said. "The slammer you were sent to was heavily guarded by security in all perimeters!"
"That's what you thought but uh…" Tim thought of an excuse. "I dug underground and escaped that way! Yeah that's right!"
"Well still," Sam got ready. "We're going to sent you back to the slammer like it or not!"
"Hmmm… such words coming from little miss Sammy," Tim stated.
"Hey, back off Tim," Clover said as Sam pouted. "She's not into you."
"Oh come on, I was just giving Sam a nice introduction," Tim retorted.
"Please," Chaosky rolled his eyes. "Why the hell would Sam be in love with a criminal anyway?"
"Yeah so leave her alone," Andrew agreed.
"Yeah, leave Sammy alone!" Alex backed up Andrew.
"Very well," Tim sighed. "Then I, Jim… I mean Tim Scam, will assassinate your precious WOOHP leader and put WOOHP out of business, unless you oblige by my commands."
The spies gasped as Tim got out a gun and was planning on assassinating Jerry unless they follow his orders. Andrew noticed how he accidentally called himself Jim, and as a result, he ended up seeing through Tim and noticed that it was just a disguise. Andrew bared a smirk as he then said.
"Not a chance Tim, we're not taking orders from the likes of Tim Scam," Andrew then remarked. "Or should I say 'Jim and Scram'?"
A voice was heard in the pants of 'Tim' that said.
"S**T! WE'VE BEEN BREACHED!" The voice cried out.
"OUR COVER HAS BEEN BLOWN, YOU NIMCOMPOOP!" Another voice said.
Tim Scam then unzipped himself and was really revealed to be none other than… JIM AND SCRAM, TWO OBNOXIOUS CON ARTISTS THAT LIKE TO CAUSE TROUBLE!
"Hey Jim and Scram," Andrew greeted with a grin on his face.
"HEY!" Chaosky screamed. "YOU'RE THE TWO CON ARTISTS THAT NEARLY SCAMMED ANDREW AND I OUT OF PAYING A WATER BILL A WHILE BACK!"
"Yeah it's us," Scram retorted. "And we're back to place a scam on this precious business you call WOOHP."
"Yeah, you're going to be scammed!" Jim sang in a childish manner.
"What are you going to do huh," Andrew questioned.
"We'll gladly show you, you runt," Scram stated. "Jim, cut the power will ya!?"
Jim started to snicker like Muttley the Dog as he cut all of the power in WOOHP as WOOHP lost all of its power, causing the lights to go out and all the computers, monitors, gadgets and all other electronics and devices to turn off, losing power completely.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Everyone in WOOHP screamed.
"Oh yes, but the funs only starting." Scram started typing in a bunch of numbers in his calculator, determining how much the electric bill and the power bill is going to cost. "And according to the numbers I just typed in, your bills are going cost you at least $5,000,000,000,000 total."
"$5,000,000,000,000!?" Jerry exaggerated. "THAT'LL PUT WOOHP OUT OF BUSINESS!"
"Exactly suckers," Scram started snickering along with Jim. "Kiss your precious company goodbye losers! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Andrew was furious as he wasn't going to let these two con artists get away with their actions. As a result, he got out a big sledge hammer and he slowly approached the two con artists, planning on sending them flying. We then look on the outside of WOOHP as Scram started retorting.
"Man Jim, let me tell you, this is not just one stupid town," He remarked. "This is one freaking stupid company in the stupid town!"
The moment he said that did Andrew swing his sledge hammer into both of them, causing them to be sent flying out of WOOHP as they landed on a police car, groaning and screaming in the most comical manner possible, as the car grabbed a hold of them with a mechanical arm as the two con artists were then taken to prison as the police car then drove off with them in it…
Back in WOOHP, Andrew wiped his forehead as he put the hammer away. Sam had to ask an important question.
"Okay… So that wasn't Tim Scam?"
"Nope," Andrew remarked. "I'm assuming Tim is still in prison."
"Like we said before," Chaosky remarked. "He couldn't have escaped from jail."
"Well anyway, now that those troublemakers are gone, let's turn the power back on shall we," Jerry suggested as one of the workers flipped a switch, causing all the power to come back on in WOOHP, as WOOHP was just saved from paying a highly expensive bill that would put it out of business.
"Well, that's a relief," Andrew wiped his forehead. "We saved WOOHP and stopped two troublemaking con artists from succeeding with their plan."
"You said it baby," Alex said. "I love you handsome."
"I love you too gorgeous baby doll," Andrew said seductively bringing Alex close.
The two started kissing romantically and sexually as they allowed their tongues to meet and touch one another as the party continued for a couple more hours.
Later that evening, the spies finally made it back home, all tired out from today as they were all full from the party food they ate at the party. They decided to turn in for the night. Alex couldn't make it back to her room alone as she felt so tired that Andrew had to carry her back to his room. He didn't have the energy to bring her to her bedroom so she decided to sleep with her man.
"Today was great wasn't it babe," Alex asked, in bed next to Andrew.
"It sure was honey," Andrew wrapped his arm around her back. "It was also kind of funny too in a way."
"Yeah, in a really comical way," Alex chuckled along with Andrew for a moment or so. "I love you baby."
"I love you too sweet cheeks."
They kissed on the lips for a few seconds before sleeping.
"Goodnight Alex," Andrew said sleepily.
"Goodnight Andrew," Alex said sleepily too.
In a matter of seconds, the two then fell out cold, sleeping as if they were a married couple. Yes, the five spies were grateful that they were now super spies and they stopped two troublemaking con artists from putting WOOHP out of business. Now the spies could only sleep as they were busy for almost the whole day. So they slept until tomorrow morning, where more excitement could quite possible occur for the spies to take part in… And now, this is where the story ends everyone…
THE END!
WELL THAT'S THE STORY EVERYONE! I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY IT, AND SERIOUSLY, I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT ALL THESE PARODIES ARE REALLY JUST PARODIES AND NOTHING ELSE! JUST SO WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING!
ALSO, BORIS YELTSIN, THE REVIEW YOU LEFT FOR ME IN THE TRUTH ABOUT ANDREW'S PARENTS, I'M HIGHLY CONSIDERING ON DOING A ONESHOT ABOUT THAT, CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT IT'S ALMOST FATHER'S DAY, AND IT'LL PROBABLY BE THE NEXT FANFICTION I DO, BUT I JUST NEED SOME TIME TO DEVELOP IT!
ANYWAY READERS, UNTIL THE NEXT STORY I MAKE, I HOPE YOU TUNE IN AGAIN!
IN THE MEANTIME, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO REVIEW FOR THIS STORY AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT ABOUT IT, ONLY IF YOU WANT TO…
OTHERWISE, I SAID WHAT I NEEDED TO SAY, SO UNTIL NEXT TIME READERS, GOODBYE!