Trouble in Paradise

by Verbum

Author's note: I own what I own, and that is the idea, and Penelope Taylor. That just about cover it. The rest all belongs to JK Rowling, and I can't afford being sued. All you'd get is half-done economics homework, anyway. Oh, and a stack of FAFSA papers. It's not really worth it, trust me.

Monday Night:

A nagging feeling was forming in the pit of the recently newlywedded Lily Potter's stomach as she washed the daily dishes, the kind of ache where she knew something was wrong. Her husband, James Potter, was 3 hours late getting home from his job at the ministry. No owl. No note left conspicuously on the kitchen table for her to find and slap herself with for being so stupid. He could be dead, be could have been caught be some dark wizard, he could--

"Lil, I'm home!" The door slammed behind him as James walked over to his wife and gave her a peck on the cheek. Lily grimaced, making James frown.

"What's wrong?" She was on the verge of tears, and she turned away from him and continued her washing. Damn it, James thought. Not again.

"Where were you?" Lily asked, as she set the clean plate next to the sink and began scrubbing the next one.

"Out with Sirius and Remus at the Leaky Cauldron." She stopped and looked at him for a moment or two.

"You could have owled, you know." How utterly inconsiderate.

Uh-oh. "Now that you mention, I could have. I just didn't think you'd worry." He stopped, and glanced at the sour expression on her face. "So what's for dinner?" The plate she held dropped to the floor and shattered.

"Didn't think I'd worry, what with my Auror of a husband missing? Look what you made me do." She reached into her robes for her wand and swept away the broken plate pieces.

"It's not that big of a deal, Lil," James pointed out. She rounded on him.

"Put yourself in my shoes, then." James grinned.

"My feet aren't that small." She rolled her eyes.

"Never mind. I shouldn't have even brought it up." James sighed. He hated when Lily got that way, where everything became an argument. A nagging thought was entering the back of his mind.

"It isn't that time of the month again, is it?" Lily's pale face flushed in anger.

"I don't BELIEVE you just asked me that!" James was beginning to get frustrated.

"Well, you snapped at ME when I came through the door, as I recall." She shook her head.

'James, this is stupid."

"You started it!"

"You're so damned childish. I don't know what I see in you sometimes."

"I don't know either. I'm leaving." James walked back towards the door.

"What about dinner?"

"Goodbye," James yelled, apparating out of the yard. Lily sat down at the kitchen table, ignoring the wet dishes, and buried her head in her arms.

* * * * * * * * * *

"You said what?!" Penelope Taylor yelled at James, as he sat down at Sirius' kitchen table and recounted his story to Remus, Sirius, and to her.

"I asked her if it was her time of the month! What's so bad about that?"

Penelope shook her head. "Poor, poor boy."

"You just signed your death warrant, Prongs," Remus Lupin said, his hands on Penelope's shoulders. Sirius Black snickered.

"Smooth move, butter. What number fight is it now?" James mentally ticked off a few numbers in his head.

"5, I think." All eyes in the room were on him. "What?"

"Is that some newlywed thing?" Sirius asked, looking at Remus and Penelope.

"I hope not," Remus said, shrugging. "I really and truly hope not. It's hard enough living with her when we're not fighting." Penelope whacked him good-naturedly.

"Maybe you should see somebody about that," Penelope said, after kissing Remus on the cheek to make up for his sustained injuries. "I'd hate to see the two of you split up."

"So would I," Sirius agreed. "I'd need a new target in that case." James rolled his eyes.

"Either way, I need a place to crash for tonight. Do you all mind?"

Remus thought for a moment. "There's the couch or my room."

Penelope raised her eyebrows. "And were would you sleep if James was in your room?"

"Well, there's the couch... unless you're willing to share, of course." He grinned at his fiancee, who groaned.

"Such a martyr, I see. You get the couch." James laughed.

"No worry, couch is fine. Got an owlbook?" Sirius rummaged in a corner of the living room and returned with a slightly dusty book full of yellow parchment.

"Why do you need it?" he asked, wiping his hands on his robes.

"I need to find that counselor." He flipped open the book to "c" and adjusted his glasses.

* * * * * * * * * *

A tawny owl fluttered through Lily's open window, one that she recognized as Archimedes, Sirius' owl. She untied the slip of parchment from its leg, and the bird sat on her nightstand, preening its feathers.

Lil, it began,

I'm sick of all the fighting, and I have an idea.

No he doesn't, Lil. I suggested it. --Penny

Whatever. Enclosed, you'll find the address of a counselor I hear is quite good. At least, that's what it said in the owlbook. There's really nothing to lose except this damnable fighting. Send your response back with Archimedes.

I love you (isn't that sweet?--Sirius),

James

PS, ignore those stupid comments from everyone else. Those were added when I took the occasional break. I still love you (Geez, that is cute--Remus).

James Potter, your loving husband

Lily smiled. This would work out after all. James was right, anyway. There was no drawback. She looked at the ad that he had cut out, made of shiny yellow parchment. Gold lettering spelled out:

Dr. Renee Jigger (no relation to the writer), marriage counselor. 25 years of experience, a success every time. Money back guarantee if your relationship isn't patched up in 3 weeks or less *

*owl for details

Well, they had nothing to lose, after all...