Title: Bella's Choice
Category: Books » Twilight
Author: Lady Gwynedd
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Angst
Published: 05-27-11, Updated: 05-30-11
Chapters: 5, Words: 12,203
Chapter 1: Bella's Choice
AN: This is a derivative work of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga. The characters are hers but the extrapolation is mine and I claim no ownership otherwise.
Bella's Choice is a small sequel to my first fanfiction, After the Fall. In it, Bella and Edward had two human children, Charlie and Renie, who were named after Bella's parents. When Renie was a toddler, Bella chose to be with Edward, for eternity. This small story explores the consequences of that decision. It will be by nature sad but my ambition is that it will also be redeeming.
Bella's Choice
Prologue
When we are young, we tend to be nonchalant about time. We believe we'll always have what we have and waste our time yearning for what we don't. Then as time passes, we realize how foolish we've been. This works a little differently when you're immortal, though. You may have forever but the mortals who share your existence don't. And that time goes by fast - too fast.
And then forever goes on … forever.
A long time ago, Edward told me that he doubted I understood all the consequences of my decision to change. At the time, I thought he meant my soul, my beating heart, and my singing blood. Good riddance, I thought then. I didn't realize he also meant something that never occurred to me at the time – I would also have to give up the humans I loved and then exist forever without them.
It was hypothetical to me when I was seventeen. I was a little more realistic in my twenties but not by much. I felt I had time - but I didn't.
And now that that time has come, I'm not sure that the love I have for Edward is enough to get me through it.
Chapter 2: Charlie's Happily Ever After
"Okay, Charlie, take a deep breath and hold it."
I did as the doc asked but found I couldn't take as deep a breath as I would have liked or held it as long as I wanted to. I was chilly sitting on my hospital bed in one of those damn gowns that let your ass flash the world. But who would want to look at my sorry, draggled butt anymore anyway? It's definitely seen better days.
The doc listened to my chest and heart and nodded, not saying anything. At least he didn't go 'hmmm.' I hated when doctors did that.
"You can lie back down, Charlie," Carlisle said helping me as I settled back against my pillows.
"Well, Doc, what's the story?"
"You have congestive heart failure, Charlie. It's pretty common in people your age."
"Is my time up?"
"No, I wouldn't say that, not necessarily. Some live years with this condition. Simply put, your heart is wearing out and it isn't as efficient as it once was. That causes fluid to back up in your system. The myocardial infarction you had last year weakened your heart and the high blood pressure you are being treated for also contributes to the disease. We can treat both symptoms and you can have a fairly normal life."
I sighed. Typical doctor crap. I ask him a yes or no question - or rather, a soon or not soon question and he gave me a paragraph of neither. All I knew was I sure felt like hell. I couldn't even walk across my room to the john without gasping for breath. If this was what the rest of my life was going to be like, then I wanted nothing more to do with it.
I'd been living with the Cullens for twenty years and at eighty-five years old I was officially an old man. I'd been doing pretty well until my ticker decided to cock up. I had my own little place here on the Cullen ranch. It was almost as nice as the set up I had had in Vancouver with them. We left Canada years ago, bounced around a bit, and finally moved to this spread outside of Helena, Montana. We had been preparing to move again when my heart acted up and so we put moving on hold during my recovery. My apartment was attached to Bella and Edward's wing so I could easily call Bella if I needed anything.
She was a good daughter; the best. Lately when she looked at me, I could see fear in her eyes. I knew what she was afraid of.
I was dying. I was sorry for it but that was a choice I made a long time ago and was sticking to it. I wasn't interested in being vamped. I like my steak rare but not when the cow's still mooing - thank you very much. No, I was going to die, just like every one of the Swans had before me. There was no shame in it.
Bella was just afraid of the pain of living without me. And I knew that wasn't her biggest fear. Both Little Charlie - who was now bigger than me by a long shot - and Renie had chosen a mortal life. They'd met their better halves during their schooling and decided that making the switch to the sparkle-skinned kind wasn't something they wanted to do. Now Charlie and Renie looked older than their parents by a couple of decades. Charlie was forty-five and Renie was forty-three but Bella and Edward both looked like they were still in their twenties.
Carlisle was packing up his doctor gear when I asked, "Really, Doc, tell me. Based on your many years as a doctor, give me a real estimate, no B.S."
Carlisle smiled resignedly, "Well, Charlie based upon my many years of experience I can't tell you."
I sighed. I couldn't pin him down. It must be genetic or something they studied in medical school, except if Carlisle went to medical school, it must have been when they were using leeches and slugs of opium to cure everything. He hadn't offered me either of those, yet, so I guess that was something.
"You rest now, Charlie, and I'll send Bella up with your dinner soon."
"Steak and potatoes?" I asked hopefully.
"I don't see why not." Carlisle smiled.
Actually, that was a bad sign. My diet had been strict since I got sick last year and red meat was not allowed. Bella had seen to that. The fact that Carlisle was giving me the go ahead to eat whatever I wished, told me more than anything he said when asked directly. There was one more thing I could ask. If he agreed to that, I knew he had pretty much given me up.
"Could I have a couple of cold ones with that?"
I could see it in his eyes. His face was warm, open, friendly. But his eyes – they were filled with sorrow. Not even he, Mr. Granddaddy vampire of them all, could disguise his emotion.
"What's a good steak without a couple of beers to wash it down? I'll let Bella know." Nodding, Carlisle left the room.
Resignedly, I lay back in my bed and gazed out of the window at the big Montana sky, lost in thought. I'd had one hell of a life. It started out normal enough – growing up in Forks, going off to college, falling in love with a dingbat and then marrying her, the start of my career in law enforcement and newly-wedded bliss in Forks, having a baby, ending a marriage. All typical shit that had happened to a million other Joes before me and would happen to million after.
But then my life got weird. I learned there was more in this world than I could see with my eyes or know with my brain. My Bella fell in love with a vampire and now she was one of them. You couldn't get much weirder than that.
All that being said, Bella brought me the greatest happiness I could have ever imagined.
Naw. I wouldn't have changed a thing. Just thinking about my grandkids and great-grandkids made me smile. And the Cullens had always treated me well. A man couldn't have asked for more. I'd had it good. I knew it. I had had the best life.
And now it was over.
I didn't realize I had drifted off to sleep until I felt my daughter's cold hand on my shoulder and smelled the delicious aroma of Omaha's finest prime tantalizing my taste buds.
"Dad, supper's ready."
I shook sleep off like an old robe and tried to sit up but Bella's hand held me in place and she pushed the button that lifted the head of my bed. Edward was standing behind her, still looking like the kid I met almost half a century ago. He had a tray of food and two cans of Rainier Beer – good ol' Vitamin R – in his other hand. He smiled as he sat the tray on my hospital table.
"Where'd you get the beer?" They didn't sell Rainier beer in Montana.
"Oh, I have my sources," Edward said. Figured. He wouldn't tell me. He probably ran to Washington State and picked up a case. Literally. Nothing surprised me anymore.
Bella and Edward sat with me as I dug into my meal. I enjoyed their company, even though I wasn't big on conversation. Just being together was enough.
"Dad, Renie and Charlie are coming up this weekend for a short visit."
I cocked my eyebrow. I knew how hard it was for the kids to get away from their jobs this time of year. I stared at Bella. I could see it in her eyes, too. They were coming to say goodbye. I looked over at my son-in-law but he wasn't looking at me. He was looking at Bella and he couldn't hide his feelings either. He was worried about her. He knew, too.
"So, I'm pretty close to dying, then," I said. No use tip-toeing around the issue. What was the point of that?
"Oh, Dad, don't say that. Carlisle said you could live years like this."
I put down my fork and looked sternly at my daughter, "I don't want to live years like this. This isn't living - this is dying - and I'm okay with it. I want you to be, too."
Bella blinked rapidly as though she was trying to stem tears she could no longer shed. Her voice was soft as she said, "Dad, I don't want you to go."
She reached to gently grab my hand. I knew how much she loved me.
"I'm not going anywhere that you can't bring me back with a memory. I'll always be right with you. I don't mind dying, Bella. I've had a fine life and there's not one thing I regret. No matter what, though, you eventually would have had to deal with my death."
"I know." Her voice broke and Edward came up to put his arm around her. "It's just hard."
"It's like getting a shot. The anticipation's worse than anything. But you'll have to let me go, just like you had to let your mother go."
Renée had died a couple of years before. The difference was, she had checked out long before that as a victim of Alzheimer's. Bella actually moved down to Jacksonville and worked the night shift as a private duty nurse at the home where Renée was living. Phil visited his wife during the day and, without him knowing, Bella took over at night. Everyone chalked up Renée's rambling claim that her night-nurse was her daughter to dementia but for once the dingbat was right. It gave Bella some peace to take care for her mother at her end just like it gives her peace to take care of me now at mine.
Eventually, Renée breathed her last breath in Bella's arms. Even though it had been years since I loved her, her death still stung. Renie, Charlie and their families represented Bella's side at her funeral. Even I flew down to pay my respects but Bella and Edward weren't there.
Long before, they had faked their deaths in a fiery car crash. We had a funeral for them in Vancouver. Some of the Forks folk came up to pay their respects then, which was decent of them. Renée was devastated but we had to do something. Bella and Edward looked like Renie and Charlie's younger siblings by that time. It was a good thing that Renée had Phil. He helped her get through it, I guess.
But I suppose a parent never gets over something like that. I know I wouldn't.
That whole deceptive crap made me feel like scum but it was what I signed on for in the beginning. It just turned out to be bigger and harder than I thought it was going to be - sort of like home improvements. They always take twice as long, are twice a complicated and cost twice as much as you ever expected; probably why I didn't do much with that old bungalow in Forks while I was there. In this case though, the cost wasn't time and dollars and cents, it was the gut-stabbing pain of loss.
Living ain't for wimps, I can tell you that.
Tonight, as Bella leaned over and hugged me, I felt bad for her because it was my time, now. I was ready. And this steak was pretty damn good.
I was surprised though, I couldn't eat but a few bites of my meal and I committed the biggest sin of all by leaving most of the Vitamin R undrunk. That sucked. Later on that evening, Bella brought me a bowl of vanilla ice cream and we sat and watched the setting sun turn the mountains a burnished gold.
"Times like this, I can understand why they call this 'Big Sky Country'," I remarked.
"It's certainly stunning," Bella agreed.
"It looks different to you than it does to me though, doesn't it?" I know this was more than I needed to know and I had studiously avoided asking about their vampire differences in the past but now that I was going to die anyway, why not?
"Yes. The colors are more…crisp, I can almost hear them."
"Hear colors?" I was impressed.
"It's hard to explain but my senses just became bigger after …"
She dwindled off and stared at the sky just as I was doing. We really never discussed her transformation before.
"Was it hard?"
Out of my peripheral vision, I could see Bella turn to look at me. She asked, "What? Changing?"
"Yeah."
She shrugged her shoulders. "It was pretty hard." She left it at that. I guess there were some things she didn't want me to know and I also guess I didn't really want to know about them.
"Was it worth it?"
Actually, I expected her to say it was worth it right off the bat but she didn't. She sighed and said, "I couldn't do differently, Dad."
I nodded, still staring into the now dark sky. I understood. There was a time I would have done any dang thing for love. The difference between Bella's situation and mine was the object of her love loved her back; mine didn't and there was nothing I could've done to change it.
"But… there's times when this choice is hard, too. Really hard," Bella added. Her throat seemed all choked up and squeeky, like she had trouble getting the words out.
I patted her hand and said, "Bells, it's okay, it's okay."
I had something to say that needed to be said, so I looked her in the eye, cleared my gruff, old man's voice and went on, "Bella, I want you to know that you have been the best thing that ever happened to me. You've always made me proud. I love ya, kid."
Her chin quivered like it used to when she was a baby and was getting ready to bawl. I held my arms out and she climbed onto my bed and curled up at my side, her head on my shoulder but holding herself so she wasn't putting pressure on my old bones. It felt good having my little girl in my arms again. I kissed her forehead then smiled and shut my eyes.
Funny thing was, these days something as simple as eating a bowl of ice cream and having a conversation knocked the tar out of me. I relaxed back against my pillows with Bella cocooned in my arms and a few minutes later I drifted off to sleep.
I began to dream, or what I at first thought was a dream.
It was a beautiful, bright, sunny day. I was wearing my hip-waders and standing in my favorite Forks fishing stream holding my best fishing rod. There was just enough crispness in the air that made me smile to breathe it in. The birds were chirping in the trees and the water was gurgling over the rocks. I felt young again, my arms strong, my back straight, my moustache bushy. For the first time in years, my heart was beating powerfully and painlessly in my chest.
I was just beginning to feel a nibble when a beautiful, perfect, golden light appeared upstream. It glowed with pure peace and it seemed I could hear distant happy laughter and glad voices radiating from it. I felt a compulsion to draw closer and without thought I was standing right in the middle of it. It was wonderful and amazing. I felt happier than I had ever been in my life.
Further into the light, I could see a glimmer of figures ahead of me and I swear I could hear my mother's voice call out gladly, "Charlie-boy, you've come home to us!"
I was filled with such amazing joy. I felt it from the end of each hair follicle to the tips of every toe. I realized that had searched my whole life for this without knowing it. I rushed forward, arms outstretched, a grin on my face and my soul exultant.
I had finally arrived home in that beautiful new world and so …
...I let go of the old one.
Chapter 3: My Mother The Vampire
I got the call late in the evening. Grandpa Charlie had died.
I had to go.
My wife, Angel, knew that I would go alone. It was better that way. Our kids didn't know Grandpa Charlie that well and they were in school anyway, so Angel would stay home with them and I'd travel to the funeral by myself.
I called Renie to see what she was going to do. We had been planning to visit soon anyway, knowing Grandpa's end was near. Too bad we didn't make it there in time.
We decided that I'd drive up to Sacramento to meet her and we'd fly out to Montana together. Her family was staying at home as well for the same reasons mine were. Seems strange to others, I know, but then other people don't have the family that we do. Ours were vampires.
I know you think that means they were caught up in some gothic revival, emo shit but they weren't. They were real vampires, preternaturally beautiful, never aging, animal blood sucking vampires. And please, they don't look like a Hot Topic threw up on them, either. Aunt Alice made sure they were always dressed conventionally in clothes you'd find at normal stores; that is, if you typically shopped on Rodeo Drive.
I don't know why I know this crap about clothes. Growing up as I did, it sort of came with the territory. Besides, it was just something to think about to keep my mind off of what was coming; what was tearing me up inside.
I loved Grandpa Charlie more than just about any other person on the planet. Well, not more than I loved my wife and kids and not more than I loved my mom and dad and sister; I just loved him differently. We had always been very close. Mom used to say we were two peas from the same pod. Some of the happiest days of my life were spent with Grandpa Charlie out in the woods, fishing, hunting, camping and just thinking. We didn't talk much; didn't have to. We just got each other.
Dad purchased for us first class tickets from Sacramento to Helena. We had to stop over in Salt Lake City, first. There're no direct flights from Helena to anywhere else, I think. Our Cullen family liked living out in the middle absofuckinglutely nowhere. That may be why I lived in LA, one of the most congested areas known to mankind. You can distract yourself better in a crowd than you can out in the sticks and lately that's all I wanted to do – be distracted.
After we arrived in Montana, we'll take a rental car from Helena to the back woods were the Cullen spread was, another couple of hours' drive.
I met Renie at our gate at the air port. She'd been crying. She was still my little sister, even though she was beginning to get threads of grey in her hair. She and Rand, her husband, were tree-hugging hippies who believed in everything being natural, no artificial ingredients, what you see is what you get, earth goddess worshippers, for everything there is a season, back to basics, self-sustaining, blah, blah, blah. So that meant that she was going to age gracefully, and not fear her grey hair or her wrinkles or her beginning to sag skin. I thought she went overboard, myself. In my heart of hearts, I believed she was bound and determined to show her age in reaction to the fact our parents would never show theirs. She had always been a bit of a rebel.
It was hard to imagine that our mother was actually sixty-eight years old and our father was a whopping one hundred and fifty-five. In person, they both could pass for my own children - just another oddity that came with the Cullen package.
Renie and I could have become vampires ourselves if we had wanted to. We were given that choice when we reached adulthood but neither my sister nor myself elected immortality, ironically for the same reason our mother chose it. While Mom had fallen in love with an immortal, we fell in love with mortals. Renie ended up marrying her high school sweetheart, Rand. I met and married my Angel while I was at the University of Washington. At first, neither of our spouses knew our family secret and we tried to keep it that way.
I hadn't reckoned on my wife's perseverance, though. Every year, I would take a week off by myself to visit my parents where ever they were living at the time. Renie did the same. Sometimes we'd visit at the same time, sometimes separately. In between our visits, we'd keep in touch with our folks by phone; other than that, nothing. It was as close as we could stay and still keep the ruse. In the eyes of the world, our parents had died in a car crash in Canada when I was in my early twenties.
They hadn't, of course. Nothing as feeble as a car crash could even put a dent in them but their youthful appearance in relation to our own was becoming noticeable and something needed to be done. They'd gotten by for a while by dressing older and even enlisted the aid of makeup and hair coloring to age our vampire family but there came a point when even that was useless.
So, Mom and Dad "died" and according to popular opinion the rest of the Cullens moved to the other side of the world. I had just met my Angel and I knew she was the one for me. Renie and Rand had been "happily ever after" since the moment they bonded over pre-Calculus in high school. We maintained ties with Grandma Renée and Phil, and Grandpa Charlie and life went on.
I knew my folks looked forward all year to our visits, though. The separation their immortality was imposing on us was becoming increasingly more difficult, especially for Mom.
One year as I was making preparations for my annual trip, Angel was acting strangely. I caught her crying for no reason a couple of times but no matter how much I asked, she'd never tell me what was wrong. We hadn't been married for too long and I hated to leave her on these terms but I promised myself I'd get to the bottom of it the moment I got back.
The Cullens were living in northern Wales at that time, outside of a little village called Conwy. Renie had just had her first baby so I traveled alone this time. My trip was easy. I caught a late morning flight from LA to NYC and then hopped on an overnight to Heathrow Airport outside of London. It was a sunny day, so none of the Cullens could meet me at the airport but there was a 'sign-holder' guy waiting for me in the terminal and he drove me in style to Wales. By the time we got to Conwy it was overcast so it was easy to meet up with my mother at a little tea-shop near the old Tudor house in town.
"Charlie!" I heard her bell-like voice before I saw her and was then engulfed in her motherly embrace – well, more like a chokehold. Mom was always enthusiastic when she first saw me.
"It's great to see you." I hugged her back and kissed her on the cheek. I didn't call her 'Mom' in public for obvious reasons. On that day to the casual observer, she looked like my younger sister. We sat and talked for a bit in the tea shop. As it usually happened during these trips, the clerk behind the counter asked me if 'my girlfriend' and I would like another pot of tea. I had gotten used to it after a while though I never got to the point that I liked it. I really couldn't wait until they started asking me if my 'daughter' and I would like more.
When I got home from that trip, Angel was missing and half our stuff was gone from our home. A note on the kitchen counter asked that I contact her lawyer to start divorce proceedings.
It took a few days but I finally was able to track her down at her best girlfriend's house and after an intense discussion was able to get her to listen to me.
It was the worst three days of my life.
It turned out that Angel was suspicious of all the mysterious calls I'd get and some of the charges that appeared on my credit cards, especially the dozen roses I sent to some woman in September. When I left on my annual 'retreat,' she hired a private investigator to follow me. She had pictures of me meeting a young, gorgeous brunette in a Welsh tearoom. The pictures looked damning, of course. My mother could inspire jealousy in Miss America.
An emergency phone call to Mom and Dad in Wales got them to make a quick visit to California. After they arrived, they sat down with Angel and explained the whole thing. I think the only reason Angel bought it was because Dad was as handsome as Mom was beautiful and he sort of dazzled her - trust that ol' vampire glamour. And possibly the fact that as my folks talked, I sat next to her holding her hand with both of mine. Angel was everything to me.
Actually, I was surprised that Angel accepted the facts my parents revealed to her so easily. She later told me that I could have told her that my folks were actually Mickey and Minnie Mouse and she wouldn't have blinked. She was so overjoyed that I was still hopelessly and irrevocably in love with her and that I couldn't even imagine having an affair with another woman. I'll admit it. I was whipped and happy to be so. After all, I learned from the best, my dad.
Also, Angel later mentioned that it was obvious to her that we were related because I looked just like my Dad. Sure. Love was blind.
Even though my wife knew the family secret, we still chose to live our lives the same as we had before. It was safer for everyone involved, especially for our children who came later.
This day, the day after Grandpa Charlie died, Renie and I finally turned onto the driveway that led through the ranch gates and up to the spacious Cullen house. As usual, Grandma Esme had out done herself in creating a warm but glamorous home. We pulled the car to a stop in front of the wide porch that led to the ranch doors when Dad walked out to meet us. He looked awful, his eyes black as pitch with dark circles ringing them.
"Dad, are you all right?" Renie asked as she hugged him.
"I'll be okay. I'm worried about your mother. She's taken her father's death very hard. There's doesn't seem to be anything I can do to ease her grief." Dad looked as though he was being flayed alive. I knew from long experience that he could bear just about anything except witnessing the pain of the ones he loved, especially Mom's.
Renie threaded her arm through Dad's and said, "Let's say hello to everyone first and then go find her."
We went inside and greeted the extended family; our grandparents, aunts and uncles. They all looked pretty glum. I suppose they got attached to Grandpa, too, and were mourning his loss. The funny thing was when they looked at Renie and me, their sad expressions deepened. I guess they finally realized that one day they'd be saying good bye to us as well. Sucks to be immortal, I guess.
"Oh, Charlie, Renie!" Aunt Alice jumped up from the sofa she was sharing with Uncle Jasper and hugged us tightly to her, one arm wrapped around each of us.
"Ohhh, Aunt Alice, too tight." Renie squirmed out of our Auntie's grasp.
"Sorry. It's just…" Aunt Alice choked. She couldn't get her words out.
I patted Aunt Alice's shoulder. I knew what she meant. I came to terms with mortality long ago. I suppose in gathering together here to honor Grandpa Charlie I had another mission as well; to try ease my immortal relatives' burden as best I could.
We found Mom curled up in Grandpa Charlie's favorite barcalounger in his quarters. I had to smile; no matter how tactfully Grandma Esme asked, he refused to give it up. It traveled with him from Forks when he first moved in with the Cullens and followed him to where ever they were living at the time. When Grandma'd protest its age, he said he was old, too, and felt a kinship with it. He had it reupholstered a few times over the years and always picked out the same color fabric – brown. It stuck out like a sore thumb among Esme's high end furnishings but in the end it resembled how my old grandfather stuck out around the Cullens in the first place – worn out and old but comfortable.
Mom had one of Grandpa's old flannel shirts on. It was big enough to wrap around her twice but she just sat there enveloped in it, her nose buried into the collar, and staring into space.
"Mom?" I said.
She sighed and looked over at us with a feeble smile on her lips, "Hi, kids."
Renie ran over and knelt down beside her chair and hugged her around the neck, "I'm so sorry, Mom."
To an outsider, this would look strange. Renie was definitely middle aged and calling a woman who was clearly in her twenties by appearance 'mom.' It made my stomach sour a bit. This is why we lived apart from them. Because we had families of our own now, there was really no way for us to be family in public for the fact we aged and they didn't. It made it confusing, impossible, heartbreaking – and dangerous. There were bigger forces out there than just our appearances that impacted our decisions.
This was all a result of Mom's choice decades ago when she decided for immortality. She couldn't be a mother to her own children in public any longer and she definitely couldn't be a grandmother to her grandchildren. There was a hole in our lives and it could never be filled.
Mom was patting Renie's back as my sister cried against her shoulder. I stood and watched and felt my father's hand slip up onto my back as he stood next to me. I knew it was tough for Mom to deal with her dad's death but in some ways it was even tougher for Dad. The burden of guilt lay heavily on his shoulders. He believed he was the source of all of Mom's pain because since she chose eternity with him, she chose the pain of eternal grief as well.
I wished he'd get over himself.
Usually, Mom was the one to smack some sense into him when he got like this but I could see she was too wrapped up in her own grief to deal with Dad's emotional self-immolation right now. I was going to leave Mom to Renie's tender mercies. I would take care of Dad.
So, I turned to him and said, "Dad, you look like you need to hunt. Why don't we go out together and see what we can get? I bet Grandpa Charlie would have liked that."
Dad's eyes lit up a little. He loved hunting with me, although our methods were different since I used a gun and he used his teeth. Over the years, Dad developed perfect control that overcame his vampiric tendency to kill everything within reach when he was in hunting mode. Frequently, he'd go hunting with Grandpa Charlie and me. We hadn't done it in a while, though. Time and Grandpa Charlie's illness interfered with it. We had a day before the memorial service, so we had the opportunity to do it now.
"Do you think Grandda Carlisle, Uncle Jasper and Uncle Emmett would like to come, too?" I asked.
Though Grandda had always been able to hunt with us, gradually even my uncles had been able to join the outings over the past few years. Hunting trips became a Cullen male bonding experience and they were memories I'd always treasure. I wasn't surprised when I heard Uncle Em shout from the other side of the compound, "ALL RIGHT!" after I spoke. I had forgotten about vampire hearing.
Later that day, we bagged a few elk and Uncle Emmett was happy to snag a bear, so I was content. Just being out with my family, in my familiar hunting clothes, cradling the rifle Grandpa Charlie gave me was comfort enough. It was as though I could feel him with us that day, in the crisp autumn air and colorful vegetation. If I squinted my eyes enough, I could almost hear his old, rough voice say, "It's all good, son."
I noticed that Dad made sure to hunt near me and once flushed a bull elk for me to take. I really didn't feel like killing anything, just being out with Dad was enough, so even though he was a quarter of a mile away from me, I said softly, "Don't want it today, Dad." There was a flashing movement and the next thing I saw was Dad, crouching over the felled beast's neck. Dad was efficient. The animal was dead before it hit the ground.
I stood and waited for him to finish and jog over to where I was. He already looked a hundred times better. A smile on his face and in his golden eyes reflected his contentment with his company. It was a fine afternoon.
Mom met us when we returned with a tender smile. I supposed Renie was able to get her back on her bearings just as I did Dad. The Cullen family settled in and made plans for the simple memorial service the next day in the great room of the house. After the ceremony, Renie and I would carry Grandpa Charlie's ashes back to Forks to sprinkle in his favorite fishing hole. He may have left Forks more than twenty years ago, but his spirit never did. He was as much a part of that country as the soil, the trees, and the sky.
The service was simple. Grandda read from the Book of Common Prayer, a relic of his human life, and we committed Grandpa Charlie's soul to the tender mercies of what lay beyond. It was a solemn moment as we stood in a semi-circle in front of the great bay window surrounding the plinth that held Grandpa's urn. Gramma Esme had decorated the room with sprays of autumn leaves. As the setting sun cast its soft rays into the room before disappearing behind the curtain of mountains in the west, we listened to Aunt Alice sing in a clear soprano, Evening Falls.
When the evening falls and the daylight is fading,
from within me calls - could it be I am sleeping?
For a moment I stray, then it holds me completely.
close to home - I cannot say.
close to home feeling so far away.
As I walk there before me a shadow
from another world, where no other can follow,
carry me to my own, to where I can cross over...
close to home - I cannot say.
Close to home feeling so far away.
Forever searching; never right, I am lost
in oceans of night. Forever
hoping I can find memories.
those memories I left behind.
Even though I leave will I go on believing
that this time is real - am I lost in this feeling?
Like a child passing through, never knowing the reason.
I am home - I know the way.
I am home - feeling oh, so far away.
Enya
Then, as planned, Renie and I lifted Grandpa Charlie's urn and turned to the stricken faces of our family. Not a word was said, just the echoes of the final chords of Alice's song reverberating around us. I looked at each member of my family individually, meeting their eyes with as much love as I could muster, ending with my mother's.
I tried to convey my comfort and thanks. Grandpa Charlie had a blessed life and she had to know that she was the biggest blessing in it. The fact he shared the end of his life with her was his greatest joy. I knew she was second guessing the decision she made all those years ago but I hoped she could see the good in what she did. It was her choice that gave me and my sister life. It was her choice that brought meaning to this family. It was her choice that proved there was joy to be had and life to be lived and love to be embraced. If only she could be convinced of it now and reminded of it later when our final goodbyes needed to be said.
Quietly, Renie and I left with Grandpa Charlie's ashes, the mortals reclaiming the mortal, climbed into the waiting car and drove away, leaving our immortal family behind us.
The next day found the two of us in jeans, flannel shirts, and hip waders, watching the ashy remains of our grandfather gently float away down a cold, clear Olympic forest stream. The towering firs and spruces surrounded us in a green embrace and the misty Washington rain mingled with the tears on our cheeks.
I could still hear the echoes of the old man's, gruff but loving voice say, "It's all good, son."
Chapter 4: Love Hurts
I ran.
For once in many years I out ran him. I was in too much agony to deal with him, to deal with the grief, to deal with anything.
So, I ran some more.
I heard him call my name in desperation, over and over again; more and more faintly until I could no longer hear him.
But still, I ran.
I ran as hard and as fast and as far as I could and as I am a vampire, that was hard, fast and further than there was land to contain me. So, I swam.
I swam deep. I swam wide. I swam until I ran out of ocean and then I ran again.
They were dead. They were all dead. My loving parents and my dearest children, any human whom I had loved in life was now gone to where ever humans go when their bodies fade away. I could never follow because I would never die, at least not like they did.
My children, my babies, both lived to old age in human terms but I still remember almost every breath of their lives, every word that they said, and every glance that they gave. A kaleidoscope of vivid images and sounds featuring them was constantly looping in my brain and in my heart.
But now they were gone and I would never see them, or speak with them, or embrace them again.
I ran faster.
How could I cope with this gnawing ache for eternity?
Pain.
Agony.
Despair.
More than eighty years ago, I swore to Edward that my love for him was all that I wanted; it was all that I needed.
Had I been wrong?
Now I felt gutted, empty except for this crucifying misery. I knew that somewhere my love for him still existed but it was overwhelmed with painful grief.
I ran.
I heard a low keening wail and wasn't surprised when I realized that it was coming from me.
I was unable to stop it. It droned on and on, increasing and diminishing according to its own rhythm.
I ran.
I ran through days and nights and swam through nights and days, trying to get ahead of the pain but where ever I went, the pain went as well, my sticky shadow.
It filled my every pore, my every atom.
Surely burning couldn't be worse than this.
In fact, burning wasn't worse than this.
Change me a dozen more times but give me back my babies!
Please!
I'd do anything!
I ran across prairies and stumbled down mountains. Somewhere along the way, my clothes stripped from my hard, granite limbs, my hair filled with bits of leaves and grass and dirt. I was wild and feral and filled with pain.
And I still ran.
But misery was always with me.
Engulfing me.
Becoming me.
I was agony.
I was despair.
I ran.
Finally, I ran blindly into a steep ravine and slammed against the stone cliff that girdled it. I howled. I cried. I grabbed the virgin rock in both hands and crumbled it to bits, handfuls of grief. Little stone shards became my tears, dirt showered on me like it would never shower on my own grave.
My anguish was all there was left of me.
"Where is she, Alice?" I was desperate. Alice and Jasper had left our family home soon after Bella but Alice was visiting us on one of her frequent trips.
Alice shrugged and sadly shook her head. "I don't know, Edward, but she's not running anymore and where ever she is, it's dark. I see glimpses of dirt and stone but that's all. I don't think Bella even knows where she is."
I turned to look at a map that was displayed on the wall screen and and for the millioneth time I traced the route she took right after we heard the news. My stone stomach clenched in remembered agony. Little Renie had joined her brother in the great beyond. All tethers to our human life were now dissolved and it was time to face eternity apart from them. I remember the look on my wife's face when she absorbed the news and my agony tripled.
It was my fault that Bella had to deal with this torture. It was my fault that she was doomed forever to this despair. It was all my fault.
I needed to find her. I needed to help her. I needed to offer her what solace I could. I mean, we still loved each other, didn't we? There was that, wasn't there? She promised me our love was enough back then, many decades ago when time seemed elastic. But truly, how could she know how she'd feel when the time actually came?
I needed to find her for myself, as well. I needed her. My heart was broken every way it could be. After all, I had lost my children, too. And now perhaps I had also lost my love, my wife. She ran away from me, from everything.
But there was another emotion roiling around with the pain, providing an anchor - anger.
I slammed my fist into the stone of my bedroom wall. The rough granite crumbled into powder.
How could Bella do this to us? She knew losing our children would eventually happen. She wasn't dumb. And now that it had actually occurred, what did she do? She ran away as if she could outrun her grief.
I thought in marriage you were supposed to help each other through the tough times? Didn't she remember that promise? In good times, in bad times? I know we didn't have Charlie or Renie in life any more but we still had each other? Didn't she say once that that would be enough for her – that I would be enough?
Liar.
She lied to me.
I slammed my fist once again into the wall, crumbling the masonry.
I wished for the hundreth time I could cry but that was another release that was denied me and my vampire body. I leaned my forehead against the cold stone and sighed, the anger dissipated.
Oh, Bella, my love. My heart.
I wanted her. I needed her.
But more than that, I wanted to hold her. I wanted to lose myself in her and I wanted her to lose herself in me.
I wanted my Bella.
So, I searched as I had been searching. My family helped as they could. Emmett's amazement that she could outrun me, still echoed in my ears. Esme knew how I felt having lost a child of her own and she tried her best to comfort and coddle me, but I couldn't be consoled. Alice constantly scanned the future but as Bella wasn't making conscious decisions, it was all a blur. When he was near, Jasper calmed me and projected what succor he could.
Rose and Carlisle ended their vampire procreation research. Rosalie decided that the down side of humanity – death - was too much to deal with. Losing Renie and Charlie was enough to slay us all. The Cullens were all in a state of deep mourning.
Of course, we'd been out of my children's lives altogether for the last few years. Charlie and Renie had gotten too old to travel to where we were and they lived in an environment that was unfriendly to the sparkly undead, so we saw them only occasionally and at night when they could sneak away from their families. Those were treasured moments.
Charlie was the first to die. Angel, his wife, called Bella to tell us. Angel had known about us for years but she never interacted with us. It was safer that way. When the call came, we knew what it was about without Angel having to say anything.
Both Bella and I attended our son's funeral. We sat in the back, huddled together in grief, but we didn't go unnoticed. I could hear the thoughts of one of our great-great grandkids wondering who that 'volcanic' looking guy was on the back row. I guess that was the new word for attractiveness these days. I had lost track of modern slang. Throughout various generations I had been called 'keen,' 'dreamboat,' 'sharp,' 'wowza,' 'cool,' 'groovy,' 'smoking,' 'hot,' and for some reason, 'foine.' I suppose 'volcanic' was just another way of saying I was good looking to her. However, hearing your great-granddaughter's lurid thoughts about what she'd like to do to you was, to say the least, disconcerting.
The young girl's name was Ginger and she was in high school. I saw an older version of her, our granddaughter Esmeralda, notice her daughter's distraction so she turned to see what had captured the girl's attention. Our eyes met and hers widened. Her thoughts were loud, "Oh, my God, that boy looks just like the picture of Grandpa's father!" Then she caught sight of Bella and her mouth dropped open. Evidently, she had been studying the family tree and had dug out some old pictures. "That's Great Grandma exactly!" She half rose in her chair, so I thought it was prudent to leave the ceremony early. I explained the problem to Bella in a quick whisper and we ran out of there at top speed. To Ginger and her mother it seemed as though we disappeared. I hoped they'd chalk us up to an apparition.
As we slipped out the side door of the chapel, I heard the beginning measures one of my first compositions, Bella's Lullaby. Everyone knew that Charlie and Renie were the children of a fairly popular composer once upon a time. I was touched that they remembered all these years later.
Renie had been too sick to attend the event but we heard from her a few days later when she called to scold us for almost blowing our cover. Evidently, her niece had rushed over to her home to tell her of the strange happenings at Charlie's memorial service.
Bella was in shock with the passing of our son. She was quieter, almost silent. She stopped doing the things she used to enjoy. Even our love making was put on hold. I chalked that up to a normal grieving process and to tell you the truth, I didn't feel up to much for a while after Charlie left us, either.
But it lingered for Bella.
Then we got word that our daughter had also passed away just two months after Charlie did.
When Renie died, there was no question of going to her funeral even if Bella hadn't run away. Her services were being held on a beach at sunset and Rand was still alive. From all reports, he was still sharp witted and he would recognize us from long ago. We couldn't risk being there, especially as we'd glitter like a seventies disco ball in the sunlight.
But it was a moot point. My wife took off without me and now I lost her. I didn't know where to look anymore. I spent my time staring into space, trying to cope with my overwhelming feelings. I was devastated. I had lost my children but I had also lost my wife. She was the source of any remaining joy I had. She still was everything to me.
I loved her. I wanted her. I needed her.
Bella.
I stared out of the window, fuming at times, despairing at others. My family left me alone, knowing there was nothing they could do to help me until...
"Edward, I think I may have found something." Jasper walked into my room holding his Blueberry. Surprisingly, he and Alice had just driven down to our place after years of separation from the Cullen family. There was a good reason for it. Jasper pressed the screen on his device and suddenly illuminated in the air between us was a news report in Mandarin. Both Jasper and I were fluent in the language, having lived in China for a while.
"…paranormal activity or ignorant superstition? Farmers from a remote village along the western border claim that a narrow mountain valley is haunted. Moans and cries can be heard emanating from the valley and occasionally an animal carcass is found in the vicinity mysteriously drained of blood. Searches of the valley have yielded no success in discovering the source of the cries but all wild life seems to have fled the area. Could it be the fabled Jiang Shi? Or are the mysterious sounds the result of unusual atmospheric conditions?"
There was a map with the precise location projected. I had it instantly memorized.
"Do you think it's Bella?" I asked.
"Could be," my brother said.
I opened my window.
"Where are you going?" Jasper asked.
"To get her."
And then, I ran.
With my body splayed across the hard granite cliff, I pressed my face into the naked rock and moaned, feeling the sympathetic shuddering of the stone in response. Time no longer had any meaning to me. I could see nothing, I could hear nothing, taste nothing, feel nothing except the pain of loss. There had been no relief, no ease to my agony. Seasons came and went with no lessening of my grief.
My skin was despair. My mantra was pain and I did not have the relief of Rachel's tears.
Days, weeks, months, years - they were all the same to me. Infrequently, the feral hunger over came my senses and I hunted, but never far. I'd always return to my granite lair. Sometimes a curious human would venture into the valley and I'd seemingly dissolve into the rock face, not wanting to be disturbed.
So, my endless purgatory of pain went on until…
"Bella?" Faintly.
"Bella?" Closer.
"BELLA!" Closest - and I was enwrapped in his arms and as suddenly as that I felt an internal shift as the pain miraculously ebbed and remembered love took hold again.
He held me closely, tenderly, and lovingly. He picked me up and slid down on the ground to cradle me in his lap, his back against the cliff, dense foliage surrounding us. He gently brushed my tangled hair off my face and looked tenderly into my eyes. With a loving hand, he traced the shape of my cheek and slope of my jaw. Bending down, he inhaled my scent and shook his head, a small smile tickling the corners of his mouth.
Then, he kissed me and my stone heart melted. I felt something other than pain. I felt love, Edward's love for me and, once more, mine for him. I did love him. I held on to that truth as he kissed me again.
He leaned back to look at me once more with a smile and in his honeyed voice after nearly a century quoted back to me, "Bella, why are you being such an emo little bitch?"
My eyes widened in shock as I gazed back into the relieved, humorous and immensely loving golden eyes of my love, my husband, and I was suddenly transported back to a room in an Alaskan chalet when I, in my human frailty, I said the same to him.
Once, he had left me because he did not trust our love enough to work through our difficulties. He, too, had run off alone and wrapped himself in his grief. Five years after he left, I found and saved him. Now, he was doing the same for me. After our children's deaths, it was me who didn't trust our love enough to believe we could traverse the pain together. His words were a reminder.
The English academic in me appreciated the irony.
My response to him was unexpected. Something bubbled up inside me. A feeling long forgotten rose to the surface of my psyche. I gasped and choked, snorted and snickered. My snickers progressed to chuckles and then to peals of laughter. Edward joined me and soon the sad valley was ringing with our mirth.
It seemed that only through Edward's help, I had finally out run my relentless despair.
It took old Mr. Zhaio more time than he thought to walk from the far field to his home. He hadn't the youthful vigor he once had and he felt every year of his age with each step he took. Dusk had fallen by the time he reached his doorway and he was weary and hungry. Just as he opened his door he heard a most unearthly and joyous sound. It was a mixture of tinkling bells, shivering cymbals and rumbling tympanis. It sounded like a chorus of otherworldly beings.
"Angels!" he said in wonder.
He ran inside to his wife, "Come, old woman. You must hear."
His wife had worked hard that day as well and was glad for the drawing evening. All she desired was to get her man inside and at table, so she asked, "What should I hear? Do you hear the sad ghost again? I've heard that before and tonight I don't want to waste my time, you silly man."
Mr. and Mrs. Zhaio lived the closest to the mysterious valley with its sad moans. They'd heard the ghost often over the past years but never dared to venture closer to learn more. They weren't that curious and had too much work to do to foolishly court disaster. Besides, if the creator of those heartbreaking wails wasn't a ghost but the dreaded Jiang Shi, they were better off left to their ignorance.
"No ghost. They're angels. Come and listen." Mr. Zhaio's excitement was contagious, so Mrs. Zhaio shook off her weariness and followed her husband into their farm yard. There, they heard it – laughter so contagious that they couldn't help but to laugh as well. They stood there in the gloaming, smiles on their faces and relished the heavenly sound until it dwindled and was gone.
"That sounded like two ghosts. It was only one crying before," Mr. Zhaio noted.
"Yes. Perhaps that was why the first ghost was grieving. She needed her mate."
"It appears that she's found him." He smiled down at his own wife and realized he'd be as lost without her.
The old woman nodded and pulled her husband back inside. "Let them be happy as we are, my dear. Let them be happy, too."
Bella finally noticed she was naked, something I had noticed immediately, by the way. It had been a long, long time after all.
"What happened to my clothes?" she asked.
"They probably tore off as you ran." I pulled off my shirt and helped her into it.
"Here, wear this until I can find you something else." I still had an undershirt on. I picked a few leaves and twigs out of my wife's hair as she buttoned the shirt and rolled the sleeves.
She looked up at me, her eyes shadowed with pain but still full of the love I knew she had always had for me, "What are we going to do?"
"My dearest love, we are going to heal each other."
I rested my hands on her shoulders and said, "I need you, Bella. I can't get through this without you."
She nodded, her forehead puckering as though she could cry but she didn't respond.
It was full dark now, so I took her hand and we ran out of the ravine and through the countryside, shadows in the night. To the human eye we were as smoke, phantoms, but we passed quickly and garnered no attention.
Eventually, I took her to the place on this earth were we had our beginning, that beautiful, remote meadow above Forks, Washington, where we first fell in love. It was there we were able to acknowledge our loss, and our pain – together.
And together we found again what I always had known and Bella only had to remember - our love would always be our salvation.
AN: Jiang Shi is the Chinese 'hopping' vampire.
Rachel's tears refers to the Bible story where after Herod had his soldiers slay all the little boys under the age of two in Bethlehem, a young mother named Rachel is discribed as weeping for her children.
Chapter 5: Requiem
"Seek not death in the error of your life, neither procure ye destruction by the works of your hands. For God made not death, neither hath He pleasure in the destruction of the living. For He created all things that they might be: and he made the nations of the earth for health: and there is no poison of destruction in them..."
I dropped the blossoms over the edge of the cliff and watched them catch the wind and soar only to drift down in spirals until they settled on the surface of the sea. My husband did the same with the petals he held. Gardenias. Their sweet fragrance permeated the air lingering long after we let them go just as our children's spirits had done. A knot was in my throat and my silent heart still throbbed with pain as I watched the flowers floating far below in the dark water.
Edward clutched my hand as we watched them on the waves below. Around us was our family; Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice. All of us stared down at the flowers suspended upon the sea as our hosts waited patiently behind us. The Quileutes suffered us to come on their land for this occasion but we were constantly guarded. They still didn't like or trust us but their memories were long and faithful. The cliffs of First Beach seemed a fitting place to say the final goodbye to our human family. Since Renie and Charlie were the grandchildren of one of their adopted tribal members, my human father Charlie, the Quileutes wanted to honor them and they knew we needed to be a part of it.
A soft chant started as the sun finally dropped below the clouds and began to slant its rays across the Pacific to shine full upon us. I heard a gasp from the humans standing behind us as we started to glitter in refracted light. There was nothing as stunning as a vampire. We were cold, hard and blindingly beautiful – the lure, as Edward used to say - so beautiful that no human could gainsay us. It was all a contrivance to dazzle our prey. I suppose it did. One of my clearest human memories was how thoroughly Edward had dazzled me that long ago day in Biology class at Forks High School.
He still dazzled me but I knew now it was more than allurement, more than a predatory trick. We had always been meant to be. We had become each other's destiny. I believed that had he not been changed and instead had become a casualty of the Spanish influenza epidemic on some level I would have felt his loss. I would have gone through my life blindly groping for something I couldn't name. I said as much to Edward once and he smiled and claimed that my birth was in answer to his own unfinished spirit. There was probably truth in both our beliefs.
I watched the gentle waves toss the flowers about as the chanting and the drumming gradually grew louder and I remembered the path that led me here.
I was in a fog on the journey from China to our meadow. When we got there it was full dark and raining. I collapsed in the middle of the field on the soft, damp grass and lifted my face to the heavens that cried down on me, providing tears for my tearless eyes. Edward held me in his arms and put his head next to mine. With the help of the rain, we cried together; two parents mourning the loss of their beloved children.
But later, we talked. I shouldn't have been surprised at Edward's anger.
"Why did you leave me, Bella?"
"I don't know. I just had to escape the pain."
"You couldn't do that."
"No."
"When you realized that, why didn't you come back?"
"I don't know, Edward. I don't know." I stared disconsolately at the ground.
After a moments' thought I said, "I think my grief was so overwhelming I could do nothing else but surrender to it. It engulfed me until the only thing that was left was agony."
He had been pacing the ground in front of me. The day had dawned and the meadow was much like it was the first time I had seen it, wild flowers dotting the grassy dell, stately firs encircling our private paradise.
"Do you know what you did to me, Bella?" He turned to me with anger flaring in his eyes and remembered rage in the lines of his face.
I had no words for him but actually, I knew exactly how he felt. I had felt it myself when he left me 'for my own good' when I was still human. The realization that I had done the same to him all these years later stung. My lips trembled as I sorrowfully watched him throw a stone across the glade. It sounded like gunfire when it hit a tree some distance away. Edward turned to me. "I lost my son, my daughter and my wife practically all at once."
He stopped pacing and threw himself on the ground next to me and looked earnestly into my eyes. "You lost faith in our love."
"Edward, all I can say is that it felt as though I was burning again but in a far worse way than I did when I was changed. That had been merely physical agony but this pain devastated my soul. It consumed me."
He pulled me tightly into his embrace, "But doesn't this help? Don't my arms comfort you? Don't my kisses ease your sorrow? Doesn't our love give you strength to cope?" His voice broke and his kiss was desperate.
I pushed my dark emotions away and, feeling a little desperate myself, gave in to him and reveled in his love for me, for us.
"You can't leave me again, Bella," he gasped in between kisses. "You can't. I don't think I'd survive it if you did. Promise me. Promise."
"Edward, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you so cruelly but I know I did. Please forgive me." I held his hands and looked pleadingly into his eyes.
He sighed and nodded, "I forgive you Bella, just as you forgave me all those years ago when I did the same to you."
We spent a week at the meadow remembering our children, talking about our life and love for each other and our son and daughter, reflecting, mourning and taking solace in one another. Eventually, we felt fortified enough to face our Cullen family again. When we finally returned home to them, I have to admit I was embarrassed to find how much agony they had been going through on their own, some of it because of me.
Renie had been Emmett's princess and major conspirator in practical jokes. It had been five years since she died and even I could see that Emmett had lost a little of his spark. Rosalie, on the other hand, had finally pulled her head out of her ass over the "having my own baby" business to see that it wasn't the answer to all her disappointments. She witnessed the downside to having babies and that was that they grew older and eventually died and grief was devastating. Surprisingly, she was the emotional healer in the family this time around. It was funny to see that Emmett, who was always making excuses for Rosalie's selfishness before now was the focus of her care and concern. For the first time in her existence she saw that other people's pain was bigger than her own.
I discovered that Jasper couldn't stand the compounded grief of the Cullen clan, so he and Alice had to leave the family home and live elsewhere. Alice would visit the family occasionally but usually alone. The only time Jasper visited was when he discovered my whereabouts in Asia. He could have handled our grief but their devastation over my desertion was too much.
I was so ashamed to discover that my leaving, my running away, was the cause of so much additional sorrow.
Of course, Esme was glad to have me back in the fold again. I have to admit, it is good to have your mother's arms to comfort you. I realized how much I had hurt her by not letting her offer me that solace.
Carlisle couldn't stop smiling and I was glad to bring them some happiness after years of sadness.
My own grief had made me blind to the grief of others.
I would never let that happen again.
The sun had set over the horizon and the chanting and drums faded to silence. All that could be heard now was the soughing of the wind and the soft crash of waves below us. The Quileutes slowly filed down the hill, back to their snug homes and warm fires, leaving their chosen ones to guard us and guide us off of the reservation when we were ready to go.
We stood looking down at the flowers strewn across the water, their white petals glimmering like tiny lights upon the watery darkness when Carlisle's soft voice began to intone,
"Behold, I tell you a mystery. We shall all indeed rise again: but we shall not all be changed. In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound and the dead shall rise again incorruptible.
"And we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption: and this mortal must put on immortality.
"And when this mortal hath put on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy victory? O death, where is thy sting?...
"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast and unmoveable: always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord."
Then there was stillness in the twilight and with the distant shush of waves in the distance, together we chanted,
"Réquiem ætérnam dona eis
"Dómine; et lux perpétua lúceat eis.
"Requiéscant in pace.
"Amen."
AN
The scripture at the beginning of this chapter was from Wisdom and at the end was from Corinthians.
The translation of the Latin to English is:
Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord; and let perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace. Amen.