Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. I do, however, now own the Series Four DVD, yay for me, boo for my friends who will never get me to leave my room now.
Hold On
The fact that she's no there is usually painfully obvious. When he gets past that slightly insane, pretentious feeling called hope, he knows without a doubt that she'll never again reach for his hand, nor will he ever never again reach for hers. It strikes him as odd, now, that he didn't reach for her hand ever second he was with her, then. What was he doing that could possibly be more important than that? Saving worlds was his painfully obvious answer, and suddenly that seemed second rate. He'd never again watch her as her eyes shone like fire with excitement at the new sight he'd just shown her, or as the wheels in her mind started turning and something she'd wondered about fell into place with a seemingly audible click.
But, there are tiny moments, utterly insignificant in the bigger picture, that the answer that haunts him shifts and fades to the back of his mind, and it's like he can feel her there with him. He'll be wondering down a hallway, shuffling his feet and thinking about nothing and everything per his usual style, and something unseen will stir the air, and he knows without a doubt that it's her. He chases it, for hours and hours, telling himself that if he makes his legs move fast enough and keeps at it long enough, he'll turn a corner. She'll be there, huffing around, all out of breath, laughing hysterically. He'll swing her up in his arms and turn her 'round and 'round. Other times, he'll collapse into a chair after one of those particularly harrowing days that make up the majority of his life, and almost feel her fingers trickle through his hair and glide over the side of his face.
Sooner or later though, it falls over him, crashing into him and taking his breath away. Then, he makes his way back to the front of the Tardis, setting his sights on a new planet, a new adventure, trying to drown it out. He doesn't get off that easy.
But, in a strange, slightly self-destructive way, he lives for those moments. They keep him pushing forward. Those little glimpses and daydreams of her keep him hoping, keep him searching.
He'll hold on to those until he can once again hold on to her. He'll find a way.
He has to.
Author's Little Remarks: Huh. That was short.
Song that made me write this: "Superman" by Five for Fighting.