Chapter 1: The one where you wonder what the hell is going on

Hello good sir/madam my name is 3mil3fs as you can see from the author mention. This is a story I have decided to make because of an….ah incident.

What happened you ask, well this is what, it was a lazy saturday night and I had just finished my days work. But you see this was a special saturday for me for you see this was the first free saturday I have had in a long time.

I had finished studying for an exam two weeks ahead and had finally gained some self confidence. I had lost a lot of fat and started working out to the point that now I had muscles, a lot of them.

Every single goal in my life had been achieved that saturday. I had lost my virginity to a smoking hot girl with double D's, I had visited the states and even ate a 9 cheese pizza(yes it was goddamn delicious.) All in all with the last problems of my studies taken care of I had no problems in my life, none.

These were my exact thought as I was sleeping that night, 'god things are going to get so boring now days.' Alas I should have kept my brain waves shut, sigh.

The next day when I woke up, I was greeted to the sight of my blue ceiling with the poster of Mila Kunis but what looked to be like wooden stairs.

The wood was brown and rotten, like something heavy had been using them. The corners of the stairs were covered in cobwebs and what's worse I could see spiders there with little cocoons around them.

I lifted my head slowly as to not bang the stairs above because they looked to be just 4 feet above me, but when I raised my head I found that it was, well in no other words, light. Like smaller light, like what hell happened light.

I quickly moved my body trying to feel it out once again. Nothing felt normal, you know how you feel pathetic when you have a cold and none of your body parts seem right? That is exactly this.

My jaw felt loser, like it had been used less and when I bit down I noticed my slightly misaligned bottom forward tooth were now perfectly aligned. I spent at least 4 minutes just moving my jaw and checking out why it all felt so weird, it was frenching kissing someone and you explore their mouth, but this time it was my own goddamn tonge!

"WAKE UP!" came a loud bang from my right. I flinched, my ears were a lot more duller than normal. I always had sharp ears, i could hear things no one else could, and now they felt, damaged but even then that voice made my ears nearly bleed.

I moved my feet to get up and see who was it that had screamed in such a voice that made banshees jealous and as I did I felt the rest of my body.

Everything had changed, now my limbs felt like sticks, light and well stick like. I pulled up my shirt sleeve, which was many several sizes bigger mind you and saw an arm which was holy shit it was skinny as fuck.

I was fat before, like very, but I lost weight recently and could now seen some of my veins and such, like near my knuckles and calves, but looking at my 'arm' it was covered in nothing but visible veins.

But then I realised that the view I was seeing was dull, out of focused. Wait where are my glasses? I look at a little box out up against the wall vertically and on it was what looked like round framed glasses which were familiar but not mine.

I put them on but they did not really focus very well but I could see just a little better now. Just then , "GET UP! You waste you have chores! And then school!" It was that treible banshee again.

"Alright god I'm up!" I replied but them my voice sounded little like one of those eight year olds I used to babysit. This was not my body, obviously, and god this scared the hell out of me. Whose body was this? Where the hell am I? What happened to the really me?

"GET UP!" came the banshee once more and this time I was angry. I was having a bloody crisis over here! I got up fast in my anger and hit myself on the wooden stair above. BAM

"Off," I grunted and sat back down on the bed, which creaked when I sat down again.

"Serves you right boy, not get up!" wit another bang the banshee left me to my pain.

I was never really verbal about my pain, never and usually had a neutral expression wherever I hit my head or something, but god was I hurting on the inside. I rubbed the spot but then I realised that it was not really painting. I know pain, like a lot, but now my head did not feel anything, it was almost like it was dulled.

I rubbed my hair, which felt softer than before, and then I walked out of the hobbit sized door.

The little door lead to a hallway and I realised I had just came out of a cupboard under the stairs. My mind went blank and then like a lighting strike it came to me. I prayed to god my crazy instincts were wrong.

I went to a living room which was on my left and ran to look for a mirror. There sitting on the couch was a very very fat man. God just the sight of him disgusted me, I know that is bad feeling disgusted by looking at someone who had a weight issue like I did, but seriously that man gave me the creeps for some reason.

"Finally woke up did you boy?" asked the man looking up from the newspaper. The man seemed to know me, or this body. The fat guy, I now noticed, was white. That struck me as odd because I did not know many fat white people, in fact I knew none. His accent was also different to me, it was british.

"Well, say something boy!" I raised my eyebrow, which were thinner, my crazy instincts were looking more and more like a reality.

I ran ignoring the fat man and looked around for a mirror. I found one near an archway leading to what smelt like the kitchen.

I looked in and when I did I realised I probably have the best instincts ever. The image looking back at me was one which some could say is the exact of how I look. The image reflected back was a boy, and I was a young adult, he had black hair like me, but his eyes were green, the type if I see on girls I get a hardon.

But what really stuck out to me which made me drop my jaw were three things, one I was white, two I was british and three I wAS GODDAMN HARRY FUCKING POTTER! FUCK!

I moved my jaw again and again seeing whether the image would do the same to make sure I wasn't just looking at a picture of Harry Fucking Potter. After what felt like and hour (exam time) I stopped and just looked out through the window.

It wasn't the sunny weather I was used to, hell it was cold! This body seemed to be used to it but I still realized how fucking cold it is! What the hell?!

"Boy! Get over here and cook!" screamed the banshee from the kitchen. I walked over and saw a tall woman with skeleton like arms over the stove making what looked like scrambled eggs.

I just nodded, fear and a little curiosity made me obey, and walked over to here and took the over station. I looked at the eggs and saw that they were…. well crap. Some were burnt some had bloody egg shells still imbedded in it and one part looked like a creature found under a toilet seat. All in all disgusting.

I lifted the pan, which I need to use two hands, and started dumping the eggs into the trash.

"What are you doing?!" screamed the woman as she walked over.

"The eggs were bad," I said with my god awful squeaky voice, "I'll make new ones."

"Are you saying I am a bad cook?!" yelled the banshee.

Now I knew I should avoid fight with things bigger than me, but my sarcastic side got the better of me, "not I did not say that, you did."

The woman looked like she was about to break a blood vessel, "Vernon!" she screamed heading to the living room to the fat man.

I smiled and after the pan was clean put the pan back and relight the fire. When I was placing the pan on the fire however I accidently touched the base with my left hand and it got burnt.

I dropped the pan onto the burning stove and immediately shook my trying to get rid of the pain. I walked to the sink and washed the burn until the pain subsided. Just as i turned around I bumped into what felt like a wall of stupid. I looked up and saw the fat man.

"So you think your aunt's cooking bad do you?" asked the fat man, who I'm guessing it Harry Potter's uncle Vernon.

"I did not say that uncle, she did," i reply back cocky. Humor always got me out of trouble before and so I smiled thinking it would again this time.

"Haha I see," said the fat man and just as I thought I was out of the hook I felt something crashing into my left cheek.

I felt pain and my feet suddenly lost touch with the ground. I was suspended for almost a second before my face hit the wall. I tried standing up but my nose was hurt and I had trouble breathing.

"You just wasted precious eggs boy," said Vernon as he walked up to me. He slowly removed his belt as he did.

I got up to my feet but my left eye was shut in pain, "you know Vernon whenever a man walked up to a little boy removing his pants it often ends up with the man arrested for pedophelia."

Vernon was shocked, at my remark or me accusing him of being a pedophile I have no idea. "I was doing no such thing!"

Got you, "sure you didn't. I sure that's what the neighbors will think when I tell them that."

Vernon walked towards me and caught me by the throat, "now listen here boy, you mentions anything that happens inside this house and you won't live to regret it."

He held me up until I saw blotches and then threw me down to the ground hard. My head hit the ground and I rolled on the floor clutching my stomach.

Vernon walked away and Petunia after sparring my a glance just went to make her evil eggs once again.

Mentioning of Petunias eggs, Dudley soon came into the kitchen and when he saw me he smiled. He walked up to my still down body and kicked me in the gut repeatedly.

"What's for breakfast mom!" asked the pig after he was done kicking.

"Eggs dear, they will be ready in a second."

"I want them now!" he whined.

"I would have had them ready, but the freak there ruined them."

"Should I punish the no good freak mom?" asked Dudley as he looked at me with a hint of insanity.

"Of course dear," said Petunia waving of the question as if Dudley had just asked permission to watch the television.

Dudley kicked again, and then only thing I could do was wonder what type of family this was. Dudley only stopped after Petunia had placed a plate of eggs at the table for him to eat.

I pulled myself up and realised for the first time how it felt to be afraid of the people around you. I knew it before, I was afraid of people on the street but know they were here in what is supposed to be my home.

I laid back on the wall holding my stomach, blood dripping from my mouth. I think I bit something when gritting my teeth when Dudley attacked. I looked up at the fat pig as he inhaled his 3 feet big plate.

I felt sad for Harry. This was not a family, this could never be a family. They were all twisted, arrogant and most of all sadistic. Then and there I decided, as long as I lived in Harry's body I would make sure he lived a better life, a happier life.

I stayed there on the ground until I heard the school bus pull up outside. Dudley left earlier to pack his stuff and Petunia and Vernon were upstairs. I moved, holding gut as it still hurt , I opened the closet and pulled out the already packed school bag I had inside.

I then dragged myself out to the front yard and there I was pushed aside by Dudley who ran to the bus. I walked briskly keeping my head down incase someone noticed how hard I was clenching my jaw.

I walked into the bus and realised no one was looking at me. I looked like hell, clothes big enough to fit an adult and blood slowly dripping down one side of my mouth and yet no one? I sure it's at least one of these kid's job to check out people or something.

I took the first seat of the bus and pulled my bag close wiping the blood of my mouth with my sleeve.

The school Harry went to looked like a combination of mid school and junior high,not a good place to be if you were Harry. From what I remembered from the books Harry and Dudley shared the same classroom and so all I did was follow the pig and his gang from a safe distance.

"Hey dudley that weirdo cousin of yours is following you," said one of the goons.

"I'll deal with his scrawny ass at home," said Dudley as he went into a class room with the rest of them.

I followed and inside was a list of all the students of that class, I saw P. Harry at the very end. I walked in and stood at a corner not really sure which was my seat.

Soon the class was filled and that left only one open spot, right in front of the teachers table. Great, the worst seat ever, good job Harry.

I sighed and took the seat and just then a teacher came in. She was 5'7'' and had a size D bust. She had blond hair and blue eyes that glowed just a little bit, her face was round and reminded me of a pornstar. The guys in the class were all quite suddenly and the girls looked on in anger and envy. I was definitely impressed.

"Good morning class I am Ms. Jessie. Mrs. Alexa has unfortunately been in an accident and I have been sent as a replacement until the end of this term."

'Harry you lucky dog,' I thought, 'If I had a teacher like this I would have studied a long time ago.'

Inside I was wolf whistling, but outside I remained neutral, expressionless, a skill I picked up when I was younger. Ah younger in my old body, my body, not the Harry body.

The other boys on the other hand were practically drooling. I didn't blame them, she was smoking hot and they were soon to be teenagers. The girls were practically green and boy was it hilarious to see those pretty girls with 1 kg worth of makeup turn green.

"Now, your first lesson today is history. Now can anyone define for me what history is?" asked Ms. Sexy. Yes I know her name is Ms. Jesse, but they sound the same so sue me.(Not you J.K. Rowling.)

The boys all raised up their hand and guess who she picked first, Dudley. The pig blinked several times as he realised that the teacher had actually expected an answer and in a whiny little voice said, "ah… things which happened?"

"When are theses things Mr….." she looked into her register and said, "Dursley."

"Ah… in the past?"

Everyone broke out laughing, me being the loudest among them. It sounded a little forced but hell the look of shyness on Dudley's face was worht it, and the ass hole needed to pay of what happened this morning.

"Silence!" said Ms. Sexy making everyone stop at once, "at least he tried. Stop picking on the poor child." Wait was she actually defending him? "You," she pointed at me, "you seemed to find what just happened very funny. Do you think you could have done better?"

"Better that Dudley? Ah-doy," I said mimicking a donkey. The entire class laughed, even Dudleys group, most were however thinking the same thing, 'when did Harry become funny?'

"You think so Mr.-"

"Potter, Harry Potter. Pleasure to meet you."

"I see so since you think you are so smart answer me this, why was the first world war fought."

I knew this, of course I did. Every one my age knew this, "ma'am if you wanted to make an example out of a student then I recommend you stick to Dudley as he is the dumbest in the class."

Though the kids did not know what I was saying they still laughed, Ms. Sexy on the other hand was a little taken back by my answer and I could see it on her face. She looked at her register and then at me and smiled, "Mr. Potter it says here that you are the class last here and not Mr. Dursley there." Dudley smiled but when he saw my grin his happiness was crushed.

"Please miss call me Harry, I may be the last, but that is because of choice. I can score a hundred percent if I wanted to right now, but Dudley over they will still be dumb."

The class laughed again some wiping tears of their face, their were all wondering how Harry, the shy, creep, and freakish Harry suddenly got so confident and funny?

"Enough!" screamed Ms. Sexy as the class immediately shut up, except me who was still grinning like a cat, "Mr. Potter-"

"-Harry."

"Harry, you have disturbed my class and insulted one of your classmates. I recommend you apologize right now."

A little spark of anger was lit up inside me. She wanted me, to apologize to the brat who could have broken one of my ribs? "No," I said in a silent whisper.

"What was that?"

"Miss you can kill me. You can torture me, peel back my skin, break every bone in my body, but I will never apologize to that pig."

The class was silent, Harry was different. He never showed emotions, even though he sat right in front of the class he was still invisible. But now suddenly one fine day he was funny, confident, angry, talkative and even stood up to a teacher, a bloody teacher!

"Are you actually saying no, to a teacher?" asked Ms. Sexy blinking not believing what she had just heard.

"Yes."

"Mr. Potter I have never-"

"-Oh what do you know? Do you know how that fat pig over there bullies everyone? Who that bastard made my life living hell in that place I am forced to call home?! Huh? You are so new I can still see a little water behind your ears. He was the first person to address you and suddenly you think he is a bloody saint?"

Ms Sexy was silent, this was probably not how she imagined her first day going. She and the rest of the class looked at me, or Harry in this case. I suppose in their minds even someone as quite as Harry could explode.

After a minute Ms. Sexy looked at Harry and smiled, "Mr. Potter-"

"-Harry."

"-Harry. In cases like this were the student misbehaves I am to send you to see the principal, but in this case I am willing to let it slide, if you prove to me that you are better than everyone else in this class as you claim to be."

"What? I didn't say that-"

"You said, if I recall correctly that you could get 100 percent right this instant if you so wish, doing so would make you the top rank. So Mr. Potter-"

"-Harry."

"-Harry, what do you say? Score a perfect in the exam you will have today's last period and I forget your outburst today."

I thought it over. If I made enough noise people would notice that something was wrong in the house and some might investigate, but if they do that I might into serious trouble tonight with Vernon, more than how much I am if dudley tells him what is happening. So the only way was to do the damned test, but let's make things a little interesting, hehehe.

"I accept, but miss care to make a wager?"

Ms. Sexy raised an eyebrow at this and god she can make a 60 year old man get a hard on, "what type of wager Mr. Potter?"

"First of it's Harry and the wager is this, if I get 100 %, which I will, then you will have to remember to call me Harry,no more of this Mr. Potter crap."

"Sounds reasonable."

"I'm not done. And I get to call you by a nickname."

"What nickname?"

"Does it matter you already think I can't do it so why do you care?"

Ms. Sexy (yup that's the nickname I want to call her in public, god I am such a douche bag,) taught for a while. She then nodded and I held out my hand, "Deal?"

She reached and shook it, "Deal."

"Guys," I said to the rest of the class, "you guys are the witnesses, got it?"

They all nodded and with that the class started. Ms. Sexy's ass was highly distracting but I managed to focus on the lesson. She was teaching at a pace for 5th graders, a little faster in fact, and thought the other had trouble keeping up with their under developed mind I had already finished reading the entire lesson and started learning the lessons before for the test.

After her class I turned to the kid sitting next to me. She had brown hair which looked like it was curled by a professional. Her face was covered with make up and thought it made her look pretty I found it kind of creepy a 10 year old was trying to look sexy. Damn I hope I'm not going to get arrested if I start dating in Harry's body, because technically I'm 17 and in one year I'll be 18 and that's also when Harry might date so… am I safe or not?

Af fuck it, where was I, oh yes powder face.

"Hey what is there for the exam today?" I asked her is a respectable voice.

She looked at me up and down like she had just noticed I was there, "what make you think you can talk to me?"

Oh great a little bitch, prefect. I shook my head and turned around and asked the guy there the same question he looked at me funny but then gave me his notes to copy down the portions.

"Hey don't ignore me!" said the girl I talked to first she got up of her desk and stood in front of my desk as I was copying down the test portions.

"I'm talking to you!" she screamed again as I finished copying and gave the helpful boy back his book. The girl was angry again and she slammed her fist on my desk, "talk!"

I raised an eyebrow, it is so on, "oh now you want me to talk?"

"What?" she asked surprised.

"You just asked me what right I had to talk to you before, so I stopped, now you want me to talk?"

"What? No! I want you to apologize!"

"For doing what you asked?"

"What? No! Because you are a pesky nobody and I am Veronica Mars!"

"Yeah she is the prettiest girl in our school!" yelled the girl who Veronica was talking to before, another beauty queen fyi.

"God our school has crappy standards," I said grinning.

Veronicas face feel, I don't think anyone had ever told her she was not beautiful. I felt bad doing this to kids, no sportsmanship, but hey talk like a bitch get verbally assaulted like a bitch.

"Who the hell are you?" she asked finally.

"I sit right next to you."

"What? No! I know that I-"

"What, no, is that the only two words you know Veronica?" I giggled , god this was so much fun!

"What? No! I… ah!" The class giggled as she rubbed her temples trying to calm herself down.

After that the princess sat down and I proceeded to learn for the test ahead. The rest of the day were filled with boring subjects. In math I finished the problems before the teacher, in physics I knew everything and chemistry was a joke, they had not even begun teaching about electrons.

And then it was the last period. Ms. Sexy walked in with a clipboard on which were several sheets of paper and a mug of coffee in her other hand. She looked at me and smiled and innocent smile, but inside I knew what she was thinking, 'got you now you brat.'

I smiled back and that made her trip, she found her balance and did not fall though. She looked at me and frowned.

"Alright class, the test is for 1 hour. It will cover first english, then math, and science as a whole. Shade the correct option and then give it to me," she then pointed at a machine in the class corner, "I'll put your answer sheet in there and you will find out your marks immediately." She then looked at me and smiled, which I replied to in kind. To the class it was a stare down between me and a teacher and they were all rooting for me.

The sheet were handed out and armed with a HB no. 2 pencil I started. Each answer was easy as pie, even the one about pie the 3.14 thing not the food. It was of course 5th grade kids play and I was way past their level.

I finished the paper first and then waited. I sat back lazily and Ms. Sexy looked at me and I looked back daring her to say something.

One by one everyone else finished and handed in their papers. Dudley got 6%, hehehe, Veronica, it seems is more that a pretty face with an annoying voice, got 86% and her friend Taylor got 40%. The guy who helped me, whose name is Fred, got 70%. I waited until they were all done and left the class finally it was just me and Ms. Sexy.

I walked up and slung my bag on. I handed in my paper and waited for the machine to do it's work. She and I started and when the ding of the machine came we both looked at the LED screen. It said 0%.

"It seems you are not as smart as you think Mr. Potter," said Ms. Sexy as she walked to her folder and pulled out an office note, "1pm tomorrow, principle, do not be late." She the last bit with a squeaky and happy voice, hell she would have skipped if she could.

I looked at the machine, something did not seem right. Each question was 2 % worth of the total and I know for a fact that water is shown as h2o, so what went wrong? I looked and then I saw it.

I smiled, "ma'am you put the answer sheet in upside down."

Ms. Sexy's eyes widened as she examined the paper. She took it out and put it in again, this time the right way. The machine did it's work I said, "an honest mistake I am sure. After all you only did it 36 times before yes?"

Ms. Sexy looked at me with cold eyes, "what are you saying Mr. Potter?"

I smiled, my eyes shifted to the machine's display. I looked back at Ms. Sexy with my left hand pointing at the screen, "actually it's Harry."

She looked and her eyes widened, there displayed was 100%. The slip she was holding fell out of her grip and she stood there, mouth wide opened.

"Goodbye Ms. Sexy, see you in class tomorrow." I then left and when she discovered what I and her I was already gone.

I walked from the school to the hell hole. I memorized the route and even if I did get scared, who cares? It's not like I was going to get beaten up worse when I reached there.

As I walked to a local park I noticed a strange man there. He wore a robe with pink hearts on it and was looking at a house across the street, once more he was crouching behind a bush.

'A wizard,' I realised. Honestly with everything that had been going on and the fact that I now lived in a new body I completely forgot that this world had magic. And what more, I had magic. Wait….. I HAVE FUCKING MAGIC!

I nearly jumped in excitement, but then I realised that if I did that guy would see me and hell if he was a wizard then he knew Harry Potter, hell any wizard would.

I slowly walked away from the man, looking back to make sure he did not see me, but as I did I noticed something sticking out of his robe, a wand.

An idea slowly began to form in my head, it involved stealing but heck I didn't give a fuck technically speaking this guy and every other wizarding adult odded me, big, or odd Harry. Fuck this is confusing.

I silently dropped by bag down by the bench I was sitting on before. I crouched down and slowly walked to him, not making a sound. As I approached him I found a branch in front of me, quickly using both hands I lifted it up and with the extra weight I walked to him.

I don't know how I managed to get up behind him, especially since the branch kept hitting the ground and making noises, it was heavy for Harry's noodle arms. As I came up to him i noticed his right hand was in front of him moving up and down and his left was holding up what seemed to be tricked out binoculars.

They were Omnioculars, the knobs and dials gave it away. But what would a wizard be doing with…. oh hell no. I looked in the direction the wizard was looking and saw a window, at the window was the image of a woman, I could not say who for sure but I now knew what the wizard was doing with his right hand. Why would a wizard be jacking off in public anyway?

I lifted the branch and placed it on my shoulders. I twisted my hips and whispered, "batter up."

By the time the wizard looked back the only thing he saw was a shadow approaching his face.

SMACK!

I threw the log away and looked at the now unconscious wizard. The man still had his dick out, yuck, and what's more the damn thing was still up and ready to go. I ran to my bag and brought it to the wizard.

I took him wand and his Omnioculars. I searched his robes and found 9 galleons and also a pocket book. I put the wand, money and book inside and with the Omnioculars looked at what the wizard was looking at. After messing about the contraption I finally figured how the thing worked.

It was Ms. Sexy! I turned the knobs to get a better view. There in the frame was Ms. Sexy in her undergarments and was…. was she jazzercising? God that woman is built to be a pornstar.

I recorded the what I saw and at the end left the park with the Omnioculars in tow with a 15 minute video of Ms. Sexy shaking her thing. Hehe god I am such a pervert, sigh, help me.

Before I went to the hell house I snuck around back and waited under the kitchen window. I took out the book and wand I took from that guy and examined them.

The wand was brown and simple. The handle had a leather hold on it and the end looked pointy. It was what I imagined a normal looking wand would look like, but god this things made me so excited! Magic! Real magic! Sure the wand looked boring, but magic!The book on the other hand was the interesting part.

The little pocket book, when I opened it, grew bigger and bigger each time I opened it. Until finally it looked a huge book, I think the proper wizarding term is tome. I opened the book and looked through the pages. It was as thick as one of George R.R. Martin's books. In it were various spells and the like. Looks like I found some reading material.

I looked at a random page and there was a charm to make the caster's body as hard as iron. I looked at the spell it had the words O.W.L. level by it, it would probably be difficult, but I decided to try it out, after all the moment I step into that house Vernon is going to beat the crap out of me.

I looked at the incantation and wand moment, pretty simple actually, wonder why they said it was O.W.L. level? I waved the wand and spoke, "cute ferrum dedit mihi!"(it literally means give me iron skin… god stupid wizards.)

I felt something move from my core to the wand, and when it reached the tip, blue sparks flew out and they suddenly the sparks entered my body and it glowed blue and returned to normal.

Wow I'm already calling this my body. Anyway I followed the heavy tome into it's pocket form again and slipped it into my shoe and my wand in my bag.

I walked to the front door and waited, gathering my courage. I looked down and saw a rose pot there and decided to see if the spell worked. I gripped, with my bare hand, the stem of the rose, and I barely felt the thorns prick me. When I let go I saw no impressions on my palm and the thorns on the rose's stem were all broken.

I smiled and knocked on the door. It opened and Petunia stood there with a look that could kill, if I cared.

I walked in and immediately put my bag inside my 'room' and walked to the living room. There in the center was Vernon. Dudley stood at the side smiling like he had just won a million dollars, or is it pounds here?

Vernon took of his belt, "I am going ot make you bleed boy for what you did to my boy. He came back home in tears!"

I shrugged and simply took of my glasses. I had been in plenty of fights before I always made sure my glasses were off before anything, at least then I would not have to buy a new one.

"It was probably sweat you saw uncle. Or probably he pissed himself walking all the way from the front gate to the door, people his size should not move you know."

Vernon's nose flared and he drew back his hand and the whips cam down. I felt none of them as they just get my skin and felt like feathers. I stood there motionless as my clothes began to rip and tear. Vernon then slowly began to hit slower and slower until finally his arm started to hurt and he started panting.

I put back my glasses and walked to my 'room.' But before I did I looked at the now seated panting Vernon and said, "remember uncle what doesn't kill, make one stronger."

I walked to my room and closed the door behind me. Just then my uncle walked over and latched the door closed, "belive me boy I will try as hard as I can. No food, for a week."

He then latched the door shut and walked away.

Now was I crazy for basically asking Vernon to try and kill me? Yes. Was I crazy for calling a teacher, a smoking hot one at that, Ms. Sexy? Yes. But god damnit this world is just so damn fun. It's like I just discovered there was a whole another slice of pizza in the fridge! Now I have two!

Harry's life is in my hands I know that. Eventually I will have to defeat Volderdork, and I will do that. But I swear as god as my witness I will make this entire world fall on it's head as I do so.

I will make this place my personal paradise!

Now if you'll excuse me I have to watch Ms. Sexy work her ass.

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