The only person who ever understood me? My twin brother? Where is he now?
…Dead…
But how can I believe that? How can I accept that? He thought that he could run away, he thought that he could escape from all the shit that was tormenting him, all the things he couldn't accept. He thought everything would be better if he was gone.
So he killed himself.
One flaw in that plan, Jay, just to let you know. I loved you. You were the only person who knew who I was and now you're gone I'm starting to forget. You're not here to remind me any more and I'm starting to lose myself. Why did you do it you jerk? Why couldn't you just talk to me? I'm so fucking angry with you right now… Since when have we not been able to talk?
Jay, you remember that time back when we were ten or eleven, when Spencer Hayden tripped me up and I fell in the mud, you remember what happened? You stood up for me remember? You beat the shit out of that punk and helped me up and put your arm around me. And you remember what you said?
"Hey, Nadia, you know if you're ever in trouble I'm here to help. If someone hurts you again you just call me."
Then I said, "Yeah, you too."
That was a promise. That was promise between brother and sister, between twins. Why couldn't you remember that when you were hurting? When you were in trouble? Because right now you're the one who's hurt me, Jason. You've left me alone to deal with all this shit and I'm fucked up and there's nobody to help me through it because you're gone. I'm so alone now, there's no one else to put an arm around me and connect with me like you did. And I know it's a cliché (you know how I hate those) but when you died it felt like you took half of me with you.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
I feel so alone
Without you holding me up, every night is just a quiet night at home.
Alone.
Because I miss you Jason.
I miss you so much.