Nightmares

Liz/Avan

When she wakes up again, she's covered in a deep sweat: one that covers every inch of her body. She sighs, rolling over; it's been this way for a while, ever since the recurring dreams started, ever since this thing started.

She checks her phone - eleven thirty in the morning. She's slept late. Two texts from Ariana already. She ignores them, despite the fact that she knows her friend will be annoyed at her - she'll get over it eventually, Liz figures. And then one text from Zoey.

She furrows her eyebrows – since when had Zoey decided they were friends? They'd always been civil to each other, had each other's numbers, but they'd never been on good enough terms to text.

From: Zoey
A just got into town. Says he wants to see you. Head over if you can?

She doesn't think twice.

Hanging out with her ex-boyfriend (currently partner-in-cheating) and his current girlfriend is unspeakably awkward, but she smiles civilly and pulls Avan into a hug, one that he returns happily. He grins, kissing the top of her head (and she wonders how in the world Zoey does not notice). "Hey, Gillies, I've missed you, you know. You look pale."

"It's winter, idiot. No one tans in the winter."

"Not anymore, it's not." He laughs, then diverts his attention to his girlfriend. "Hey Zoey, I left my phone in the car. Would you mind getting it?"

When she nods, he tosses her his keys and watches intently as she walks outside, and then turns back to Liz. "Everything all right?

"Course, Jogia." She rolls her eyes. "Just haven't gotten much sleep lately."

"Nightmares again?"

She nods, surprised - he knows her too well. He sighs. "Gillies, I wish I could make it go away, but unfortunately the odds are against us."

She ducks her head, lowers her eyes; he kisses her lightly, first the skin of her forehead, then the tip of her nose, then her lips, applying more pressure gradually, and she wraps her arms around his neck, almost automatically. Then there's a noise at the door and both of them jump back, guilt clouding their features - this is wrong this is all wrong.

"Sorry," Zoey says sheepishly. "I always get this door stuck, it sucks."

Avan barks out a laugh and heads over to kiss Zoey on the forehead and she tries to cover up the sting.

(a)LizGillies Headed off to NYC. Wish me a safe flight?

She's not entirely sure when it started, when this whole thing, this whole affair, started. Maybe it was that time when she spotted him on the New York streets (practically a miracle, she thinks) and jumped on top of him in her excitement and it progressed from there. Or maybe it was that time they ended up making out in Liz's dressing room back when they were still filming Victorious. Though she's not even sure if that counts, honestly. There are too many times to count, times they ended up thrown together and gosh it probably shouldn't have even happened in the first place but it did, it did, and they can't take it back, don't even want to in the first place.

But time has passed - Avan is with Zoey and she's seeing (read: considering dating) Mike (Mike, who is too old but he has her old soul and taste for movies and music and the cutest dog ever but he's NOT AVAN, never will be). And maybe what they're doing, maybe her little affair with Avan, is wrong but well, it feels so right and she can't bring herself to end it.

That is, until he shows up in NYC at the same time she does. Literally the same day, that is - their planes arrive at the same time and she spots him over by the baggage cart, snatching his baggage and tilting his hat, hipster grin on his face.

"Pretty sure that's not your bag, Jogia," she quips, standing right behind him as he eyes a pink bag. "Unless there's something you've been meaning to tell me."

He whirls around at the speed of light, then grabs her tightly, pulling her close to him, before realizing that they're in public and loosening his grip. She laughs. "Control yourself, kiddo."

"Think you're the kiddo here actually," he says self-righteously, tilting up his head to show that he is all of 3 inches taller than her. She shakes her head but can't help but laugh.

"You're here for filming, hm?" she questions, raising an eyebrow. "Watched the preview of your show, by the way. Not bad, actually - though nothing is comparable to your performance as the ever so emotional Beck Oliver."

"Hey," Avan says, feigning offense, "Beck takes offense to that sentiment. But I'm glad you liked it. You really ought to guest star sometime. I'm sure the fans would love that."

"Mmhmm." She grins, shaking her head - their fans are crazy, but (evidently) correct in some respects. "Would be nice, actually."

He laughs at the crowd that's forming around them, and then, "Hey, we should do something tomorrow. Movie night, like old times at my little humble abode. You in?"

"Always," she replies, biting her lip as he kisses her forehead again – so typical of Avan, so conflicting for her. It sucks how something that seems so good can be so inherently bad.

"I'll pick you up," he says with a grin.

She eyes him with some suspicion. "And how exactly do you know where I live?"

"Hey, I've been there before," he says, raising his eyebrows and giving her his best innocent face - which ends up making him look like an absolute puppy dog rather than an older guy.

"And who the heck even drives in New York City? It'll probably take longer to drive there than to walk there."

"Fine, I'll walk you there then, Miss Gillies." He grins, his face chivalrous, his eyes sparkling, and she hates that it has to be this way, because he has a girlfriend you know. A girlfriend he's been dating for far too long, a girlfriend that is interfering with anything they have or could have, rendering them totally and completely apart - there is Liz and there is Avan and there is no LizandAvan, at least not anymore.

Two years ago there might have been. Two years ago when they were dating and he held her close at the KCAs and she never wanted him to let go. Two years ago when he kissed all over her face and made her giggle and he would just smile like it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard. Two years ago when there was no Mike and there was no Zoey. There was only Liz and there was only Avan, and that had been enough.

But now everything was more complicated. Nonetheless she nodded her head and smiled sheepishly, because she never could quite resist him.

"I refuse to watch any indie movie with crappy actors and an even crappier budget."

"Somebody's in a crappy mood," he remarked, grinning at her as he guided her through the door, one arm slung around her waist. "Don't tell me you expect me to watch one of those chick flicks. Zo... um, yeah, she's always begging me to watch them, and they all are literally so bad that I can't stand it."

Liz tries to laugh, but inwardly she's sort of concerned. It's kind of odd that he can't even bring up Zoey around her; then again, she's pretty sure she doesn't want him to, because she hasn't told him about Mike, doesn't want to tell him about Mike. It seems like there's an unspoken agreement between them - don't mention the people who they're hurting. Out of speech, out of mind, sort of.

"No chick flicks," she says decisively, "so it seems like we're going to have to compromise here. Scary movie?"

He grins childishly. "Will you hold me if I get scared?"

"Such a child," she scoffs, but she finds herself smiling anyway. "Anyway, with the assortment of scary movies you have, I doubt you'll get scared. In fact, I doubt a two-year-old would get scared."

"I have the mentality of a two-year-old," Avan protests, staring at her. "How about we watch an old scary movie?" He opens his bag, showing off the movies he's brought with him to New York.

"Sixth Sense," Liz replies immediately.

"You've seen that movie like a million times," Avan complains.

"Please, Avan?" She pokes out her lower lip and he grins at her and before she can even think about it, before she knows what's happening, he's kissing her roughly, shoving her against the wall. She bites down on his lip and he pulls back slightly before kissing her again, his hands finding a place in her hair, and this is wrong, so she pulls back a little bit, breathing heavier than before.

"You really shouldn't do that," Avan says breathlessly, running a hand through his mess of dark hair. "You look too cute. It's sort of irresistible."

"Weirdo," she scoffs, trying to hide her blush as she sits down on the couch, grinning at him. "Now put in the movie before I... cut up your couch."

"All right, Jade," Avan replies, smirking at her. He gets up to put the DVD into the DVD player, leaving her on the couch to stare at him - not in a creepy way she thinks, but in a marveling way. He is beautiful - russet skin and dark hair and a toned body, and it is hard to believe that he likes her, so there is no possible way that she can ask him to choose her over Zoey, none at all.

When he sits back down, though, remote in hand, he wraps his other around her to pull her closer to him, so that her head falls onto his shoulder, and then he kisses her lightly on top of her head, his nose tickling her scalp. She smiles slightly, because this is the way things ought to be.

Halfway through the movie, Avan gets up, stretching his arms out, and tells her he's got to get some popcorn, which she readily agrees to - so long as it's vegan and gluten-free, she reminds him, which makes him roll his eyes. But once he's out of the room, she can hear him on the phone, speaking in a hushed tone. "Yeah, NYC is great... no, I haven't run into anyone I know. NYC is a big city, you know, and you really should stop worrying about me. I'm older than you, remember." He chuckles. "Yeah, I've got money. No, I'm not going to become a hobo." He sighs again, sounding more annoyed this time. "I told you I'm fine, Zoey. I've got to go... No! I'm not seeing anyone else." Another sigh. "I'm fine. Bye."

She can't help but ask, "Trouble in paradise?" as he returns, forgetting the popcorn.

He stares at her, eyes dark. "Liz," he whispers, and then he's kissing her again, his arms wrapping around her, and for a moment she forgets all about the movie, all about Zoey and Mike and everything that's holding her back, because for this moment it's him, only him.

The first thing she notices when she wakes up is that Avan's arms are wrapped around her body. The second thing is that she's slept in her clothes at Avan's house. The third thing is that she hadn't had any nightmares all night.

This is odd, for one; she can't think of the last time she'd had a decent night's sleep, and now on this uncomfortable couch she'd slept perfectly all night. It doesn't take a genius to figure out the missing factor: it starts with an A and ends with an A. Oh yeah, and his name is Avan freaking Tudor Jogia. Minus the freaking, of course.

He wakes up and, upon seeing her, his face splits into a grin. For a moment, she loses her breath and her train of thought, and then she remembers. "Avan, what are we doing?" she asks quietly.

"Well, we were sleeping," he points out cheekily. "I'm not sure what you're doing now, though."

"No, seriously," she tells him, her face drawn into a half-frown. "What are we doing?"

"I don't know," he says, after a moment of probable contemplation. "I don't know, Liz." But then his arms are enveloping her and his lips are against hers and his body is close, too close, and she forgets everything, again and again and again.

(a)LizGillies: Tired of secrets.

It progresses from there, of course: Liz isn't staying in New York for long, since she has to get back to LA to work on her music, but during the short amount of time she is there, she sees Avan almost every day, and the lies keep building, including the lies to herself.

She tries to tell herself that she has no feelings for Avan and vice versa, that he has no feelings for her. But then one day he's kissing her, his arms around her, and he whispers, "I love you," and that whole argument goes crashing to the ground.

"What?" she inquires, pulling back so rapidly that she almost gets whiplash.

"I," he kisses her forehead, "love," he kisses her cheek, "you," he kisses her lips lightly.

"No," she replies, disentangling herself from Avan, "this has gone too far. You and I - this wasn't meant to exist in the first place, and now we've crossed a line and we can never go back, you know? You have Zoey, and you need to make a choice before I make mine. You can't have both of us, Avan, and I won't be played with. I'm not a toy. So let me know once you decide, all right? Because I am not going to wait around on you, Jogia."

Using his nickname almost makes her melt, almost makes her resolve crumble right there, but she's stronger than that, more stubborn, and she marches out the door, head held high, and hopes despite herself that he will choose her.

By the time she gets to the LA airport, dragging her suitcase behind her, she has to wonder about what the actual heck has just gone on and why she let Avan go. And then she remembers - he's Zoey's, not hers, and they were only deluding themselves to think they could ever work when it was actually just hurting everyone around them. This is a new start, a new beginning - no more Avan, just Liz, and -

Her phone vibrates inside of her pocket. With a raise of her eyebrow, she reads the text.

From: Jogia

I choose you.

She raises her eyebrows again, this time wondering if she has suddenly become a Pokemon, and he her trainer - but she knows, subconsciously, what he means, what this implies, and all she can reply is simply:

To: Jogia

Zoey?

From: Jogia

We broke up. I did the breaking up, actually, but the same concept applies.

To: Jogia

And you decided to tell me this over text? Jerk.

From: Jogia

No, actually. Look up.

She does, and she falls down on her butt, of course, because there is a pair of dark brown eyes in front of her - attached, of course, to a very smug looking guy, who holds out a hand and says, "You know, I always knew I knocked girls off their feet, but I never thought it was a literal sort of thing. Guess I was wrong on that front."

She grabs his hand with an angry glare and says, "You jerk," but then she kisses him because for once she can do it without feeling guilty, because there's no Zoey and Mike doesn't even matter anymore, it's just Liz and Avan, for once, and she won't let him go again.

She doesn't have nightmares anymore.

AN: sorry that this is RL fic but it is obviously a work of fiction so

I WAS FORCED TO POST THIS FOR BDAZAM leaf me alone

please review and tell me if its bad okay