SQW day 3 - Greed
While putting the finishing touches on Emma's half-sleeve, Regina invites her out. The crackling tension between them is obvious to everyone, including Mal, Regina's girlfriend.
Swan Queen Week Day 3: Greed - (Part 2 of Queens of Darkness series)
In the back of the Queens of Darkness Gallery and Tattoo shop Emma reclined in the studio chair that she had come to know well. It was comfortable and, in her opinion, the best one out of the four. Behind painted silk screens that hid them from the reception area, each tattooing station was different. Sula's was covered in her abstract dot-work, geometric shapes and magnificent sea creatures created from nothing but circles of varying sizes. Her tattooing chair was green and colourful in stark contrast to her art that adorned the wall.
There was a guest station next to her. Only one artist had done a spot with them since Emma had been coming in for her half sleeve. He had been creative, but not a good fit for their shop. Emma had heard that Regina threatened to knock him out and tattoo "cunt" on his forehead. She would neither confirm or deny the story, which to Emma seemed as good as a confession. As a generally chilled out person, Regina must have been really angry to do something like that. Emma decided he probably deserved it. She had only seen him in passing. He was handsome when he didn't know you were looking at him. When he did, he turned into a complete letch.
The other station was Mal's. Like everything related to Mal, she tried to ignore it. The woman had taken an instant dislike to her when Emma's eyes practically fell out of her head on meeting Regina, who she seemed to consider some kind of property rather than her girlfriend.
Emma shuffled a little in her seat and turned to watch Regina mix the exact colour she wanted. Her dark hair was tied up with a red bandana, like usual. She wore a short sleeved white shirt, the button of which was under considerable strain. Emma didn't exactly hope it would give out, but she could empathise with it a little. She wore high-waisted trousers and blood red pumps that matched her painted smile.
Honestly, Emma thought, with a girlfriend that looked like Regina, Mal should be used to the attention she got. Shit, maybe she should empathise. Maybe she should stop being such a sour fucking bitch all the time. At least she got to go home with her.
Regina bobbed her head to the music on the radio. Other than that, the shop was pretty quiet. Mal was out and Sula was at the desk. Mal was out and Emma could happily pretend that she didn't exist. Mal was out and she could pretend that her flirtatious back-and-forth with Regina was building up to something, going somewhere. Fuck, maybe it was, who knew?
Mal was jealous, protective, possessive even. Emma had seen the way she spoke to Regina sometimes. She noticed the way she usually made an appearance at Emma's sessions to check up on them under the pretence of dropping something off or having forgotten something. Emma liked pretending she didn't exist or that Regina was about to leave her, or (her favourite problematic daydream of all) that Regina needed to be rescued from her.
Her arm was stretched out on the chair rest. She looked down at the artwork Regina had put on her skin. It blew her mind every time she saw it. She was in love with it. Regina had been hard on her, made her cut her ideas and wishlist in half. "The bigger you go, the better it will look" she had said, and she was right. She had drawn up pages of sketches and mocked up four full half sleeve designs. Emma had chosen her favourite, tweaked it a little and made Regina promise to hold onto the others for when she had the money to get more tattoos. They currently sat in the corner of Regina's workstation. She didn't have any other loose artwork out and Emma wondered if it meant anything. Her desk was clear and clean, but her section of the wall was easily the messiest of them all. It was covered in pictures that gave her inspiration, sketches of tattoos she had done and notes of thanks from people.
Regina appeared at her side again, rolling between Emma and her desk on a wheelie chair. She hummed along to the music a little longer.
"This is healing really nicely" she ran a finger down her arm. It prickled with goosebumps. Regina smiled to herself and Emma would have blushed if she hadn't gotten used to it happening every time she touched her. "I'm just touching up today, putting highlights in and that'll be you done"
She looked up and smiled. Emma grinned back. She couldn't wait to show off her finished, healed tattoo. All of a sudden she was only wearing short-sleeved or sleeveless tops and dresses so she could show it off. It was better than she had imagined, even after seeing Regina's sketches. She seemed to put her heart and soul into it. Their sessions always followed the same pattern. They would talk for a while, Regina sometimes asking questions as she got started but once her head was in the space, she only responded to the music on the radio and Emma saying she needed a break. Her pain threshold was pretty high, but sometimes the shading got to be too much. She only been told off once, early in their sessions. She couldn't help being interested. She asked questions about tattooing, about Regina, about how Regina got into tattooing. "You know, most people try not to distract me when I'm permanently marking their skin" Regina had snapped. "Yes ma'am" she had replied. They didn't talk again until Regina apologised a couple of minutes later and asked if she needed a break.
"The end of an era" Emma said wistfully. Regina smirked.
"Does that mean we won't have to endure you two mooning at each other anymore? Thank god" Ella rolled her eyes from where she lounged across the large mahogany reception desk.
"You'll miss me" Emma called
"I didn't say we wouldn't, darling" Ella almost smiled. Her attention turned back to Sula and Emma's went back to Regina.
"She's right, this'll be it. No more laying back while I drive ink into your skin"
Emma cocked an eyebrow. She was well used to the way Regina made everything sound sinful by now. It still affected her, but she wasn't shocked by it anymore. She breathed in her perfume and passed it off as a sigh.
"How will I cope? I'll see this and be reminded of you every day"
"It's tragic" Regina agreed
"I'm going" Ella called from the reception "See you later darling. See you never, Princess"
"Miss you already!" Emma replied
Ella smirked and opened the door for an incoming customer before leaving through it. Sula went back into work-mode and Emma lowered her voice. She felt like she should behave herself when there were other customers in the shop.
"What's later?" she asked
"We're going to The Blue Note" Regina replied, getting her machine ready.
"That French club near the gay district?"
"It's a French dancehall. 40s music. It's Mal's favourite" Regina said. Emma nodded. Of course it was. She was no longer interested. Regina started on her skin and it tickled, like it always did at first. She loved it. The buzz of the machine gave her an equal buzz of excitement. "You should come, it should be good"
"Is that a good idea?" Emma asked.
She flirted outrageously with Regina. It was the kind of flirting that can't be one sided. If it was, it wouldn't have carried on so long. Regina loved it but feigned ignorance a lot of the time. They had only had one close brush when Emma left her first session. She was so excited she hugged her and Regina hugged her back, laughing. When they came apart they both turned into it. Regina looked away after a moment, but it was far too late. She liked her and that was all the motivation Emma needed.
The buzzing stopped and Regina looked up at her. Her eyebrow arched a little and her eyes drifted down her body. "I think I can keep my hands off you for one evening"
Emma held her gaze until the buzzing began again and Regina went back to work. Well damn.
Emma shared her apartment with a dorky college student. His name was Henry. He was sweet, a little gangly, sometimes he mumbled and he was (by his own admission) as gay as the day is long. Their relationship was all about give and take. She charged him way less rent than she should have and looked after him sometimes when he came home late, too drunk to find his bed. He helped her find something to wear that night and fixed her hair.
She wore crisp, cropped black trousers, a white blouse buttoned to the neck and a tailored black suit jacket. Henry tried to talk her into a tie or a waistcoat and watch chain.
"Don't be so fucking theatrical" she told him "I'm going to a nightclub you, not a fancy dress party"
"God I want to come"
"No boys allowed"
"Then I'll fit right in" he cocked his head and smiled at her in the mirror as he pinned her hair.
She smiled back. "And you have supplies in case this is a complete disaster?"
"Ice cream, Bitch Slap on DVD and there's spare batteries in the kitchen."
"Har har. And if it goes well?"
"I've got earplugs. I'm too young to hear what ladies get up to in the bedroom. Text me if you're bringing someone home? Last time it woke me up"
She grimaced remembering the earful he gave her the morning after the last time. "It's not gonna get that far. Her girlfriend is gonna be there"
"Oh, what?! Em…"
"I know! But she asked me to go!"
"You think she wants a y'know?" Emma stared blankly back "menage a trois?"
"Oh my god, I hope not. I think if Mal got me in a compromising position she'd probably kill me and make it look like suicide"
"Well, at least I'll know the truth when I read about it in the newspaper" Henry replied, covering her eyes as he sprayed his work.
Emma laughed "Don't be ridiculous. You don't read newspapers"
The bouncer checked her ID before she let her in. She wasn't sure if she wanted to check her age or learn her name. She hadn't planned on misbehaving, but now she definitely wasn't going to. The bouncer opened the door for her and she followed creaking steps down. The music grew louder as she descended. It was a clear female voice accompanied by a jumping double bass and some brass instruments she couldn't discern. At the bottom of the stairs she gave her coat to the cloakroom clerk. The double doors to the club had large brass handles that formed a circle when they met. There was a round window in each door too. It looked busy although it was still early. She wished she could have brought Henry.
The first thing that hit her when she opened the doors was the music. There was a live band in tuxes and a singer at one end of the hall. There were booths along the walls, lined with wood panelling, then white tile covered the rest of the walls and the ceiling. There were columns and ornate arches that gave shape to the room which otherwise would have looked like a bomb shelter. Given the era, she thought that might have been fitting.
The bar was at the other end of the room, backed by large shell shaped mirrors. She had no trouble imagining Mal in a place like this. She liked it, against her desire to hate everything Mal loved (with the exception of Regina, of course)
"Darling" Ella appeared at her side and pushed her arm through Emma's "you look fabulous, you're definitely going to need an escort tonight. Didn't you bring anyone?"
"Was I supposed to?" Emma panicked, maybe that was what Regina had meant. Now that she thought about it, that made more sense than asking her to go on her own. Well shit.
"I suppose that depends on what you want from this evening" Ella said
Emma tried to smile. She had no idea what she wanted. Well, that wasn't true. She wanted Regina, but felt on shaky ground all of a sudden. Mal was there and she was going to have no problem making Emma feel awkward and unwelcome.
"Oh cheer up Princess, you've already pulled. Look around" Ella rolled her eyes as she lead her through the crowd.
She had been so overwhelmed by how different everything looked that she didn't realised people were looking at her. Women in lindy bop dresses, women in sharp suits, women in silks and furs all looking at her. She had never seen anything like it.
"God, you could have your pick" Ella waved a hand and held onto her a little tighter. "Everyone knows I'm with Sula so they're probably assuming you're single -which you are- so if I wasn't here to guide you you'd probably have been mobbed already. You're welcome by the way"
People caught her eye like never before. She never really went out in the gay district. She never really went out at all. Maybe she should. Shit, maybe she should go out all the time.
"Oh bless your naive little heart, Princess" Ella said as they stopped at a tall table near the bar. It was situated just behind an arch so the music was a little quieter and conversation a little easier. Sula wore a fitted dress that seemed to shimmer as she moved and Ella swapped hanging on Emma's arm for hers.
"Hey, Prison Break, you made it" Sula smiled as Ella kissed her cheek.
"I have never been anywhere like this before" Emma blurted honestly.
She was so out of her depth, the Queens of Darkness were her only friends in a sea of time warped strangers. She glanced around again, taking everything in. At this end of the room the light seemed to change. It was kind of green. She imagined people drinking absinthe and doing beautiful, outrageous things that they would never remember.
"Hey" Emma turned to see a blonde girl in a white blazer over a black dress smiling brightly at her.
"Hi" Emma replied.
Ella turned her back to them to give Emma privacy, but not before she gave her a knowing smirk and a nudge in the back.
"I haven't seen you here before. I'm Rose." the girl said.
Emma started to notice other things about her. Her hair was curly, not curled like hers, but natural. She seemed so young, Emma was surprised she even got into the bar. If she was 21 surely it was, like, yesterday. She looked like a pixie, so full of energy and brightness. Emma almost believed her life was as simple as it seemed in the 40s.
"I'm Emma. It's my first time" she said "I don't know if I'm really dressed for it"
"Honey you look just the thing" the girl nudged her arm and looked her up and down. She couldn't believe she'd been here minutes and she was already being hit on, and by a girl as cute as this one. She smiled and wondered if she should ask if she wanted a drink.
"Hey, you made it!"
Emma looked up and her mouth went dry. Rose scoffed, rolled her eyes and left without another word. Regina was swinging towards her. She wore a black peplum wiggle dress that seemed to accentuate everything. The sweetheart neckline dipped lower than Emma dared even look. She had never seen her hair down either. It was always up at the shop, usually in a bandana, but down it curled and flicked, framing her face.
Emma hoped her mouth wasn't open, but she couldn't really feel her face anymore, so who knew? Her stomach lurched with mixed excitement and anxiety.
"Yeah, hi" Emma said.
Regina leant into her, hand falling to her hip on the inside of her suit jacket. She kissed her cheek, though really their cheeks only brushed. Her lipstick would have left a bright scar on Emma's pale skin.
"You want a drink? Mal's buying" Regina said
"Sure" she shrugged.
Regina took her hand and led her to the bar. Another shock went through her. Mal leant against it. She wore wide-legged grey trousers, grey heels and a silky long sleeved blouse. She looked like she was drinking whiskey as she laughed with other women at the bar, as if she wasn't watching Emma, wishing she was anywhere but with them.
"I'm so glad you're here, this is your first time isn't it? It's going to be fun" Regina said.
"Yeah it is" Emma said, not seeing the heads that turned to gape at her. If she had, she might have noticed that more than a few of them gaped at Regina and their joined hands too. But all she could see was the back of Regina's god damn dress "I didn't know what to wear, so…"
Regina stopped as they got closer to the bar crowd. She turned round and looked slowly down Emma. "You can't tell"
Emma held her gaze when it slowly came back up. Whatever it was between them she wasn't backing down. She had learned many lessons in her life, plenty of them the hard way, and a recurring theme was that you had to fight for what you wanted. No one was ever going to give it to you. She could pine over why Regina hadn't left Mal when she was so fucking odious all the time. She could bow out gracefully, decline the offer to come out and try not to think about her. Or, she could go for it. She could take what was offered and make the most out of it. Mal hated her for existing? Fine, she hated her right back for the exact same reason.
Regina passed her a drinks menu. She hardly recognised anything on it. She scanned down the bottle list. Carling Black Label, Schlitz...Budweiser (but she hated Budweiser). She turned it over to see the cocktails.
"What the hell is a gin rickey?" She asked
Regina laughed "Do you like lime?"
"Yeah"
"Then you'll love it" she turned to Mal, leaning on the bar a few paces away "Gin rickey and a dirty martini?"
Mal nodded and waved at the bar tender who started the drinks. Regina turned back to her "So"
"So" Emma echoed
"What do you think so far?" Regina asked
"Of what?" she asked, glancing down her
"Of the club" Regina suppressed a smile
"Oh you know, as European bomb shelters go it's pretty good"
"I didn't know you were such an expert"
"Well there's lots you don't know about me"
"Oh please" Regina pushed her arm gently "you never shut up, I know everything about you. I could probably guess every computer password you've ever had"
Emma smiled but Mal appeared and ruined the moment.
"Dirty martini" she handed it to Regina and they kissed briefly. Emma looked away.
"Gin rickey" she held it out and Emma took it.
"Thanks for the drink" she said
"Don't mention it, Swansong" Mal replied stiffly. Her hand was on Regina's back. Emma noticed it slide down from the corner of her eye, until Mal turned and left them again.
"So what are we toasting?" Emma asked
"To…" Regina began
Someone interrupted and she kissed her on the cheek too. "Happy birthday, sweetheart" the woman in furs said
"Thank you" Regina smiled back. Emma almost dropped her drink. The woman left and Regina turned back to her.
"It's your birthday?"
"It is"
"You didn't say anything! I didn't bring you a present" Emma was genuinely disappointed
"Being here is enough" Regina said and lifted her glass again. Emma hummed in disatisfaction but didn't say anything. "Oh cheer up, if you're that put out you can make it up to me later"
"What's later?"
"That's up to you, dear"
Emma's eyes widened and Regina didn't look away. There was no way she was reading this wrong. But Mal? She tried her hardest not to think of what Henry had said earlier. Regina clinked her martini to Emma's cocktail.
"To finishing a piece of work"
"It's not just work, Regina, it's fucking beautiful"
"I can't believe you don't have it out" Regina touched her arm sadly.
"Well maybe you can check on it later" Her heart was in her throat as she said it. Regina's lips parted and Emma took a sip of her drink. She looked confident, self assured, maybe cocky even but inside her heart leapt around her chest. She had no fucking idea how this was going to end.
Regina linked her arm and walked her around, narrating as they went.
"People tend to group in certain places. Go to the bar if you don't want to pay for anything all night. It's hard to get away though. The booths and tables are good for groups, though some are better than others. Sula and Ella have a good one. Look at them, aren't they cute?"
Emma watched them talking. Ella was stroking circles on Sula's arm. There seemed to be a bubble around them, like they noticed nothing else. It was cute.
"The dance floor, we'll see what you're made of later. Through there are the toilets, through there is a walled garden upstairs. It's supposed to be somewhere you can go to smoke but people don't really seem to use it, most people go out front."
Emma could think of a good way to put it to use.
"God Rose isn't the only one who's keen on you. I'd better hold on tight or you'll be dragged away"
Emma caught sight of them in a mirror. They looked amazing. Their outfits kind of matched and seeing Regina on her arm gave her butterflies. They went back to stand with Sula and Ella. For a while they talked, though Emma mostly listened and looked around. The whole place looked like a film set, she couldn't really help staring. Her drink tasted good and was soon gone.
A song started and Regina jumped to action "oh come on! We have to dance to this"
"I don't know how to dance" Emma said as she caught up with her. Regina placed Emma's hand on her hip and put her own on her chest.
"Don't worry about it" she said, taking Emma's other hand in hers "neither do I" she laughed
They seemed to figure it out. The song was lively, catchy. The band were actually really great when Emma listened and wasn't trying to hear someone talking over it. They fell into an easy rhythm. Regina sang along sometimes and Emma was happy with exactly where she was in the world at that moment.
"I dance with you you you you you you in The Blue Note, I ask you who who who who who who in The Blue Note, forgetting my troubles I'm in the mood for love"
They drifted closer together. Emma's heels made her slightly taller. Regina tipped her chin up so they could talk.
"You're pretty good"
Emma laughed "Well thanks"
"You're welcome" she bit the inside of her lip "I'm glad you came to get your cover up"
"It turned into more than a cover up" Emma said, meaning more than just the tattoo
"Yeah" Regina rolled her eyes "I have the sketch book to prove it"
"Do you still have my list?"
"Yes"
"Are you holding it hostage in case I want to go to someone else?"
Regina gasped "Don't you dare!"
"What if Mal banned be from the shop?" Emma asked
"She wouldn't"
"How do you know?"
"Because she wants me to be happy"
What the fuck did that mean? Emma held her gaze and the smile that came with it. They danced without speaking for a while. It felt good and easy and the longer they danced, the closer Emma felt. The singer changed for a man who sang and played the piano. Emma watched Regina thinking. Her eyes were dark, darker in the dimmed light and Emma couldn't read them. Whatever it was, something was going to happen between them. She couldn't tell what, but it was going to be big. She enjoyed the feel of Regina against her while she could. The warmth of another person was comforting. Her perfume was intoxicating and her smile, when it broke was blinding. Emma lost count of the number of songs they danced to. She forgot about Mal. They talked and laughed and danced a little silly until they were interrupted.
"Mind if I have a dance now, dear?" Mal asked
Regina let go of her easily and she could have sworn it physically hurt. Mal pulled her into her arms and they moved right into whatever dance was supposed to go with the music. Regina only spared her a glance before turning to smile at Mal. For a moment she just watched them in shock at having Regina ripped from her and dancing with someone else. She saw Ella moving towards her from the corner of her eye, but she couldn't handle consolation. She made a quick escape to the bathroom.
In the cubicle she took deep breaths and closed her eyes. Her momentary happiness was collapsing around her and she struggled under the rubble. She wanted to wash her face and snap out of it, but no amount of cold water was going to undo how fucked everything was. After a while she flushed the toilet without using it. She washed and dried her hands, realising that for the first time all night that no one was eyeing her up. The tight band she felt around her chest loosened a little. She took another second to fix her hair before she went out again.
This time she headed for the walled garden. She didn't look at Mal and Regina. She looked around her and though she didn't smile at anyone, she got a few looks of appreciation. She went through the doors and immediately the cold hit her. At the top of the stairs she pushed another door open and found herself in a small walled yard. The floor was concrete and the walls were lined with green plants. It was street level but separate from the outside world. Sula sat at an ornate little white table smoking a cigar.
"Hey" she said
"I didn't know you smoked" Emma replied
"You want one?"
"Do you inhale?"
"No"
"Then what's the point?"
Sula blew smoke out into the night "It looks really cool"
Emma smiled. "No thanks. I could go for a smoke, but not of that"
Sula hummed "How's your night?"
"You know, it's up and down"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. You mind if I stay here for a bit?"
"Not at all. Sometimes you've just got to get away"
"Yeah"
Emma didn't want to think about Regina pressed against her, but her body still felt it. Maybe it felt her warmth or maybe it felt the loss of it. Every turn of her head brought a new vision of Regina to her mind. The way her nose wrinkled when she really laughed at something. The scar on her lip. The shape of her jawline. The way Mal had taken her away. They way Regina just went to her. The way she knew they danced downstairs even as she sat there thinking about it. She took a deep breath in and sat back. When Sula finished her cigar they went back to the dance hall together.
"You wanna sit with us?" Sula asked "I promise you won't feel like a third wheel"
"I'm gonna get a drink"
When she got to the bar she was inundated with offers. If she had asked for a bottle of Dom Perignon she would have gotten it. She was three more drinks down with no idea who they came from when someone pulled her out.
"Hey" She said, seeing Ella's white bob ahead of her.
"You know who's got no one to dance with? That pixie who introduced herself to you earlier. You don't want to go home with any of them" she tipped her head back at the bar "most of them just like buying things for pretty girls and then go home to their wives"
Emma pulled her arm out of Ella's grip. They were already at the table. Sula rolled her eyes.
"I told her to leave you alone" Sula said "for the record"
"The record appreciates it" Emma turned and left them. She ignored Ella's calls and got her coat. Part of her wondered about trying to find Rose but it probably wouldn't be fair to the girl. She seemed too sweet and young to be used like that.
As she climbed the stairs she looked up to see Regina coming down them. She sighed and stopped.
"You're leaving already?" Regina asked. The disappointment in her eyes made Emma's heart hurt.
"Yeah"
They stood on the same step. There wasn't a lot of room and neither of them seemed to know where to look.
"You seemed to be doing quite well at the bar" Regina said with a smile she didn't mean.
It was a barb, a snipe and Emma knew it. Regina was jealous. It was a fucking joke. She wanted to fight. She wanted to shout and point and get the weight off her chest but instead she lurched forward. She pressed Regina into the wall and kissed her. Regina gasped and kissed her back. Emma felt her collar being used to pull her harder into it. It was desperate, aching relief. Emma hands slid around her waist, then pushed her away. She caught her breath. Regina's chest rose and fell quickly. Emma allowed herself the proper look down at her she had wanted all night. Regina leant into her again but she stopped her.
"What do you want, Regina?"
"Isn't that obvious?"
"You can't have both" Emma said, thinking of how easily Mal had taken her back. The band around her chest tightened.
"Why not?"
It seemed like a good question. Suddenly Emma felt she was restricting her unfairly, that she was conservative and backwards and betraying her feelings on women's autonomy. But the vision of Mal pulling her away repeated itself in her mind and she couldn't indulge it.
"You just can't" she said sadly.
At the top of the stairs she turned and looked down. Regina hadn't moved, she didn't look up to see Emma leave or to say goodbye. Emma broke out into the night, feeling cold in the fresh air again and the excruciating freedom that making a decision had given her.
Mal was there smoking. She didn't scowl at her like usual. She raised an eyebrow and turned away to drag on her cigarette. Emma realised Regina's lipstick must be smeared across her mouth.
"Can I get one of those?" she asked
Mal raised an eyebrow, held out a silver cigarette case and offered a light when Emma took one. She hadn't smoked for a long time. Her lungs didn't like it but everything else did. She blew smoke out slowly and turned to Mal.
"Why do you all have different names for me?" She asked
Mal considered her for a moment "Naming something is about ownership. Some people, like Sula name you out of friendship and familiarity. Ella likes to poke fun and knows you hate being called a Princess"
"And Swansong?"
"Do you know what swansong is?"
"The sound a bird makes?"
Mal shook her head as she dragged her cigarette "It's the last song. The final one"
Understanding throbbed in her heart. Emma was the final test for Mal and Regina.
"How do you win this game?" she asked
"You don't" Mal replied
"Do you?"
She shook her head "The house always wins"
For the first time since they met Emma saw her as a person. Not an entity to be hated, but a real human being. She was sad. In an instant Emma's sympathies flipped. Their relationship was built on Regina's freedom and Mal's misery.
"Fuck the house" Emma said. Mal let a half smile curl her lips as Emma turned in the direction of home.
She pulled out her phone and text Henry. "Are you still awake? Bitch Slap is happening"