A NIGHT OUT
The duty sergeant returned to his desk, filling out the ledger in front of him. It had been a relatively quiet night until a group of drunken revellers had been brought in. After the four of them had been paired off into separate holding cells, there had been no further outbursts. The sergeant hoped things would stay that way. All he wanted was a quiet night.
In one of the cells, two men sat. One was lying back on the bench, smiling. The other was pacing the floor, exasperated. The persistent throbbing in his head did little to help his mood. "Doctor, you have finally gone too far!"
"I rather think we all did, if we're honest." The Doctor sat up. "I must say, you were right, Alistair. A night out was just what I needed."
The Brigadier held his temper – just. "Don't think you can lay the blame for this at my door. You were as much at fault as the rest of us." He raised his eyes heavenward. "I should have known something like this would happen."
It had all started innocently enough. The Brigadier had insisted that the Doctor join him, together with Yates and Benton, for a night out, the intention being to cheer the Doctor up after Jo Grant's departure. After a couple of pints at their local, the group had moved on to a nightclub.
The Brigadier was a bit hazy on the details leading up to their arrest. All he could remember was some fracas involving the club's resident singer, which saw a number of fists flying, with tables and chairs upturned as a promising night's entertainment dissolved into a punch-up, with himself, Yates, Benton and the Doctor being singled out as the main offenders.
The Doctor made room on the bench as the Brigadier sank down next to him. "There could be major repercussions," he groaned. "UNIT will be made to be a laughing stock. We could all lose our jobs over this."
"I'm sure things aren't that bad," said the Doctor. "Silver linings and all that."
The Brigadier glared at him. "Much as I normally welcome your pearls of wisdom, Doctor, I fail to see any such silver lining manifesting itself before us at this moment."
The Doctor gave an embarrassed smile. "Well, these things take time, you know."
Half an hour later, they were in an interview room facing the custody sergeant. He looked down at the charge sheet and sucked in a disparaging breath. "Well, it doesn't look good, does it, sirs?"
"Doesn't it?"
He ignored the Doctor's question. "Drunk and disorderly, causing an affray, common assault – I could go on."
"Look, sergeant," the Doctor offered. "We're quite willing to pay for any damages…"
"That's very obliging of you, sir," he replied. "Only it's not as simple as that."
The Brigadier found his voice. "What exactly do you mean?"
The sergeant flipped over a sheet of paper. "We have a statement from a Miss Stella Starr, the singer at the nightclub. It seems that she was propositioned in a rather unsavoury manner, and that you were involved during this time." The officer nodded toward Lethbridge Stewart.
"But that's outrageous," he bellowed.
The sergeant nodded. "I quite agree, sir."
The Doctor stepped in. "Look, are you sure about this? A case of mistaken identity, perhaps?"
"Not according to this statement, sir." The sergeant rose from his seat, addressing the Doctor. "If I were you, I'd start talking some sense into your nephew here. And you, sir, ought to be ashamed of yourself at your age."
For once, the Doctor and the Brigadier were lost for words.
"The nerve of that policeman!" They were back in their cell by the time they had recovered from the officer's parting words. "At my age, indeed."
"I thought it was rather flattering – uncle." The Brigadier smiled at the absurdity of it all.
The smile was returned. "Yes, I suppose it is – nephew."
The two men laughed, allowing a release of tension that had been building inside them both. Once the laughter had subsided, the Doctor and the Brigadier were able to focus more clearly on the problem at hand. "I still don't remember very much," Lethbridge Stewart admitted. "But I'm hardly a lounge lizard. I couldn't have propositioned that young lady – not in the way it's been suggested, at any rate."
"You didn't," the Doctor assured him. "You were there, all right. But it was someone else who was making the unwelcome advances. I saw you step in and pull the fellow away, and that's when the fighting broke out."
"So I was defending her honour." The Brigadier sat back, relieved. "But why did she pick me out instead of the other fellow?"
"She was probably confused," the Doctor suggested. "Anyone would be, especially after the punches started flying."
"So, we're being held on circumstantial evidence, and we can't prove otherwise."
"I'm afraid so." The Doctor sighed. "I'm sorry, Alistair. This is all my fault. If I hadn't let myself get so upset over Jo's leaving, perhaps none of this would have happened."
"Nonsense," Lethbridge Stewart insisted. "At least you're seeing something of everyday life, instead of being cooped up in that lab each day."
The Doctor eyed his friend accusingly. "You're enjoying this."
The Brigadier said nothing, but offered a knowing smile.
The duty officer's eyes lit up when he saw the young lady enter the station. Quite a looker, he had to admit. "Can I help you, miss?"
"Can I see someone in charge?" she asked.
It was ten minutes later, when the cell door opened, the custody sergeant framed in the doorway. "All charges have been dropped," he announced. "You're all free to go."
They met Yates and Benton in the corridor, both looking the worse for wear. Benton was sporting a black eye, while Yates was still nursing a bruised hand. They walked the length of the corridor, the four of them saying nothing until they arrived at the front desk. Then the Brigadier saw her. "Good Lord. It's Miss Starr, isn't it?"
"Yes, hello." She looked down at the floor, apologetic. "I seem to have caused you gentlemen some trouble."
The custody sergeant spoke up. "Miss Starr has now identified the real troublemaker – he's well known to us, so we won't have any trouble picking him up. Sorry about earlier," he added, mumbling an apology.
"Think nothing of it, old chap," the Doctor beamed. "I think we've found the whole experience most stimulating."
"Hear, hear," the Brigadier agreed. "And at least everything worked out in the end."
Benton and Yates said nothing, as the small group walked out from the station into early morning sunshine. The Brigadier and Miss Starr separated briefly from the main party, exchanging telephone numbers before she briefly kissed his cheek in farewell.
The Doctor, Yates and Benton had watched the whole scene. "Lethbridge Stewart, you old rogue," the Doctor scolded.
"I'm sure I don't know what you mean," he replied innocently.
As they walked on, a question nagged at the back of the Brigadier's mind. "What I don't quite understand," he said to the Doctor, "is why that custody sergeant assumed you and I were uncle and nephew."
"Ah." It was Yates who spoke. "That was down to me, sir. You were rather out of it when we were brought to the station, so…"
"Go on."
"Well, we couldn't let anything be traced back to UNIT," Yates continued. "So when the duty officer asked for our details, as far as you and the Doctor were concerned it seemed the best thing to do."
"Your head would have been on the block, otherwise," Benton chipped in. "And we couldn't let that happen, now could we, sir?"
"I suppose not." The Brigadier regarded his Captain and Sergeant coolly. "Anything more to add?"
"No sir," they replied in unison.
"Then we'll say no more about it." The two men relaxed, as a half smile flitted across Lethbridge Stewart's face. "Now we'd better get back to base and smarten ourselves up, eh Doctor?"
The Doctor was lost in thought. "You know, I think I've been missing out on a lot recently. And I must admit I rather enjoyed last night. We really ought to do this more often."
The Brigadier almost choked on his intended answer, until he caught the mischievous twinkle in the Doctor's eye. "I rather think we've had enough excitement for now, Doctor," he replied dryly. "At this moment, a squad of Daleks would be preferable to a repeat performance of last night's events."
"Point taken, Lethbridge Stewart," the Doctor smiled. "Point taken."
"Any chance of a bacon sarnie?" Benton asked. "I'm starving - sir."
The Brigadier thought for a moment. "Well, we'll have missed breakfast by now, so… all right, gentlemen. Four bacon sarnies it is – on me." Heartened by this, the four men set off in search of a nearby café.
All things considered, it had been quite an eventful night.