The Right Thing

ooooooooooooooo

"You're doing the right thing Lee."

Lee spun around wildly, heart beginning to pound. Could it be ... was it her ... ? Of course it couldn't be - he'd seen her ship explode. But damned if he wouldn't swear that was her voice talking to him.

He shook his head and took a deep breath. "I'm just imagining things," he murmured to himself.

"No you're not."

"What the frak?" He spun around again, positive it was her. "Okay, what the hell is wrong with me?"

"Language Apollo, language. I'm the one who swears all the time, not you, you goody-two-shoes."

He could hear her laughter ringing in his ears. He covered them and closed his eyes.

"Godsfrakkingdammit! I'm going crazy!" he broke out, face screwed up in anguish. Three weeks - it had almost been three weeks since her death and though he thought he was handling it well obviously repressing how he felt wasn't working. "Maybe my father was right to ground me."

"Open your eyes Lee."

He refused.

"Open them. I'm right here."

Desire pulled at him like a living thing. He wanted so desperately to open his eyes and see her standing before him, the explosion having been a terrible nightmare, but he knew if he did he would see nothing but his empty quarters and he'd know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was going crazy without her.

Desire won out and he removed his hands, opening his eyelids slowly. She was there, sitting on the couch, dressed in the old familiar tanks and fatigues, cocky smirk firmly in place.

"I told you I was here."

"Frakking hell Kara, I saw you die," he said, his voice catching in his throat as the tears threatened to overwhelm him.

"I'm not dead."

Hope glimmered in his eyes like a freshly lit candle. "You're not?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"I'm not really here either."

"Then where are you?" he choked out, barely able to speak.

"On the other side."

"What are you doing here then? How are you here?"

"I've been allowed to come back once ... only once to help put you on the right track."

"I don't want to be on the right track, I want you back!" he said, voice full of anguish as the tears spilled down his cheeks in great oceans. He strode forward and made as if to put his arms around her.

"You can't Lee. I'm not really here." The sadness in her eyes was like a knife through his heart.

He stopped, barely a pace away from her. "Then why? Why come back if I can't have you?"

"Because you're doubting yourself. You need someone to make sure you follow the right path."

"And what is the right path?" he asked bitterly.

"You need to leave the military and be a part of Baltar's defense."

He laughed mirthlessly. "Well you're the only who thinks so. My father is about ready to have me court-martialed for desertion and Dee is hardly even speaking to me. Not to mention the rest of the crew who look at me like I've grown another head."

"New experience for you huh? Now you know how I felt."

She smirked and it pulled at his heart - he'd missed that Starbuck smirk almost more than anything else. It was why he'd - twice now, mistaken misbehaving, mischevious pilots for her and called them Starbuck by accident. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to stop thinking of her every time someone made a smart-ass comment or ignored the rules.

"I don't know if I can do it Kara. Go against everything I've been trained to do? Break the rules again? Look what happened last time I did that. I nearly lost you and my father - the only people who matter to me." He wiped at the tears with the back of his hand.

"Who are you?"

"What?"

"Who are you?"

"You know full well who I am," he responded, irritation evident in his voice.

"Are you Lee Adama, son of the Admiral, perfect soldier who always does what he's told, or are your own man who makes his own decisions and stands up for them?"

"Have you ever tried standing up to my father?" he said angrily.

"Actually I have. It's not easy but in the end he's going to have more respect for you for standing up for what's right instead of doing what's easy."

"Who are you to be preaching about what's right?" he asked, mouth turning up slightly at the corners.

She smiled broadly. "That's the spirit. There's my Lee - the one who isn't afraid to stand up and be counted, even when he's apparently on the wrong side."

He sighed. "Being on the wrong side sucks. It's so much easier to go with the flow."

She stood up, an earnest look on her face. "I know, believe me I know. But you have to do this, trust me."

"I thought you hated Baltar. Don't you want him to pay for his crimes?" Lee was incredulous.

"I do, but not at the expense of human civilization."

"What do you mean?"

"You know in your heart what needs to be done. You knew it when you went against your father the first time and sided with the President. Militarily it was the wrong thing to do but morally it was correct. This situation is no different."

"Baltar and Roslin can't exactly be compared," he said dryly.

"No, but justice needs to be served and you have to be the one to make sure it gets done. If you leave it up to others you know what the verdict will be ... if it even gets that far. I'm sure there are plenty who are willing to go vigilante and take justice into their own hands."

"They've already tried."

"That's why it's more important than ever that you be a part of this."

"Kara, it's going to ruin my career, and probably my marriage as well."

"Your grieving over me is already doing that," she said quietly, eyes meeting his. "Just because you're not crying out loud like Sam doesn't mean your grief isn't eating you up inside and making you do things you shouldn't."

"How can I do it Kara?" he asked, desperation in his voice as his eyes teared up again. "How can I live without you?"

"You need to take a break. A break from all that we were - your father was right to pull you from flying and assign you to the legal case. He may be regretting that decision now but that's only his heart talking. He's afraid you're going to get hurt and he's not willing to lose you the way he's lost Zak and me. And he's afraid that once you try your hand in the law you're not going to want to come back to him."

"How did you know the law has always fascinated me?"

"A little bird told me?" she teased. "Zak told me how much you idolized your grandfather and were interested in what he did for a living. And though you followed in your father's footsteps I've always known your heart isn't completely in what you do. You love to fly but the whole military machine, being in command ... it's not your thing. You've done it because you felt you had to. Now you have a chance to do what you want. Don't let it slip by. Baltar needs you. Humanity needs you." She paused and took a deep breath. "And I need you. Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to finally accept my destiny Lee? Do you?"

"Your destiny was to die? I'm not willing to buy that," he said angrily, a frown gracing his normally handsome face.

"My destiny was to leave you - to go ahead and pave the way. But looking into that storm all I saw was myself being crushed to bits in my Viper just like Zak, and it frakking scared me to death."

"That's why you were acting so strangely that day?" he asked softly.

She nodded. "My whole life has been spent in preparation for that moment, yet when it came I was too scared to embrace it. All I could see was death. All I felt was fear."

"How can you be blamed for that? You're only human. We're all afraid of dying."

"But we all have to. It's just that my time came sooner."

"Couldn't we have gone together?" he whispered, tears darkening his eyes again. "You have no idea how hard it is living without you."

"Don't make my sacrifice be in vain. I died to save humanity - now it's your turn to save them. If you allow humanity to give in to chaos then the cylons have already won. By the time they find you again there won't be anyone left to fight - you'll have destroyed yourselves."

"But Kara, it's so hard. No one understands. No one supports me. I'm on my own."

"I do. I understand and I'm here for you. You're not alone."

"But you're not really here," he said, fresh tears flowing. "I need you Kara. I can't do this without you."

"Yes you can. You know the path you have to take and you're strong enough to take it. I'll always be here with you, even if you can't see me."

"Kara, please don't go," he begged, knowing he sounded pathetic but unable to help himself.

She stepped forward and placed a soft kiss on his lips. All he felt was a coolness, like someone had touched him with an ice cube for a brief second.

"I love you Lee, I always have and I always will. And I'll always be here for you, right here." She placed a hand on his chest - it was as cold as her lips had been.

He blinked back the tears and when he opened his eyes she was gone as if she'd never been there.

"Kara," he choked out in anguish, tears flowing hard. "Gods, Kara ..."

He covered his face with his hands and allowed the tears to flow unchecked until they stopped. Some time later he head the hatch to his quarters opening and Dee's unmistakable step.

"Lee," she called out.

He stepped out of the head, still drying his face. "Hey."

"Can we talk?" she asked, walking over to stand in front of him. "I really think you should reconsider ..."

He pushed past her and grabbed the files from his desk. He turned back to face her as he reached the doorway.

"Later. I have a trial to prepare."

As he shut the hatch behind him he felt a stab of regret at hurting her. Kara's voice floated to him as if from far away.

"You're doing the right thing Lee. Always remember that, no matter how hard it gets. You're doing the right thing. "

fin