Disclaimer: I don't own the song or the characters, just the fic.
Teaser: Life can be tough when there's no one there to guide you
***
Silver Skies
The Day After
"Mommy, where's Daddy?" A pause. A wife's silent cry for a husband. A daughter's silent cry for an answer.
"Sweetie....." a hesitation. An uncertainty of what to say, of how much to say. An unsureness of a mother's ablility to protect her only child.
"He's in heaven. With the angels."
"Will he come visit us?" A heart's cry for that dream. A mind's logic telling that it was impossible. Fighting to keep a memory at bay.
"In our dreams, honey. Maybe in our dreams." A hope against hope. Self blame ricocheting around a tired body. A constant struggle to keep the tears from falling.
A small hand on her own. Identical eyes dancing in front of hers. Outside, the wind still blew, the birds still sang, the cars still drove by, the grass still grew. The world didn't stop as it should have. The heavens didn't fall in as she would have had them do.
Breakdown. Moment of utter despair. Time to cry and mourn and grieve. Gone forever, you're gone forever. How will I cope?
How do I find my way? How do I raise her? The blood than should be seeping from my veins does not, and the helplessness fills my very soul. I pick myself up off the ground. For her. Because she is so like you. Because she is all I have left.
iNo one knows but you
How I feel inside
No one knows
No one knows but you/i
The Wedding Anniversary
Day's edge of the windowsill, the last few seconds of a dream filled night before I wake and find no you. The sun creeping over the horizon, tugging at my eyelids, waking me as you used to.
Today should have been our day, our special day, where you would've had something planned, like you always did, anniversary or not. A small body sleeps next to mine; she is all of six years old and already fatherless. I try to hate you for leaving us but cannot. You know I cannot and the morning breeze seems to carry your voice.
Happy Anniversary my sweetheart. Six months ago you left, and the world still turns, I still get up, she still goes to school and learns things we already taught her. She is the cleverest in her class; you would have been so proud. I know you are. Her pictures adorn the fridge, and every other surface; she has a real eye for colour, you know. Where did that come from? I would love to ask you, love to share these things with the person I am supposed to, but heaven has you shackled and earth me. Her small form stirs in the early light, and I rise slowly so not to wake her.
A hot shower, blocking out the thoughts of work and school and what's for dinner tonight? temporarily. I can nearly hear your excited giggles as the water trickles over our lips and they meet again, your hands everywhere at once.
But we're okay. I was right, you visit us in dreams, and the barrier which was once between her and I has disbanded and moved elsewhere. I know you are watching, approving, smiling somewhere. I love you. Can you hear me?
iI can almost feel you smiling
From beyond those silver skies
As you watch me finding my way
Here without you in my life/i
Her Seventh Birthday
"Mommy!" a small mass falls on me from a great height, and I wake to her eyes. Her beautiful green eyes, they are your green eyes.... I smile and wish her a happy birthday, hugging her tightly so to make up for having just me. She doesn't seem to notice and jumps up and down, and my face cracks and grins, for what feels like the first time in months, though in truth it isn't. It's at least the third.
I hug her again, just because I love her, and I tell her so. I pull several parcels out from underneath our bed, and colourful paper flies everywhere as she busily begins unwrapping them.
What did you get for your seventh birthday? I got my first dolly and a leather satchel. She gets a drawing set and series of books she has been begging me to buy her for months. She is enthralled in the first already. She is such a quick learner, you know. I pull out a last gift, and place it quietly in front of her. She will open it in her own good time. It is from you, or so I tell her. It's what you would have got her, her first necklace. Gold. It shines in the light as her eyes do and outside the skies are silvery blue and your presence seems to fill the room. I force myself to check beside me, are you there?
No and my heart surges, but not as much as it used to. I help her tie the catch, and I know that necklace will stay around her neck for years to come. The doorbell rings. That must be her aunts and, excited at the thoughts of more presents, she leaps up and I can hear her feet pattering down the stairs, carefully, one at a time so not to fall, just like you taught her. She remembers you.
iI've come so close to believing
All the echoes in the wind
Brushing my hair off my shoulders
I feel you there once again/i
Anniversary Of Your Death....... I Mean Passing
The wind blows our hair everywhere and her little hand fits into my larger one exactly. Her small smile chases mine and eventually catches it, so one forms on my face to. I have never been to this place, this is not really where you are, but it is one of the few places I can visit you, so I abide by her wishes and we visit Daddy. I can hardly take her to the shower cubicle.
We each hold a bunch of flowers - a daisy chain she made herself, and I clutch lilies from the garden tightly until I realise I am killing them so loosen my grip reluctantly. The stones along our route are even greyer in the lack of early morning light, and we reach yours just in time, so the sun rises over the horizon. She is thrilled and congratulates herself on her timing. We read the gravestone I picked out one year ago exactly, and I help her with the difficult words.
Leo Wyatt
1974-2007
Beloved husband and father.
The stars always filled your eyes
And now your eyes fill the stars
RIP
I explain 'beloved' and she begins to talk to you like you were standing infront of her, and not looking down on us from heaven. Her explanation of the school play becomes quite animated and I have to laugh as she waits for you applaud her demonstration. Somewhere in her head she hears clapping sounds. I watch her in awe, talking to a slab of granite like it's you. Can she see you somehow? Is it just her childhood innocence which prevents her from crying, or moaning to go home?
The visit helps and I leave feeling more refreshed than I thought possible. I think it helped her too, so she knows there is a place she can go to see you, and she knows that she can ask me to take her any time. Were you there? Did you hear her sweet voice? Are you proud of her, of me?
iAnd if there is some magic
Some way around these stars
Some road that I can travel
To get to where you are/i
Her Leaving
The years have all passed, the birthday parties celebrated and sleepovers slept. Still the golden necklace you gave her adorns her neck as she hugs and kisses me one last time, her university place found; literature at Sarah Laurence. You would have been so proud, and I only hope I have taught her everything she needs to know. She is so like you in every way, and it feels like I am losing you all over again. She promises to phone very night, and I know that eventually she won't, but the idea is nice and the tears still fall as I knew they would. I wish you could be here for me to bury myself in, but I keep me head held high as she walks through to the Departures lounge, and wave continuously. I drive home and promise myself I won't cry again.
The house feels empty, no longer full of childhood cheer or stuffed toys for me to pick up. What am I supposed to do now? I wonder. There are no more nappies to change, no more hands to hold, no more tables to learn or exams to help revise for. The cookies have all been baked, the cuts have all been kissed better, the hairstyles have all been tried. I sit and wait for the first wrinkle to appear.
She does phone every night for a while, as she finds her feet along the road and starts the long walk. It soon reduces itself to every second night as friends are made and assignments mount up. She has so much to do; she is just starting out in life. In a way I envy her, as I dust for the fourth time that week and hope the phone will ring tonight. What are you doing? Are you waiting for me? Are you watching us, watching her, proud?
iI'll cry this empty canyon
An ocean full of tears
And I won't stop believing
That your love is always near/i
Her Wedding
An excited call reaches me one day soon after she graduates and returns home; she is to be married to 'Luke', who I have met and do approve of as much as I ever will anyone who takes her away from me. You would have to, he is a psychiatrist, two years older than she is, and a very nice young man. The wedding is in summer.
I go out and buy a new dress, and go with her to every rehearsal and fitting and help her and Luke chose the flowers. We decide on lilies, just like those that I laid at the cemetry. The day fast approaches and she is so beautiful, she positively glows at the sight of him. She loves him like I love you. They are a match.
The day goes by in a flash, memories of wishing you could lead her up the aisle and hold my hand as she says her beautiful vows and when they kiss, and as I absentmindedly throw confetti over them both I realise suddenly she doesn't really need me anymore. She has her own life now, and even reveals she is pregnant to me. Nine months later their family is complete, and they name their son after you. I am touched as you would be; he has your eyes and is going to be strong like his Grandpa.
The proud parents bring him round often and I am the doting Grams, and my life has purpose once again. I take him to the same places we took her at that age; the beach, the sea, so he can smell the ocean spray in the air. He giggles. He has such a lovely smile, and reminds me so much of you. Please wait for me.
iI can almost feel you smiling
From beyond those silver skies
As you watch me finding my way
Here without you in my life/i
The Death
I reach 77 and watch him grow until he is 22 and looking for love of his own. He is so good to me, and has the same look about him you would have had at that age. He is going to be a psychiatrist like his dad, but wants to travel first. The wrinkles now form a map on my face, my hair is fluffy and white, my breath is shallower and eyes slowly closing. I'm coming, my love. Have you waited?
Suddenly I am floating, and can look down on myself. Last time this happened you saved me; it wasn't my time. This time it is, and a smile creeps across my lips. I've missed you so much. Are you proud of me? Proud of the daughter we raised? Proud of the son she raised? Then suddenly there you are, the same cheeky grin, the same sparkling eyes that I love so much. You have waited. I knew you would. The years fall off me and it's back to when we were first married. You take my hand wordlessly and your eyes meet mine once again. This is how it was supposed to be, I realise that now. I utter the words I have wanted to say for so long.
"I love you, Leo."
Your whispered reply comes, my heart surges and the gates of heaven open.
"I love you too Piper."
We are where we're meant to be, you know me like no one else. On earth life goes on, nights filled with stars, days filled with silver skies. I love you with all my heart.
iNo one knows but you
How I feel inside
No one knows
No one knows but you/i
The End
Teaser: Life can be tough when there's no one there to guide you
***
Silver Skies
The Day After
"Mommy, where's Daddy?" A pause. A wife's silent cry for a husband. A daughter's silent cry for an answer.
"Sweetie....." a hesitation. An uncertainty of what to say, of how much to say. An unsureness of a mother's ablility to protect her only child.
"He's in heaven. With the angels."
"Will he come visit us?" A heart's cry for that dream. A mind's logic telling that it was impossible. Fighting to keep a memory at bay.
"In our dreams, honey. Maybe in our dreams." A hope against hope. Self blame ricocheting around a tired body. A constant struggle to keep the tears from falling.
A small hand on her own. Identical eyes dancing in front of hers. Outside, the wind still blew, the birds still sang, the cars still drove by, the grass still grew. The world didn't stop as it should have. The heavens didn't fall in as she would have had them do.
Breakdown. Moment of utter despair. Time to cry and mourn and grieve. Gone forever, you're gone forever. How will I cope?
How do I find my way? How do I raise her? The blood than should be seeping from my veins does not, and the helplessness fills my very soul. I pick myself up off the ground. For her. Because she is so like you. Because she is all I have left.
iNo one knows but you
How I feel inside
No one knows
No one knows but you/i
The Wedding Anniversary
Day's edge of the windowsill, the last few seconds of a dream filled night before I wake and find no you. The sun creeping over the horizon, tugging at my eyelids, waking me as you used to.
Today should have been our day, our special day, where you would've had something planned, like you always did, anniversary or not. A small body sleeps next to mine; she is all of six years old and already fatherless. I try to hate you for leaving us but cannot. You know I cannot and the morning breeze seems to carry your voice.
Happy Anniversary my sweetheart. Six months ago you left, and the world still turns, I still get up, she still goes to school and learns things we already taught her. She is the cleverest in her class; you would have been so proud. I know you are. Her pictures adorn the fridge, and every other surface; she has a real eye for colour, you know. Where did that come from? I would love to ask you, love to share these things with the person I am supposed to, but heaven has you shackled and earth me. Her small form stirs in the early light, and I rise slowly so not to wake her.
A hot shower, blocking out the thoughts of work and school and what's for dinner tonight? temporarily. I can nearly hear your excited giggles as the water trickles over our lips and they meet again, your hands everywhere at once.
But we're okay. I was right, you visit us in dreams, and the barrier which was once between her and I has disbanded and moved elsewhere. I know you are watching, approving, smiling somewhere. I love you. Can you hear me?
iI can almost feel you smiling
From beyond those silver skies
As you watch me finding my way
Here without you in my life/i
Her Seventh Birthday
"Mommy!" a small mass falls on me from a great height, and I wake to her eyes. Her beautiful green eyes, they are your green eyes.... I smile and wish her a happy birthday, hugging her tightly so to make up for having just me. She doesn't seem to notice and jumps up and down, and my face cracks and grins, for what feels like the first time in months, though in truth it isn't. It's at least the third.
I hug her again, just because I love her, and I tell her so. I pull several parcels out from underneath our bed, and colourful paper flies everywhere as she busily begins unwrapping them.
What did you get for your seventh birthday? I got my first dolly and a leather satchel. She gets a drawing set and series of books she has been begging me to buy her for months. She is enthralled in the first already. She is such a quick learner, you know. I pull out a last gift, and place it quietly in front of her. She will open it in her own good time. It is from you, or so I tell her. It's what you would have got her, her first necklace. Gold. It shines in the light as her eyes do and outside the skies are silvery blue and your presence seems to fill the room. I force myself to check beside me, are you there?
No and my heart surges, but not as much as it used to. I help her tie the catch, and I know that necklace will stay around her neck for years to come. The doorbell rings. That must be her aunts and, excited at the thoughts of more presents, she leaps up and I can hear her feet pattering down the stairs, carefully, one at a time so not to fall, just like you taught her. She remembers you.
iI've come so close to believing
All the echoes in the wind
Brushing my hair off my shoulders
I feel you there once again/i
Anniversary Of Your Death....... I Mean Passing
The wind blows our hair everywhere and her little hand fits into my larger one exactly. Her small smile chases mine and eventually catches it, so one forms on my face to. I have never been to this place, this is not really where you are, but it is one of the few places I can visit you, so I abide by her wishes and we visit Daddy. I can hardly take her to the shower cubicle.
We each hold a bunch of flowers - a daisy chain she made herself, and I clutch lilies from the garden tightly until I realise I am killing them so loosen my grip reluctantly. The stones along our route are even greyer in the lack of early morning light, and we reach yours just in time, so the sun rises over the horizon. She is thrilled and congratulates herself on her timing. We read the gravestone I picked out one year ago exactly, and I help her with the difficult words.
Leo Wyatt
1974-2007
Beloved husband and father.
The stars always filled your eyes
And now your eyes fill the stars
RIP
I explain 'beloved' and she begins to talk to you like you were standing infront of her, and not looking down on us from heaven. Her explanation of the school play becomes quite animated and I have to laugh as she waits for you applaud her demonstration. Somewhere in her head she hears clapping sounds. I watch her in awe, talking to a slab of granite like it's you. Can she see you somehow? Is it just her childhood innocence which prevents her from crying, or moaning to go home?
The visit helps and I leave feeling more refreshed than I thought possible. I think it helped her too, so she knows there is a place she can go to see you, and she knows that she can ask me to take her any time. Were you there? Did you hear her sweet voice? Are you proud of her, of me?
iAnd if there is some magic
Some way around these stars
Some road that I can travel
To get to where you are/i
Her Leaving
The years have all passed, the birthday parties celebrated and sleepovers slept. Still the golden necklace you gave her adorns her neck as she hugs and kisses me one last time, her university place found; literature at Sarah Laurence. You would have been so proud, and I only hope I have taught her everything she needs to know. She is so like you in every way, and it feels like I am losing you all over again. She promises to phone very night, and I know that eventually she won't, but the idea is nice and the tears still fall as I knew they would. I wish you could be here for me to bury myself in, but I keep me head held high as she walks through to the Departures lounge, and wave continuously. I drive home and promise myself I won't cry again.
The house feels empty, no longer full of childhood cheer or stuffed toys for me to pick up. What am I supposed to do now? I wonder. There are no more nappies to change, no more hands to hold, no more tables to learn or exams to help revise for. The cookies have all been baked, the cuts have all been kissed better, the hairstyles have all been tried. I sit and wait for the first wrinkle to appear.
She does phone every night for a while, as she finds her feet along the road and starts the long walk. It soon reduces itself to every second night as friends are made and assignments mount up. She has so much to do; she is just starting out in life. In a way I envy her, as I dust for the fourth time that week and hope the phone will ring tonight. What are you doing? Are you waiting for me? Are you watching us, watching her, proud?
iI'll cry this empty canyon
An ocean full of tears
And I won't stop believing
That your love is always near/i
Her Wedding
An excited call reaches me one day soon after she graduates and returns home; she is to be married to 'Luke', who I have met and do approve of as much as I ever will anyone who takes her away from me. You would have to, he is a psychiatrist, two years older than she is, and a very nice young man. The wedding is in summer.
I go out and buy a new dress, and go with her to every rehearsal and fitting and help her and Luke chose the flowers. We decide on lilies, just like those that I laid at the cemetry. The day fast approaches and she is so beautiful, she positively glows at the sight of him. She loves him like I love you. They are a match.
The day goes by in a flash, memories of wishing you could lead her up the aisle and hold my hand as she says her beautiful vows and when they kiss, and as I absentmindedly throw confetti over them both I realise suddenly she doesn't really need me anymore. She has her own life now, and even reveals she is pregnant to me. Nine months later their family is complete, and they name their son after you. I am touched as you would be; he has your eyes and is going to be strong like his Grandpa.
The proud parents bring him round often and I am the doting Grams, and my life has purpose once again. I take him to the same places we took her at that age; the beach, the sea, so he can smell the ocean spray in the air. He giggles. He has such a lovely smile, and reminds me so much of you. Please wait for me.
iI can almost feel you smiling
From beyond those silver skies
As you watch me finding my way
Here without you in my life/i
The Death
I reach 77 and watch him grow until he is 22 and looking for love of his own. He is so good to me, and has the same look about him you would have had at that age. He is going to be a psychiatrist like his dad, but wants to travel first. The wrinkles now form a map on my face, my hair is fluffy and white, my breath is shallower and eyes slowly closing. I'm coming, my love. Have you waited?
Suddenly I am floating, and can look down on myself. Last time this happened you saved me; it wasn't my time. This time it is, and a smile creeps across my lips. I've missed you so much. Are you proud of me? Proud of the daughter we raised? Proud of the son she raised? Then suddenly there you are, the same cheeky grin, the same sparkling eyes that I love so much. You have waited. I knew you would. The years fall off me and it's back to when we were first married. You take my hand wordlessly and your eyes meet mine once again. This is how it was supposed to be, I realise that now. I utter the words I have wanted to say for so long.
"I love you, Leo."
Your whispered reply comes, my heart surges and the gates of heaven open.
"I love you too Piper."
We are where we're meant to be, you know me like no one else. On earth life goes on, nights filled with stars, days filled with silver skies. I love you with all my heart.
iNo one knows but you
How I feel inside
No one knows
No one knows but you/i
The End