A Hand to Hold – One Shot

Kurai-Hisaki

Summary: All I had to do was hold on to you… and keep breathing. -Zero's Pov, one story of a two shot- Zero x Yuuki

This was inspired by songs from Superchick – Breathe, Hold and Crawling.

Hold is a very good song, and it relates to Zero and Yuuki's relationship very well – from Zero's Pov. I wrote this after Stand in the Rain – Yuuki's POV, but it doesn't matter which one you read first. The two stories go together, but can be read separately.

I've only finished watching the two seasons for the anime (I'm saving the manga, so that I can read it all once it's complete – I hate cliffhangers. *haha* I'm too impatient to wait for the next chapter). This is when Yuuki's human.

I hope you will all like Zero's side of the story.

Disclaimer: Vampire Knight belongs to Matsuri Hino.

- Zero's POV -

It was a moonless, cloudy night like this one when I thought that my life had ended. The wind was strong and the air was cold. It was a fresh memory – the memory of my family being killed. It felt like that had been the longest night of my life. I was alone. By myself, I had no direction in life. Maybe… I should have been killed that night…

Maybe… I should have died…

Many thoughts ran through my head that night. I was marked by one of those hateful creatures and I survived. However, I had no future. Being the son of a vampire hunter family, it was expected that I would grow up to be a vampire hunter, but I was one of them, and by knowing that… I should have ended my life myself that night. But once again, I was saved.

I don't remember how I ended up here, but that night someone picked me up. When the wooden doors opened, I lifted my amethyst eyes to meet a pair of deep chestnut coloured eyes. For a brief second, I felt warmth, but it was weird, her eyes annoyed me. They were big, round and full of curiosity – full of questions that I had never intended to answer or will ever answer.

Later, I found out that she was the chairman's daughter – Yuuki. That annoyed me more. How was it that some people had everything? She was beautiful; she had a nice family; she had friends… She had the most important thing that I didn't…

Happiness…

I glared at her every time she looked at me, I told her to stay away from me. I didn't understand why I was brought to this place. Every time I saw her, I was reminded of the night that everything had been taken away from me. Why was I brought here to be tortured more? I was here to pretend that I was part of this family, but was in fact - far from it. Soon enough, I found that physically hurting myself was an escape, but every time I did so… she was there. She would take me into her arms, and look at me with care with those big round eyes.

Whenever I was covered in dirt or blood, she would be there to care for me, to clean me up. With her hands, she would silently lift my head. I didn't understand her. Wordlessly, she cared for me and I gave up pushing her away. Eventually, I found myself relying on her and soon enough we became close friends.

During this time, I found out that she had also lost her family when she was young – on top of that, she had also lost her previous memory. I wasn't sure if her case was better than mine - maybe it was better not to know how your family died - maybe it was better not to know that they had been slaughtered right in front of you. She had been attacked and traumatized by vampires and was saved. I didn't understand how she could keep living.

How was anyone that strong?

Every time I saw her, she would be smiling. She had such a dark past and burden, yet how could she be so carefree everyday?

The closer I got to her, the more scared I became.

As time passed, the closer we became, and soon enough my reason to continue living was her. All the years where she cared for me as a sibling or close friend, she had brought me out of my lowest point of my life. Being the oblivious person that she was, she didn't realize that I was no longer the same boy that had been brought to her doorstep many years ago. She continued to worry and care for me, while I began to fall for her.

And as expected, the feelings and vampire blood in me became stronger. I tried my hardest to keep it under control as I knew how scared Yuuki was, of vampires. I didn't want to drive her away from me; I wanted her to stay by my side. Being selfish, I tempted myself every time she stood beside me. Until that one night, I bit her.

I had almost fainted from shock and disgust. I couldn't believe how weak my self control was. I couldn't believe how my bloodlust had been so out of control that I destroyed the relationship that I had with my most important person. I had never been so worried before in my life. I was not use to caring for others; this was the first time that I had felt fear.

The fear of losing her…

Many emotions that I've never felt before rushed through me that night. Relief, when she tried to protect me from Kaname, even right after I bit her – or relief that Kaname protected her from me, shock and disgust as she fainted, and finally fear when it hit me… that I had hurt someone close to me. I couldn't lose her, she was everything to me. When she woke up, I was scared. How would she react? I didn't know… so I avoided her. I never deserved her and those peaceful years before felt like a dream. Her hands had been able to hold on to me, and she gave me a couple more years to live. However, I felt like I couldn't forgive myself for hurting her, for betraying her, for not telling her.

When I was on the brink of ending my life, she had once again saved me.

I was brought back to reality as the rain whipped against my face. My hands were becoming numb from wandering in the rain for so long. My silver hair hung over my eyes and my white dress shirt stuck to me. I looked up to the direction of where Yuuki's room was. Her room was dark. I suppose normally, people would be sleeping at this hour. Walking slowly past her window, I headed towards the fountain.

With my feet on autopilot, my mind began to drift back to Yuuki.

How was it every time I was depressed or at an all-time low, she was there? Was I selfish for wanting to end my life… while she was so desperately clinging onto hers? How was it that even though we were both messed up – she was able to find the will to live?

Maybe… she was here just for me.

Every time I wanted someone there, she would be there to tell me that everything would be okay. If I was confused or lost, she would be there to guide me again on the right path. She would tell me that I am not alone, and that she would always be there for me. When I was down, she'd be there for me. By my side, she would tell me that - together, we'll make it through.

Like the moon that needed the sun, I needed her… Like opposite halves of each other, I was complete when she was here… Without her, I couldn't live.

Without her, I couldn't possibly exist.

It was then that I realized that I needed her. She was more than just here to satisfy my bloodlust. She was more than just my childhood friend. She was precious to me.

I needed a hand to hold.

And she was providing me with that hand.

I needed her… I needed her to be here to hold me from the edge, the edge that I was slowly sliding past.

She was the reason that explained why I was still here – holding on to the fragile life that I had.

Then I saw her.

She looked weary and exhausted. As she whipped her head right and left, I knew that she was searching for something. I knew that her actions were sometimes unexplainable. It was a part of who she was – unpredictable, fun and caring. With curiosity, I continued to observe her actions. Standing underneath a shadow of a tree, I saw that she started to look distressed. As she started to make her way towards the forest, I started to worry. What was she thinking? It's dangerous. When she showed no sign of stopping, I stepped out.

With a reprimanding tone in my voice, I spoke up. "Where do you think you're going?"

The expression on her face was priceless when she froze and turned around. Like a deer caught under headlights, she opened her eyes wide to stare at me like I was going to disappear any second. I kept wondering about what she was thinking about, but I knew that she wasn't going to tell me when she smiled.

It was that smile that I longed to see every morning. It was her that I looked forward to seeing each day. It was her that kept me breathing.

When she ran towards me, I automatically held out my arms for her. I loved everything that she was.

I simply, just love you.

Every time I held her in my arms, she would silently remind me to keep living.

To keep breathing… because you are here for me.

When I had to crawl, she never left me. When all had left me, and hope had disappeared…

You will find me.

Every time I stumbled and fell, she would reach out to me, find me and lift me up.

Silently and never failing, you will carry me through.

For all the times that she comforted me, I could only hope to silently return the favour one day. She had given me so much that I can't ever repay. She had saved me countless times. I had always thought that my feelings were one sided, but regardless – I couldn't stop loving her. With her crushing her head into my chest, I rested my head on hers. I couldn't help but feel a feeling of hope – that maybe, she loved me too. She was oblivious and clueless, nevertheless maybe one day, I'll gather the courage to tell her directly – that I loved her. But until that day came…

All I had to do was hold on to you… and keep breathing.

Thus comes the end of Zero's Pov. I hope that you all enjoyed his side of the story, and I hope that the two stories match up.

Please check out Stand in the Rain - Yuuki's Pov if you have time - and please let me know which one is better or what can be improved!

Let me know if anything needs to be fixed!

Thanks for reading!