What we want… is sometimes right before our eyes, obscured by a mist of doubt that, once brushed away, reveals a world embroidered with the crowning jewel of our most assiduous desires.
He still remembered the countenance of the man with blood streaming from closed eyelids, who halted on his raven-black stallion, the moment Kouyuu felt the cold, sharp blade of the execution scythe touch the back of his neck. Hundreds of people were watching him, kneeling helplessly on the execution platform like some animal waiting to be butchered. And then, out of the suffocating heat, as though a mirage, he came.
Kou Reishin-sama—his knight in shining armor.
He opened his eyes, the remnant of the memory just clearing, and turned toward the bed adjacent to his own.
The curtains were closed.
He rose softly, taking care so that when his toes touched the floor they didn't make a sound. The morning sun was just filtering through the window; it was weak.
He side-stepped a creak spot on the floor.
Opening the door softly, he stepped out. The rim of the bronze water basin almost touched the doorframe as he left, but not quite. Years of practice taught him to shift his body slightly to the right when exiting the bed chamber.
He walked briskly toward the water pump. The morning air was damp, and whatever feeble sunlight he had thought was present, receded behind the clouds again. A thin film of moisture was collecting on the back of his hands, his cheeks, and when the rustle of leaves transpired a light breeze over him, the chill on his skin became just a touch sharper.
Better hurry, lest he be late.
The curtains were drawn when he returned. A solitary figure, with complexion pale enough to seem fragile, sat erect over the edge of the bed. He stole a quick glance at that beautiful countenance, upon which the thin lips, the color of a fading rose, were pressed in a hard, grim line. From his position, the man's face was half obscured, but the cold, aloof beauty of his face, the singularity of his dull, straight eyes, couldn't be lessened.
At the sound of the door opening, the man turned slightly, only slightly, as though quickly reminded of the futility of that act.
"Good morning, Reishin-sama." He greeted dutifully.
The ascetic line of his lord's lips softened—an imperceptible relaxation of unknowingly tense muscles. He approached.
Those empty eyes did not follow him.
"Has day broke?" Reishin's voice, indifferent, sounded as the clear chime of dripping water danced in his ears.
"It has, a few moments ago, Reishin-sama."
Gentle, childish hands grasped Reishin's, and a moment later, a soft, wet cloth pressed upon it.
"Kouyuu."
He prayed Reishin didn't feel the tremble of his hands.
"Yes, Reishin-sama?"
"Isn't your preliminary exam result delivered today?"
"Yes." He was afraid.
Kouyuu couldn't decide which was worse: to fail the exam and tarnish Reishin's name, or to pass it and leave his side.
"Would you like to take breakfast now?" He changed the subject, not even subtly, because he had not the courage to be forced into a decision.
Did it even matter to Reishin-sama whether he stayed or not?
There was a pause. That abrupt change in topic, so ungracefully implemented, could not have escaped Reishin's notice. He chose to ignore it, however, even though he knew the reason of Kouyuu's agitation.
"That would be fine." His voice—nonchalant, elegant, changeless.
He felt a slight chill as Kouyuu moved the water basin away. Reflexively, he turned and tried to trail Kouyuu's movements. The ruffle of robes came to a stop, to be replaced by a soft click when Kouyuu set down the water basin.
Reishin stood, and instantly a hand took his arm, guiding him. They began to move, and unavoidably at one time or another, their robes brushed against each other, or sometimes, something more than mere fabric touched, and every time it did, he would feel Kouyuu flinch beside him, but Reishin could not know that every time Kouyuu flinched, a deep blush would explode on his cheeks, and a curious mix of frustration and fear would permeate his eyes.
He took a seat and felt the familiar touch of the boy guide his hand toward a warm bowl.
"Plain congee this morning, Reishin-sama." Kouyuu informed as he placed a porcelain spoon in the older man's hand. Their fingers touched, mindless and only for a moment, but the sensation seemed to linger long after the physical contact had ceased. Kouyuu, conscious of that particular longing always inspired by a careless touch with Reishin, felt even more keenly his inadequacy in appearing self-possessed.
"Are you not eating?"
Kouyuu started, wincing because he forgot yet again that his silence always irritated Reishin, because in the silence there was no sound to inform him of the things his eyes no longer could; in the silence, he felt absolutely helpless.
Kouyuu picked up his spoon and hurriedly, noisily, shoved a spoonful of congee into his mouth.
"Would you like some pickles, Reishin-sama?"
Reishin made a sound, which experience taught Kouyuu meant concurrence.
If he passed the Imperial Exam, he would be forced to leave behind more than seven years of memories with Reishin. If he didn't pass…
A door knock interrupted his thoughts. He stood and went to the door.
"Letter for you from the palace, Kouyuu-sama." The servant informed as he offered up a small, elaborately ornamented rectangular box to Kouyuu.
The preliminary exam result.
His head felt a little light. It was too early in the morning; he was not ready for this.
Kouyuu ambled toward the table slowly, trying to decide whether it was better to stare at the floor or Reishin. He sat down, his throat dry from don't know what.
Even if he passed the preliminary exam, there were still three more exams left, two more chances for him to make his decision. He kept on telling himself that, but he knew it was a lie. There was, in reality, no choice to be made; if he passed this one, he would have to pass them all, and now, the result was sitting in his hand.
Reishin waited in the silence, and when no sound came after two minutes, he reached over, groping slowly along the table until he found the box in Kouyuu's cold hands, and took it. Carefully, he trailed his fingers along the box, feeling the intricate carvings of some design he couldn't decipher. Nine or ten years ago, he had received a similar box.
He handed it back to Kouyuu, and waited.
It was stupid, Kouyuu decided, this trivial pause; it was pointless.
He slid open the lid, revealing a scroll inside embroidered with gold threads. He took it and unrolled it.
Kouyuu glanced over the opened scroll. A single word caught his attention: pass.
Just like he knew he would.
"Well?" Came Reishin's perpetually indifferent voice.
No anticipation, no anxiety—Reishin-sama was as he always was.
"I passed." Kouyuu whispered through barely parted lips.
"Ah." Neutral acknowledgement.
Reishin-sama…
A zephyr blew by, rustling the autumn leaves as though bronze bells in its wake. Kouyuu looked up at a storm-ridden sky full of fluttering leaves being blown in the wind without aim.
"Kou Reishin-sama! Kou Reishin-sama, please wait!"
Kouyuu closed his eyes, feeling a slight scratch as a twirling leaf brushed against his cheek.
He had only been a boy then, when he chased after that elaborate carriage with legs on which the bruises from shackles too tight were still lurid with blood-suffused purple.
"Are you sure it's alright for you to be here and not with Rei-Aniue?" A voice behind him questioned.
Kouyuu snapped abruptly out of his remembrance, and turned to the owner of the voice with a bow.
"Good afternoon, Kurou-sama. Reishin-sama is taking a nap right now." He answered respectfully.
For a moment Kurou stood still, peering at Kouyuu contemplatively with an expression of mild curiosity in his eyes. Then turned away with the same suddenness as he had come, pausing in his steps only to utter softly but confidently, "Rei-Aniue doesn't take naps, Kouyuu."
What was that supposed to mean? Kouyuu pondered with utter confusion as he walked briskly back toward Reishin's residence.
When he pushed open the door, Reishin was sitting at the edge of the bed, staring silently ahead as though lost in thought. At the sound of Kouyuu's entrance, he turned slightly.
"Good afternoon, Reishin-sama. How was your nap?" Kouyuu asked, sweeping a casual, involuntary glance toward the bed. Smooth, unruffled sheets lied quietly, with no trace of ever having been disturbed.
Reishin-sama hadn't take a nap; he never even had the intention to.
"Uneventful." Reishin replied evenly, then turned at the sound of raindrops pattering on the window sill. "Is it raining?"
Kouyuu turned too and glanced out the window. The sky had taken on a dark shade of gray, and the scenery beyond the hallway columns was covered with a thin sheet of falling rain that gave it a most wistful distortion.
Reishin did not wait for his answer. With one hand stretched before him, he rose and went toward the door.
Kouyuu stood agape. Reishin hated groping, hated that feeling of uncertainty and helplessness, but now—
"W-wait! Reishin-sama!" Finally snapping back to his senses, Kouyuu called hurriedly after Reishin, who had already reached the door. "Where do you wish to go?"
"The table set in the garden." The older man replied as Kouyuu helped him into the hallway.
"But, but it's raining. At least allow me to get an umbrella—"
A hand caught his arm as he turned to go back inside.
"That won't be necessary." Reishin said quietly, but firmly.
Kouyuu opened his mouth, but knew better than to argue with Reishin. With an expression of worried resignation hanging on his face, he led Reishin into the garden, where a small stream that surrounded its entire circumference flowed under an artificial bridge, and seated the latter on the wet granite stool.
The rain was getting heavier. Looking out, the interlocking raindrops wove an almost material fabric. Within five minutes, Reishin's hair was completely soaked. Strands of silky black hair plastered on his face like watercolor paint, softening the harsh masculinity of his face with just a touch of feminine fluidity.
A shiver snaked down Kouyuu's spine. Autumn showers, especially in the Kou Province, had all of the ferocity of a summer storm but none of its warmth, and the cold clamminess instilled by it was most uncomfortable.
Imploringly, he knelt before Reishin on one knee, and coaxed suppliantly, "Please, Reishin-sama, let's go back inside. You will catch a cold this way!"
Reishin, whose head was inclined slightly toward the stream, turned to the direction of his voice and replied with a sad smile playing faintly on his lips, "You may go if you wish. I can get back to the room on my own."
Kouyuu started violently at Reishin's words. An incoherent fear was tugging at him from the back of his mind, and Kurou's words earlier echoed in his ears.
"No!" He said, and, realizing a moment later that it sounded rude, hurriedly added, "I mean…I'm fine…with being here..." with you. He wanted to say, but was afraid it might anger Reishin.
With an inward sigh, Kouyuu rose and took a seat beside Reishin. The latter had again returned his attention to the flowing stream, which issued a soft yet clear drip each time a raindrop dented its surface.
Moments like these, when Reishin was not irritated by the silence between them, were rare; and as Kouyuu looked at Reishin's slightly turned countenance, he realized that Reishin had not really changed since the first time they met. Seven years seemed to have left no trace on Reishin's face, which was still handsome, elegant, but Kouyuu, Kouyuu was no longer a boy, and soon, he might have to leave Reishin.
That thought sent another violent tremor down his back.
Kouyuu refocused his gaze on Reishin, at his dull, sightless eyes that seemed perpetually lost in thought.
Kou Reishin-sama, his god with eyes that bled.
They said Reishin must have been poisoned sometime during the night, because when the summoned maids went into the master bedchamber, blood was seeping through the fingers that clutched his eyes.
Several maids passed them, stopping in their tracks to throw inquiring gazes at Kouyuu, wondering if they should fetch an umbrella. Kouyuu looked at them emotionlessly, wondering, even as he sent them away with a slight shake of his head, whether they were the same maids that had congregated in clusters when he had first arrived at the Kou estate and whispered and pointed at him as he passed them with Reishin in the hallway.
"Look, that's the boy Reishin-sama gave his eyes to save." They had murmured in the shadows.
They said that Sai was behind the poisoning, because he didn't want Reishin to interfere with the execution he had so vehemently procured. Whether that was true or not, the Kou clan made sure Sai paid his price.
If Reishin had not gone to the execution ground, he would have been treated in time, and Kouyuu would have died.
Sometimes Kouyuu rather pitied Sai; who would have thought that the leader of the Kou clan would risk blindness to save the youngest son of a peasant convicted of treason?
Kouyuu snapped out of his reverie and was surprised to find the sky already darkened, but whether that was with nightfall or the storm, he could not decipher.
"I think…we should go back now." Reishin murmured absently as he stood. Immediately, Kouyuu's hand touched his elbow.
Once they were back in the master bedchamber, Kouyuu immediately ordered a bath to be prepared.
Reishin sat quietly on the bed, listening to the sound of water being poured and feeling the steam gathering in the air around him, while Kouyuu patted him dry as much as he could so that Reishin would not catch a cold while waiting.
The master bedchamber was designed after the palatial bedchambers, where a hand embroidered dividing screen separated the room into the living quarters on one side, and a large, pond-like water bath on the other.
Almost a quarter of an hour later, the maids finally announced that the bath was ready. Kouyuu dismissed them promptly, and, leading Reishin to the rack around the dividing screen, began to undress him.
Carefully, he encircled his arms around Reishin's waist, his own body pressing dangerously close to Reishin's chest in the process, and unclasped the buckle that held the hard, leather belt in place. He had done this for years, and never once had it ever occurred to him to wonder why he did not simply unbuckle the belt from behind.
With the belt unbuckled, Kouyuu proceeded to take off Reishin's voluminous outer robe. The latter stood still while Kouyuu slid the robe gently off of his shoulder, during which Kouyuu was again leaning so close that Reishin could practically taste the chill on the boy's tongue.
Kouyuu stood back a little, gazing at the translucent white of Reishin's under robe, which was soaked completely by the rain so that there were patches of flesh color where the fabric pressed against skin.
"You are completely wet, Reishin-sama. What if you catch a cold?" He mumbled worriedly as he unfastened the strings of the robe.
"I'm fine." Reishin replied absently. Then, most unexpectedly, his hands touched Kouyuu's arms, and from there, groped to his chest, where the fabric of his shirt was wet.
Kouyuu gasped softly in surprise, but did not pull away.
"And what about you? You are wet too." Reishin inquired quietly.
A deep blush blossomed on Kouyuu's cheeks, and his breath became quickened at the feeling of Reishin's hands on his chest.
"I-I'm fine." He stuttered, fumbling with the knotted strings all the while and could not loosen it because he was too conscious of the furious beating of his heart.
A smirk floated onto Reishin's lips as he felt Kouyuu's clumsiness with the strings, but he did nothing to stop the boy.
By pure accident, Kouyuu managed to unfasten the strings that tied the under robe, and when he was finally smoothing it off of Reishin's body, his fingers were trembling. The wet fabric fell to the marble floor with a dull thud, and Kouyuu hoped that the sound was enough to mask his own hastened breath.
Hurriedly, Kouyuu shied his eyes away from Reishin's now fully bared body, and turning around, started pulling off his robes, which were heavy from the wetness, with such ungraceful speed that it left red marks on his skin.
Just as he was struggling with the buckles of the belt that, in his haste, he had forgotten to unfasten, he felt Reishin touch his back. After searching for a moment, Reishin's hands closed over his fingers that were trying vainly to loosen the buckles, and began to unclasp it.
"Reishin-sama…?" Kouyuu murmured when Reishin's hand started to ease the wet robe off his shoulders.
"Let me." Reishin said softly.
His hands wandered over Kouyuu's back, searching for the tie that fastened the boy's under robe. Kouyuu squirmed uncomfortably under his touch. Every inch that bore Reishin's touch burned as though set afire and became numb, leaving behind only a sliver of overbearing sensitivity akin to an electric shock in its wake.
Kouyuu closed his eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath, and mumbled, "Reishin-sama…I-I can…"
"Stay still." Reishin whispered as he felt the knotted strings on Kouyuu's side and began to untie it.
A moment later Kouyuu's white under robe fell to the floor and pooled around his feet. Reishin's hands now rested on his naked arms.
The steam seemed to thicken around them, swirling before Kouyuu in strands of translucent white. Kouyuu swallowed hard, so conscious of Reishin's fingers on his arms that the patch of skin pricked with the heightened awareness.
Reishin's hands dropped slightly so that they were touching his elbow instead.
A sheen of sweat broke out over Kouyuu's body, and instantly the heat of the steam became suffocating. Without even being conscious of it, Kouyuu's breath became husky, labored, and it was with an effort that he suppressed the moan that pressed urgently on his lips.
"This way, Reishin-sama." Kouyuu managed at last, and turning around, took hold of Reishin's arm.
He jumped in first, letting the hot water splash a little around him as he did so, then grasped Reishin's outstretched hand. The latter knelt on the warmed marble floor, feeling around until he found the edge of the bath pool, then lowered himself gracefully into it.
Leading Reishin a few feet away from the edge, Kouyuu filled the ladle with the hot bath water, and informed softly, "Please close your eyes, Reishin-sama."
Reishin's eyelids lowered, and Kouyuu, bringing it a hand's width above his head, overturned it slowly.
Steaming water tumbled down Reishin's silk black hair, releasing tresses of twirling smoke as it warmed the chilled strands.
Kouyuu brought down one ladle after another, pouring it over the flawless complexion of Reishin's shoulders, over his porcelain chest, until he was sure that the heat of the water reached every inch of his master's rain-drenched skin. Then, taking care so that one hand never left Reishin, took the white porcelain bottle and poured a handful of polyporus powder onto the latter's hair.
The heavy fragrance of the polyporus began to permeate the air around them. Soft fingers forked through Reishin's silky tresses, letting the cleansing powder embrace every strand of his raven black hair. Reishin leaned back a little, absently lost in the pleasure of Kouyuu's touch.
Kouyuu lifted another strand, which weighed on his fingers. He looked down; the tip of Reishin's hair were floating in the rippling water, pooling around the latter's waist as though a midnight ring.
"Kouyuu."
Reishin's soft call snapped him out of his reverie. Kouyuu cleared his throat and let the silk-like locks fall from his fingers.
With frustration of a most peculiar nature, he turned from Reishin. Lathering the plum-scented soap in his hands, Kouyuu massaged the foams gently onto his master's body. His hands circled over the ivory skin of Reishin's torso, his fingers running over the masculine hardness of the older man's chest, over the two dark red contusions that were curiously stiff.
Kouyuu let out a soft, groan-like sigh, releasing a breath he did not know he was holding.
The steam—that must be why his body was burning.
He could not understand why it was that what had transpired between them so many times had become so strange and…maddening… Every time his fingers came in contact with Reishin a shiver would press upon his spine, making him shake just with the effort to repress it. And with every suppressed tremor, a cloud of smoke would explode in his mind, making his head feel heavy as though drunk on the most sensual wine.
His hands smoothed over Reishin's arms, over his wrists, then slid down to his abdomen, where the water hugged just above the pelvis bone. Kouyuu tried not to look down, tried not to look at what the transparent water and the steam could not quite obscure.
He bit his lips hard, so hard that the faint taste of blood coated his tongue. His hands continued downward, near the surface of the water. Kouyuu swallowed audibly and stole a glance at Reishin.
The older man's eyes were closed, and his expression was as indecipherable as ever.
Kouyuu's hands brushed the base of Reishin's stomach, his fingers just breaching the surface of the water. The muscle twitched beneath his fingers.
"Close your eyes, Kouyuu." Reishin commanded quietly.
Kouyuu closed his eyes obediently
For the rest of the bath Kouyuu could not focus on anything but the thunderous pulsing of his heart and the scorched numbness of his skin. He could not fathom the reason of this most unusual state of agitation.
And when he left Reishin, fully dried, on the stool beside the bath pool to bathe himself, the strangest mix of relief and longing washed over him. The reason for this he could not understand either.
Kouyuu stared intently at the reflection of Reishin's beautiful face in the mirror, and as he gazed he couldn't help but wonder if he himself had changed somehow, because Reishin's face was still the same exquisite face that he had first seen seven years ago, yet now the sight of it excited the most peculiar feelings from him that his intense gratitude and admiration couldn't quite explain away.
Kouyuu exhaled a soft sigh and brought the brush gingerly through Reishin's silky hair, feeling the soft, wet strands weigh on his fingers as he held the long, black tresses in his hand.
Reishin-sama…his beautiful Reishin-sama that he will have to leave behind for the Imperial Examination…
No! He can't…
Those feelings—that sense of intense suffocation and that ceaseless agitation excited by Reishin's touch—meant something of paramount importance.
He can't leave Reishin, not for something as trivial as the Imperial Examination.
"I do not wish to take the Imperial Exam." Kouyuu blurted out abruptly as he abandoned the task of brushing Reishin's hair and stood directly in front of the latter.
Reishin's brows creased for a moment, then asked smoothly, "What are you talking about?"
Kouyuu took a breath, trying to steady the laborious rocking of his heart against his chest. A feverish determination permeated him as he faced his resolution, and his voice took on a foreign edge of fanaticism that Reishin did not recognize.
"I do not wish to take the Imperial Exam." He repeated with intense conviction.
"Why?"
"I do not wish to leave you."
Reishin stilled for a moment, then whispered through barely parted lips, "Why?"
Nothing came out of his mouth when Kouyuu opened it to reply. The words, so ready on the tip of his tongue, caught right as they were about to pass the threshold of his lips.
Because I am in love with you…
Kouyuu took a step back and studied Reishin.
No. Reishin-sama probably would not have that. He might even be angry…
"Because it was my fault. Everything was my fault." Kouyuu answered with his head bowed and his eyes averted from Reishin's countenance. If he looked upon that porcelain face now, his voice might tremble.
So absorbed was he in this hopeless and private dilemma that he did not notice the sudden hardening of Reishin's face that belied a sentiment far deeper than anger.
"If it weren't for me—"
"Is this the reason?" Reishin hissed softly. "Your pity? Your guilt? Your noble sense of duty?"
Kouyuu looked up abruptly.
"No, that's not—"
"How dare you!" Reishin growled, standing up. "How dare you pity me!"
"Reishin-sama—"
"Before you concede yourself to this...sublime act of self-sacrifice, know that I did what I did seven years ago solely because I wanted to spite Sai. Nothing more. So please don't delude yourself with the ridiculous notion that I ruined my sight for the son of a peasant!" Reishin jeered venomously, his finely-chiseled features twisted into an expression of so subtle an anguish that even Kouyuu, or perhaps particularly Kouyuu, could not recognize.
For a few seconds Kouyuu could not draw breath for the pain in his chest.
Everything, absolutely everything, was as he feared it would be.
Clearing his throat with a dry, painful scratch as he turned to leave, Kouyuu murmured with his back to Reishin, "It is unfortunate for me, then, because I'm utterly in love with you, Reishin-sama."
When his body crossed over the threshold of the door, the tears that he had tried so hard to suppress fell and drowned in the sound of pattering rain.
Kouyuu swayed a little as he leaned against the side of the inn. Judging from the light, it was probably somewhere around dusk, and the sour taste of stomach acid and rice wine still lingered in his mouth from having vomited.
It was still drizzling, and the biting chill of autumn had not receded. Kouyuu let out a soft grunt and shifted position so that his left shoulder blade was digging into the brick wall instead of his right.
"…yuu-sama! Kouyuu-sama!"
He turned sluggishly and found a pair of ogling eyes staring at him.
"Ahh!" Kouyuu flinched away, and fell backwards from the effort.
His body landed with a dull thud in the rain-drenched mud, splatters of which dirtied his face.
"Kou-Kouyuu-sama!"
He felt someone pull him up. Moments later, a face swirled into focus.
"Oh! Thank goodness I found you, Kouyuu-sama! Kurou-sama has been going out of his mind trying to find you." The young man, who was hoisting Kouyuu onto his feet, mumbled.
Damn it, the world was swirling, again.
"Wha…What? Why….would…would Ku…rou-sama…?" He asked incoherently.
"Danna-sama hasn't allowed anyone entry to his bedchamber since this morning," The servant replied. "Ahh, Kouyuu-sama, please stay on your feet!"
Kurou directed a worried glance at his brother, who hadn't moved from his position in front of the dressing table in which the maid had found him that morning. Actually, Kurou was thanking the gods all over just for having been granted the privilege of looking at his exalted brother becoming a living statue on the dressing stool, because had he not promised Reishin that he would find Kouyuu, he would still be pleading outside, with the rest of the servant retinue.
"There's no reason to worry, Rei-Aniue, they will find him." Kurou reassured again.
Reishin did not reply, not because he deemed the statement too unworthy of the effort, but because he had not the courage to entertain a hypothesis otherwise.
Kouyuu left in the pouring rain. Did he catch a cold? Where did he go? When is he going to come back? Is he going to come back?
Reishin's hand clutched the delicate silk of his robe, his knuckles so white from the intensity that pale blue veins could be seen plainly beneath them.
What was he doing right now? He had been gone for a day. Has he eaten? Is he with someone? Is he still in the city?
A servant appeared in the doorway. Kurou directed a questioning glance at him, waiting.
"Kouyuu-sama has just been brought back and is currently resting in the side antechamber, although he's still quite heavily taken with rice wine. Does danna-sama have any particular instructions regarding his place of retirement for the evening?" The servant asked with a respectful bow.
"Bring him here, and prepare some ginger tea." Reishin replied with his characteristically quiet voice before Kurou could even open his mouth.
When Kouyuu came into consciousness, he thought someone was hammering a tail into his skull, because the pounding pain in his head could surely stem from no other reasonable source.
"Mnn…" He moaned softly as his fingers massaged his temple gingerly in attempt to ease the agony.
"Here, drink this. You'll feel better."
Kouyuu's eyes snapped open. He was back in Reishin's bedroom, and the person currently sitting beside him with a white porcelain bowl in his hand was none other than Reishin himself.
"Rei-Reishin-sama…!"
"Yes, it's me, now hurry up and drink this."
Sitting up, he took the bowl from Reishin's hand and bought it to his lips. The strong, clean scent of ginger coated his mouth when he took the first gulp.
Ginger tea? Oh, right, he had spent almost the entire day trying to drown himself in rice wine. Well, that certainly explained the headache…
Using drinking tea as a pretense, Kouyuu studied his master's countenance carefully, wondering just what kind of punishment was in store for him after that utterly embarrassing incident the night before.
Reishin was probably angry with him. Reishin might actually send him away…
When Kouyuu set down the empty porcelain bowl, his mind was so saturated with fearful dread that he could not bring himself to look at Reishin's face.
For a fragile moment the silence between them stretched on mysteriously, then, Reishin began, "About last night—"
"Please excuse my inappropriate behavior last night," Kouyuu cut in quickly, nervously. "I apologize for having upset you, Reishin-sama. I don't know what prompted me to speak such nonsense, but I promise it will never happen again. Please punish me in any way you see fit, Reishin-sama, but please, please don't send me away!"
Through the thin fabric of his robe, Reishin felt the boy's childishly desperate clutches, and a faint smile fluttered his lips.
"Nonsense?" Reishin's hand reached up and wandered lightly over Kouyuu's face, his fingers lingering when he found the latter's lips. "What a pity…"
Rei-Reishin-sama…?
"because…" he murmured as he leaned close to Kouyuu.
"I took it all…" he continued softly as he brushed Kouyuu's lips with his finger.
"quite…" Reishin was so close now Kouyuu could feel the warmth of his breath.
"seriously…" he finished as his lips sealed gently over Kouyuu's.
When Reishin finally released him, Kouyuu's eyes were glazed with a most intoxicating helplessness.
Slowly and carefully Reishin ran his fingers over the contours of Kouyuu's chest, stomach, until he found the string that fastened the boy's cotton under robe and released it, smoothing the fabric gently off Kouyuu's shoulders just as he had done the night before.
Kouyuu let out a strained, shuddering breath and leaned until his head rested on Reishin's shoulder.
"Rei-Reishin-sama….!"
An arm snaked around and held Kouyuu's back, and then soft, cold lips pressed against the exposed skin of his neck.
"You have to tell me now, that you want this." Reishin whispered huskily against the nape of Kouyuu's neck.
Kouyuu, trembling all over, turned and caught Reishin's caressing lips in his own. "I want this, Reishin-sama. I have always wanted this!" he breathed between frantic kisses.
Cold, delicate fingers trailed the length of Kouyuu's spine, the touch light but violently possessive all the same. The boy arched, tensing as another shudder shot down his back. A thin film of sweat covered the entire expanse of Kouyuu's unmarred skin, only to be kissed away a moment later by Reishin's cool, unrelenting lips.
"Hmm…..Rei-Reishin-sama…."
Passionately and violently Reishin embraced the burning form beneath him, laying kisses that left behind a trail of red on Kouyuu's porcelain flesh as though winter plum blossoms fluttering in a field of unflawed snow.
When he gave the final thrust, Reishin closed his mouth over Kouyuu's parted lips and swallowed the scream that escaped the boy's throat with the sudden explosion of heat within.
Reishin pulled out, holding the boy's limp form from which the thunderous beating of his heart could still be clearly felt. Kouyuu's scent, so familiar to him, now carried just a trace of sensuality that had not been there before.
With Kouyuu's body trapped securely in his arms, Reishin's eyes drifted close.
Kouyuu awoke to a tickling sensation on his face. He opened his eyes, and felt his eyelashes brush briefly against white, delicate fingers.
"Reishin-sama?"
"I have never seen your face, Kouyuu." Reishin breathed tonelessly, and then added with voice barely audible. "And I never will."
The soft fingers continued their gentle roaming on his features, but Kouyuu felt his heart clench at those words.
"Go to the capital, Kouyuu, and take the Imperial Exam." Reishin sighed as he removed his hand from Kouyuu's face and moved on to stroke his hair.
Kouyuu stiffened. "Reishin-sama, please! I—"
Reishin trailed a finger along Kouyuu's face until he found the boy's lips to silence them. "No, listen to me, Kouyuu. I'm blind, and will be for the rest of my life, but you are a boy still, the world still has a lot to offer, more than I could ever."
Kouyuu opened his mouth again, but Reishin continued on.
"I'm not sending you away." Reishin explained as he stroked Kouyuu's cheek with his thumb. "I just want to give you a choice. You've been here since you were eight. Go out and see the world, and if at the end you still wish to come back, you may."
Two months later, Kouyuu left the Kou province for the capital to take the Imperial Exam. He wanted to say many things before he left; he wanted to ask if Reishin would be okay without him, if Reishin would acclimate to someone else dressing him in the morning, someone else bathing him, but none of these questions passed his lips, because he knew Reishin's pride would not allow it.
And so he said nothing but the simplest farewell, and when the film of tears finally cleared from his eyes, Reishin's elegant, resolute figure was long gone.
There was a knock on the door. Reishin turned, knowing that it was Kurou who stood behind the doors, and nodded to the maid he knew was watching his every move.
"Good morning, Rei-Aniue." Kurou greeted. "A letter has arrived from Kouyuu."
The calm, aloof expression on Reishin's face did not ripple at the mention of the name that had been the object of his longing for the last three months. No, he would not let others see those emotions; they were reserved for only one person.
"Shall I read it to you?" Kurou asked when Reishin remained silent.
"No, give it to me." Reishin replied softly.
"But Rei-Aniue…" Kurou hesitated, then placed the white envelope in his brother's outstretched hand.
"Leave, both of you." Reishin commanded.
Kurou caught the maid's questioning glance, and gave a soft nod. Reishin was the head of the clan, after all.
When he heard the door close, Reishin ran his fingers gently along the envelope until he found the opening, and taking care so that the letter inside would not be ripped, he tore open the seal.
Two sheets of paper sat in the envelope. Reishin extracted them with the utmost care and unfolded them, running his hand lightly over the smooth paper, knowing that written on it were the words of the person most precious to him.
The darkness before his eyes did not lift, and he could decipher nothing from the smooth pages, yet a smile still curved his epicurean lips.
It doesn't matter that he could not see. The things Kouyuu wrote to him were private, and no one, not even his brother, could glimpse that.
Kouyuu's letters continued in steady frequency—almost once a month, even during the month of the imperial examination, but after a few months Kurou began to receive regular mail from Kouyuu as well, and very strangely, the content of those letters seemed to consist almost entirely of matters regarding Reishin.
It was summer, almost two years since Kouyuu left him.
Reishin sat on the granite stool in the garden, listening to the sound of the flowing stream as the cool air of the summer night buzzed on lazily around him with the synchronized chirping of the cicadas in the willow tree not far off. A light breeze tumbled by, rustling the draping branches as though the most poignant of bells. The refreshing cool of the zephyr passed quickly, and in its wake Reishin thought he caught a familiar scent. A self-mocking smile floated up Reishin's sensuous lips; has he really been reduced to such disgrace? Was he really missing Kouyuu so much that the passing wind was enough to arouse him?
The rustling of the leaves came to a stop, and immediately Reishin became aware of a presence that was more familiar to him than anyone else.
Reishin opened his mouth, but could not utter a sound for the tautness in his throat.
The roaring of his heart was deafening, and Reishin could barely draw breath for the tension, and then—
"I've returned, Reishin-sama."