AVALANCHE Brand Fireworks, a final fantasy vii fanfic

"Cloud!"

From his brooding position on the bed, Cloud looked up at Tifa, standing in the doorway to his room above Seventh Heaven . "Yeah?"

She was smiling. "Cid's back!" At his blank look, she rolled her eyes and elaborated, "With the tape?"

Tape... oh. "Oh."

"What do you mean, 'oh'? Come on!" She grabbed his hand, and as she dragged him out of the room and down the stairs, Cloud vaguely wondered why she was so excited about this. Then, as he saw a grinning Cid standing in the bar, he wondered why he was so excited... and then why he had such a bad feeling about this.

"Whose idea was this, anyway?"

"Yuffie's," said Tifa absently.

Oh. That's why.

Cigarette dangling from his mouth, Cid triumphantly waved a VHS in the air. "Got it! The guys said they got what we wanted!"

"Well, what are we waiting for?" asked Tifa. "Let's watch!" With that, Cid nodded, strolled over to an overhanging TV, and popped the tape in. The screen shifted from baseball to static to blue. The volume was turned up as two people watched with rapt attention and the other with a vague sense of foreboding.

The words "AVALANCHE Brand Fireworks" appeared and the blue screen came to life...

AVALANCHE Brand Fireworks!

"Am I on? Oh! Um, AVALANCHE Brand Fireworks! They're, uh, good!"

"The fireworks? Yeah, I've used 'em. Pretty good for pranks."

"..."

"Who are you?"

"Like, really good! You should buy them!"

"It's pretty funny. Whenever the Shinra officials find the remains, they're all, 'Oh, this is the work of AVALANCHE!'"

"..."

"Why are you in my office?"

"They really put the 'fire' in 'fireworks'!"

"But maybe I shouldn't have said that on public TV... Oh, well. Not like those idiots ever watch this stuff, anyway."

"...Fireworks..."

"Who let you in here?"

"And the 'works' part, too, I think."

"Probably shouldn't have said that, either."

"..."

"You're not allowed to be in here."

"Because, you know, they work."

"Hey, am I gonna get paid for this? You know, royalties and junk?"

"..."

"Please leave."

"At least, I think they do."

"I won't ask for much. Just, like, fifteen percent?"

"..."

"Now."

"I've never actually used them, myself..."

"No? How about eight percent? That's not too bad."

"I..."

"No, I have no interest in fireworks."

"Ooh, I shouldn't have said that!"

"Two percent."

"...don't really care."

"Go away."

"Um, um, but I know people who have!"

"One percent?"

"..."

"AVALANCHE? Why would I buy something from them?"

"Like, um... Reno!"

"5000 gil!"

"I have..."

"I still don't care. Leave."

"He uses them for pranks and stuff! I've seen him!"

"Just 5000 gil! That's not much at all!"

"...no use for them."

"I mean it."

"Ooh, I shouldn't have told you that! I hope he doesn't find out!"

"Come on, don't be such cheapskates... it's not like AVALANCHE can't afford it..."

"...Ask Reno."

"Security?"

"Um, um, it's still a good brand!"

"I'll even throw in a free plug!"

"...Though he is likely to try..."

"Yes, I'd like you to escort some men from my office..."

"Um."

"'Visit Cosmo Canyon! A fun trip for the whole family!'"

"...to try to bum money off you."

"Yes, I am aware that I am security..."

"Um!"

"Or something like that."

"..."

"...I've got paperwork...!"

"Yay, AVALANCHE Brand Fireworks!"

"Come on, man."

"..."

"...Very well."

"Um, uh, they're, uh, good!"

"Heck, you name the price!"

"..."

"It seems I will have to escort you out myself."

"Did I already say that?"

"At least buy me a beer or something."

"...But..."

"You have one last chance to leave willingly."

"Aah! What do I say?"

"A lollipop!"

"...don't tell him I said that."

"Goodbye."

AVALANCHE Brand Fireworks!

Silence filled the room.

Eventually, Cid broke it with, "So that's why they were laughing when they gave it to me."

Cloud looked thoughtful. "...I say we leave it as it is."

Epilogue: Elena had a brief panic attack, but quickly recovered. Reno eventually had a beer or ten with the unnamed cameramen. Rude... didn't do anything. Tseng threw out the cameramen himself and gave the security a good glare for being not following orders, then advised them that, trust him, Reno is the only person that can get away with insubordination, and to this day, nobody knows how.

AVALANCHE Brand Fireworks sold like hotcakes.

A/N: Just a little oneshot that popped into my head one evening and caused me to giggle while trying to sleep. I really don't know where I get this stuff.