Rated: T for heavy sarcarm, even-heavier-sarcastic-notes, and intentional typos XD
Summary: Exactly what it says on the title: How to write a bad Vocaloid fanfic and make a fool out of yourself
Author's Note: This hits a little close to home to some people – yes, even me. I regret nothing! XD
Edit: So, a guest reviewer pointed out that this is not a story and it, apparently, has "assaulted a good writer". Guess I need to clear up some confusion, huh? First off: This is a parody. It's supposed to be like this. Parodies, as in "twisted, remake version of something else"? :v This is a remake of those bad fanfic out there, it fills the bills. Technically, it doesn't violated any rules. Why should the admins delete it? :v Second, I don't exactly insult, assault or degrade anyone. The only part that a writer (not a good one, mind you) is mentioned is not humiliating, assaulting, or directly diss anyone. It's only there for the sake of stating a fact :v The other parts are my imagination. I'm not responsible for any coincidences or similarities concerning real-life occurence or people. In conclusion, it's not a rule violation, therefore it won't be deleted. Period.
Disclaimer: I don't own Vocaloid or this plot bunny. These things belong to their respective owners. In fact, this is just a version of Kitty-chan33's How To Write A Typical Zutara Fic. EVERYTHING THAT IS WRITTEN IS THE AUTHOR'S IMAGINATION, AND THEREFORE I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY COINCIDENCES OR SIMILARITY TO REAL LIFE OCCURENCE OR PEOPLE, I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE.
How to write a bad Vocaloid fanfic
(and make a fool out of yourself.)
Congratulation! You found this! It can only mean two things: Either you are desperate enough to actually read a manual about how to write a bad fanfic, or you mistook this for the tin can label. I'm gonna pretend you all are here for the first purpose – though that will just further proof how writer-blocked you are. If you are in the second case, I heavily suggest buying a new pair of glasses. Immediately.
Now, there is no need to be ashamed of yourself. Writing a bad fanfic that makes people go 'ew' and hit the back button so fast their fingers break actually needs so much skills. People just underestimate it. Nowadays, they just go all perfect and woe-is-me. Hah. I get it. You all need to litter some sections, and Vocaloid just happens to be an oh-so-convenient choice.
So. How to write a bad Vocaloid fanfic.
Ya ready?
Good.
Here it goes.
1. Because you need a fucking account to actually post stories on this site, you need an username first. No shit Sherlock. Preferably something that shows your undying, eternal love for Vocaloid – though some Japanese names are acceptable too – and admit it. You have to be a closet Otaku with some sorts of fetishes to know those computerized voices here. Maybe you even read hentai at some points.
Personally, I think I will go with ilovevocaloidgx69.
2. You need a profile too. A long-ass one.
And don't forget to moan and bitch to the whole world that you hate having reviews and everyone needs to "fuck off and leave my stories alone". If you think an account is not enough, feel free to create one more. Or two. Or three. Or so much that you can't even count with your fingers and toes anymore.
3. Choose a couple. Usually bad fanfics occur in popular ones so
Lenrin then. Because so many people just have the guts to be all "Len and Rin are twins."
4. Now, make a summary. As cliché as possible. You can forget about all the grammars – cool writers don't use proper punctuation symbols. Nor do they capitalize anything at all. If you have a chance, insert some thoughts in there too. Because everyone needs to know about you and your second-time-removed cousin.
Lens handsome, popular boy and rins the beautiful cheerleader girl in high school. Its my first fanfic so please read and review. I actually think I did good this time.
5. Write the author's note as long as possible. You need to stretch the word number, remember? Oh, and to be cool and swag, use Japanese words too. Even if you don't understand half of them.
Konichiwa, minna-san! ilovevocaloidgx69 here! This is my first fanfic in the Vocaloid section, and Im really nervous about this. But I spent three hours on this and Im proud of it. Please read and review! Arigatou!
6. Disclaimer. Translation: The perfect place to be as annoying and obnoxious as possible. Try to ogle character too, if you have the chance.
I don't own Vocaloid. Crypton Future Media totally owns. But gods, how much I wish I did own Len… Just look at him… That hair, that look, that voice glomp Len. So perfect! Oh, just the things I would do to him if I had the chance.
7. The start should be so sappy you can actually make saps out of it. Corny as hell too, if you prefer. Don't use the space bar – apparently it's so out of order no one can press it anymore. And try to describe the female character's clothes as detailed as possible. She has to be a Mary Sue, ya know? Also, typo is important. Typo is cool. Typo is special. Be like typo.
Rin slowly sat up from her bed even before the alarm clock go stretch her long legs, putting on a white dress shirt with frills at the hem of the shirt,a sailor collar and a pink bow tied at her long slender she get a black skirt that go to her complete her look,rin puts on a little make up-with smoky shades for her eyes and cherry pink color lipstick. She then put on burberrys newest stilettos the red kind,and start walking to get a feeling its goin to be a special day.
8. Our characters have to meet at some points, so make them bump into each other. Or make your male character (in this case, Len) the knight in shining armor. They need to look at each other deep in the eyes, and see something special there *cough*love-at-first-sight*cough* Song lyrics are recommended. Need to up the word count by all means, remember? Interrupt the flow of your good-to-nothing stories by a few AN too.
Walk on the street,the girl hummed her favorite song.
(AN: Romeo and Cinderella, credits to JubyPhonics)
Setting all the words now free, I can't be the Juliet of a tragedy
Don't let me go, take me from this story
Is just what I've been thinking
To mom and dad I say goodnight until the morning
I really hope that they can dream again not knowing
Of how the night is burning brightly in my head
Us two together I can taste the caramel now
It shouldn't matter but my legs are crossing somehow
Never to know how far we'll go tonight again
But don't bite me like I might be going home tonight
Just take it slow and sweet, I hate the bitterest things
I guess I haven't changed much still eating sweets before I go to sleep
Then I'll tell you all the things that maybe you still think
And I won't lie I know that you're dying to know
Every tiny bit up and down and all around
Tonight's the night that I'll show you my-
I dreamed once upon I was Cinderella
And as I ran away, I felt my sneakers failing
Oh magic, won't you keep our time running slow?
All alone we hide from all the monsters outside
Now run, don't look back as if Juliet had
And promise right away, you know that's not my name now
It's me and you and no one else will make do
I live a boring story alone without you
Hey why don't just you and I make this not end?
Mascara lining every inch I keep on going
The more the better but I'll change tomorrow morning
I never meant to go against you, don't be mad
The satin lace I try to pace and hold myself back
It's not race, but we all know control's what I lack
Never to know to where it goes tonight again
And I bite you like I might be only yours tonight
I know it hurts but that's so you'll remember the sting
And I know that my dad just does not approve
And takes me far from you
No I wont complain just quietly
Give me your hand and you'll see
How you're bound to be forever with me
Just please take me from here
Will you be my Romeo
And steal me out of this fairy tale?
I dreamed that the bell made me Cinderella
And as I ran away, left crystal heels trailing
Turn back around so maybe I can be found
All alone I hide from cursed dreams kept inside
She ran looking back, I know that Juliet had
Left that behind to guide him to her side he ran blind
Although I know, my hand just wouldn't let go
It was always you, and in my mind I have to
Hey If you'd just turn around and see me here…
Look into my heart you'll find nothing but a hole filled with deep desire
Been blinding me so I couldn't see how a heart hungry yearns for fire
From friendly to making memories, the more I see new, the more I need you
No don't stop, my head if reeling, I know you're here, but I can't shake the feeling
"Hey don't leave me when you don't know a thing"
He held out his hand, it was small nothing grand
Who knew that joy was hiding all along and began to grow?
I know that I must tell you the truth
When you look at me, there's no way I can just leave
I grew once upon in a castle so grand
The king and queen protested that I have the best yet
"Accept your fate" you were always running away
God just won't forgive how greedy now my heart is
The liar inside of me, Cinderella
The big bad wolf would eat her, if she treaded nearer
Oh god have I been always living a lie?
Who can save me now? Knowing that I'll gulped down
Please save me just like you're the prince I love so deep
She bumped into a blond,very handsome stranger. Immediately,rin stranger smiled.
"H-hi..."
He was captivated by her blue then scrambled her way out,squealing awkwardly.
"Im…sorry."
9. Now, since this is a high school AU fanfic, they have to get back to school as some point. No duh :v But this should not stop our dear character from actually be obsessed with each other – because see? Nothing matters but love.
"Hes… hes so handsome. And I know we are stranger but I cant help falling in love with him..." (AN: Isn't len always handsome...)
From another room,len looks up,his eyes full of a girls form.
"Shes so beautiful…Those eyes…Those lips…Her voice…God.I think I'm in love with her."
10. Don't forget a female character to be our lovely girl's love rival. Usually, people go with Miku. I don't get it, but... if you can't beat them, join them. She should be a rich, air-headed girl who knows nothing but how to antagonize everyone else, make-up and our male protagonist. Also, an emotional outburst is always dramatic. And in fanfic, dramatic = good. Get dramatic!
"Oh hi len-kun!When should we get married?"
Len looked at her with disgust.
"Were not getting married,miku. Not now,not ever."
"What?Are you leaving me for that poor blond bitch you met today?"-Miku shouted.
Len turned away.
"Were over,miku."
11. Now there should be some sorts of cliché happens so they kiss. Kiss kiss fall in love, anyone? Dialogues are appreciated. In fact, please turn this into a script. Everyone loves reading just some talking and absolutely nothing else.
They look at each other in whispered.
"Are you... that stranger?"
"Indeed I am." - He said.
"But… how are we in the same class?"
"Im the transfer student."
"Oh."
His lips inched closer.
"We are standing under a mistletoe,the teacher is asking,the class is do you thing we should do?"
There lips touched.
12. Now, despite all the odds, they should… drum rolls please… confess!
Len told her in a husky voice.
"Hey rin,I know we just met today and we just knew each others name fifteen minutes ago,but I think I love you."
Rin tiptoed to press another kiss on his lips.
"I think I love you to. Even though we just met."
"So will you be my girlfriend?"
"Of course."
13. Everyone loves a happily ever after so.
And they ride the unicorn to rainbow ,the lovers found out that they were actually prince and princess from a far away and rin have a wedding.
From another place,miku yelled:"Curse,foiled again!".
The pair live happily Crypton after.
13. Foot AN: You can capitalize ALL THE WAY. Footnote are important.
THIS IS MY FIRST FANFIC PLEASE READ AND REVIEW BUT NO FLAMES BECAUSE I'M DELICATE LIKE THAT.
14. Now wait for an user everyone knows, namely ilovevocaloid93 – or as many of us recognize, iloveyugiohGX93, to review. As if that new penname is totally discreet at all.
If she (at least I hope that is a she) didn't, expect another of her account – cleopatrayuki87 – to go and do the job. If you block both two of them, chances are that she will use the coxal14 – yet another account so.
Just prepare yourself mentally.
Oh, and a cold shower to. Or a fire hose. Trust me, you're gonna need it.
As I said before: I regret nothing XD
So… What do you think about this one-shot? :3