Don't Go

Ah, so I've been writing fluffy and happy stuff lately, but this is quite sad. This is identical to an experience I had in the past (of course, I wasn't talking to Max...though I can dream, right?), so I tried to put some of that emotion into this without making it overly sappy...given Kai's not a sappy kind of guy. Please enjoy, and let me know what you think!

It haunted him wherever he went. That one thought, that single scenario, which he knew would tear him apart. How could it not? It was already driving him insane, and it had yet to happen. He could hardly speak to Max without the thought ripping into his mind and choking him up. Max thought he was having second thoughts, but in reality, it was quite the opposite. He wanted him more than he could ever imagine, more than his stern face and careful words would ever let on. But at the same time, he was so scared. So disgustingly frightened.

Pathetic.

As he tasted Max's collarbone, savouring the bland yet sweet taste of his soft sin, it hit him again. He tried to force the train of thought away, and remind himself that everything was alright. Max was here, he was with him, and they were both very much alive. But…what if he died? What if he never came back? Kai tried desperately to push his ear against Max's chest, to listen to the thumping of his heart, but it did nothing to soothe him.

It wasn't until Max gently lifted up his face that he realized he had stopped his ministrations. The blonde's face was etched with concern; quite a contrast from his usual giggling self.

"Sorry," Kai said gruffly, trying to pull away. To his surprise, he held on tight, his expression undecipherable as he studied his lover's face.

"Kai…" He sighed. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," he said, trying again to resume his previous activities. "Just got lost in my thoughts."

Max finally let go, and Kai began to trace various forms on his bare chest, nibbling every so often. Anything to try and distract him. But as he was all too well aware, Max wasn't so easily distracted when it came to things like this.

"You can tell me," he muttered, twisting his fingers through the blue hair before him. "It's not like you to get wrapped up in your thoughts, Kai. I know something's wrong. Is it…" He cringed and braced himself, as if he knew what was going to be said. "Me?"

When Kai looked up, he felt all of his defences shatter. He knew Max was trying to put on a brave face, but he could see the fear and the hurt in the way his mouth was set in a firm line, in the creases on either side of his eyes.

"No," he said. "Well. Yes. But it's not what you think."

"Not what I…? Kai, just tell me."

"Forget about it." He began to pull down Max's waistband, hoping to work in some territory he was familiar with. He was more than capable of making Max moan and whine, and of making him reach his climax in minutes. But when it came to talking about their emotions, or—God forbid—their future together, well, it would be an understatement to say that such conversations made him uncomfortable.

Max growled and pushed Kai away. The latter just managed to catch himself from falling off the bed, and he watched in anger as Max pulled the blankets up to his shoulder and turned onto his side. Brat.

"Max," he snapped, "what was that about? I just don't want to talk about it, okay?"

"Go away."

"No, you listen to me—" He stopped himself and groaned. "No, okay, I don't want to boss you around. It's just…you're taking this way too seriously."

"Am I?" he asked, his voice somewhat muffled from the pillow. "I'm not stupid, you know. You've been all weird lately…quieter than usual, barely talking to me…" As he tried to suppress a sob and failed, Kai felt the heart he had hardly known existed break into a hundred pieces.

"Are you…crying?"

"Go away, I said."

"Max…" Damn it, he wasn't supposed to make Max cry. Ever. Sure, he wasn't the sentimental type, but he still liked the kid. Maybe even loved him. And now he was reducing him to tears like some sort of bully? "I'm sorry. It's just…look. I guess maybe I'm…" He exhaled and tightened his fists, forcing himself to continue with what he had to say. "Scared."

Max shifted a bit so that he could view Kai's face. It was dark in the room, but he still managed to catch sight of those sharp, crimson eyes staring down in shame. "Scared? Of what?"

"You." When Max gasped and began to scramble out of the sheets, he said, "No, not you! No." Max paused, unsure of what to do next. He didn't want to push Kai too hard, as it wasn't often that the Beyblader revealed his feelings. At the same time, if he didn't seize this opportunity, he might never know what was going on in Kai's head. "I'm scared of losing you, I guess." He gave a short, rueful laugh. "And here I was trying not to sound like a teenage girl."

"Losing me?" Max inquired, now more confused than ever. "You know I'm not going anywhere."

"Not by choice," he agreed. "But an accident, maybe…I don't know, it's stupid."

"No, it's not." Max drew his knees up to his chest and sighed. "Truth is, I think about that too sometimes."

"Really?"

"Mm, yeah," he said. Max had a thoughtful look on his face, and Kai noticed with regret the tracks of tears decorating his cheeks. "Whenever you go on a flight, maybe the plane will crash. Or when you take the car, there might be an accident. Kind of stupid, huh?"

"Yeah, but it's hard to stop thinking like that." He paused for a moment, and then tentatively reached out and placed a hand on Max's arm. "Look...you know me. You know I'm not a wishy-washy kind of guy, and I don't talk a lot. And I definitely don't sit around thinking of worst case scenarios. But I think you mean more to me than anyone ever has before, and because of that, I'm scared of losing you." He spoke the last few words in little more than a whisper.

"Not trying to sound like a teenage girl, huh?" Max teased. When Kai pulled his hand away as though he had been burned, Max's eyes widened in concern. "No, Kai, I didn't mean it like that! I totally agree…I feel the same way, really. This is just sort of out of character for you, that's all."

Kai shook his head. "I know. Pathetic, isn't it? The more I get to know you, the more you're making me into some sappy, love-struck idiot."

"I kind of like it." Max chuckled and crawled over to Kai, kissing him on the forehead before arranging himself so that his head was nestled in his lap. He looked up at Kai's face, which was hovering just above his own, and reached to trace a line down his cheek. "Love you."

Kai gave a small smile and said, "Love you too, brat."

"So we're good now?"

"Yeah. Just don't go dying on me, and everything should be alright."

Max pulled Kai down in order to give him a soft kiss. "Deal," he muttered against his lips.