Reflections
Disclaimer: I don't own Snape. Unfortunately for me he belongs to JKR
Words can't describe the feelings that recently rest in my body and troubled mind. I could say Hell as well as peace, so what really is it? It happened at night, it was when I finally gave in. I embraced it with all my might, what else was I to do? I knew that this time I couldn't fight it, I couldn't say no. It would have been my death if I did. Now that I think about it, dying could have been a blessing.
I still remember that fateful night vividly. It was so hot that I was sweating madly. The feelings I was experiencing were threatening to completely overwhelm me. At the beginning there was a lot of hate; towards the ones who ever dared to exclude and pity me but more in general, the whole world. I also felt gratitude towards Him, but only because I didn't knew what was waiting for me. He was the only one who took me in without hesitation; my master. He gave me a new life, a reason to live for and I owe it to Him, it has been my doom.
There has always been heaven and Hell coexisting together daily in my life. Heaven comes each time I please my master bringing peace and glory within my self and soul. Hell each time that I fail to do as ordered. It isn't just Hell over my conscience; He makes sure there is no more room for mistakes. Believe me there is no way to outsmart Him. And now I have change so that I don't know if I would eventually stop, even if it was in my intentions to do so. I am going to keep tearing apart from the world I once knew. The world I used to live in. And I am afraid to eventually forget that I was once a human….one of them. The very souls I have tortured with such pleasure. I think it is the only thing that stops me from becoming insane. I cannot tell why I feel the way I do about it because there's no rational explanation. It is just that seeing them so vulnerable there makes me remember and assures me that the path I have taken is not a mistake. The power that my master gave me is all I have.
Who can tell what will become of my life I don't know. Maybe God could, but still I don't believe in Him, not anymore; not after what I did, how could I wish for it? Let me rephrase that why would He help me? I don't know who I am anymore. I am not even half human. Yes, I was once human, yet not anymore.