It's Not Fair

The world wasn't a fair place. Izzie realized this (not for the first time) in the middle of the night, hearing the rain splash against the windows.

Here she was, lying next to Mr. Wonderful, and all she could think of was that his eyes weren't hazel and his hair was too long and too light and his body didn't feel the same. It wasn't supposed to matter anymore, but it did.

This was supposed to be her night. This was supposed to be the night she finally moved on from her old life. For two months, she had put off sleeping with Mr. Wonderful because their relationship was fresh and new and she wanted to get to know him first (at least that was the excuse she gave him). The truth was, it would be the first time she slept with somebody else after her ex-husband, and for some stupid, inexplicable reason she couldn't explain, she wanted to hold on to that last piece of their relationship for as long as possible.

Everything was perfect. She had put candles all over the room and cleaned herself up after work. She considered lingerie, but then vetoed it in the next instant. She put on her best smile for him and pushed all memories of supply closets and bombs in chest cavities out of her mind (or tried to, at least).

And still… the entire thing was ruined by thoughts of wishes on eyelashes and homemade birthday cakes and scary bears. That wasn't fair.

Because Izzie just spent the night with Mr. Wonderful, and all she could think about was Evil Spawn.

The thing was, Izzie was in love.

Just not with her boyfriend.

It didn't take a genius to figure out that Evil Spawn was not Mr. Wonderful. Izzie had always known that. Alex Karev was no Mr. Wonderful.

Mr. Wonderful would never hurt her. Or, if he did, it would be unintentional and the cut wouldn't run too deeply.

Evil Spawn hurt her more than once. Sometimes it was unintentional; other times it was on purpose. Sometimes it would leave only a scratch; other times it left a large, gaping wound.

Mr. Wonderful always knew just the right things to say at just the right times. Somehow, though, it was never the right thing to say to Izzie.

Evil Spawn never had a clue what to say and his timing usually sucked. Somehow, though, Izzie would understand and it would be the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to her.

Mr. Wonderful let people in easily and forgave them when they made huge mistakes because he was the kind of person who grew up in a large house with a white picket fence and parents that were still together. Sure, he encountered pain and heartbreak, but he had been dealt the good hand in life.

Evil Spawn didn't trust people easily and when he was hurt, it made him want to hurt people back just to spread it around. He was broken and just when he was glued back together, she broke him again. Nothing else seemed to matter.

Even this wasn't fair, because a few years ago, when she had Mr. Wonderful (Denny, and later George), she wouldn't give Alex a second thought (not that often, at the very least). She used to be happy with the Mr. Wonderfuls of the world.

Then Evil Spawn had to come and make her feel hurt and angry and show her how not to be scared and break down the walls she had built up to protect herself from him. He made her love him.

That, she couldn't forgive him for. Because in the end, they were all for nothing and it had been so hard to let herself love him. Everything had been so hard, and it had all been a waste.

The Mr. Wonderfuls of the world were easy to love. Izzie could fall in love with them quickly and easily, because it was easy and wonderful and it was okay. Evil Spawns were very hard to fall in love with. It was easy to fall in lust with them, but love took patience and determination and strength.

For Izzie, she preferred to fall in love with a Mr. Wonderful, but after falling in love with an Evil Spawn, she finally realized that her love for him was stronger than her love had been for any Mr. Wonderful. She didn't know why, but she knew it was.

Evil Spawns were not for everybody, but Izzie knew it was for her. Not just any Evil Spawn, but her Evil Spawn. Alex. Even though they weren't together anymore and they most definitely never would be again, Izzie knew he was it for her. Mr. Wonderful was right beside her, but Izzie had already found the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with (and couldn't).

Sure, she could fall in love with another Mr. Wonderful and have kids (somehow—maybe they could adopt?) and she could be happy. But as much as she might grow to love Mr. Wonderful, she would always love Evil Spawn more.

This was the most unfair thing of all.

As the rain kept pouring down, Izzie turned over so she wouldn't have to look at his eyes that weren't hazel and his hair that wasn't shorter and darker and his body that didn't feel right.

Izzie knew that she was going to have to give up Mr. Wonderful for the simple reason that he wasn't Alex. She couldn't have Alex anymore (but she wanted him, and that was what mattered). She couldn't have Mr. Wonderful either (but she didn't really want him, so it was okay). Nothing was fair.

Izzie was used to things in life not being fair. If life was fair, then nobody would have to choose between their daughter and their future. Nobody would die of blood clots. Cancer wouldn't exist. Buses wouldn't run over people. Nobody would get fired from their jobs. People wouldn't be allowed to make such stunningly poor decisions like leaving their husbands on a piece of paper. Men wouldn't cheat on their girlfriends and wives with nurses and friends' little sisters. People who still loved each other wouldn't get divorced. Nobody would die alone.

Closing her eyes, Izzie tried not to think about all the unfair things in the world and focused on falling asleep. She wondered what she was going to dream about that night. Maybe she was going to dream about the c-section she performed on a trauma victim that day. Or maybe she would dream about the kitten at the shelter that she wanted to take home but couldn't. Or maybe she would dream about hazel eyes, short, dark hair, and a body that felt right. She sighed. She hadn't dreamed about that in so long. The beast was rising within her again.

It wasn't fair.

The End

Author's Note: I'm actually quite proud of this. The other one I wrote took a lot longer, but I like this one more. Okay, well, I'm not going to brag about it any more, especially if nobody else thinks it's as good as I think it is. Read and review, even if it's just to say this story was the biggest waste of time ever and you want the two minutes you spent reading it back. Thanks!

P.S. It's okay if K.H. never comes back, not even to do a five-minute appearance in the very last episode, because in my imagination, Izzie and Alex are married again and have four kids and a dog named George. I know, my imagination rocks.

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or its characters. I own Mr. Wonderful, and that's about it.