AN- Kay, so, here're an incredibly pointless fic that's actually a roleplay between my friend and I... Mua ha ha, she doesn't know it's posted. Oh yeah, And I'm Tristan, she's Bakura. So yeah. Enjoy!
Bakura stared up at the sky, his mouth slightly open. It was grey and cloudy. That sort of thing. It suddenly started raining and the British one accidently swallowed a lot of rainwater. He shook his fist at the sky. "You wankers!" he yelled britishly.
Tristan skipped along, ignoring the rain that was persistently following him, before realising someone was yelling about wankers. Interested, he decided to violently glomp him, before realising it was actually Bakura and screaming incredibly loudly about scary gay people with white hair who should go and live in Brokeback Mountain-type movies.
Bakura had a miniture panic attack when Tristan glomped him and then recovered - in an overly-dramatic sort of way that was actually that dramatic in the slightest - when Tristan called him gay. "I'm not gay! I'm just British you tosser!" he yelled, aggressively glomping Tristan. In an aggressive sort of way.
Tristan panicked, grabbing a fire extinguiser [sp? xD] from nowhere and squirting it violently in his face, yelping panickedly. "I'm not a tosser, you gay English cup of tea!" he yelled loudly, before realising that his insults sucked English ass, and becoming overcome with a fit of tears.
Bakura pointed at Tristan, a white foamy beard on his little english chin. "The tosser's a baby!" he cried happily. "YAY!" he did a funny dance that wasn't at all very bakura-ry, then froze. "Ohmigod, are you a fan-girl I just turned down!" his eyes were frightened. "Don't turn into a fangirl tristan!" [*]
"Why would I be a fangirl, you stupid Brit?!" he exclaimed in panic, waving his arms around manically, looking horrified. "And I'm male!" he added, incredibly loudly. "Memffliggle!" he added, looking miserable.
"Blarg?" Bakura inquired, looking slightly apprehensive. "Squgglyflumpkinsasmumfl," he added proudly, glomping Tristan in a British sort of way. "FLUMPKINS!" He yelled, beaming happily in a happy sort of way.
Tristan continued his very girly and useless scream, running in epic circles of shock and horror, screaming about doom, death and destruction all at once, without really understanding how he was managing any of this. "PRINGLES!"
"Tristan 'the voice' Taylor is a shemale!" Bakura yelled in a shemalish/british way and ran around clucking like a chicken and drawing some very strange stares. "AND LIVE IN YAOI LAND!" He added, howling like a kangaroo. Because apparently kangaroos do that. * smile *
Tristan panicked, slapping Bakura in a very British manner, before staring at himself in shock - because you can also apparently do that, heh heh - and screaming about how Bakura was contagious, and how people should run for their lives, women and shemales first. This made no sense for the simple reason that no-one else was there.
Bakura was still being stared at depsite the fact that no one was there and this gave him a spooked feeling. "!" He yelled in an english way before slapping Tristan back. "Just cos i'm british!" he yelled. "You are SO British-ist!" he added, going into a bakura/english sulk.
Tristan decided he was bored at this point, and violently sat on Bakura's head, despite the fact that the law of science and common sense were screaming at him to get the fuck down from there before bad things happened. Which they didn't. "Screw you, laws of science and common sense!" Tristan screamed, triamphantly, before falling off in a very anime-ish way.
Bakura promptly decided he was upset and that Tristan had messed his hair up. "Do you not realise how long i spend styling it this morning," he sobbed like a seal eating a chocolate flavoured strawberry. Apparently they don't like this.
Tristan shrugged. "Is it cause you're Kira?" he asked, sucking his thumb in a very L-ish way, before realising that L was intelligent and he was not. He promptly fell over, which was really quite skillful considering the fact that he was already on the floor.
"OMGHOWTHEHELLDIDYOUKNOWIWASKI-"Bakura suddenly shut up realising that he shouldnt really confess to this crime, then wondered if Tristan would be impressed so carried on. "Yes, I'm Kira, whats up guys!" he said in his british voice, attempting to not be so british which failing like an elephant attempted to have a piggy back on a mouse. Which doesnt work because elephants are scared of mice, aha
Tristan frowned. "But that gay japanese guy is Kira!" he protested epically - if that's possible - and immediately threw a massive temper tantrum involving pancakes, waffles and french toast, before bursting into song. Said song also involved waffles, pancakes and french toast; and in that very same order! Dun dun duuun!
Bakura liked this song a lot and forgot all about being Kira and glomped Tristan in an attempt to steal his song, wailing about how good it was and how it was like a chocolate bar staring at a strawberry's juice leaking out every where, it was sugar...so sugary BAG LOADS OF SUGAR!!
Tristan looked confused, then screamed "GAY" at Bakura and ran off, sniggering evilly as if he'd just said the most insulting thing possible. Which he hadn't, really, because as his mother always told him, 'being gay is fine, and we'll love you no matter what', which he didn't really understanding, seeing as how he was not gay. Maybe it was Bakura's fault.
"OMGDIDYOUJUSTSAYGAY!!???" Bakura howled, running after him like a puppy that was melting. "!YOUKNOWYOUWANTTOBERAPED!!DONTDENYIT!!!" he then proceeded to glomp Tristan from behind
Tristan screamed, violently punching Bakura in the face while screaming "RAPE!!" in the hope that someone would come and rescue him from a rabid, girly, British boy who wanted to rape him. "NOOOOOOOOO! I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE RAPED!" he sobbed, acting like he was about to be murdered. Which he sort of was, but still.
Bakura suddenly transformed into Yami Bakura just because he felt like it. He stood above Tristan, hands on his hips in a superman sort of way. "Tristan, you are gay, dont deny it, my gaydar speaks the truth." And indeed is gaydar was all pointy and stuff towards Tristan. Bakura was so happy that he felt like brussel sprouts dipped in chocolate. Which wasnt very nice at all. No-one likes brussell sprouts...they are so yucky and green and brussel sprouty...Bakura realised that the reply was totally going off the point and swiftly poked it and it recovered itself greatly in a dramatic way which still refused to be dramatic. Jeez, whats so wrong with dramatic, pft.
Tristan smiled innocently. "Ah, but you see, I am not gay, for I have Yugi's Millenium Puzzle, which is why you're Gaydar is so pointy and stuff!" he exclaimed in an incredibly posh voice, looking very proud of his logic, but also very confused at the exact same time, and eventually decided that his best chance of survival would be to cluck loudly in a very pompkin-ish way. So he did. Epically.
Yami Bakura looked incredibly confused, rather like a kangaroo that DIDN'T howl. Or bark. Or do anything. "FLUMPKINS ARE FREAKIN MUTANTS OMFG TRISTANS A FLUMPKIN!" he fell over on top of Tristan. In a very sexual way.
"OHMYFUCKINGGODIAMNOTAGAYBABY!" Tristan screamed, looking thoroughly upset, before hitting Yami Bakura very brutally, screaming about how he was a mean pile of ****. Damn 4Kids for editing out his swearing!
Yami Bakura looked thoroughly offended and made an odd beeping sound rather like a sausage lighting a candle. Because they can do that. "!" he yelled, looking thoroughly pleased with himself.
Tristan nodded in avid agreement. "Too dman right they can!" he exclaimed, looking happy that someone agreed with his views on life, the universe, and everything. Because in his mind, that was all made up from sausages. Screw the Big Bang. Heelllooo, Big Banger. Man that would taste good.
"BIG BANGERS!" Yami Bkura yelled in a sexual way. "BANG BANG BANG!" he acted out the 'banging' with every word before settling down to eat a nice big pile of bangers and mash, with an essence of guinea pig.
Tristan looked incredibly mentally disturbed, like a five year old cup of mashed potato with a porn magazine. Because those things deisturb young potatoes, you know. In the very worst way possible. You do not want a porn loving potato child on your hands. Tristan decided that he should tell Bakura this, and so he did.
"Omg i like, totally agree," Bakura nodded enthusiastically, still trying to be not quite to british as he really was. British potatoes and porn magazines are the worst though, bakura informed Tristan. And he would know because he was one.
Tristan looked vaguely confused, then began whistling something that sounded vaguely like a funeral march, before epically spazzing because he never knew he could whistle. "TIS MAGICAL!"
"And rape fascinates me," Bakura said seriously. "Me and my family, we practise it all the time!" he then proceeded to rape his bangers and mash, and they banged him back because the mash had origianlly been british porno obsessed potato children.
Tristan looked very concerned, and so he fled very speedily to Australia, where he began to learn to speak Japanese. Being in a Japanese manga series, it's generally very useful to be able to speak the language, he decided.
Yami Bakura morphed back to normal bakura because typing 'yami' before every bakura had become boring - and he stalked tristan to australia. "Doozo yoroshiku," he showed off, sticking his hand out to greet Tristan. "Igirisu kara kimashita." Which roughly translated as: its nice to meet you. I'm from England.
Tristan nodded, completely clueless about what was just said, and proceeded to use the only Japanese word he had learnt - because he sucks at learning languages - in order to try and make sense of the whole situation. "Hai."
"O-namae wa?" he asked for Tristans name intelligently. "Watashi wa Ryu Bakura desu." he added britishly, except it wasn't very british, more along the lines of rather more japanesey. "Tristan-chan desu-ka?" he said which meant: are you that kid Tristan?
Tristan nodded, before informing Bakura that his first name was in fact spelt "Ryo", and that he was obviously very unintelligent and/or on drugs for him to not notice this, before glomping a random bypasser, who happened to be female.
Bakura had a spaz attack due to the fact he really was on drugs and couldnt actually spell anything and that was why the fanfic that he had been typing on word in fact made absolutely no sense so he would probably have to delete it all and start all over again. He frowned suddenly, not remembering what he had just said. "Who's Ryo?" he asked curiously.
Tristan smiled at his own smarticleness, before fainting in shock because he had in fact been smart, and then had a lovely jubbly dream about how wonderful bunnies were, before waking up and realising it made absolutely no sense and bursting into tears.
Bakura accidently licked Tristans tears away yelling that only girly girls cry and it was BOYS who did the licking part aha and yah and stuff so go stuff it aha and yah and stuff poopie and fluppbubbles plumpkings. Smilie.
Tristan screamed, punching Bakura in the face again and wondering why his nose hadn't broken yet, before doing a very cheerful sort of war dance and accidentally spearing one of the bunnies from his dreams, which upset him greatly.
Bakura said the bunny rabbits were dumb and proceeded to shave a llama and collect television arials and asked his teacher to eat staples. "My nose is hardcore and stuff," he informed Tristan honestly.
Tristan made a loud "Oh"ing sound to show that he understood, before doing a very disturbing Dami-dance and yelling about dead bunnies being all dead and stuff.
Bakura then shaved the bunnies as well. Which made them awesome and not dumb despite the fact that they were dead and part of tristans imagination which meant that they had probably been raped. A lot. He then changed into a pair of pink pajamas
Tristan pointed out how gay Bakura looked at this point in time, before starting to sing "Brooklyn Rage" [Pokerface parody xD] just because it was playing on Vampire's computer at the exact time this comment was written
AN- Just because we're awesome. Oh yeah, the little footnote it just because we thought it was funny :D Reviews? Heh...
[*] According to josh cork: hugs not drugs! O.o :L