Moments in Time.
What was. What could've been. And what should've been. Moments between Rachel and Joe in I'd tell you I love you but then I'd have to kill you.
A/N I know. Yes. Yet another story, this isn't a one shot. It is actual (eventually) going to be a collection of moments in the first book between the two. It's mostly reading between the lines, because shippers are always good at that. It's naturally Rachel/Joe whether romantically or friendly I don't know because I don't really believe they were anything but friends in the first book (whether they liked that or not!) If you go in order, Abby's comment on "well someone had to." After kissing Joe really suggests that the two weren't even together (yet!) by the third book, but let's ignore that for a bit and say they got together sometime in the first or second books because let's face it people they're spies it probably did and they're just too good we never spotted it!
Sorry let me just add, to put this in context, this is sometime after Cammie's first CoveOps lesson when Joe brings up Matt's death and after when Cammie tells Joe so could be Monday night?
Disclaimer: The Characters do not belong to me, they belong to Ally Carter.
"You brought up Matt." Rachel stated.
It was late evening and I was spread out on her couch, a glass of wine on the coffee table, a move that I did pretty much every evening when Rachel or I weren't tremendously busy. We'd sit in her office and just talk mostly, about work, the CIA, Matt, Abby, our past lives and most of all Cammie.
"Yeah I did." I didn't protest or attempt to lie.
Rachel frowned at m and raised an eyebrow. "Cammie was upset."
I felt bad, I hadn't purposely gone out to hurt her, but she had to know, the whole class had to know but importantly her that bad things happen in this line of work. "I don't want her to do CoveOps." I said simply.
"Well it's not up to you!" Rachel snapped. "You're the one that left."
I was shocked, but it was true.
"I don't want her to do it either." She continued. "I want to protect her from what happened to Matt!"
She was ranting now and there wasn't much I could do, except from sit and listen to my best friend.
"But Cammie's stubborn. Just like Matt." I felt her voice soften and I gave her a tentative smile. "She's going to be an Agent whether I like it or not. Whether we like it or not." She stressed the word 'we'. "Which is why, I wanted you Joseph Solomon. I wanted you to teach her, to prepare her for this world. Because you're the best and Cammie needs you!" Rachel was shouting now.
I was about to reply, ready to respond when Rachel held up her hand to stop me. "I think you need to leave."
I went to protest, wanting to comfort her but Rachel was just as stubborn as Matt had been and just as stubborn as I was sure Cammie would turn out to be.
"Just go."
And so I left her, again. As I always ended up doing, whether I liked it or not I left slamming her office door like a toddler behind me.
I couldn't sleep that night. Not properly, my mind was wracked full of nightmares, of Matt, Rachel, Abby and Cammie. I woke up sweating, the image of Matt's corpse hitting the ground by my hand, of Abby's disgust with me as she looked on, of Rachel's anger and rage and Cammie's limp hand as I failed to save Goode from killing her.
I cried. I never liked crying, at Blackthorn it was always thought to be such a timid action, no boy did it. It was an unspoken rule that was carried through to adult-hood, it had been Rachel Morgan who had taught me how to still be strong when I felt so weak, to cry when the burden came to much. She told me that it was ok to cry, that it was a sign that you were still human and for spies that's one of the things you become grateful for.
With the images still imprinted in my mind I knew sleep would be futile. Throwing off the sheets damp with sweat I got up, I needed to do something to forget, anything and so blurry eyed I pulled on a random t-shirt, opened my door and slipped out of my room.
I woke up early, not having slept well that night. I couldn't stop thinking about Joe, I didn't like fighting with him, he was and had always not just Matt's best friend but mine too. I'd just had a really bad day and Cammie was up to something that was pushing us apart and I was just being overprotective of her. I hadn't meant to bring up that fact we'd spent the last three years apart because he'd left (something neither him nor I are proud of and we both know that). I hadn't meant to make him leave, because lately he'd been what I'd needed to relax. He was the friend I needed to vent to, I hadn't meant to fight with him.
Getting out of bed I showered and got ready for the day ahead on auto-pilot, I was so transfixed in my thoughts that I had to shake my head twice to remember how the hell I'd gotten to my office when I went to open the door. What I noticed first was the two wine glasses I'd left on my coffee table were gone, and one of my desk papers was currently five centimetres from the left. Suspiciously I edged my way round the room to my desk to find a bright yellow sticky note stuck in the middle of my mahogany desk. There were only two words scrawled on the piece of paper but it was enough to make my heart melt.
I'm sorry.
Joe was such a romantic at times, it made me smiled as I picked it up with two fingers and went off in search of the man who infuriated me countless times a day but could always make me smile with an unpredicted action.
I went to the Hall first, to see if he'd actually dragged himself out of bed for breakfast today but when I approached the faculty table it was evident Joe wasn't in his usual seat next to me. After grabbing a piece of toast I went back to the table and looked at Patricia.
"Joe hasn't been here has he?" I asked.
"No, sorry Rachel. I havn't seen him since last night." Came her response.
Nodding slightly I scrunched up my nose in thought and turned to leave. "Thank you." I called.
I passed Cammie on my way out just as she was coming on and I mouthed. "Love you."
She smiled at me and did the same, she would never know what a simple gesture did to a Mom. My daughter was growing up so fast now, it was sad and great to watch at the same time, but as long as she still loved her Mom I didn't mind what path in life she chose even if it involved the NSA...urgh.
"I'm looking for a really sweet man who sent me a bright yellow sticky note, I don't know if you've seen him?" Rachel said from the entrance of the Sublevel 1 classroom.
I looked up from my desk at the front to the sound of the voice and I grinned. She strode closer, the little square sticky note I'd left her earlier this morning was slid in between two of her fingers.
"I couldn't possibly know who you're talking about." I drawled, getting up to meet her half way. "But." I added. "I do know this incredibly handsome man..."
"Hmmmm...not who I'm looking for. Maybe I should try Moschowitz." She turned slightly as if to leave.
"Oh, you have me." I smirked and she turned back. "I may possibly have an ounce of sweetness in me."
"Good because I don't feel like shoving my tongue down his throat."
I gulped as she winked at me.
"I wanted to say I'm sorry too."
Rachel danced her manicured fingernails across my shirt-clad chest, refusing to look me in the eye. "I'm sorry." She reiterated in a whisper.
I suddenly grabbed her hands in an act to grab her attention. "Look at me." I said softly and she complied. "You were right in what you said, I was wrong too bring him up and I was wrong to leave you without fighting to make you let me stay when Mathew went MIA. I-." I swallowed. "I'm sorry."
She smiled at me and pressed her lips together and I dropped my hands.
"Thank you." She whispered.
I smiled back at her and slowly moved my hands around the beautiful woman in front of me. Rachel instantaneously relaxed at my touch and wrapped her arms around my neck. I placed a gentle kiss to her forehead. All was well between us it always was in the end, the two of us would do anything for one another and especially to protect Cammie from any danger that she may encounter.
It was nice to have a best friend after being a Ghost for so long.
A/N 2 Ok so I wrote this at school today on the corner of my Math and English books and my German test paper so when I got home to type this up I had open all my books to see where the hell I'd put my story! I eventually found it after like 30 minutes of searching!