Disclaimer: The characters you recognize here are not mine, never have been, and never will be. I make no profit from this and I'll put them back where I found them when I'm done, promise. :-) Oh and: I got the title from the Goo Goo dolls song, without you here, that isn't mine either.
Warnings: Uh, it's a tad OOC, well I think. But sadness can do that, can't it? well that's my excuse. No further warnings for this chapter :-)
Summary: Ally tells Austin how she feels about him, hoping that he'll return the feelings. When he stays mute at her confessions, can they ever get together? Well... They are the perfect match after all, Austin said so himself. Auslly. TWO SHOT.
Author's Note: I know this is a bit sad for the first part. Well I was ill, and a bit sad, so there you go. Please enjoy it anyway! and woo, my first two-shot everyone :-)
Word Count: around 3,022
Please excuse any spelling errors. Thanks.
just say you'll understand
part one
:::
"Hey Austin, can I talk to you for a sec?" She doesn't wait for his response, pulling him into the practice room and slamming the door loudly. Trish has got the store, it's okay. Ally's only just worked up the courage to do this, and she's not going to back out now.
Well, Trish isn't going to let her back out now.
"What's up, Als?" He says, sitting on the piano bench. She's standing up, pacing, far too nervous to even consider sitting. She's restless and he's waiting. "Als?" he questions softly, causing her to look at him.
Ally's never been scared in front of Austin, she can do anything with him, even sing, but now she's afraid. Her stage fright wants to take over, she can feel it wanting to overwhelm her, swallow her up.
But she can't allow it to. It's Austin, for God's sake, she tells herself, He's your bestfriend.
However, after this conversation, he might not be anymore.
"Give me a minute." She says, voice cracking. She can feel his eyes on her, burning holes through her, but he stays quite like she asked for and she's grateful. Playing with the hem of the curtain, Ally takes a deep breath.
"Austin?"
"Yeah?" He answers her breathlessly.
Turning to look at him, she fights the urge to chew her hair desperately. She has to do this normally, and looking at him straight in the eye.
"I don't know how you're going to react." She says honestly. "This... This could jeopardise everything, I know. But I can't go on like this— heck, even Trish knows I can't go on like this, and I didn't even have to say anything to her. I can't believe I'm going to do this. It's just, I hate being bottled up, and I couldn't even write it in my book in case someone read it and embarrassed me and—"
"Ally." Austin cuts her of softly. She takes a much needed breath, and he stands, walking over to give her a hug.
She wants to say don't, you won't want to in a minute, but she knows this might be it, the last Austin Moon hug she's ever going to get. So when his arms slide around her waist, hers slip easily around his neck and she clings to him for dear life.
"Hey, Als." He says comfortingly, giving her a squeeze. "It's okay, just tell me."
I wish I could, she thinks.
She's not crying, but she wants to, and Ally pulls away slowly, reluctant to let go, because she's not quite sure what she may be letting go of yet. (It could be of the hug, but it could be of everything that has been her world for the past year.)
"Austin, I—I—I—" She stutters and takes a deep breath. This has to come out right. "Austin, I think I'm in love with you. And you know, not the bestfriend way, the real way."
They're a few metres apart now. He's just looking at her, openly staring, eyes a little wider than normal, body stiff. In turn, she starts to shake, and the silence he lets hang over them makes her want to scream and shout and cry and—
"I know it's really sudden and unexpected. I just couldn't help it. The way you are, you're everything I've ever wanted to be, and like you said a long time ago, we're a perfect match. I just couldn't stop myself from loving you." She's rambling now, scared and vulnerable like a child. He's still not saying anything.
The tears begin to slip down her cheeks, and Ally doesn't wipe them away.
"I knew you wouldn't want me, I'm so stupid. How could you even want me anyway?"
She knows she's talking more to herself than to him, but the silence still hurts her heart.
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Ally says desperately. She knew it would end up like this, but one part of her desperately wanted to believe he'd return her feelings, take her in his arms, breathe each other in; everything that was supposed to happen.
"I'm so sorry." She says again, and curses the day she ever fell in love with him.
All this time, he says nothing, standing motionless, trying to process what she has said to him, but never quite managing it. He wants to shake his head, talk to her; ask her questions. But something stops him, something inside him tells him no and he doesn't know what it is but he hates it.
"You always said silence was the scariest sound, being a musician and all." Ally says into the ever growing void between them. "I guess I would have to agree."
Then she runs; runs and runs and runs, tears spilling everywhere, and wishing that someone would just be there to hold her.
Trish and Dez watch Ally fly out of the store, not bothering to stop or talk or anything. She just runs further and further away.
"Oh no. No, no, no." Trish says with shock in her voice. "Dez, you don't think he— he—"
"Turned her down?" Dez says softly. Trish nods stiffly. "I think he did. Either that or he didn't say anything at all. I don't know which would be worse."
Dez knows it's not the time to be silly Dez, it's time to be observant, smart, comforting Dez because Trish is sad that Ally's sad and it's all falling apart a little bit.
If he's being honest, he's a little sad too. He thought Austin would be smart enough not to turn her down, to see that she was pretty much one of the greatest things that ever happened to him. There'll be time to speak to Austin later, He thinks. He has to help Trish look after Ally now.
"C'mon Trish," He coaxes, "Call Mr. Dawson and explain to him briefly what happened, ask him what we should do with the store." So she does, and wonders when he actually came up with good, helpful suggestions, but she's too worried about Ally to think about it too much.
"He says we should lock up." Trish says and Dez nods, and just like that, it's done. Dez figures Austin probably won't be leaving any time soon, and he's right, considering he knows Austin so well. So they just leave and leave him in there.
"Where will Ally be?" Dez asks. Trish knows her best, well, maybe after Austin.
"I would say the pond." Trish says thoughtfully, "But she won't want everyone to see her crying in public, that place is quite busy during the day. So she'll be at home." Trish nods to herself, as if confirming that's right. Dez cracks a small smile; he might be rubbing off on her just a little bit.
"Let's go then."
And they go.
"Go away!" Ally moans helplessly as she hears the loud knocks on her door. "Please!" She adds; she's always going to be nice, no matter how upset she is.
"Ally, please let us in." Trish begs. She knows where Ally and her father keep the spare key to their house, so Ally doesn't question how she got in. Trish said us, so Ally assumes Dez is with her, because it's definitely not going to be Austin.
"I don't want to see anyone right now." She moans again and bursts into sobs. She's lying in a little curled up ball on her bed, like a cat. Ally-cat, that's what Austin calls me sometimes, She thinks. This causes her to cry more.
There are loads of tissues she's used on her bed, all piled up neatly in one place, because this is Ally after all. "Dez, kick the door in." She hears Trish mutter. Ally doesn't care anymore, but she knows Dez won't.
"No!" He protests and she smiles slightly, knowing her friends inside out.
"Fine, I'll do it myself." Is all Trish says before BANG, and Ally can see them both standing in her doorway. "Oh Ally." Trish says next as she leaps onto the bed to give her friend a hug. Ally does want a hug, no matter how much she says she doesn't, and hugs back, trying desperately not to cry hysterically all over Trish's shirt.
She's knows Trish wouldn't mind, ever, but Ally minds.
"Hey, hey, shh." Is all Trish can say because in all honesty she has no idea what to say; she never expected this to happen, she thought Austin would like Ally too.
She's conflicted, because Austin is her friend as well. But Ally's here, hurting in front of her eyes and she can't help but feel the anger boil underneath her skin. Trish has a loyalty to Ally. She let's go of the hug, and Ally sits crossed-legged, trying to let her tears subside.
"D-Dez?" Aly asks and he comes to sit on the bed too, next to Trish.
"Yes?"
"Why are you not w-with Austin?" She questions. She might be upset, heartbroken, falling apart, but that doesn't mean her feelings have gone away. Plus, she still cares for Austin, they are (were?) bestfriends after all.
Dez looks at her simply. "Because he wouldn't talk to me yet anyway. He likes to be alone when dealing with things. I'll talk to him later, invite him round to play video games, or eat a window burger or something." She smiles reluctantly and nods. "Plus," Dez adds, even though he doesn't have to, "I know you need a friend more right now."
Ally hugs him too. She doesn't talk to Dez all the time, but when he's being serious like this, she feels as if she can understand him, because she's quirky, and she's been on the outside too, so she knows what it's like.
"Thank you." She whispers before letting go.
"Hey, I have something." Dez says, pulling his backpack towards him. Ally expects him to take out a ham, or a pair of clown shoes —something ridiculous— but instead he hands her a box of tissues.
"I think that's the most useful thing you've ever carried around." Trish says, impressed with her redhead friend. Ally smiles, but it comes out as more of a grimace. "Talk about good timing." Trish mutters and smiles again.
Ally looks at her friends, who are there for her when she needs to them. She wants to smile, she really does, but she can't bring herself too. She buries her face in her hands instead. "What am I going to do?" She all but wails.
"That's something you have to decide Ally." Trish says gently and Ally sobs again. No one knows what to say, but they don't really have to say anything.
Dez's phone rings. Ally knows whose ringtone that is.
"Answer. Go. Be there for him." She instructs; her slight bossy side showing.
Dez doesn't mind, she's right anyway. He nods, hugs her once, and leaves.
Ally cries more then, it being only her and Trish. Trish gets up to close the open window, and the blue curtains get tangled around the frame. Ally doesn't seem to notice, she's looking in the mirror now, delicately touching her puffy and still wet eyes.
"There's no use crying, that won't get me anywhere." Ally says to herself.
"That's it, Ally. Be strong." Trish touches her shoulder lightly and leaves. It's not that she doesn't want to be there for Ally, she does, but Trish figures Ally probably wants to be alone right now. Plus, Trish has never really been good with feelings; never was. That's partially why Ally had her book, as an emotional outlet. But lately, she'd been going to Austin more and more, writing less and less personal thoughts in the book, because having him hold her and comfort her was so much better.
No chance of that now, Ally thinks sadly.
She shakes herself. She has to be okay. She can do this.
Sitting down at her oak dresser, she runs her hand lightly over the edge, the smooth, cool touch comforting her. Ally reaches for her makeup and a hair-brush.
She knows what she's going to do now.
She just hopes to God it will work.
"Hey man." Dez says quietly, entering Austin's room without knocking.
"I locked Sonic Boom up again when I left." He says simply. Dez knows it an excuse, but he doesn't comment. He can see Austin's been crying a bit, so he grabs his bag and pulls out another tissue box, handing it to Austin.
"Thanks man." Austin says.
"I brought an extra xbox controller too." Dez states, silently asking.
"Thanks, but I'm not really in the mood." Dez nods and stays silent. They sit on Austin's bed, his blue duvet tangled and half off the bed. The guitar rests next to it, and it's obvious Austin's been playing. Nothing else seems to calm him down. They don't say anything for a long time.
"I just let her walk away." Austin says suddenly. "I just let her profess her feelings and walk out and I didn't do anything."
Austin stands up and punches the wall. "Gah. I'm so stupid."
"How did you feel?" Dez asks, because he honestly wants to know. "You know, when she said it all."
"I was so confused." Austin admits immediately. "It's not that I didn't want to say something, but I didn't know what that something to say was. I've never really thought about us, as a couple before."
"That's a lie." Dez says in retaliation. Austin whips round to face him, as he'd been staring at a picture of him and Ally on his chest of drawers. Dez shrugs and puts his hands up in defence. "Just saying."
Austin collapses onto the bed face first, reaching out for Dougie the Dolphin and pressing his face into him.
"I'm scared." He mumbles. Dez doesn't ask him to repeat it, knowing he won't. "What happens if it goes wrong? I can't just lose her. I've thought about it a billion times, but I never thought she'd just say it like that. I thought—I thought—"
He pauses. Breathe. "I just thought she'd have to go out with someone, and wait for me to get jealous. I thought it'd be me proclaiming my feelings. She turned the tables on me Dez." He says looking up.
"That's just what Ally does." Dez says, smiling a little. "Well, maybe that's more Trish, but I think some of that may have rubbed off on Ally."
"What should I do?" Austin asks seriously.
"Whatever feels right?" Dez says simply.
Austin doesn't say anything, he can't think of anything because of his reeling mind and conflicting emotions.
"Want to go bake a gingerbread family?" Dez asks, he's getting tired of being serious.
"Sure." Austin agrees absentmindedly. He's grateful for the distraction.
But Austin knows he's going to have to think about it sometime, because he can't deny his feelings either, no matter how much he may want to.
Maybe the thinking process will be better with a gingerbread family in my stomach, He thinks, and follows Dez down to the kitchen.
It's the next day, and she's sort of ready. She's working in Sonic Boom, as usual, plastering on a smile for the customers. Nelson comes in for a lesson that he's not even meant to have, that makes her smile a bit. She ruffles his hair and sends him on his way, wishing her life could be as easy as his.
Ally knows he'll come to the store. He always does.
Always.
He walks in with Dez, and she starts her plan.
When she said, she knew what she was going to do, what she really meant was; act as if nothing had ever happened. That would be the easiest way to get over it. Make out like it had never even happened.
"Hey Austin, hey Dez." She says as brightly as she can muster, going to put a guitar with the rest on the rack.
Austin's heart breaks a little, seeing her pretend like nothing happened. He wants to talk about it now. He's ready. He spent half the night up thinking about it and he's not letting it get away that easily.
"I put a new video on the website this morning." Dez says to Ally, playing along with her nonchalant demeanour. "It's a mish-mash of live footage. You should watch it." She smiles and nods.
"Maybe on my break?" And Dez agrees. "You didn't put any dancing penguins floating across the screen this time did you?" And the laugh she emits is only partially forced.
"Maybe." Dez says with a mischievous grin and wanders over to where Trish had just entered, reading a magazine.
"Hey Als." Austin greets her softly. She nods in response.
"Would you excuse me a sec Austin? I have to sort out the violin rack."
At first he nods, but then he grabs her wrist. "No, no you don't, you did that yesterday." He distinctly remembers her doing it.
"Did I say violins? I mean tubas!" She says trying to escape, but his hold is firm.
"Ally, we need to talk about it sometime." He says quietly.
"No, Austin, please, don't." Her voice is fragile.
"Als..."
"Austin please, just forget about it, let it go."
"Just talk to me, please." He says, a hint of desperation leaking into his voice. "Just hear me out, and you can say whatever you want."
"Austin, I'm trying to get over it, please just let sleeping dogs lie." Ally says, trying to steer away from the topic.
"Ally." He says firmly. "Please. It's not a request either."
"It doesn't have to be," She says softly, "I can still say no."
"Well— Well— What if I said I love you too?" Austin said, his tone flustered.
Ally spun around immediately, stopping herself from just walking away from him. She took a step closer to him, a hint of hope in her eyes. "W-What?"
He smiles softly. "I said, what if I said I love you too."
A/N: DUN DUN DUUUUN! Haha, sorry for the cliff hanger, but it is a two shot so you'll get the second part soon enough. Was it too dramatic? I hope not. I hope Dez was too terribly OOC, but I feel as if he would become that sort of guys in this type of situation. Well yeah, that's it really.
Just want to say thanks again, so much, to all my reviewers and favouriters and alerters. It really does mean a lot to me. If you like this then please check out my other stories, if you haven't already :-)
Look, the review button is all new and improved, click it for me? ;-)
- Sophie.