Baby Blues

by Bugmouthga

When Max and 99 are assigned to babysit an infant, Agent 86 is sure the mission will be boring. But the make-believe family time becomes much more interesting as he and 99 are drawn closer and feelings, once left unsaid, come tumbling in to the open.

Baby Blues

"Would you get the door, please, love?" 99 asked her husband, as he walked up ahead of her in the hallway with a set of keys in his hand.

"I'm on it, 99," he told her, and he put the key in the lock. It wouldn't turn. "Darn it!" he muttered, then tried another key. Still nothing.

By the time he was on his fourth key, 99 had arrived at the door next to him, pushing a double stroller that carried their nine month old twins. She deftly took the keys from him, easily found the proper one, and opened up the door.

"Eh, sorry about that, 99."

"Not a problem, love."

The two Control agents stumbled into their apartment, put the babies in their bassinets and returned the stroller and diaper bag to the livingroom closet. After pulling the bassinets over to the couch, the two exhausted parents collapsed there in one, big heap.

"Oh," Max sighed in exhaustion, "what a day, huh, 99?"

"Yeah," she agreed, resting her head against his shoulder. "But it was a lot of fun, though."

"That it was," he replied with a smile.

On their first Saturday off in what seemed like forever, Max and 99 had taken the twins to get their pictures taken. Afterwards, because it had been such a lovely day, and since they actually had the time for once, they had all gone to the zoo on their first, official family fun day.

"Why don't we feed the babies now, Max," 99 suggested, "and then I'll make us some dinner."

"I can live with that," he said, leaning over to kiss her cheek. He fetched the formula filled bottles from the refrigerator, then came back into the livingroom, and picked up one of the kids. Without bothering to look at their eyes (which were already a different color), Max asked the child, "Okay, which one are you . . . ah, yes, my darling, little daughter. Here Mama, take Juniorette here, and I'll feed the boy."

99 gave him a look as she took the female twin into her loving arms. "Max, may I ask you something?" she asked, as she held her daughter closely and began to feed her.

"Sure honey, go ahead," he replied absently, as he fed his son, smiling down at the chubby, little devil, who ate hungrily.

"Why is it, whenever we feed the children, you always take Zach?"

He continued smiling down at his son, who squeezed his finger tightly. "Because I'm, uh . . . bonding. Yeah, that's right; I'm bonding with the boy." She raised her eyebrow at him. "What?" he asked innocently. "That's legitimate! It's a father-son kind of thing. You just wouldn't understand, not being a father or a son."

"I see," 99 said, grinning knowingly. "So, it's only about you wanting to bond with Zachary?"

"That's right."

"And it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that little Miranda spits up a lot more?"

"Um . . ."

Miranda spit up all over her mother's shoulder, but 99 had been prepared for such a scenario, and had a cloth placed there ahead of time. "Oh, poor baby," she soothed the girl, wiping regurgitated formula from her daughter's chin.

"See, 99, you and Miri are bonding, too," Max said, chuckling wickedly.

99 rolled her eyes. "Very funny, Max."

"Well hey," he informed her, his tone semi defensive, "it's not like I never do anything for the girl. I change her diapers all the time!"

"Yes, I've noticed that, too," 99 mentioned. "Whenever it's changing time, you always grab up Miranda first. What is that all about, Max? Are you bonding with her diaper?"

"Hardy har har, 99," Max retorted playfully. "But the truth is, I am bonding with her. See, feeding time is my time with Zach. Changing time goes to Miri."

"Uh-huh," she replied with a smirk.

"Of course," he added with a sheepish grin, "Miri has never, uh . . . hosed me down with her own personal rinse, like Zach has been known to do."

99 sighed. "Oh Max, I told you, honey, that you have to work fast with Zachary. Before you even have the old diaper off, you need to stick the new one over his . . . his . . ."

"Yoohoo?" Max finished for her.

"Uh, something like that, Max."

"Well, I've already tried that, 99," he whined, "but it never works for me. Last time he got me right in the eye, remember?"

She laughed, reaching out with one hand and stroking her husband's face. "Oh, love!"

"What's so funny?" he demanded to know.

"Oh, just listen to you- to us," she chuckled. "Two secret agents arguing over such vital points, as in how to properly change a diaper."

He shrugged, grinning at her. "Well 99, a mission is a mission, whether it comes from the Chief or-" he paused long enough to feel the heavy load in his son's diaper, "- other sources. And it doesn't matter if it's handed to us by Control or the kids, you can just bet your sweet life that it's going to be dangerous!"

"Max," she giggled. "Speaking of which, it does appear to be changing time now."

"Yeah, they do smell a little ripe," Max agreed. "Well, time to switch." He presented 99 with their son, who was beginning to fuss, and reached for their daughter, who reacted with an annoyed grunt at having been pulled away from mommy so suddenly. "Ah, pipe down, juniorette," he said, giving her chubby face a kiss, "calm down, you little halfling."

"Max," 99 sighed, "don't call the babies halflings. It . . . it might give them some sort of complex."

He rolled his eyes at her. He often wondered about 99, when it came to her babies. Like most parents, Max always marveled about the quick wittedness of his children. But unlike him, 99 seemed to think that the kids were borderline pyschics- baby genuises who understood every word ever uttered in front of them. "Right honey," he said in a condescending tone. "I'll just use the correct term and call them Hobbits, instead."

"Max! Don't you dare!"

Max ignored his wife's warning and looked down at his daughter. "You don't mind that, do you, my little Hobbit?"

Miranda spit raspberries at him.

While Max's jaw dropped, 99 smiled pointedly at him. "See, I told you she understood. Miranda is very sensitive, you know, just like I was."

"Right," Max grumbled. "Little Miri is the sensitive one. Thank goodness my boy Zach isn't that way. Are you, boy?" He playfully tickled his infant son on the tummy.

Zach spit up and it spewed out, covering the front of Max's shirt.

Miranda laughed and cooed in delight.

Max narrowed his eyes at his daughter, as he removed his shirt, and grabbed for an old tee shirt from the laundry basket next to the couch. "Hey! What are you laughing at, halfing?!"

The baby girl scowled at her father.

"Ah, leave her alone, Max," 99 scolded him. "It's only poetic justice, after all."

"How so?" he disagreed. "You know, anything that looks like . . . cottage cheese, and smells even worse cannot be considered poetry. And since when is getting puked on, justice?"

"Oh, really Max," 99 said, wrinkling up her nose in distaste, "must you always be so graphic? Now, let's get these diapers changed, so we can put them to bed."

Zachary began to cry.

"Hush boy," Max instructed. "You know, every time we mention that we're putting him to bed, he cries. It's almost as if…"

"They do know, Max," 99 reminded him most assuredly. "They are very gifted and intuitive children. My mother said that I was the same way."

Max sighed. "Yes, I know, I know. Your mom has told me all about you and what an exceptional child you were. And now that we have the twins, all she ever tells me is how much they are like you!"

"Oh Max," 99 said, smiling gently at him.

"But that's not completely true, is it, 99?" he asked hopefully. "I mean, the kids must have at least a little bit of me in them, don't they?"

At that moment, Miranda started to drool, just as Zach belched loudly.

"Yes honey," 99 assured him, "I'm most certain they do. Now, we need to change their diapers. No more time for stalling. As you said before, they are rather ripe."

The two parents began the messy chore of diaper changing.

"Oh my," 99 baby talked to her son. "Someone is poo-tinky!"

"Poo-tinky, nothing!" Max corrected her. "These kids are rotten! Spoiled rotten!"

Both babies laughed.

"Well, at least they're agreeable this evening," laughed 99.

They finished changing them, then they put the babies back into their bassinets. Afterwards, they sat back on the sofa, and snuggled into each others embrace for a moment. They watched their children as they continued to gurgle and coo, to flay their arms about and kick their legs into the air.

"Hey 99, you know what this reminds me of?"

"Gym class?" 99 asked, watching the babies continue on with their aerobics routine.

"No," he chuckled, scooting just the slightest bit closer to her and draping an arm around her. "I'm thinking of that case we had, a couple years back. You know, the one with the diplomat's daughter."

She narrowed her eyes at him, and pushed his hand from her shoulder, that particular memory still a sore subject for her. "And just how do our beautiful children remind you of that little vixen, Princess What's-her-face, who was all over you like a-"

"Oh, no, no," he assured her, laughing warmly and hugging 99 close. "Not that diplomat's daughter. Gee 99, you sure are pretty when you're jealous."

"Hmph!" she pouted, but only half serious. "I'm not jealous. I just didn't care for that horrid little minx who tried to take you away from-"

"Not jealous, huh?" Max kidded her, kissing her long on the lips.

"Mmm, Max," 99 sighed dreamily when he broke away from her, calming down immediately. "I love it when you do that. You're so forceful! So powerful! So passionate!"

He patted her hand. "I know. But seriously 99, don't you remember that assignment we had, from a couple of years ago, or so? I had just saved you from that stupid big-fat-jerk, Victor Royal, and brought you back from San Jirman Island."

99's eyes brightened in recollection. "Oh, yes, Max! Of course I remember that case, love. What an interesting assignment it turned out to be."

He nodded in agreement. "I'll say . . ."

XXX

Two years earlier, merely a week after Max had gone after his beloved 99 and brought her back victorious- although still feeling a bit lovelorn, as he had not yet revealed his true feelings to her- he came face to face with the official wrath of the Chief. Their boss royally chewed Max out for leaving without notice or permission, and for taking the Chief's car keys with him. But later, after 99 had left for the evening; after everybody else had gone home, the Chief had taken Max aside and unofficially thanked him for bringing 99 back to Control, where they both felt she truly belonged. And the next day, he thanked him further, by giving him a big, dangerous case.

The Chief gathered Max and 99 into his office for a briefing. "All right guys, I'm sorry to have to do this to you after you've only just returned yesterday, but I have a new assignment for you- an important case!"

"What's up, Chief?" Max asked, not fully paying attention to the older man. His eyes- as well as his mind, his soul, his very being- was focused entirely on his recently retrieved partner. He would occasionally send her longing glances full of heartfelt infatuation- but only when he was sure she wasn't looking.

"Well, I know you two haven't covered this sort of case in awhile," the Chief went on, " and for good reason, too, as I know you're not fully trained in this area- although it is the duty of every agent at Control to be properly prepared for any sort of situation, and-"

"Eh, Chief?" Max interrupted carefully. "Do you really have an assignment for us, or are you just going to yell at us again, for leaving you last week?"

"What? Oh, sorry, guys, I guess I still am a bit peeved about that whole San Jirman incident, and you taking my car keys with you. You never did mail them back to me, like you said you would, Max."

Smart smiled apologetically at his boss. "Well, sorry about that, Chief, but I had my hands full on the island trying to nail Victor Royal."

The Chief's brow furrowed in confusion. "But I thought you didn't even realize he was a KAOS agent until the end of your stay."

Max tugged at the tie around his neck, which was tightening like a noose on him, as he noticed both the Chief and Agent 99 staring at him expectantly, awaiting a reply. The truth was, he hadn't known about Victor's extracurricular activities until he'd unwittingly found out while telling 99 that the guy was a crook. But if she hadn't believed him, he might have said that the man was an enemy agent, anyway, just to get the girl to come home with him. He offered 99 an embarassed smile, before looking back at the Chief. "Um, weren't you about to fill us in on that dangerous mission, Chief?"

"Oh yes, that's right," the Chief went on, never missing a beat. "Let's see, where was I . . .

oh, the mission. Well, it's a case that normally falls to the bodyguarding department, but this is just such a vital assignment that I can't count on anyone but my best team!"

Glancing around the room in confusion, Max asked, "Who's that, Chief?"

The Chief blew out a breath, already starting to feel the pressure in his head returning. You know, a thought rushed in from the back of his mind, it sure was a nice, quiet week without these two! He looked at Max tiredly and explained, "You, Max. Well, you and 99. You're my best team."

99 smiled graciously. "Thank you, Chief."

"Yeah," Max agreed, somewhat shyly, "that's true, Chief. 99 and I have been partners for years. I guess we're pretty . . . tight."

Agent 99 blushed furiously, averting her gaze. Max did likewise.

Raising an eyebrow, and glancing back and forth between his two, top agents, the Chief surmised that there was definitely something going on here, although he had the distinct feeling that most of it was being left unsaid. But beneath the subtle, secret glances and casually tossed out compliments, the passion in the room was thick enough to slice through with a butcher knife. "Um, guys," the Chief said, clearing his throat deliberately, "I need your attention now, please."

Both agents became suddenly, painfully aware of their flirting, and they straightened immediately and returned their attention back to the balding man standing before them at his desk.

"Right, Chief," 99 whispered.

"Sorry about that, Chief," Max added.

"All right then, " the Chief continued, "well, as I was saying, normally, this isn't your type of case, but it's simply too . . . important," he said, smirking ever so slightly, "to hand over to just anyone. So, I suppose, you two will get stuck- eh, will get the privelege of working on it."

Max grew impatient at the Chief's hemming and hawing. He wanted to get his assignment, then get on with it. Hopefully, it would involve a lot of time alone with 99, whom he wanted to do a little more flirting with. "So, what is it already, Chief? Is it another babysitting job?"

"In a nutshell," the Chief agreed, grinning from ear to ear.

"Babysitting?" 99 repeated in confusion.

"Yes 99, that's the slang term I sometimes use," the Chief explained. "It's actually just guarding someone for an inspecific amount of time."

"Body guards?" 99 murmured, her voice the epitome of reluctance. "Um, Chief, do you really think that Max and I are the right team for the job? We haven't exactly had the best track record in this particular field, as I'm sure you know."

"I know," the Chief sighed wearily. "Believe me, I know."

"Now just a doggone minute!" Max cut in, surprised that his partner would make such a claim, and furious at the Chief for agreeing so readily with her. "I don't know about you, 99, but I happen to be an excellent bodyguard!"

"I'm sorry, Max," she began.

"After all, 99, I was that stupid Victor Royal's bodyguard on San Jirman, and I protected him real good- well, up until the time he tried to kill us, that is."

"I know that, Max," 99 offered apologetically, as she edged closer to him, and put a sympathetic hand on his arm. "I didn't mean it quite that way."

He folded his arms across his chest, pouting shamelessly (although he'd been thrilled by her touch). "Well then, what exactly did you mean?"

"Oh, um, well . . ."

"I'll field this one, 99," the Chief intervened. "Look Max, 99 may not be saying what you want to hear, but she happens to be right: The two of you have an absolutely awful track record when it comes to protecting someone from KAOS. Do you remember that Tayna Lupescu woman, who was defecting from KAOS, and you were to protect her from the KAOS master-of-disguise, Alexi Sebastian?"

"Ah, yes of course," Max recalled fondly, "Tanya . . . let's see, she was the one who stayed at my apartment, and she was wearing my bathrobe, and then we-"

"Max!" 99 cried out, scandalized.

The Control agent's eyes grew wide, as he realized that he probably shouldn't have started out his recollection in such a way. He put a hand on her arm. "Uh, no 99, I didn't mean it quite that way."

This time she pouted, folding her arms across her chest, and asked, "Well then Max, what exactly did you mean?"

Smart's face easily betrayed his panic. He looked hopefully over at his boss. "Uh Chief, do you think you can field this one, too?"

"All right," the Chief cut in once again, "calm down, both of you. Now, the only point I had been trying to make here, was that what 99 had said was true- every time you two have been appointed to guard someone, KAOS almost always manages to wriggle it's way into the picture."

"But Tanya lived to testify against them," Max insisted.

"Yes, but no thanks to you Max," the Chief reminded him. "Remember, you almost killed her with your gun phone?"

"Well, sure, if you want to get technical," Max muttered at the man, "but the point is, I almost killed her- not KAOS!"

"Um, technically Max," 99 told him, "KAOS did almost kill her, when Alexi Sebastian snuck into your apartment disguised as the Chief."

Max narrowed his eyes at her. "You and your technicalities, 99! You're starting to sound as bad as the Chief!"

"But I-"

"Really 99, you ought to quit acting like an old man, and start acting as a nice, young lady should!"

"What?!" the girl sputtered in disbelief.

"You heard me!"

Giving the bridge of his nose a quick squeeze, to alieviate some of the pressure, the Chief closed his eyes for a moment, and counted to ten, trying to drown out the unpleasant noise. "Enough, guys, all right?!" he shouted over them. "And why don't we just forget all about Tanya Lupescu and Alexi Sebastian and everyone else you've guarded over the years?"

"Well, in all fairness, Chief," Max pointed out, "you were the one who brought it up."

"I know, and I'm truly sorry I did," he replied, rubbing at his tensed up neck. "But the fact remains, I am putting you on bodyguarding detail right away."

"Who is it, Chief?" 99 asked, anxious to change the subject.

"Well, it's a very important . . . family member- to a very important . . . diplomat."

Max's eyes lit up. "You mean . . .?"

99's eyes narrowed. "Oh no, Chief, no!"

"Relax gang," the Chief assured them. "It is not Princess Ingrid."

Just as 99 heaved a sigh of relief, Max snapped his fingers and said, "Aw, shucks!"

"So, who is it, Chief? Not another beautiful diplomat's daughter?" 99 asked, adding quietly, "I hope."

"What's wrong with that?" Max asked innocently, until 99 shot him a look that shut him up immediately.

"Actually 99," the Chief said, wearing a sly grin, "I must admit that it is." He got on the intercom. "Larabee, send her in now."

"Right, Chief," they heard Larabee's voice reply.

Max smiled, practically licking his lips in anticipation, and 99 rolled her eyes at him. They had just gotten to- what she thought to be- a pivotal point in their relationship, after all that had happened on San Jirman island. She would hate for anything- or anybody- to jeopardize what they'd come so far to achieve. Secretively, she glared at her boss for putting them on such a case.

The office door slid open then, to reveal Larabee leading in a tall, slinky redhead- an incredibly beautiful woman. Her skin was pale and flawless. Her figure, exquisite. Her long, silky hair was wound up tightly in a sensible, but alluring bun. The question of her age, which frankly fell by the wayside in the glow of her great beauty, was probably somewhere in between Max and 99's. She was impeccably dressed, but carried a curiously oversized purse with her- that opened wide at the top- which contrasted wildly with her otherwise perfect appearance.

The two Control agents straightened expectantly, and awaited meeting their new charge`. 99 wasn't exactly thrilled about this arrangement. She had been hoping that she and Max might have the chance to grow closer after all that had happened between them the week before. She'd realized that most of her- and Max's- true feelings had been left unspoken, but still, she thought that there was really a good chance of them getting together now. But this beautiful creature who stood before them, at the threshold of their progressing relationship, could only be seen to her as an obstacle.

As for Max, he eyed the exquisite woman before him up one side and down the other, his beady eyes glittering with possibilities. This lovely lady is sure to make 99 jealous! he thought with glee. And after what had happened on San Jirman with them- and stupid Victor- Max wanted to make her a little jealous. To hurt her the way he'd been hurt. Of course, he really didn't want the beautiful woman he was going to protect- he was too much in love with 99 by now to ever get serious about another girl- but she would serve a purpose for him. He smiled wolfishly at her, then turned towards 99, whereupon his smile faded. The distressed expression on his partner's face put a chink in the armor of his plans. He turned away guiltily.

The Chief approached the newcomer, smiled at her and offered his hand. He spoke to her in a lulling, gentle tone. "Welcome, Mrs. Vanderkemp. I trust you weren't followed."

"I think not," she spoke in a thick, Russian accent, her tone equally hushed. "Thanks to the escorts you appointed me, we arrived here quickly and safely."

"Wonderful," the Chief said, frankly relieved. He guided the woman over to his best team. "Max, 99, this is Mrs. Ivanka Vanderkemp, from Russia. She is a recent defector and is in need of our services."

"From Russia, with love," 99 muttered under her breath, having the distinct feeling that she was not going to enjoy this particular assignment.

"Mrs. Vanderkemp?" Max said in surprise. He'd guarded a lot of beautiful bodies before, but never had one of them ever been married- until now! But at least this gave him a legitimate excuse to not flirt with her. He'd stopped wanting to ever since he noticed the sad, pitiful face of his partner. Not that he was about to admit that to anyone- least of all, 99!

"Hello 86, 99," Mrs. Vanderkemp spoke, her voice barely more audible than a whisper. "It is an honor to make your acquaintance. And it is nice to see that my most precious jewel will be guarded by two such capable Control agents."

"Jewel?" 99 repeated. She looked over to her boss in confusion. He said nothing.

Max looked to the Chief, as well. "Chief, you never said anything about guarding jewelry, too. What is it? Some tiara from the last Czarina, or something?"

"No, Agent 86," Mrs. Vanderkemp informed him, "it is not jewelry. No tiaras. No diamond earrings. Not even a tennis bracelet. It is simply Jewel. As in my Jewel." She set her oversized handbag- which, until that time, she'd been clutching tightly to her- on the desk, and only after getting an "okay" nod from the Chief, did she remove it's contents for all to see.

"Oh," 99 said breathlessly, "It's a . . ."

"Goo goo ga!"

"A baby?!" Max exclaimed, a look of panic sweeping over his already surprised and confused face. "Chief! That's a baby!"

The Chief smiled with a smart alecky sort of expression. "Yes, I know, Max."

"Yavol," Mrs. Vanderkemp explained, "she is my daughter, you see. Her name is Jewel. And I have brought her here for protection. During my years as a Russian diplomat, I traveled around the world and gained many acquaintances- powerful allies, they were, too. We've been working together for many years to achieve world peace. Some would say that we are closer than ever before to reaching that goal. Unfortunately, there are those- some even from my own country!- that do not wish for world peace, now or ever. This particular band of rebels have hired out different terrorist organizations- such as your KAOS- to make terrible threats against the other diplomats involved, as well as myself, and that includes threatening our families. Your government has been kind enough to make arrangements with several other participating countries to ensure the safety of the diplomats and their families, by hiding them and protecting them with their best agents, until the rebel factions that are making the threats have been caught and properly punished. Agent 86, you and your partner have been assigned to help us out in this most dire situation."

"Wait a second," Max blurted ingraciously, "so what you're saying is that you're the diplomat and that the baby is your daughter?"

"Yes, of course," Mrs. Vanderkemp confirmed.

"Oh, what a sweet, little baby," 99 sighed dreamily, reaching out to tickle the infant's chin. She was rewarded with the sounds of laughter.

Max ignored 99's playful exchange with the child and returned his attention to the Chief. "Gee Chief, when you said that we were going to be babysitting, you weren't kidding! That's a real baby, Chief! And if we watch her, then we'll really be babysitting!"

"That's right, Max," the Chief told him in an authoratative tone. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"Well, that all depends, Chief."

"Depends on what?"

"How much do we get an hour?" Smart asked sarcastically.

"Max!"

"Excuse please," Mrs. Vanderkemp spoke up, as she cradled her child against her chest, "but are these agents truly qualified- not to mention, willing- to protect my child?"

"Of course they are," the Chief reassured her. "Max and 99 are qualified, and more than willing to protect Jewel with their very lives. Isn't that right, guys?"

"Right!" 99 replied enthusiastically.

"Eh . . . right," Max agreed, albeit less enthusiastically.

"Now, Mrs. Vanderkemp," the Chief went on gently, but with urgency, "I hate to have to do this to you, but time is running out. You're due to get back to the airport for your flight. You, uh, had better say your . . . goodbyes, now. Your escorts are waiting for you right outside."

The diplomat nodded sadly before holding her baby tenderly and leaning down to kiss the child's brow. "Goodbye, my most precious Jewel," she wept openly. "I love you and I will miss you terribly."

"Mrs. Vanderkemp," the Chief murmured, "it's time to go now."

"Yes, of course," the woman agreed, giving her daughter one more kiss. Then, with a remarkable amount of strength, she stood tall before the two Control agents, sizing them up. She looked to Max, who appeared to be stuck somewhere between minor distaste and total panic. She glanced next at his partner. 99's simpering, blue eyes seemed to speak volumes; all the heartache at being witness to such a scene. And she saw a hint of delight on the woman's face at being able to protect her child.

She glanced back and forth between the two agents one more time. Well, this doesn't take a genius, Mrs. Vanderkemp reasoned, and she handed the baby to Agent 99. Then she started for the door, where the Chief stood waiting for her.

"Take good care of her," she called, as the Chief half led, half dragged her out of the office.

The baby began to cry as the door shut between her and her mother. 99 cradled her and spoke soothingly to her, efficiently calming the infant.

Max just stood there, wearing a dumbfounded expression, and he stared at his partner, never more grateful for her maternal instincts as he was at that moment. As Jewel quieted down in 99's comforting embrace, Max had to marvel at the woman's natural comaderie with children. (He'd recalled earlier that year, when they were supposed to recruit the eleven year old genius, Tyler J. Tattledove to Control, before KAOS could get their hands on him. The boy had really taken a shine to her, as well. Still sends her love letters and free newspapers every week.)

"Well 99," he admitted, daring to take a closer peek at the baby, "you sure do have a way with kids."

Jewel started to scream.

Max backed away, until the screaming subsided. "Okay . . . either she doesn't like the sound of my voice, or she just hates the look of my face. Either way, that doesn't work out too well for me, does it?"

"Nonsense, Max," 99 assured him, gently caressing Jewel's smooth skin, and taking in the sweet scent of baby powder. "She's just upset because her mother left." She gazed down at the whimpering infant. "But don't you worry, darling. It'll be all right. Uncle 86 and Auntie 99 will take good care of you while your mother is away. Won't we, Max?"

"Uh, right," he started to say, until the baby began to scream again. "Oh boy," he whispered under his breath. "This is going to be one long assignment."

XXX

The Chief had made arrangements for the two Control agents to keep the baby in a remote area of Virginia, on a farm. They were to stay in a quaint little cottage that made 99 somewhat nostalgic for home, and made Max want to retch. Besides being way too tiny for his tastes, it was a completely isolated location. No neighbors to be seen. No country stores. Not a trace of civilization! They may as well have shacked up on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean!

Not that Max normally minded so much solitude with Agent 99 by his side. He had always enjoyed his time spent alone with her, whether it involved work, or just a lazy Sunday afternoon at the park. After all, he'd risked life and limb back at San Jirman just for the chance to be alone with her again. Truth be told, Max had an awful lot on his mind, and a nice quiet break from routine was just what he needed to sort out all of his intense, almost unbearable feelings for his partner. He realized that he would not be able to hold it all in forever. Soon, very soon, those topsy turvy emotions of his would come bubbling to the surface of his soul, and he would need to come clean and tell 99 everything! He also knew that time was nearly at hand. It would have to be. He had to tell 99 how he felt before she got any more crazy ideas and ran off with some other devastatingly handsome KAOS agent.

Maybe he could have said all he needed to say during this time, except for one, minor detail. Jewel. But it was always easier- not to mention, more ideal- to tell a person such things in total seclusion; away from all distractions. The fact that they were, indeed, guarding someone didn't help matters any. The additional fact that they were guarding an itty bitty baby- who demanded all of their attention, all of the time- lowered his chance to speak of love to 99 by about 100%.

99 stood at the big bay window of the cottage's living room and looked out over the fields of grain. She took in a deep breath of the fine, country air and released it slowly, relishing the lack of pollution it held. "Ahh. Oh Max, isn't this just the loveliest little place we've ever been to?"

He shrugged, already falling into a defensive mood over his dislike for this assignment. "I've seen lovelier."

She glanced over at him and smiled. She realized that his less than shining behavior was merely a cover up over the fear and apprehension he felt at having to watch an infant for two weeks. "Come here, Max. Take a look at it all."

With his arms folded, he marched up to her with the look of a man who was stuck in a moment that he couldn't get out of. He stood next to her and stared out the window at the vast fields outside. "Oh great," he muttered sarcastically, "I suppose we're going to have to work on the farm and take care of a slobbery, little baby!"

"Max," 99 scolded him, "don't be so hard on poor, little Jewel. None of this is her fault. Why, she's all alone in the world right now, except for us. We owe it to her to treat her with the love and kindness she deserves. And no, we do not have to run the farm at all. Every day farmhands come in from town and work the fields from sun up, till sun down- well, except for Sunday."

"Farmhands?" Max asked suspiciously. "I don't like the sound of that, 99. How can we trust them?"

"It's all right," she assured him. "These men aren't ordinary farmhands. They're Control farmhands. This is a Control operated farmhouse, Max. It's equipt with the latest technology and safety devices."

"Hmph!" he grunted, unimpressed. "Some technology! The TV reception is lousy here!"

"Oh Max," 99 cooed gently, reaching out to him and drawing him close. "Don't worry. Everything is going to be okay. After all, we'll only be here for a couple of weeks."

Max was about to complain about the length of the mission, too, but when he turned, he suddenly found himself staring into the most beautiful blue eyes he'd ever known, and all he could do was melt in 99's arms and ask, "Really?"

She rubbed noses with him. "Really."

All of a sudden, Max wasn't bothered by the mission in the least. He forgot about their secluded location. He wasn't worried over one, tiny baby. Every little problem had suddenly vanished from his mind. And then, all that was left was him and his partner, the woman he truly loved.

They moved closer for a kiss . . .

From the next room, the baby started to cry.

"Oh Max, it's Jewel!" 99 announced fretfully, and she disengaged herself from his embrace to go comfort their charge`.

Max stood there, very upset over the wasted chance for a kiss, and all because of the baby. "Missed her by that much!" he declared, holding his thumb and his forefinger less than an inch apart- for indeed, that was how close their lips had been, before they'd been so rudely interrupted by The Mouth.

So, this is how it's going to be, is it? Max thought, his anger and distaste returning. Little baby, one. Maxwell Smart, zero!

XXX

The next day spent at the cottage (as it had come to be known), was a relatively quiet one. Max had gone out in the morning to check in with security- the aforementioned farmhands- and everything proved to be on the up and up thus far. Then, after taking a tour around the house, the barn and the equipment shed, Max returned to the cottage, satisfied that all was as it should be. He stepped into the house, his eyes adjusting to the fluorescent lighting, and he spied 99 sitting at the breakfast table, feeding little Jewel- who sat contentedly in her high chair- some fresh oatmeal. Max couldn't help but to smile at the domestic picture they made. Despite his old adage that girls were nothing but trouble- at any age!- both of them seemed as sweet as honey to him in that one, simple moment.

"Morning, ladies," he called cheerfully, coming into the kitchen and pouring himself a cup of coffee. He sat down next to 99, and smiled at her.

"Good morning, Max," 99 replied, a soft lilt to her voice. "How did the farm tour go?"

"All is well, my dear," he assured her. He glanced over at Jewel and dared to smile at her. He then anticipated her usual screaming fit, like she'd been doing any time he looked at her, or spoke to her, since they'd met yesterday, but to his surprise, the little girl giggled and cooed at him, slobbering oatmeal all down her chin.

"Oh, silly girl," 99 laughed, deftly wiping off the baby's mouth with her bib.

"Hey 99," Max said, delighted, "Jewel didn't cry or scream at me this time when I looked at her. Maybe she doesn't hate me, after all!"

"Well, of course, she doesn't hate you," 99 informed him matter of factly, as she tended to the baby, but glanced over in his direction. Her eyes betrayed great affection for him. "She was just upset yesterday, that's all. Besides, there is no way that any woman could ever hate you." Immediately, 99 looked away from him in embarassment and purposely concentrated on Jewel. She could not believe that she'd said such a thing to him- and out loud!

Thrilled with the compliment, Max took it graciously, without teasing her. "Thank you," he replied, reaching out to give her hand a quick squeeze. "And it's nice to know it's true- well, at least in yours and Jewel's case, anyway."

Lifting the oatmeal stained infant out of her high chair, 99 snuggled Jewel close and said, "Well, it looks like it's bath time."

"Ah yes," Max said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "I've already showered, but I could always go for a bath. What'll it be, 99? Wash cloth? Sponge?"

"No Max," 99 responded quickly, her cheeks turning pink, "the bath isn't for you."

Max's eyes lit up. This scenario seemed even more fun to him. "Oh. Well then, which do you prefer, 99? The wash cloth or the spon-"

"The baby, Max," 99 told him. "The bath is for Jewel."

"I see," Max said, with a hint of disappointment. "Well, that doesn't sound as nice as those other options, but I suppose it has to be done."

99's eyes grew wide over her partner's flirtatious attitude. It was a very suggestive and very unMaxlike thing to say. "Uh, right," she mumbled. "Well, I'll just take Jewel in and get her ready for her bath now."

Max watched her walk away, carrying the baby in her arms. For some reason- unknown even to him- he couldn't fight the urge to jump up and follow her. "I'll help you," he offered.

This remark surprised 99 even more than his last one had. (After all, Max had been known for occasionally making suggestive comments without realizing what he was saying. But to knowingly offer to help her take care of a baby?! That was almost unheard of! Especially for Max.)

"Um, well . . . sure, Max," she said, feeling suddenly shy at being in such close quarters with him, during a rather intimate moment, "I mean, if you want to."

"Of course," he said, as they entered the bathroom together. "Guess I should learn how to do this sort of stuff sometime. You never know when these baby care skills might come in handy again." He stopped suddenly, aware of the implication he had made. "Eh, what I mean is," he went on, averting his eyes, "you never know when the Chief is going to make us play bodyguard to another kid."

"Right, Max," 99 agreed with a smile. She handed the baby to him, while she turned on the faucet to fill up the tub.

"Well, it's bound to happen again sometime, 99," he informed her, as he awkwardly held the child against his chest. "And in this line of work, a secret agent can't afford to not be prepared!"

"Right, Max," she said again, turning round to take the baby back from him. "I was simply agreeing with you."

"Uh, yes," he replied, watching her remove the infant's clothing. "As so you should."

Once the tub was filled, 99 put the naked babe down into the water and balanced her in one hand, while she lathered up a wash cloth in the other. Again, Max had to marvel at how adept his partner could be in any given situation- especially when it involved children. And though this baby did not belong to her- nor would it ever- Max could detect a soft, maternal glow shining upon 99's face; her joy of caring for this child as plain as day. He could only guess that her happiness would be tenfold, should she ever have a child of her own. Then he wondered if such a thing would ever happen.

Well, if she does have a baby, then I had better be the father, he thought to himself defensively, 'cause if I'm not, then that means that some other guy has gone and-

"Max?"

"Wha?" he asked suddenly, waking from his daydream.

"I asked if you could hold her while I wash her hair."

"Oh sure," he agreed readily, and he leaned down beside her and grasped the slippery infant carefully in his hands. "Shouldn't take too long, anyway," he joked. "She's got about as much hair as the Chief has."

99 laughed. "Well, at least Jewel's hair will grow in. But as for the poor Chief . . ."

Max chuckled along side her. "That's true. Poor Chief. Poor, balding, Yul Bryner like, never-gonna-get-any-more-hair Chief!"

The two adults continued to joke around, while the oblivious Jewel splashed around playfully in the water for awhile. Once the bath was finished, Max grabbed a towel and held it open, as 99 brought the child to him. He wrapped the baby up snuggly, then handed her back to 99, who dried her off real good, before dressing her.

Jewel, by this time, had grown a bit fussy and cranky. She rubbed continually at her eyes.

"What's wrong with her now?" Max asked in confusion. "She's not hungry, or dirty, or wet. So what's the problem?"

"She's just tired, Max," 99 informed him. "It's nap time."

"Say, that's not a bad idea," Max agreed, making a show of stretching and yawning.

"Nap time is for Jewel," she said, "but it probably would be beneficial for all concerned. We do have the farmhands outside till nightfall to keep an eye on things. And I don't know about you, but I'm still exhausted. I never had the time to get over my jet lag after my trip to San Jirman, and now I have jet lag from the flight yesterday, too."

"So, we're all going to take a nap?" Max asked hopefully. "Together?"

"Uh-huh," she mumbled tiredly, getting the last bootie on Jewel's foot.

"Terrific," Max replied. "Only, how are we all going to fit in her crib?"

"Oh Max," she chuckled, "we don't need to sleep in the crib. We wouldn't fit, anyway. We just need to keep close by, so we can hear her if she cries. But this is a pretty small house, so I don't imagine that'll be a problem."

"Right." Max remembered the night before. He had slept in the master bedroom, while 99 had stayed in the baby's room, crashing on the big La-Z-Boy chair in the corner next to the crib. Seeing as it was only a two bedroom house, Max had figured they might take turns sleeping in the master bedroom, or just swallow their pride (and embarassment) and sleep in there together. It was, after all, a king sized bed- more than enough room for two tired Control agents.

Max realized that getting her to sleep with him every night might have been a long shot, but naps created a whole new venue, with endless possibilities. Naps didn't last as long as evening slumber did. So, what could it hurt to snuggle up together on the big bed in there for an hour or two? Not a thing, that Max could think of.

He followed 99 into the nursery and watched her as she laid the baby gently into her crib before softly singing her to sleep. The lullaby was so soothing, in fact, that Max began to doze off, as he leaned up against the doorframe. He woke up when the singing stopped and he noticed, with great disappointment, that 99 had stretched out in the big easy chair in the corner instead of making any moves towards the master bedroom.

With a sigh, Max said, "Sweet dreams, 99," and he ventured back into the big, lonely bedroom on his own.

XXX

The rest of that first week had gone pretty much the same way, without any change in the routine. It was uneventful and peaceful, which was good. But to Max, it was also boring and tedious, which was . . . well, boring and tedious.

It had also been nearly torture for Max, who was falling more and more in love with his partner each day, and unable to do- or say- anything about it. Sure, he flirted with her now and then, and he was extremely attentive to her needs while taking care of Jewel. But that wasn't what Max had wanted. He'd been hoping to have the time- once he worked up his courage, that is- to sit down, one on one, with 99, and tell her how he felt about her. Somehow though, the right moment just never presented itself.

The farmhands/Control agents gave Max and 99 hourly reports about any goings on, and messages from the Chief, as well, which there weren't many. Max would also rely on his back-up to get any supplies that he and 99 may need. Usually it was stuff like groceries or baby food. But sometimes, Max would have them secretly bring him back a Mad magazine, or candy bars and potato chips. (Truthfully, the only real secret stemmed from the fact that Max had no idea of 99's knowledge about his little treasure stash.)

During the first part of the second week at the little farmhouse, something did, indeed, occur, to stir up the pot. Jewel became rather fussy and was running a temperature, so Max had the farmhands fetch them a good doctor, who made housecalls. The doctor was told that Max and 99 were actually Mr. and Mrs. Weewax, and that Jewel was their child. They had just rented the cottage down on Blue Jay Way, and they didn't really know anybody in town as of yet. Upon hearing that their six month old baby had taken ill, Dr. Hibberd came immediately to their aid.

The good doctor examined Jewel carefully, pausing only to tickle the infant, trying to get her to smile.

"Well, doc?" Max asked anxiously. "She's going to be okay, right? She doesn't have anything too serious, like . . . malaria, or leprosy, or anthing like that, does she?"

"Eh, he he he," Dr. Hibberd chuckled. "Oh, no, no, no, Mr. Weewax. Your little babe is merely suffering from a cold."

Max and 99 both heaved a sigh of relief.

Dr. Hibberd smiled at the couple. "First time parents, eh?"

Glancing shyly at each other first, before returning their attention to the doctor, Max and 99 answered simutaneously, "Yes, sir."

Nervously straightening his tie, Max asked, "Why? Does it show?"

"Well, eh, he he he . . . just a little bit," Hibberd replied, mindlessly chuckling.

The doctor gave the Control agents some medicine to ease Jewel's symptoms and then he went on his merry way. They could hear him chuckling- yet again!- to himself, as he left the cottage. "Eh, he he he. Leprosy, indeed!"

99 stared at her partner, a look of amusement, tempered with bewilderment on her lovely face. "Malaria, Max?"

He glanced sheepishly at her. "Eh, he he he," he laughed, mimicking Jewel's physician, "just trying to be thorough, 99."

"I'm sure you were, Max," she agreed, rolling her eyes.

"You know, we can't afford to be too careful where Jewel is concerned," he reminded her.

"That's very true, Max."

"I mean, how would it look if we're supposed to be protecting that baby, and she contacts some horrible disease while she's in our care?"

"Right, Max."

"The Chief would have a fit!"

"He probably would."

"And her mother would want us fired! Or, at the very least, killed."

99 smiled. "Probably."

"99?"

"Yes, Max?"

"Can a baby catch malaria on a farm?"

"Not in Virginia, Max."

"Oh, good. Well . . . what about leprosy, though?"

"I think it's safe to say no to that, too, Max."

"Whew," Max sighed. "That takes a load off of my mind."

"No, the worst thing we'd have to worry about," 99 went on, "besides getting a cold, would probably be the flu, or chicken pox."

"Oh no!" Max cried in horror. "99! I don't mean to alarm you, or anything, but we do have chickens in the barn outside!"

99 just stared at him for the longest time.

XXX

The next four nights, 99 had kept a constant vigil by Jewel's side, attending to the baby's every need. She didn't get much sleep in the process. Every morning though, Max would wake up in the master bedroom and scuttle into the kitchen to find 99 standing over the stove, holding Jewel in one hand and a spatula in the other. He watched her as she would hold and comfort the baby, all while making Max his breakfast. And each passing morning, Max would notice how tired his partner looked, with puffy skin and bleary eyes. Still, her demeanor remained cheerful; nor did she complain. He felt a little guilty about the situation, but he'd been rather afraid to intervene, and take over 99's post. For one thing, he still didn't feel too comfortable around babies. And with the added fact that this particular baby was sick, it made him nervous enough to not want to even try to switch places.

So, he kept out of 99's way, for the most part, and usually limited his assistance to doing simple tasks around the house and fetching things for her. But one night, after Max had been in bed, tossing and turning for hours, unable to sleep and worried about his tired partner and their sick charge, he finally got up, and ventured quietly into the nursery. What he saw surprised him beyond compare.

99- who was practically sleepwalking- was trying to change Jewel's diaper. It had taken the tired woman three times, but she'd finally gotten the pins fastened. "There, there," she soothed, her response set on autopilot.

Max couldn't hold it in any longer. He began to laugh out loud, startling the exhausted 99, and causing her to jump, and look frantically at the doorway.

"Max!" she cried. "You scared me! Why are you laughing like that?"

"It's nothing really, 99," he told her, wiping at his mirthfilled eyes. "It's just that I've never seen a diaper job like that before."

"And just what is wrong with it?" 99 asked, too tired to hide any defensiveness.

"Well," he laughed, "I don't think it'll help Jewel much, since you just put the diaper on her teddy bear."

"What?!" 99 glanced down at the figure in her arms and indeed, it was not the baby, but her little brown teddy bear. Looking over into the crib, she noticed that Jewel- who was still suffering from a saggy diaper- was staring at her in the most peculiar way. "Oh, I'm sorry honey," 99 sighed, reaching out to caress the child's face. "I'll get this rectified at once."

"Nah, leave her rectum alone," Max told her, coming closer and lightly grasping 99's wrist with a gentle hand. "You're too tired."

"But Max," 99 argued with him, starting to sound just the slightest bit grumpy, "I have to change the baby's diaper. She's soaked and-"

"That's all right, 99," he said, gently pulling her back from the crib, and keeping a steadying hand on her shoulder. "I'll change her. You go on and get some sleep."

"You're sure?" she yawned, torn between the idea of getting some rest, and her guilt over leaving Jewel's side- even for a moment.

"Yes, yes," he replied hastily, "I'm sure."

"Well, thank you, Max," she murmured, half asleep, and giving into her more selfish needs. She started for the chair in the corner.

"No, 99," Max said, keeping a tight hold on her and steering her towards the door. "I want you to get a good night's sleep for once. Take the bed."

"But Max, what about-"

"I'll stay with Jewel," he assured her, "now just get on in there and sleep!"

"Well . . . I . . . okay," she finally relented, nearly falling asleep on her feet. She patted Max's shoulder, then shuffled out of the room.

Max watched her form disappear around the corner, before gazing down at the baby in the crib. He smiled nervously at her. "Well . . . uh, it looks like it's just you . . . and me, now kid . . . together . . . alone . . ."

"Gaa gaa!"

"Yeah well, it's not exactly my thrill, either," he informed the fussy baby, "but poor 99 needs her sleep, so you're just going to have to settle with me for awhile."

"Boo-ya," Jewel responded sympathetically.

"Okay now, let's get that diaper off of your teddy bear, and onto you." Max went about the task of diapering the proper fanny, which he managed to do within the fifth try, and then he fed Jewel while cuddling with her as he sat back in the big La-Z-Boy.

"Well now," he commented, relaxing in the peaceful atmosphere, "this isn't so bad. In fact, it's actually kind of . . . nice." Jewel spit up all over him. "Eww! Yuck, Jewel! What'd you do that for?!"

The baby began to babble at him like nobody's business.

"Yeah, yeah, save it for the jury," he muttered, as he wiped off her chin with the sleeve of his soiled shirt. "Boy, do you know how to make a mess! And you sure have it easy, too. Someone always there to clean up after you! You know, I don't think you realize just how easy you have it now, kid."

Jewel hiccoughed, but it came out sounding like- to Max, anyway- as, "How so?"

"What do you mean, 'how so'?" Max shot back. "I'd love to be in your shoes- eh, booties. I mean, I understand that you don't have your mother with you right now, and I feel bad about that, but at least you've got 99. And she feeds you and bathes you and tucks you in. She sings you to sleep- even stays in the room with you all night! You know what'd I'd give for that kind of service? Especially from her . . ."

She gurgled.

"Well, of course that's what I want! 99 is . . . well, she's . . . she's . . ."

"Ga goo?"

"Yes, yes, I realize that now," he snapped, finally admitting it out loud. "She's the girl of my dreams. The one I want to marry. Jeez, you are relentless!"

"Balla yaya doo . . ."

"I know, I know," he went on, settling back into the chair, "you're right; I should tell her how I feel about her. But it's just so hard to say that kind of stuff. 'Cause, what if she doesn't feel the same for me? What if she rejects me? What if . . . what if she just laughs into my face . . .?"

"Jooga boo!"

"Oh yeah, like you have all the answers! Well, let me tell ya something, kid, you don't know as much as you think you know! I mean, how would you know how she would react? You hardly even know 99! Heck, I've known her for a lot longer than you have, and I don't even know what she'd say!" He sighed long and loud. "Oh, I just wish I knew what to do. How to tell her. Which words to use. How should I act? How will she react? See Jewel, it's not as simple as you seem to think it is. It's kind of like a big jigsaw puzzle, and the pieces are all scattered about, and I have no idea what picture it will make."

"Gaa gaa ta!"

"Hey! Where do you get off telling me to act like a man?! I am acting like a man . . . I'm tense and nervous and unsure of myself and about ready to puke! You can't get any more manly than that!"

The baby yawned, seemingly unimpressed.

"Oh, that's a fine attitude to take in my time of need," Max grumbled. "Believe me, kid, I'm really ready and willing to tell 99 that I love her. I just . . . don't know how to get started." He paused for a moment, in quiet reflection. "So, what would you do in my place, Jewel?" No answer. "Jewel?"

He looked down at the infant he cradled in his arms and saw that she was sleeping soundly- something she hadn't really done all week. He smiled, realizing that she was probably feeling much better, then. Satisfied that he'd done a good job, Max carefully deposited Jewel back into her crib, and quietly left the nursery.

After taking a quick shower and changing into some fresh pajamas, the overly tired Max stumbled out of the bathroom and into the master bedroom. Forgetting himself, he fell carelessly into bed, right next to Agent 99.

99 murmured softly, still really asleep. "Max, the baby . . ."

"She's good, 99," he assured her in a yawn. "Sleeping like a . . . like a . . . what's that thing called when you sleep like she is . . .?"

"But the baby-"

"Yeah, that's it! Baby."

"But Max-"

"Jewel's fine," he groaned, his eyelids starting to droop shut. In his slumberous state, he leaned over and kissed 99 softly on the lips, before settling back down on his side of the bed. "G'night, sweetheart."

"'Night, love," she replied, yawning back, and she instinctively snuggled up against his warmth.

With that, the two Control agents fell into a deep, fitfull sleep.

XXX

The next morning, 99 woke up to find drool on her pillow. Her pillow. Not her drool. Maxwell Smart lay smack dab next to her, taking up all of his pillow and over half of hers.

He woke up immediately after she had, smiling, as he gazed into her sleepy, but contented blue eyes. They lay there for quite awhile, smiling at each other. It was certainly nice for both of them to wake up in such a way. But then the reality set in. Max and 99 were laying in a nice, big bed, face to face, snuggling close and sharing a pillow. Their serene expressions were suddenly replaced with looks of embarassment and panic, as they both leapt out of bed and faced opposite sides.

"Um, good morning," 99 mumbled sheepishly, hastily donning her robe.

"Yes, it certainly was," Max had to agree, smiling at the very thought of his waking to see the beautiful 99 in his arms. Then he remembered himself. "Uh, what I meant was, perhaps we should go start the baby and check on breakfast. Eh, I mean, check on the breakfast and start the baby. No, wait, that isn't right, either . . ."

"Listen Max," 99 said gently, "Why don't I start breakfast, and you can go check on Jewel?"

"Right!"

They dispersed to their respective duties in a hurry. 99 bustled into the kitchen, and began warming up some oatmeal for Jewel and flipping some pancakes for her and Max. She did it all with a spring in her step and a smile on her face. It was true, a full night's sleep in a nice, comfortable bed had done her good. And waking up next to Max? Well, she was sure that had done her some good, as well. She laughed giddily for a moment, before forcing herself to calm down. She didn't want Max to hear her.

Meanwhile, in the nursery . . . Max found his six month old charge sitting up in her crib, cooing placidly.

"Hey squirt," Max whispered, as he lifted her up out of the crib. "Look, just between you and me, I think our little talk last night did me some good. It got me thinking, and thinking is always good- at least, that's what the Chief keeps telling me. And even though I haven't told 99 anything yet, at least I got to sleep with her- well, you know what I mean."

"Ba ba?"

Max raised his eyebrow. "Hmm, maybe you don't know what I mean. But that doesn't matter. You're still a real good motivational speaker."

"Poo poo," Jewel commented, pointing down to her saggy diaper.

"P-U!" Max remarked, making a face. "Yeah, you're a real inspiration, all right!"

XXX

After that last night of Jewel's cold, the two Control agents had learned to relax quite a bit more and, every night hence, they would tuck their little darling in for the evening, before retiring to the master bedroom for a "good night's sleep". At least, they had managed to convince themselves that's all that was going on between them. But all the extra rest they got sleeping together on the big bed in their own room had made them both much more jovial and allowed them both to loosen up a little, which made living together- along with the baby, of course- a lot easier for all concerned.

Once Jewel was feeling better, Max and 99 would take the little one out into the sunshine, spreading a blanket out over the grass and have picnics in the afternoon. Then, they would each take one of her hands and "walk" her around the yard, applauding her efforts in delight.

Max had taken the liberty of requesting two swings from his Control contacts- one regular sized, and one for the baby- to hook up to the enormous tree growing outside near the duck pond. Once 99 had set it up (Max just wasn't comfortable climbing trees- had a fear of heights), he would simutaneously push Jewel in the baby swing with one hand, and 99 in the bigger swing with the other. He would listen to their gleeful peals of laughter with a smile on his face, until he grew impatient, and demanded that 99 switch places and push him for awhile. 99 would always comply, with an amused grin.

As their time together as a pseudo-family began to wane down to it's last two days, Max noticed a subtle change in 99. She seemed much more subdued; things that used to make her laugh just weren't so funny to her, anymore. And she grew out of sorts, at times; serving Max a bowl full of oatmeal for breakfast, and attempting to feed Jewel bacon and eggs. Or forgetting where things belonged; falling asleep on Max's side of the bed; putting on his slippers in the morning. Little things that didn't mean much on their own, but when put all together, spelled out that something was amiss.

Max had a pretty good feeling what was bothering his partner, though. He figured that she was mentally preparing herself for when the Chief and Mrs. Vanderkemp would come and take Jewel away from them. He himself felt a pang of hurt when he thought about the inevitable future, too, and it affected him deeply; but not nearly as bad, apparently, as it had affected Agent 99.

On the last night of their time together, Max ventured into the baby's room, to find 99 sitting in the chair by the crib, holding the baby closely in her arms and crying her eyes out. Cautiously, quietly, he approached, and then he reached out with a tentative hand, and rested it upon 99's quivering shoulder. "99?"

"Oh Max," she gasped, momentarily startled out of her tears. "You snuck up on me again. I hope I wasn't too loud. I didn't mean to wake you."

"Well, I could hear you crying from all the way in the bedroom," he informed her, but not without sympathy, "but I wasn't asleep, anyway. So, what's going on here? Is Jewel okay?"

"Yes, she's fine," 99 assured him, whimpering pathetically, as she kissed Jewel's chubby face, before placing her gently into her crib. Then she fell back heavily against the chair in the corner, wiping futilely at her eyes. "It's me that I'm not so sure about."

Max leaned down in front of her, resting his elbows on her knees and taking her hands into his. "99, what's the matter?"

"Nothing," she started to say, but she choked on the word, and began to cry again. "Oh Max!" she sobbed, and she hugged him tight.

As thrilled as he was to find 99 so easily willing to fall into his strong, capable arms for comfort, he was more than a little worried to see her this way. He eagerly returned the embrace, drawing her closer to him, and stroking back her hair. "There, there, 99. Shh, it's going to be all right."

"I know," she blubbered. "And I'm not sure why I'm acting like this."

"It's okay, 99," he assured her, kissing her on the nose. "No need to be embarassed. It's perfectly natural for you to act this way."

"It is?" she asked, sitting up straight and eyeing him curiously, not sure what he was getting at.

"Well, of course it is," he informed her matter of factly. "You're simply going through some sort of . . . baby withdrawl, that's all. It probably happens to a lot of people that babysit children, but who don't get to keep them. Well, that's the way some people would feel, I'm sure. Eh, girl people."

99 narrowed her eyes at his unconciously sexist remark. "Oh really? Girl people, is it?" she asked doubtfully, with a scrutinous gaze that caused him to avert his eyes. "So, what you're saying is that you're not affected in the slightest by our upcoming separation from Jewel?"

"Yes well, sure I am," he admitted carefully, not liking the piercing stare she was currently sending his way. "I mean, she's a cute kid and I've gotten pretty used to having her around. I haven't felt this way about someone since I met Fang back at spy school. So, sure, I'll miss her, too, but just not in the way that you will."

"Because I'm girl people," 99 stated, half amused, half insulted.

"Precisely."

"Max . . ."

Max glanced over into the crib and the infant inside of it, and she smiled at him and said, "Da da!"

Without a word of warning, Max burst into tears, and he nestled into 99's arms for comfort, burying his face into the crook of her neck. "Oh 99! She called me Da da! That poor, sweet, adorable kid thinks I'm her father!"

"It's all right, Max," 99 soothed him, running her fingers through his hair.

"No, it's not all right!" he blurted. "That little baby is ours! We've raised her ourselves for the past two weeks, and now the Chief and Mrs. Vander-whatever are just going to swoop down and take her away, like a couple of . . . of vultures! Yes, vultures!"

"Max-"

"No, 99!" he interrupted her, in the middle of a tirade. "We've got to do something! We've got to hide Jewel so they can't take her away! I know, we can go to Canada, or some other undeveloped country and live there with our baby! We'll raise her ourselves and-"

"No Max," 99 gently butted in, stroking the side of his face and bringing him back to reality. "I'm afraid we can't do that. It would be wrong."

"I don't care!" Max shouted illogically. "I don't want her to leave! I couldn't take it! You can't take it! We're only human, after all, 99, right? Only human!"

99 grasped Max by the shoulders, trying to shake him out of his irrational mood. "Max, no! We can't kidnap Jewel, so stop suggesting it! That's crazy talk! We'd be imprisoned for years if we attempted it. Now snap out of it! I swear Max," she said, grinning slyly at him, "you're acting just like . . . girl people."

"Wha?" Max narrowed his eyes at her. Sure, it had been a dirty trick she'd pulled on him, setting him up for that, but at least it had cleared his head. He was grateful for it, although still angry at her for doing it so snidely. "Very funny, 99."

She gazed pointedly at him. "Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Do you have something to say to me?" she asked him, looking him straight in the eye.

"All right, all right," he admitted reluctantly, begrudgingly, "you win. It's not just girl people who would miss a baby!"

"I thought as much," 99 replied coolly, but her eyes held kindness and understanding.

They both glanced over at little Jewel again. She was sound asleep. Max stood up and pulled 99 up with him. He grasped her hand tightly in his, and gave it a squeeze. "Come on, 99. Let's get to bed. We have a busy day tomorrow, what with the Chief and Mrs. Vanderschlemp coming to pick up . . ." his voice trailed off.

"Right," 99 agreed sensibly, purposely ignoring the tears still glistening in her partner's beady, brown eyes. "A mother and child reunion is only a moment away. Why deny the inevitable?"

Hand in hand they left the nursery, and ventured into the bedroom for a sleepless, dreamless night, filled with apprehension and sadness.

XXX

Before they knew it, a new day had dawned, and the cottage was bustling with activity, preparing for the arrival of the Chief and company, and packing up for their own departure. The Chief had come- Mrs. Vanderkemp in tow- into town undercover with the traveling tractor show exhibit. They had quietly slipped away from the main group on their way into the main square, before making a beeline for the small farmhouse on Blue Jay Way.

A joyous reunion took place between mother and daughter, and baby Jewel squealed with delight at the first sight of her mother. Mrs. Vanderkemp wept happily and scooped her child up into her arms for hugs and kisses.

Max and 99 witnessed the event, wearing melancholy smiles, and the Chief could see that they were hurting inside, although they were both restraining themselves, so as not to let on.

The Chief took them aside, congratulating the Control agents on the wonderful job they had done, and he noticed that neither one of them were paying much attention to what he had to say. That was rare, indeed, considering that 99 was always attentive, and Max had always been sure to listen closely when compliments were being handed out. He told the spies that a rental car was waiting for them outside, and that they were to drive back to Washington. He realized that they could have flown back with him and the Vanderkemps, but under the circumstances, he felt that some distance would be necessary for proper closure of this difficult assignment.

When it came time for the Chief and his charges to leave, Max and 99 said their goodbyes to the Vanderkemps. Both of them shook the offered hand of Mrs. Vanderkemp, who thanked them profusely for keeping her precious Jewel safe from enemy hands. Then it was time to say goodbye to the baby. Max leaned down and kissed her cheek. 99 repeated the gesture,

then, without another word, rushed out of the room. Max saw the party off, watching them pull out of the driveway, and waving sadly.

After they had gone, he went back inside and gathered up all of his and 99's packed suitcases, loading them into the rental car. 99 had remained out of sight during that time. When he'd finished his chore, Max had gone back into the house to retrieve his partner so they could leave. He looked through out the house for her, and finally found her sitting alone in the nursery, on the big easy chair in the corner, absently running her fingers across the bars of the crib. Max cleared his throat several times to gain her attention, but when she didn't look up at him, he came closer and rested his hands on her shoulders, kneading them gently.

"99," he whispered into her ear.

"Oh Max," she replied softly, as if in a daze. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. Did you say something?"

"I've got everything packed up," he told her, forcing himself to keep his tone light and chipper. "We're all set to go . . . eh, when you're ready, that is."

"Right," she mumbled quietly, and stood up, following him out of the bedroom. But she stopped in the doorway, and glanced back at the empty crib, tears welling up in her eyes. "Goodbye, Jewel," she whispered, biting her lip in order to keep control of her feelings.

Reluctant to end the moment, but pressed for time, and not wanting 99 to dwell on her heartache, Max took her by the hand and pulled her away from the room, leading her down the hall towards the front door. "Come on, 99," he urged.

They stopped once more at the large picture window in the living room to gaze out over the amber waves of grain one last time.

"Oh Max," 99 sighed, wiping a tear from her eye, "I already miss Jewel."

"I know; so do I," Max admitted fondly, as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him. "But it'll be okay. She'll be fine- and so will you."

"Yes," she whimpered, keeping her emotion in check (although, just barely), "and I know that it's all for the best. Jewel is back with her farmily. We're returning home to Control. And that's as it should be."

"That's right," Max agreed, giving her a squeeze and thinking that would be the end of her lamenting.

"It's just . . ." 99's voice trailed off, her expression turning wistful as she watched a heavy wind come up suddenly and whip the through the grain outside; an amber ocean in a roaring storm.

Max watched the scene, as well, realizing that the change in the weather was sort of an allusion into 99's troubled heart. He knew what was bothering her. He usually did. He just rarely ever admitted to knowing. This time, however . . . "You wish you had your own baby, don't you?" he asked her, point blank, turning her about and forcing her to face him.

She looked at him in surprise. "What?"

"But don't worry, 99," he assured her cheerfully, "we've got plenty of time for that! And before you know it, we'll have kids of our own." He nodded his head in determination.

99 continued to stare at him, an enlightened smile creeping up on her face. "Plenty of time, huh?" she asked him.

"Well, sure!"

"Kids of our own?" 99 questioned further, her grin widening.

"Yup!" he agreed amicably, "kids as far as the eye can see! First there will be Maxwell, Junior. Then little Maxine. And then there's Jasper and Daniel and Lisa and Betsey- you just gotta have a kid named Betsey!- and maybe one named Miranda…" he paused, finally realizing what he was saying to her. Then he noticed 99's ecstatic, simpering, dreamy expression, her blue eyes staring intently at him; her entire being concentrating on his every word. ". . . uh . . ." he stuttered in embarassment.

"Yes, Max?" she asked breathlessly.

". . . um, I have to go check the oil in the gas tank- eh, the gasoline in the engine. Oh, the fan belt in the glove compartment. Um, gotta go!" he stammered in complete humiliation, as he pulled away from her and raced outside to the car.

99 watched him bound away, with an unmistakable grin on her face. This trip home would be quiet and awkward, to be sure, but at least she wouldn't have to worry about baby withdrawl, anymore . . .

The Smarts smiled at each other, as they cuddled up on the sofa together, reminiscing over some fine memories.

"Ah, what a case, huh, 99?" Max asked, kissing her cheek. "I know nothing exciting really happened, but we did get a good lesson in parenting."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that it was completely without it's excitement," 99 countered flirtatiously. "Remember how we used to snuggle up in that nice, big bed together-"

"Shh! 99," he whispered, scandalized, "not in front of the children."

99 glanced over at the babies in their bassinets. "Oh Max," she informed him, "the twins are already asleep, so don't worry. I don't think we've done any permenent damage."

"No, that comes when they're teenagers," Max agreed. He looked over at his slumbering children, and smiled at the precious sight they made. Then he thought of something. He looked back at his wife, an amorous glint in his eyes. "Hey 99?" he purred seductively, "the kids are asleep. You know what that means?"

"That's right," she exclaimed, oblivious to her husband's frisky mood. She stood up. "I've still got to get dinner started!"

"Eh, no 99," he told her, rising up next to her, and wrapping his arms around her. "That's not what I had in mind. I'm not hungry, anyway. Let's just go to bed."

"But Max," she reasoned, "it's still early, yet. And I'm not even tired."

"Neither am I," he returned pointedly, gazing seductively at her. Without a word of warning, he swept her off of her feet, lifting her easily into his arms.

"Oh Max!" 99 breathed heavily. "You tiger!"

"Grrrrrr!" he growled, carrying his wife up the stairs.

The End

By Lisa M. S. Stiles

02/20/02

Dedicated to my darling Daniel-Chan

Notes:

01. The Smarts' son Zachary is described as a "chubby, little devil". In the Get Smart 1995 Fox series episode "Passenger 99" Congresswoman Smart described her son- from infancy- as a "chubby, little devil."

02. The names of the babies: Zachary was determined from the 1995 Fox series. The name Miranda, I initially used as the name of their adopted daughter from my original stories. Later, when I started writing GS95 stories, I merely took the name and applied it to their female twin, who was never named on either series.

03. Max doesn't like to change Zach. The people in my family have had the same sort of trouble changing my nephew Ethan (now 3 and potty trained) as a baby. You had to be quick with that diaper, if you didn't want to get a surprise from him.

04. Fellow Smartian Gina "Wiggles" Woodard insisted that I call Zachary's private parts a "yoohoo". (I know, she's crazy, but I thought it was just easier to appease her than to argue with her!)

05. What happened to Max, when Zach had peed in his eye, I got from a behind-the-scenes moment during the filming of the 1989 movie Ghostbusters II (with my all time favorite actress!), in which Sigourney Weaver plays the mother of an infant son. During the filming of the "bathtub" scene, where she is removing his clothing for a bath, he actually peed in her eye. She had the graciousness to just laugh and say, "I've been baptized!" (Of course, that didn't make it into the final cut of the film.) Two years later she gave birth to her first- and only child- a girl!

06. Max calls the twins halflings, or Hobbits. All was taken from the Lord Of The Rings novels by J. R. R. Tolkien.

07. Mention is made of Princess Ingrid, from the first season episode Diplomat's Daughter, in which Max and 99 have to guard the unruly adolescent princess who rebels against all of their safety precautions and who shamelessly throws herself at Max.

08. Those squiggly lines I've put in for effect (~~~~) are to signify a "flashback" sequence.

09. Another mention is made to the third season episode 99 Loses Control, in which 99, either tired of waiting for Max, or thinking that he has no love for her, decides to leave Control, and marry a wealthy casino owner named Victor Royal, who lives on San Jirman Island. Max follows her there, but is unable to express his feelings, so he does some close investigation and discovers that Royal cheats his guests. Later, they determine he is also a KAOS agent, as well. Max takes a bullet in the shoulder, but manages to save his lady fair, and they return home triumphant.

10. In the first season episode Too Many Chiefs, Max takes recent KAOS defector, Tanya Lupescu, back to his apartment to guard her from the most vicious KAOS killer- a master of disguise, Alexi Sebastian. But he disguises himself as the Chief, and manages to sneak into Max's apartment. There, along with 99 and the real Chief, some great comedy ensues. Max captures the real Alexi, and at the end of the episode, stunned to find Ms. Lupescu flitting around in his pajamas, he accidentally shoots off his gun phone, almost hitting Tanya in the process. The Chief deems that Max must come home with him, and 99 can stay and guard the defector.

11. From Russia With Love is the name of the film (and song title) in the James Bond series. It came out in 1963, and starred Sean Connery as 007.

12. Tyler J. Tattledove was the 11 year old genius who was wooed by both KAOS and Control in the third season episode The Mysterious Dr. T. He chooses the side of good, but only because that's the team 99 plays for. He thinks she's a knockout.

13. The phrase Max was stuck in a moment that he couldn't get out of I took from the new U2 song, Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of off of their "All That You Can't Leave Behind" CD.

14. Max makes mention of using a sponge for a bath. Its a little in joke that some of you might remember from my 2nd season snippet entitled Battle Of The Bug, in which 99 gets the flu, and Max stays with her to nurse her back to health. One of his "helpful" suggestions involved giving her a sponge bath (which she declined, of course).

15. Yul Bryner (who Max likened to the Chief) was an actor best known for his role in the film- as well as on Broadway- The King And I (1956- also starring Deborah Kerr). P. S. He was completely bald!

16. Mad Magazine, founded sometime in the 1950's is a fun book filled with parodies to movies, television shows and gross jokes.

17. The cover name of Weewax is actually the name of Maxwell Smart's cousin. He hails from Texas and is quite insane. His current residence is somewhere in a mental hospital on the outskirts of Washinton. Gina (and the Candle Making Company) can verify his state of mind and whereabouts.

18. The street on which the cottage dwells, Blue Jay Way, is actually the name of a Beatles song from their "Magical Mystery Tour" album (1967) and written by the late great George Harrison.

19. The character of Dr. Hibberd was a direct copy of the ever-happy, ever-chuckling doctor from The Simpsons.

20. When Max and 99 fall asleep together for the first time, they unconciously fall into a sort of a predetermined marital pattern. I got the idea from an old movie I saw when I was little called Partners (1982) starring Ryan O'Neal and John Hurt. In it, the two play undercover police officers, one straight (O'Neal) and one gay (Hurt). They go undercover as a "couple" and they get so used to living together, that when O'Neal's character asks his partner if he wants anything from the store (Hurt names a few items), he kisses him goodbye, just as he would a wife, without even realizing it until it's too late. I wanted the same type of feel for Max and 99, to just easily slide into a domesticated bliss, so that sleeping in the same bed and kissing each other goodnight would feel perfectly natural to them.

21. Max mentions Fang, whom he met at spy school. Fang (Agent K-13) is the lovable, but poorly trained pooch who sometimes assisted 86 and 99 during the first 2 seasons of the original series.

22. 99 says "a mother and child reunion is only a moment away." That's a line directly lifted from the Paul Simon song Mother And Child Reunion, which I believe was released during the 1970's.

23. Before they leave the farmhouse, Max and 99 look out the window to see the amber waves of grain, another line taken from another famous (albeit more patriotic) song.

24. The names that Max mentions for their future children are: Maxwell Jr. (Gina thinks Max really would have named his son after himself, which I agree), Maxine (if he couldn't name his son after him, then chances are, he would have named his daughter! In Gina's GS95 scripts, she calls the daughter Maxine.) The name Jasper, well . . . I don't know. Just thought it was a funny name to throw in there. The names Daniel and Lisa are my husband's and my name. The name Betsey is just another "Jasperlike" name. Just thought it should be thrown in there for good measure.

25. 99 calls Max "a tiger". Before her career as an actress, Barbara Feldon was a model and spokesperson for many products, one of them being Revlon, who offered a hair tonic (?) for men. In one particular (and her most famous) commercial, she lays across a tiger skinned rug and says to the camera "I'd like a word with all of you tigers out there! Grrrr!"