Hello, I decided to make a genderbent version of the Adventure Time episode "Blood Under the Skin." I'm not sure if others have done this, but nevertheless, it seemed perfect as my debut story here in FanFiction! ^^
-FionnaSkitty
P.S. Some parts are pretty much…different from what you've seen in the original Adventure Time episode. But then again, that's the point of FanFiction, right?
The story begins in Fionna and Cake's treehouse, where they try to attempt to get a ladybug out. (Not very successful, huh?)
As Fionna draws out her sword—thinking she could scare the bug out the treehouse—she trips and her sword hits the door. The door forms a huge slice with the sword sticking up.
Fionna gave her sword a disbelieving look. "What…That's it?"
"Well, you managed to scare the ladybug out," Cake said, looking at the window just in time to see the insect flying away.
"No, I wasn't talking about the ladybug," Fionna said. "I was talking about the fact that my sword only seemed to puncture the door and notslice through it."
"And so…?"
"Cake!" Fionna hissed. "Can't you see? My sword's not good enough!"
"Girl, your sword's just as good as any!" Cake objected.
"What if I can't stand a chance against the Ice Queen when we battle someday?" Fionna panicked. "What if I fail? What if the Ice Queen managed to do away with my sword? What if—"
"Okay, okay, honey, let's go see Plan Swan if she can give you something better," Cake said quickly, seemingly desperate to grasp at any chance to quiet Fionna down.
"Thanks, Plan Swan," Fionna said as she tries her new sword, which finally managed to slice right through the wood.
"Need mention not what is needed not to be mentioned," Plan Swan said, speaking in her usual confusing manner. (Note to readers: Unlike her original male counterpart, Choose Goose, who mostly talks in rhymes, Plan Swan has a habit of making simple sentences complex and—sometimes—long. You know, kind of like the way Yoda from Star Wars does it.)
As Fionna and Cake walk back home to their treehouse, they encountered a group of [female] Warriors who seemed to be showing off their swords.
Fionna hatched an idea and called their attention. "Hey, everyone, wanna see my new sword?" And she swings her sword (nearly hitting Cake as she narrowly dodges) and slices it through a piece of wood without difficulty.
Fionna double-clicked her tongue as a sign that her sword was plain awesome.
The Warriors laughed mockingly.
"Hey, kid," one called over. "Look what my sword can do!" And she sliced it through a thick piece of metal. Fionna blanched.
"And mine, too!" The other managed to slice her sword through a large boulder.
Fionna gaped. She was still thinking of a way to counter their insults when they heard a group of ravens and saw a shadow lurking in the background.
Then came a malicious-sounding, female voice. "Oh, look it's a little girl and her cheap toy sword!" She snickered harshly.
"Hey, I resent that!" Fionna protested. "Who are you, anyway?"
"I am Madam Chopper," she introduced herself grandly as she stepped out of the shadows. She wore a long pink coat, and she was riding a brown unicorn with a black mane and tail. Behind her was an impressive-looking sword, the handle laden in gold and embedded in jewels. The blade looked very sharp. In the background, the wind blew petals of black roses behind her as it did her long, braided hair. "And I've heard of you—Fionna and Cake, right? The little girl and her furball cat."
"FYI, I'm not a furball!" Cake hissed.
"Impressive, eh?" Madam Chopper bragged. She double-clicked her tongue.
"That's it!" Fionna became fed up with all the bragging and insults. She quickly ran to Plan Swan's stall and said, "Plan Swan, give me the most"—click, click—"sword you have!"
"Well, I have here kept in the corner of my humble stall the Sword of Utility," Plan Swan replied.
"Sounds excellent," Fionna said. "What's it look like?"
"This is what the appearance of the weapon is to be," Plan Swan said as she held out a simple Swiss knife.
Behind Fionna, the group of female Warriors (including Madam Chopper) giggled and practically howled with laughter.
"Plan Swan," Fionna protested as her cheeks flamed with color out of embarrassment. "That's not a sword!"
"A blade it has," Plan Swan explained, "and along with it a screwdriver and many other tools of utter convenience. The 'Sword of Utility' is quite a befitting name, is it not?"
"Don't you have anything else?" Fionna begged; the Warriors were laughing so hard it seemed difficult for her to keep a straight face.
"A butcher's knife for the fine lady as guidance for her cooking?" Plan Swan suggested, putting out the knife.
As the laughter rose in volume, Fionna's face rose in color.
"What else?" she squeaked.
"The StarBlade for your fine taste?"
Fionna grasped at the promising name. "What's it look like?"
"In the very back of all my merchandise it is located. Its beauty you must see." Plan Swan gestured to an impressive-looking sword with a star shape at the end of the handle. The designs that were all over the blade were glowing and seemingly otherworldly symbols. "From a shooting star, the blade is said to be made out of; a comet where the handle is rumored to have come from."
"How much is it?" Fionna asked eagerly.
"An object of equal value this weapon of grandness must be in exchange with…. The fur of your cat friend there, may I suggest?" Plan Swan said.
Cake screeched. "What?"
"I can't give you that!" Fionna protested in a panic.
"Your money you cannot give? A tirade I solely suggest," Plan Swan said as she pulled out a really long parchment.
"No!" Fionna and Cake screamed in unison. They always hated listening to Plan Swan's tirades—for one, they were way longer and more complex than her own speeches; and another her tirades would take forever to reach the end, as it seemed to put them to sleep and even when they'd wake up the tirades still weren't finished yet.
"Don't you have anything good that…well…doesn't cost big bucks?" Fionna asked.
"Or me losing my fur?" Cake added.
"Hmm. There is what they call the 'Sword of the Giants.' Its location one does not expect to have it to be simply blurted out. Instead through solving the tirades' hidden messages one must do."
Fionna suppressed a groan—solving tirades? But she wanted the most—click, click—sword badly, so she'd have to deal with it. "Where are the tirades?"
"The first one you will find in a swamp where curtains are to be found," Plan Swan replied. (The swamp's name remains the same in this story—I can't help but to include this part; it was just so funny to be ignored in the genderbent version.)
And so Fionna and Cake ventured to the said swamp. As it was, the place seemed to be packed inch after inch with curtains.
"Girl, I found it!" Cake said, pulling out a (long) piece of parchment hidden between two trees.
"Quick, I wanna see what it says!" Fionna said, taking the parchment as Cake gave it to her. She unrolled it and moaned at the multitude of words and sentences it contained.
"Ugh. Look at this! It'll take us years to read it and figure out what it's supposed to say!" she complained.
"Girl, don't speak too soon. Plan Swan told us to solve the hidden messages, but she didn't exactly say we should read the tirades to figure it out," Cake said.
"Well then, how can we solve it without doing so much as to read it?"
"Sometimes, honey, you need to also learn to hear the words as you read them. Not everything written on paper is meant to be read with the eyes; they need to be heard with the ears, too." And Cake took back the parchment from Fionna and held it close to her ear. She closed her eyes and concentrated for a minute.
Then she gave it to Fionna. "Yeah, the tirade says the way to the sword is to get through the swamp."
Fionna was stunned. "That simple? All those words and sentences and the only thing we need to do is get past the swamp?"
"Whoa, girl, there is no 'we' in getting through this swamp. It was your idea to do this—to get your sword—and it's you who should face this." Cake stretched her legs and easily took long bounds through the swamp. "Meet you on the other side."
"Okay, Fionna, you can do this," Fionna said to herself as she took her first steps. As she opened the first curtain to get a clearer path—
Fionna sucked in a shocked breath as what she saw behind the curtain registered in her eyes—it was a Naked Person!
Panicking, Fionna stumbled through the swamp, opening more and more curtains for a quick trip out (which revealed more and more Naked People, resulting to Fionna's red face rising in color after every encounter.
Finally, Fionna emerged from the swamp, her face probably the same shade of a cherry. Cake approached her with another rolled up, incredibly long piece of parchment.
"Girl," Cake called. "I found another tirade!" She then eyed Fionna closely. "Uh, you okay?"
"So…many…Naked…People…," Fionna gasped.
"Uh-huh," Cake commented. "Sounded like it wasn't a beach trip back there. Anyway"—she rolled out the parchment—"this says that we—well,you actually—need to 'shut the forest's sobs.' "
Just then, a multitude of ravens appeared, along with a familiar shadow in the background. Then came the figure and the black rose petals swirling in the wind with her braided hair.
"What's the matter, Scarlet-cheeks? How was it like trekking through the Swamp of Embarrassment? Did you know your face would make the perfect cherry topping on my next birthday cake?" Madam Chopper insulted as she went away.
Feeling pumped from the insult, Fionna ventured along with Cake to the source of a strange, strangled, ripping sound hidden deep in the woods. Following the noise, they happened across a strange, red-faced creature that seemed to be crying his guts out.
"Hey, uh," Fionna struggled for a way to stop the creature from crying. She tried to get its attention so she could comfort the creature with a joke, but failed.
"Cake," Fionna whispered desperately, "he won't stop crying!"
"Maybe you should try to sass-talk him, then show him what you're made of, Sister!" Cake suggested. "That's how you usually get a guy's attention."
"I didn't think that's how you got Lord Monochromicorn's attention," Fionna said, giving Cake a doubtful look.
"Butt my boyfriend out of this—he's not like the others."
"Okay…here goes." Fionna took a deep breath. "Hey, you!" She yelled as loud as she could, hoping the creature could hear her despite all the crying.
It worked. The creature looked at her speculatively.
"That's right—YOU! Quit all those unmanly tears! Do you have ANY idea what people think of you, you sissy!" Fionna exhaled, then said under her breath, "Now that was…kinda mean."
The creature continued to eye her. Self-conscious, Fionna wondered what she looked to him. She still felt the blush on her face (which meant her cheeks still had the flaming, cherry hue), and—
"Yipes! I think what I said was below the belt!" Fionna squeaked as, without warning, the creature carried her into his arms.
The creature eyed her now with an adored look, the kind of look lovers give. Fionna's eyes widened as she realized what was going on—the red-faced creature seemed to have mistaken her as his girlfriend!
"Cake," Fionna called, "a little help?"
Before Cake could say something, Madam Chopper appeared yet again (with the usual ravens and black rose petals in the wind), but this time with a Harp Player.
The Harp Player sang as she played her harp:
She's Fionna the Blushing Baby
Her cheeks are cherry red!
Everyone, go sing this song
You'll sleep better, that said!
"Argh!" Fionna complained.
Madam Chopper clapped her hands. "Congratulations, Fionna! You have the honor of having a song composed after you! And grandparents shall sing this song for their dearest grandchildren for the generations to come!"
The red-faced creature looked furious. He growled and tried to take a swing at Madam Chopper for insulting Fionna. However, Madam Chopper managed to tilt her unicorn to the side so the sunlight could reflect off her sword and shine the rays at the creature's eyes. Blinded, the creature covered his eyes with one arm while still holding Fionna on his other hand.
"Sword. 'Nuff said." Then Madam Chopper double-clicked her tongue as she went away again, carrying the Harp Player with her.
The creature kissed Fionna full on her face (just as Fionna groaned) then dozed off to sleep, with Fionna still in his grip.
"Cake!" Fionna called when the creature started snoring.
Silently, Cake pried Fionna off the arms, then—even more silently—they tiptoed out and away.
Desperate to get as far from the red-faced creature as possible, Fionna and Cake soon encountered a cave.
"Pretty sure the Giant Sword is in there," Cake said.
"That's 'Sword of the Giants,' "Fionna corrected.
Cake just rolled her eyes. "Whatever."
As they went inside, they found a chamber that seemed empty of everything save Ghost Woman, who looked like she was obsessed with a bouncy, rubber ball.
When Fionna approached her, she said. "Hold it! I'm not letting you pass until you beat my high score in a game of Drop ball."
"Drop Ball?" Cake repeated.
"Okay, what's your high score, anyway?" Fionna asked.
"Well…don't be intimidated, 'kay? But my high score is…6," Ghost Woman bragged.
"Uh-huh…," Cake breathed. "Six points? Yeesh."
"It's not as easy as it looks. Look, I'll show you." And she proceeds to demonstrate.
"Let's go," Cake whispered to Fionna.
"She's not done yet!" Fionna protested.
Cake snorted. "Oh, please! I thought you were interested in the sword, not some dumb game of Drop Ball. If you wanna embarrass yourself with a dumb game, then you shouldn't have bothered with this whole sword thing. Now come on!"
"Okay, okay," Fionna said quickly, the two of them easily sneaking past Ghost Woman, who was just too busy with her demonstration to notice.
The two finally entered the room where the Sword of the Giants is held, which was surrounded with a blinding light.
"Awesome!" Fionna giggled. "What a blinding light! Look just how"—click, click—"it is!"
The light enveloped Fionna for a split second, and then…
"Aaaargh!" Fionna groaned in frustration and embarrassment. "It's not a giant's sword; it's a giant's kitchen knife!" She then threw it aside. "That's it! For now I'm taking a break from breaking my back over searching for just any sword! I'll be sticking to my old sword!"
"You!" Ghost Woman screamed with rage as she went in the room. "You didn't listen to a word I said! You ignored my demonstration! You could've surpassed even my high score had you paid attention but you ignored me! How dare you!"
In a flash, Ghost Woman changed from friendly and approachable to terrifying ghoulish ghost. She grabbed Fionna and was about to do what seemed like an attempt to steal her soul when Cake interceded quickly, her body enlarged and towering over Ghost Woman, the Sword of the Giants in hand.
"D-Daddy?" Ghost Woman gasped, turning away from Fionna to look at Cake. "Is that you? Please don't chop my head off for dinner!" (Another note to readers: The reason why Ghost Woman so easily mistook Cake for her father even though Cake only held the "sword" was because it had always haunted Ghost Woman's memories—so much so that every time she'd see a huge person holding a huge knife, she'd easily mistake that person as her father.)
"Huh?" Cake was confused for a while, then composed herself quickly. "Uh, yeah, I'm your daddy! Now you've been cooped up in here for way too long! You be a good girl and enjoy the outside world!"
"But—"
"If you dare disobey me it's your head for dinner!" Cake threatened.
"Y-yes, daddy," Ghost Woman stammered as she went out of the cave. As the sunlight struck her, a thick cloud of smoke surrounded her as she evaporated.
The smoke disappeared, and Ghost Woman was back to her simple and friendly form, only now her green color was more saturated and she was more transparent.
"Fionna, Cake, I thank you!" she rejoiced. "You've freed me from my Drop Ball obsession!"
But just as they were about to cheer, Madam Chopper appeared yet again, bringing about another multitude of ravens and black rose petals stirring in the wind.
"Well, well, Fionna, you still don't have a"—click, click—"sword and your cat friend is posing as a cook. Very, very, un"—click, click.
This time Fionna just about had enough. She squared her shoulders and faced Madam Chopper with a scowl.
"Yeah, well, at least I have better things to do than to follow a girl all the time," she countered.
That got Cake and Ghost Woman laughing, much to Madam Chopper's embarrassment, as her cheeks began to form their own shade of red. "I-I am more"—click, click—"than the rest of you losers!" she spat.
"Yeah? Get over here and say that!" Fionna said. "That is, if you can," she taunted.
"Fine, I will." But just as Madam Chopper moved to dismount from the unicorn, the sword swayed, off-balance, and fell off from its hilt, causing it to slice and rip the seam of her coat. Shreds of it fell here and there, and all that was left of the torn coat resulted to a scantily-clothed Madam Chopper.
Now it was Fionna's turn to jeer, and Cake along with Ghost Woman chimed in.
"Gah! This is so not my"—click, click—"day at all!" She screeched as her cheeks flamed with an even brighter shade of red.
"Here," Fionna said as she tossed the sword she got from Plan Swan. "Maybe you should opt for a sword that won't get you into trouble." She then pulled out her old sword. "It may not slice through a door, but anything that won't rip off other things—especially clothes—"
"—or even fur," Cake added.
"—to shreds is enough to be"—click, click—"for me." Fionna then turned to Cake. "Okay, girl, let's get outta here."
Fionna's stomach snarled as she, Cake, and Ghost Woman got out of the cave.
"I'm hungry, Cake," she complained.
"Hmm." Cake murmured as she examined the giant kitchen knife she still held. "I wonder if this can do other things besides slicing through everything…." She pointed it to a boulder. "Let's see if this giant kitchen knife can be useful in making a giant pot roast—"
As she swung the knife toward the boulder—all while saying the word "giant pot roast"—the boulder was transformed into a pot roast dish of the same size.
"Wow," Fionna gasped. "Maybe that's why it's a kitchen knife…."
"Girl," Cake laughed as she raised the giant knife to the sky, "this 'sword' is, like, totally"—click, click.
The End