Give Me A Reason
Chapter 1
Matthew sighed as the cold blade touched his wrist, feeling the vein jump in excitement. He licked his wrist first, then bit his lip while dragging the blade down his wrist. The excitement, the high of adrenaline, that is what I absolutely crave for the most. If there is a god, please let me die, I don't want to be alive anymore. He sat up on his bed and looked around in his room. It was very plain and simple: a queen sized bed, a laptop on his desk, a dresser for the clothes that his parents bought for him, but only when they remembered him. Then he looked up and saw the Canadian flag hanging above him. Home, my home is Canada, the only place where I truly fit in. As he felt cold on his right side, the left side of him felt really warm. He looked at his arm and saw his whole hand covered in blood. As he walked to the bathroom, he lifted up his sleeve and stared at the reflection in front of him. He watched himself, almost like a zombie, clean his cut and wrap it up after dis-infecting it. Black bags under his eyes, pale skin; this is who he has become over the years.
Over his time of being in high school, being raised by both France and England, he is neglected by his family. Starting with his papa, Francis Boonefoy, the representative of France. When he was very little, he payed so much attention to him, like if no one else excited but him. Matthew very, rarely, has any dreams, but when he does, it's mostly of the old days. But now, he hardly pays attention to him. When Francis met Arthur, he noticed how the small child next to Arthur had his hair almost like his, but there were some differences to it. First Matthew's hair parted in the middle, not to the right like Alfred. Second, when they were teenagers and needed glasses, Alfred's were rectangles, while Matthew's were an oval shaped. And last but not least, Matthew was very quiet, shy, and sensitive unlike Alfred who was loud, annoying, and obnoxious. When Francis and Arthur were first dating, Francis used to sneak in women after their 'date's '. As much as it hurt Matthew to see someone being betrayed, he didn't know that he too would be used like those women.
His other father was Arthur Kirkland, the representative of England. It is true that he can't cook for his life, but he can do two things right: make tea and discuss litature. He met Francis when both Alfred and Matthew were 4 years old, the day that Matthew regrets with a passion. All he does is complain about some scandal that happened to the queen's son's brother, one of the things he respects and cares for. When all four of them got a house for the boys to live in, that's the day that he wishes never came. That day was the day when everyone started to ignore him, especially Francis. Arthur would sometimes look at him like a stranger, no wait, scratch that- every time he looked at Matthew he would forget who he was the next minute. All he wanted was to have a role model in his life who acted like an adult instead of a pervert, but it looks like he's not getting that.
And last and least of all is his brother, Alfred F. Jones, the representative of the United States of America. His brother would beat him up in his room, thus Matthew having an abusive childhood, both mental and physical abuse. When they would be at school, along with the other kids, Alfred would tease his younger brother. When they first entered junior high, the bullying got worse. And that's where the cutting begins. His 'helpful and kind brother' is just another bully. And now even that they are in their senior year, he calls him faggot, even though he is straight and had a very feminine way of looking at things, and how he should die. Matthew walks out from his bathroom and opens his window, instantly feeling the cool breeze hit his thin body. He walked towards the edge of the balcony, feeling the cold, harsh wind hit his low cut long sleeve shirt hard. His black and white stripped pants weren't keeping him any warmer either, but eh. Who can help it if they happened to like in such a cold environment, northern California.
He saw the clouds in the sky form a grey-purple color across the sky. That reminds me of Canada, how I miss my hometown. Shit, what time is it? He glanced at his phone, 10:55pm it read. "Why waste my time awake when I could be asleep? But then again, my dreams haunt me so that's not a very good idea. Who cares about me anyways? I'm just a waste of space." After 15 minutes of staring at the sky, he walked back in his room and closed the window, keeping the small window next to it open, and removing his shirt. On his chest has deep cuts that have yet to healed, along with his arms and legs. He slowly removes his pants, leaving his boxers on and putting on red sweatpants, glancing at the moonlight shining on his bed, as if it was magic. He looks at his bed, seeing the Canadian flag again, the only things bright in his room. The walls around him being black, with some 'blood' splatters which were actually red paint that he did to look like blood when he painted his whole room by himself. He crawled into the bed and nuzzled into the pillow, seeing a white ball of fur lying in his own bed across from him. He smiled softly and soon fell asleep after tossing and turning for about 2 hours.
A field, covered in darkness and blood, is what Matthew dreams of every day. "Where are you, my silver haired love?" he would yell as he wandered deeper into the forest. Soon he saw a beautiful child with bold silver hair, sitting down in the only spot where it was some-what bright. "I'm glad you came back for me Matthew." The silver haired child said as it held a bouquet of wilted roses in front of their face. "I wouldn't forget you, not now, not ever." He said as he sat down next to it, holding their hand. "Wont you please tell me what your name is?" is what he would ask every night, in every dream. "My silver hair should tell enough, my dear Matthew." It said while holding a yellow birdie. "Look, it's a birdie." It said softly.