Falling Alone
Inspired by Aimer's song, Falling Alone, in her album Daydream, featuring Takahiro Moriuchi of One Ok Rock. He composed the song.
First few sentences are in third-person's point of view then it shifts to Fine's after the italicized statement. It was extremely difficult for me to write in first person's point of view. I apologize if you find some mistakes.
Shade chases after whatever he wants and Fine was there to support him no matter what.
Fine was sure it was not just infatuation.
It was more of a responsibility.
Loving him was her responsibility.
Their parents became friends as they attended the same day care in pre-school.
Since then, they were always stuck together.
No matter how rude or arrogant he is, she was always there to share whatever she has.
They enrolled in the same primary school. Due to the reason that they do not know their new classmates, they decided to stick together.
But… it's more like I decided to stick to him.
Shade was very independent. He can adapt to any situation while I can't even ask for my seatmate's name. Our classmates would always call him out to play during breaks, while I remained in my seat, waiting for someone to talk to me… which never happened actually.
My parents are divorced and my older sister stayed with our father in Tokyo. There's no one I could talk to but him. He's the only one I have.
I decided I would always observe him, even if it's just from afar.
That's when I realized…
Shade couldn't do anything by himself anymore. Because of some family problem which he always refused to share, I decided to do some research. His father left their family and Milky, his little sister, was in the custody of his grandparents. He was left with his mother who is bed ridden. In fact, I received all the information, first-hand from his mother.
Since then, Shade, who was always calm and reserved, frequently snaps and gets aggravated even in trivial things.
"Shade, can you erase the board?" Our teacher asked with a warm smile on her face. He's the tallest in class so he would always get the tasks where height matters.
Shade just stared at her then at the eraser with an indifferent expression.
"T-teacher… I'll do it!" I volunteered, giving our teacher a thumb up. After scanning my height, our teacher gave me a worried glance.
"I can do it!" I guaranteed as I pulled a chair and began scrubbing the blackboard with my small arms.
That is when he will put his hand above mine and we would accomplish the task together.
In return, I gave him an inquiring look. After I made that face, he would eventually lift an eyebrow and crinkle his nose. It was the gesture that was burned in my mind, the gesture I've memorized.
"What?" He spat then narrowed his eyes. "Two hands are better than one." he reasoned out, frowning.
I felt my cheeks warm. Though it's like that, I never saw him smile like he did before.
We still had the same interaction but it was different from before.
He would always run into fights, not with our classmates but with older people who are ten times bigger than him.
He became more reckless and short-tempered as we approached our last years in primary school.
He would cut off our teachers in discussions, walk out of the room during class hours, slack off on group activities even if his participation is highly sought.
After graduating, I decided.
I would always be there for him. I don't need him to do the same thing.
It doesn't matter if I can't reach his side. I'm all right with the space behind him. As long as he's within eyeshot, it's okay.
Friend or not, he can keep me till the end.
In middle school, my father asked if I would want to continue my studies in Tokyo. It was a good opportunity, but it's tolerable to lose something if it's for him.
"Fine…" The way he articulates my name would automatically grab my attention, no matter what I'm doing.
"Hm?" I hum in reply.
He occupied the space beside me and I would use all the seconds I have to admire him in our new uniform.
With his usual scowl, he muttered under his breath. "Do you think I could be a professional tennis player?" His hands found its way to the back of his neck as he leaned back comfortably.
I mused over his words before answering. "Well, why not?" He lifts an eyebrow and crinkles his nose. I saw that gesture coming.
He pouts and bored his nonchalant eyes on mine. "You think so. I can do it, right?" he asked to double-check.
"Of course!" I cheered, giving him the assuring pat that he needs.
The calm air ruffled his bangs and I saw the strange flicker of warmth in his eyes.
"Okay. I'll hand over an application," he responds, stretching his arms. He gave me a side glance then he sauntered off.
I would lift a hand and wave a hand at him though he had his back turned already.
I would always stand behind him, reaching out a hand to give him the inevitable push that he needs.
I would always expect myself to clean after his mess.
I would always lose something for his gain.
But, I wonder, did he ever appreciate any of those?
Shade did join the school's tennis team. In a matter of months, the name Shade Serizawa alarmed the other schools, even the elite ones.
He even received some invitations from powerhouse schools where he could refine his skills. He triggered the best among the best.
But, before his team could reach nationals, they lost a game in regionals. He was endowed with agility, speed, and quick reflexes. He only lacked in cooperation and generous behavior.
But the factor which always pulled him back is that…
He had to do everything by himself. His teammates were not as skilled as he is.
He had to pull them up with him, which he always considered as extra baggage to his trip to nationals.
After the tournament, I decided to follow him back to their quarters. I don't know if he even noticed my presence. Only bad things are bound to happen whenever he encountered such disheartening outcomes.
Angry wouldn't describe him. He was so depressed. Who wouldn't? He won every single match but he never had that support from his team.
I saw some of his teammates packing already. Shade flopped on a chair with a towel draped over his head. His messed up bangs covered his eyes, sweat (or are those tears?) slid off his chin.
Is he crying?
I could feel my chest tighten at the thought of him crying.
The murmurs of the upperclassmen caught my attention. I turned to Shade and he was listening too.
"That last set was a bit difficult. Well, we're playing some tough guys after all. We couldn't do anything about it—"
"We?" Shade interrupted, followed by a sneer which contrasted the death glare he puts on.
All heads turned to him. Tension filled the atmosphere.
"H-hey, you sound scary…" one of his teammates pointed out.
"If I was the one standing there, we couldn't have lost that stupid last set!" He roared.
I gasped as Shade smashed a blameless water jug on the floor. Of all the times I saw him get furious, this was the first time I felt really frightened of him. Was he always this scary?
I looked over his upperclassmen and they were as startled as I.
"Wh-what are you talking about? We're a team…" Their team captain tried to explain.
Shade scoffed, giving the older student an incredulous look. "Let's face it. Without me, you couldn't even have reached this far." he smugly spoke.
That was the last straw.
One of his teammates grabbed a tennis racket and was ready to smash it in his skull. The other tennis players, even those who just happened to witness the entire scene, helped in preventing anything worse than accident to happen.
"What did you say?!" The furious guy hollered, fighting his way out of the hands that restraints his movements.
I lost my voice at the moment. Shade slumped on a corner, dull eyes fixed on the ceiling.
I lunged myself between them.
"S-sempai!" I almost screamed. I was surprised myself at what I did.
I shook my head, collapsed on my knees and pressed my forehead on the ground. "He's just exhausted from the game. I'm sorry…" I mumbled.
I could hear the team captain snicker. "No apologies needed. He's kicked out of the team."
Kicked out of the team? Isn't Shade the one who worked so hard for this?
My mind went blank.
That took the last shred of patience I've been holding since I watched the entire match. I slowly lifted my head and looked at Shade over my shoulder.
Shade chased after those tennis balls like his life defended on it. But… you guys just went out there on the court and played your halfhearted games…
Do you know how much it hurts me to tend his bruises after practice? Every week a new wound appears on his body, there's no way you failed to observe that!
"H-he…" I stammered out of anger, pulling myself up. I bored my eyes to the team captain's face. He lifted an eyebrow, and I fought the urge to wipe off that smug grin in his face.
"Without him, you wouldn't even know how regional games would feel like!" I lashed out, making sure my glare was pointed at each one of them.
The proud team captain scoffed. I was sure warm tears are already streaming down my face.
"Wah, really now, Kojima? Well, birds of the same feather flock toge—"
I closed my eyes shut, forcing the tears to stop. I wondered why the team captain was unable to finish his statement.
My eyes fluttered open and I saw the guy sprawled limply on the ground, blood rushing out of his nose.
I felt air leave my lungs. Did Shade do this?
"Say whatever you want to me. Not her." Shade spoke in a threatening tone which I never heard him use before.
The words are caught in my throat. I couldn't ask him to stop.
People are rushing to him, clutching his arms and torso before he could launch another hefty punch on the guy's face.
I wanted to pull him out of there but my feet refused to move.
I felt his hand wrap around my wrist and before I knew it, we were already out of there.
He released my hand and flopped on the nearest bench. His head bowed, sheens of sweat trickled down his skin.
It took me a few seconds before I found my voice again.
"Hey. Are you all right?" I asked.
"No." He answered without lifting his head to look at me.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." I mumbled back.
Silence fell over between us and I racked my brain for some encouraging words. But, because it's Shade, I wonder if my words ever reached his heart.
"You could still go to nationals. The upperclassmen just wanted to create happy memories while they're still part of the team. That's why they didn't want to argue about that last set." I explained, hoping it would somehow relieve him from all the burdens he carries on his back… alone.
He just stared at me. I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing my brain to come up with a better statement.
"Y-you're just starting, Shade!" I cheered. "You're still in first year! You can still work your way to nationals! That way, you can show them that you were unaffected!"
I know I sounded annoying. Shade hates it when I speak continuously and loudly.
But it's better if he would screech or yell or say something that would remind me of my place. I can't take it when he's like this, impassive, unmoving.
"You think I can do it?" he asked. It surprised me, for him to say something positive is something worth remembering.
"Yes!" I exclaimed.
Shade did reach nationals but he grew tired of the sport.
But I decided not to get tired of him, no matter which path he takes. I will not stop until I get to hear his heart.
We graduated middle school and were both admitted at the same high school. I was determined to maintain our friendship even if we are in different sections. He happened to score higher after all.
Every time I pass his classroom, I would always glare at the wall that separates us. And whenever he caught me doing it, he would always lift an eyebrow and crinkle his nose. Old habits really die hard.
This time, our circle of friends expanded. We met various people who we didn't expect would stay with us throughout the semester. It was great to find others we can rely on.
But…
Before I knew it, our worlds were starting to grow apart. He was always with the blonde guy from his class, while I spent most of my time with some of the girls in class.
He no longer asked for help. Well, he never did ask for help. I just happened to offer my assistance before he could even ask.
I don't know if he sees me important.
His presence was highly sought, mine's not.
The distance between us made me see that I am no longer needed. Or was I really needed to start with?
I wanted to stop reaching out, but I knew it was impossible.
One afternoon, as I cleaned the classroom, I suddenly felt a hand firmly placed on top of mine as I cleaned the blackboard.
I instantly felt my pulse accelerate in incredible speed. He was here. My back pressed on his broad, hard chest.
He began moving our hands in sync. The chalk dust drizzled over my hair but it didn't matter. I looked up and his eyes met my questioning glance.
"What?" He frowns. "Two hands are better than one." He adds.
I stifled a giggle and it made him scoff.
I grabbed another eraser then returned to cleaning the blackboard.
"Four hands are better than two." I beamed. My heart did another flip when he placed his freehand on the other eraser,on top of my hand.
My voice died when I heard a chuckle behind me. Is he… laughing? Shade is laughing?!
His chest was vibrating. There's no doubt about it.
I didn't dare look at him because he might stop. I forced the tears to stay at bay. He might think I'm being overdramatic again.
You just don't know how much I missed you…
Before we realized, his arms were already wrapped around me. He pulled away, almost dropping the eraser as he stumbled back.
I frowned at the lack of warmth but made sure to hide it.
"Fine…" he suddenly called, which dropped my senses back to Earth.
"Yes?" I quickly responded.
He pulled a chair and flopped on it. "Do you think I can play volleyball too?" He asked, looking at me with his usual impassive look.
"There's no harm in trying." I answered with a shrug.
His shoulders slumped and his eyes looked through the window. "Okay, I'll give it a shot." he muttered under his breath, running a hand through his hair before putting it back on his pants' pocket.
His broad back mocked me as he walked away… away from me. I was always looking at him from behind.
I didn't know…
That it would be my last conversation with him…
I would have asked him to stay longer…
To stay longer in my gaze…
I couldn't understand why…
Shade was no longer within eye shot… and I was forced to stop reaching out.
Originally a Brein One Shot. But, our dear blonde guy was never rude to begin with. Rein has an important role to play so, I switched her with Fine.
Feedback to Heartache:
Hoshizora Rein. I'm really sorry for what I did to Bright. It's a oneshot and I couldn't think of anything to continue it. Thank you for the first review.
Pudina. Yeah, the ending was such a cliffhanger. I'm sorry but I couldn't come up with ideas that would continue the story.
Random Person. Thank you for always reading my stories and updates.
Miyuki Chiyo. Yeah, I don't like love triangles too. I really felt sorry for Bright. I'm glad he's an anime character or he would've hated me now.
Cherrione. Well, because of the heartache I've experienced, I thought of hurting the guys in my stories. Haha, kidding.
Anyways, this story... ended with a cliffhanger, just like Heartache. I could write part two but that depends if you guys want me to write it.
Comments, reactions, questions, hit the review button so I would know. Thanks!